Friends in Love
by AgoodWITCH
Summary: Edward moves into the last available room on-campus, a co-ed suite with Bella. Feelings arise, but neither are in a position to return them. After traumatic events will they be able to let their friendship to grow into more. AU/AH *DARK THEMES* rated M
1. Better Than Expected

**This story deals with the subject of abuse and rape, if you are not comfortable with those subjects, then please feel free to try one of my other stories.**

**Hey everyone, this is my second fanfic, and I'm really excited because this one is younger than my other story. (**_**Dance With Me**_**…check it out!) This is a very different Edward and Bella, and everyone else for that matter, than the other story. **_**Friends in Love**_** is a college story, which means there's cursing, tons of inappropriate sex and underage drinking, because let's face it, the education really comes in second to all of the other stuff! Seriously though, I'm really excited about this story, so let me know what you think, even if you don't like something, I can't fix it if I don't know it's broken.**

**I own nothing in the Twilight Universe, everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I just like to play in her sandbox!**

**This story had been taken down due to the purging of fanfics earlier in the year, but I've decide to stop hiding and living in fear and I am reposting everything over a few weeks. Thanks for understanding!**

Chapter 1 – Better than Expected

**EPOV**

I had seriously screwed myself. It was a week before my junior year of college, and I was effectively homeless! Stupid Alice and Jasper! I swear, I love my sister, but I cannot take hearing her and her boyfriend go at it through the paper thin walls of our apartment. So now I was trudging over to the housing office to see what I could scrounge up. To say my parents were thrilled with this revelation was an outright lie. My mother was a little worried about me shacking up with some random stranger, while my father was a little more afraid of what Alice would do without her big brother being down the hall. But Alice was ahead of them, as always, getting Jasper's twin, Rosalie to take my room.

I walked into the office and was met by the middle-aged woman behind the counter. "Hi, my name is Edward Cullen; I have an appointment to find housing."

The woman looked up and smiled at me. "Right, I'm Mrs. Cope. Now let me look at your file." She entered my social security number into the computer. "Let me see, it says here that you haven't lived on-campus."

"Yes. The place I was living isn't working out, so I was hoping that something might be available."

"Yes, we should be able to find something. But since you've never lived on-campus, all we can give you is a room in one of our off-campus housing buildings."

"That's fine; I just really need a place."

Mrs. Cope began typing and clicking on different options. "Oh dear, it looks like there isn't…wait…yes, I think I may have found you something. A new listing became available, now let me check one more thing…well Mr. Cullen, it's seems you're in luck. Your status as an upperclassman has given you priority, there's a room available in Masen, and I suggest you take it, the chance of something becoming available before November is unlikely this close to the semester."

Thank God! "I'll take it, whatever it is."

"Wait until you hear everything before you agree. Your roommate will be Isabella Swan." Mrs. Cope looked up just in time to see my jaw hit the counter.

"Isabella? My roommate would be a girl?" That would be interesting.

"Yes, Masen is a co-ed building, and everything above the fifteenth floor is co-ed rooms, now most students sign up with a roommate when they take these floors, but we do assign them occasionally. Your roommate profiles seem to match up well enough. And seeing as you seem desperate to get out of your current living arrangement, this would appear to be your only option."

I thought about it for a moment. My father always says that things happen for a reason, so why not this? "I'll take it."

Mrs. Cope began typing again and then went to get the page that had begun printing. "Very good, Mr. Cullen. Here is your room assignment, go to the RD of the building and get your key." I stared down at the paper. Room 1918. Well at least I was guaranteed a nice view. I walked out of the office and decided I'd go over and check out the apartment first, before going to get my stuff.

I pulled my car into one of the visitor spots on the second floor of the parking garage that was attached to my new digs…that's a nice perk; my old building didn't have any parking. I walked down to the first floor of the garage, because I didn't have one of those cards to open the door, and then made my way into the main entrance. I looked around the large common area, until I found the overly decorated door of the RD. I knocked and heard a voice call through the door. "It's open!" I went in and saw a gangly-looking Asian guy sitting behind a sweet looking computer. "Hey, I'm Eric, what can I do for you?" He looked up and smiled.

"How'd you know-" Before I could finish my sentence, he cut me off.

"You knocked, no one who lives here knocks unless they try to open the door and it's locked."

Nice to know. "Yeah, I'm new to the building, I was told to find you." Eric looked around and then his computer chimed and he looked down at it.

"Oh, here it is." He opened the email and printed it as he read it off the screen. "Let's see 1918, oh right…you lucked out boy, let me tell you. My home girl Bella, she can cook! Okay, seriously though here are the rules. All guests have to be cleared with your roommate; you can't have a guest spend more than four nights a week with you and no sex in common areas. That's just uncool."

I laughed. "Is that seriously a huge problem?"

Eric looked at me like I was crazy, before grabbing a manila mailing envelope off his filing cabinet. "This is campus housing, the only thing people think about more than sex, is how to get it. Okay, here's all your paperwork." He started pulling things out of the envelope as he was explaining it. "First are the house rules, read them, because ignorance doesn't save you. Next, is your housing agreement, mainly says you'll follow the rules, you have to sign that before you move in."

"So I have to read this before I get my key?" I looked at the booklet and gulped.

"I'll cliff notes if for you. No drugs, no underage drinking, no breaking the visitor rules, no being loud during 'quiet hours,' no breaking the roommate contract, and no overall dickery. And don't try being funny, I'm the eyes and ears of this place, and I don't miss much. Oh, and this is important, if you catch someone breaking the rules, and you don't report it, then if they get caught and it comes out that you knew, you're out too."

"Damn, well I'm 21, so I guess I'm in the clear. Let me sign that bad boy. What is that part about a roommate contract?"

Eric handed me the agreement and I checked off each of the rules before signing the bottom. "You and your roommate come up with a contract, the things that you're going to hold each other to, and you have to police it, if your roommate breaks it you come to me, and we go from there. Next are the rules about common areas, study rooms, and laundry rooms." Eric handed me another few pages with individual rules. "Are you getting all of this?"

"Yeah, I'm just anxious to get moved in."

"Broke up with your girlfriend?"

"Tired of hearing my little sister have sex."

Eric made a face like he felt my pain. "Ooh. Alright, well then if you're golden, let's get you set up." Eric grabbed a binder marked "19" and flipped to the end, slipping the email and my signed agreement into the page protector. Then he opened the locked filing cabinet and pulled out a card key, and a set of keys. "Okay Edward, So this card key gets you into the building when it's locked, and it also gets you access to the parking garage elevator, so you can ride up to your floor without having to walk around. Then this key gets you from the elevator vestibule onto the floor, and this gets you into your room. No copying the keys. If you lose a key come to me and we'll have another made up. Are we good?"

"Great." I said taking the keys and the envelope.

"Great, let's go give Bella the good news."

Eric and I rode up in the elevator together, damn was this thing slow, and finally made it to the 19th floor. We got out and walked to the last door on the hall. Eric knocked hard, trying to be heard over the blaring angry chick music playing inside the apartment. "That's definitely going on the contract," I remarked and Eric laughed.

He knocked again and called out, "Bells! Open the door or I'm coming in there after you!"

The volume went down considerably and the door flew open. Standing in front of me was a petite beauty in a tank top and cotton shorts. Her brown hair was pulled back in a messy know halfway up her head and she was holding a sponge in one hand and a bottle of all-purpose cleaner in the other. "You're not supposed to use your keys for evil, Yorkie." She smiled and my heart lurched. Damn, she was FINE!

Eric laughed and held up his hands. "Peace, Bella, I come baring news. This is your new roommate."

Bella looked me up and down and then threw her hands up in the air. "I always get the gays!"

I chocked on air, if that's possible, before spitting out, "I'm not gay!"

Bella laughed and looked at me again. "Damn, sorry, it's just most guys who look like you spend their free time trying to scam the guys I date. I'm Bella Swan."

I shook my head and smiled at her. "No problem, I'm Edward Cullen."

"So you want to come in and check out your room?" Bella motioned to me to come in and I walked past Eric.

"Okay kids, it looks like you'll be fine on your own. Bella, he has the blank contract, fill it out and get me the original by the end of the week."

"Sure thing, Yorkie." Bella closed the door on him. "Seriously, sorry about that comment, my verbal filter goes on the fritz every once in a while, but that wasn't cool."

I waved my hand, gesturing that it was no biggie. "Don't worry, my sister asks me if I'm gay once a month, but that's more her way of undermining whatever relationship I'm in at the moment."

Bella smiled and blushed. "Okay, well here's the living room." She waved her arms around. "My bedroom is right there," she motioned to the door in front of us, "the bathroom is in the corner," she motioned to the door to the right of hers, "the kitchen," she pointed to the half wall with a bar top and stools and the door next to it that led to the small kitchen, "and your bedroom is in that corner, and I'm gonna warn you, the sun is a bitch coming through that window in the morning, so get good curtains."

I turned to look at her. "That used to be your room?"

"Yup, I got screwed last time, so as soon as Felix moved out, I disinfected the room and moved my shit!" She laughed. "I've been on a mission to purge the apartment of him for the last week, and the bathroom is my final stop, that's why I didn't hear you knock."

"So, how bad did you screw me?" God Damn it! Why in the hell did you say that! Ass!

Bella blushed, but chose to ignore my phrasing. "It's not too bad, the room is almost the same size, it's just I wasn't a fan of the big windows on two walls, I'm not a morning person, but it has a great view, you see the water and the city."

"Okay, how about furniture?"

Bella laughed hard. "This is off-campus housing, they don't give you anything."

"That's fine." I pulled my phone out and called Rosalie, after her outgoing message, I broke it to her. "Rose, the bad news is I found a place, so you can move into my old room, the good news, I'm taking my furniture, so call your dad and tell her you're going shopping." I hung up and Bella was laughing again.

"Don't you have that backwards?"

"Nope, trust me, if you ever meet my sister Alice and her boyfriend, you'll understand, they make it their mission to be annoyingly lovey dovey. Plus, Rosalie loves to shop, and if I seriously have to take my stuff then her dad won't pitch a fit over her running up her credit card."

"Okay, you need help, because I have a truck, it'll probably take more than one trip, but it'll be a lot quicker, not to mention cheaper, than renting a moving van."

I smiled, that was a really sweet thing to offer. "Sure."

"Okay, give me like fifteen minutes to finish up in the bathroom and change, and then we can go."

"Go for it, I'll just check out my new digs." Bella went back to the bathroom and turned the music back up, although not as loud as it had been, while I walked into my room.

It wasn't bad, the walls were a pale blue, and it was actually bigger than my room now. My parents had decided that if we were going to skip the "college dorm experience" than we would be living on the same allowance that we would have if they were paying for a dorm. Crap, I better call my dad. I picked up the phone and dialed. He answered after one ring. "Yes, Edward."

"Dad, I found a room. It's in Masen; it's one of the off-campus buildings."

"Good, I'm sure they'll send the adjusted tuition bill. So, I guess I'll still be paying for the full rent for Alice though."

I took a deep breath. "Actually, she found a roommate."

"Absolutely not! That boy is not moving in there, he may be nice, but I don't want her shacking up with-"

I jumped in before he hung up and killed Alice. "Dad, breathe. It's not Jasper. It's Rosalie, Jasper's sister. Her lease was up, so she offered to move in with Alice."

I could hear my dad breathe again. "Oh, well that's different. So what's your room like? How about your roommate?"

I was the one trying to breathe right at the moment. "Okay dad, don't freak, but my roommates a girl."

"What?" There was the parental hysterics again.

"Dad, she's nice. And she offered to help me move in, because she has a truck, so we're going to do that in a little while. That's the way it is these days, the top five floors are co-ed rooms, and it was all that was available."

"Alright son, I trust you. I just get a little concerned about you two; you're all we've got."

"I know dad, but you have to remember, we're grown now."

My dad laughed. "Well, I have to get back to work; I'll see you on Sunday."

"Sure dad, Sunday." I hung up.

"What's Sunday?" I turned around and Bella was standing in my doorway in jeans and an "I'm using these to my advantage" t-shirt. Damn…just remember, she's your roommate.

"Family dinner. You ready to go?"

She nodded. "Yup let's do it." Bella locked up and we walked to the elevator. We got in and rode down in a semi-awkward silence until she looked up at me. "So, what's your major?"

"Pre-med. You?"

"English. I guess I should be grateful I got a med student, because I'm a notorious klutz, like I trip on air. So are you a junior?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Yup."

"Hey Bella, do you have a boyfriend?"

Bella looked at me a little shocked by my question. "Nope, what about you?"

"Free as a bird. Sorry if that was forward."

"Don't worry; we need to know if we're going to be seeing another face across the table in the morning." I tapped my fingers against the elevator wall until finally the doors opened on the fifth floor. "Come on, this is us."

"How do you get a parking space?"

"You have a sticker somewhere in your envelope, stick it to your windshield and park in any spot you can get, they're not assigned. Here we are." Bella walked over to a prehistoric, rust orange Chevy truck.

"Good God, that thing still runs."

"Don't make fun! Bertha's hauling your stuff, remember. Shit! Wait a minute." Bella ran to the building and came back a minute later with a hand truck and some rope. "Helps if we can get your shit to the car and then keep it from flying out once we drive off."

"Where'd you get that?"

"The crap closet. I'll show you everything later, let's get you moved in before it starts to rain."

We got into her car, and with a thunderous roar it started up and we were off to my old apartment. "Just warning you, I have nothing packed, I didn't know I was going to get lucky and get a place when I went to the housing office."

Bella smiled and turned on the radio, keeping it low so that it was simply background noise. "That's fine. Do you have luggage?"

"No. Crap, wow I'm really not prepared." I shook my head, trying to remember if I had anything embarrassing in my room.

"No problem, use garbage bags, and I'll hang out in your living room so you can pack up your stuff, I know I have things I like to keep private, so take your time, like I said, I have nothing to do today."

"Thanks Bella, this is really cool of you."

Bella laughed and I told her where to make the turn to my place. She parked the truck out front and climbed into the back of her truck to tie the ropes on one side of then leave them loose until we got my furniture. "Alright let's go." Bella went to climb out of her truck bed and slipped on the edge, falling right into my arms.

I laughed as I steadied her. "You weren't lying about the clumsiness, were you?"

"That's nothing, trust me, you'll be patching up a lot worse than that in the next few months."

We walked into the building with the hand truck and went up to the seventh floor. When we got to my apartment, I opened the door and let Bella in. "It appears that we're alone, which is better, because Alice would have just gotten in the way. Make yourself at home, I won't be long."

I went into the kitchen and grabbed the box of black garbage bags and dumped them on my bed. I threw everything in my dresser into two bags and then emptied my closet into another two. I threw my pillows and bedding into a fifth bag and then grabbed my suitcase out of my closet. That I filled with my porn collection, my CD and DVD books and my shoes. Just when I had that safely closed the suitcase, there was a knock at my front door. I opened the bedroom door and Bella was gone, I went to get the door and when I opened it Bella was standing in front of me holding a few boxes and some newspapers.

"Thought you might need some boxes for your breakables, and something to wrap them up in, and I remembered there was a bodega on the corner, so I went to see what I could scrounge up."

I smiled and let Bella in. "Well, all I have is some random stuff in my closet and knick knacks and crap, you want to help me knock them out?"

"Fine, let's go."

Bella and I put together the boxes and I started emptying the top shelf of my closet, while she threw my books from my bookshelf into another box. "Bella, how much do I owe you for this stuff?"

Bella turned and looked at me confused. "What the boxes and stuff, they gave them to me, the papers are day old, they'd just throw them out, so I did like my shirt said."

I laughed and shook my head. "You shouldn't sell yourself short. I've known you for an hour, and I already think you're cool."

"Better to be surprised than disappointed, I always say. Anyway, if you want to pay me back for helping you, buy the pizza tonight, because I won't want to cook after this." Bella looked around my room for a minute. "Okay, so we can get the box springs, your dresser and desk in one trip, and we can probably stow your TV and nightstand under your desk. Then the next trip should be your mattress and frame, plus your bookshelf, desk chair, your boxes and any of the bags we can't stow in the first trip."

"You think?" I didn't see how it would all fit.

"Trust me, all my friends take advantage of the fact that I have a truck, I've gotten really good at figuring out exactly what I can fit back there." We finished up in the next hour and then loaded my dresser onto the hand truck while Bella dragged the two box springs to the elevator. We got everything into the elevator and then out to her truck. We loaded the box springs first, wedging up against the side where the ropes were tied, then lifted the dresser up and slid it up against the rest of the load. "Bring down your desk next, I'm gonna sit here and guard your stuff."

"Okay, I'll be back in a few." I ran to catch the elevator and was quickly back with the desk. We lifted it up and Bella started tying the ropes.

"Bring down the bag that has your sheets, that way we can wrap your comforter around your TV so it won't break."

I made the next trip which was my nightstand and my TV very carefully and was soon upstairs grabbing my box with my lamps, my sheets, a bag of clothes and my suitcase. We got it all in the back and headed back to Masen. Bella got a few guys on the fifth floor to help us up with my stuff by promising to make them a pan of lasagna sometime this week and I was half moved in to the apartment in no time.

We headed back, and when we got there Alice was standing in the living room. "What the hell, Edward, you couldn't give me a little warning?"

FUCK! I forgot to call her after I talked to dad. "Alice, I thought you'd be here when I got back, and I'm trying to get everything over to my new place before it starts raining." Alice was no longer listening to me she was eyeing Bella, so I made the introductions. "Bella, Alice Cullen, Alice this is my roommate, Bella Swan."

Bella reached out and Alice shook her hand. "Cute shirt." Of course Alice would comment on her outfit.

"Thanks, it pisses off my brother, I usually only wear it for his benefit, but I needed something I could get sweaty in and I'm due to do laundry." Bella and Alice both laughed.

"You live to piss off your older brother too; I think we're going to be great friends."

I ran over to Alice and tapped her on the forehead. "No, bad Alice. No making friends with my roommate, I need Bella to like me, not laugh at naked baby pictures of me, like you did with Victoria."

"I don't know why you're still bitter about that skank. But I promise, I'll be good, we'll talk later Bella."

"Okay, well will you at least help move me out?" I grumbled.

"Sure." Alice followed us into my room and Bella and I carried out my mattress while Alice pushed my bookshelf out on the hand truck, dragging my desk chair behind her. We loaded it up and Alice and I went back up to load up my boxes and my other bags of clothes. We threw them in the bed of the truck and after Bella fiddled with the ropes; I helped her down and gave Alice a quick hug before getting in the truck so we could get back.

On the way back, Bella started asking more questions. "So do you cook?"

"I burn water." Bella laughed.

"Okay, I'll make the same deal I made with Felix, you give me money, and I'll buy the food and cook. How about cleaning?"

"I guess I can, but I clean like a guy, I use hot water."

Bella shook her head. "Okay, in the building all the utilities and cable are included, internet is $35 a month though, you pay that bill, and I'll clean. Deal?"

"Absolutely, you're sure making this easy on me."

"I'm a bit of a neat freak, so I'd rather do it myself, then wonder how you did it. No offense, I was the same way with Felix, I'm a little anal." Bella blushed and I chuckled to myself.

We got back to Masen and the guys helped us with the rest of the stuff and then Bella grabbed my envelope, pulling out the parking sticker. Then she dragged me to the elevator. When we got to the garage she stopped. "Go get your car and bring it up here."

"But there aren't any spaces?" Bella pointed to her truck, which was straddling the line of two spaces. "Sweet, I didn't even notice that, thanks."

"No problem, now get your car before someone complains." I ran to the elevator and went back to my car, quickly driving up to the spot next to Bella's truck, which she was now standing in, so no one could steal it. I pulled in and she smiled. "Nice ride, now I see why you think my truck is a piece of crap! Come on, I'll show you around." We went in and Bella showed me the "crap closet," where people stowed various common things, along with random items left behind by old tenants. Then she showed me the best common areas and warned me about which study rooms to avoid. Finally, she showed me the laundry room on the 18th floor, and our parlor across from the main elevator. "So that's all Masen has to offer. You ready to eat, Edward?"

"Sure let's order that pizza." An hour later, Bella and I were sitting at the table in the back half of the living room, eating pizza and laughing, while writing up our contract. "No loud music, that has to be one."

"Alright." Bella conceded as I added it to the list that already consisted of our cooking and cleaning arrangements, our promise that sex was to be kept to the confines of our OWN rooms, and that I was in charge of all medical emergencies. "Okay, I shower at night, how about you?"

"Usually mornings, but tonight may have to be an exception." Bella laughed. "Okay, we have to sit down tomorrow and come up with a bathroom schedule, and we have to stick to it, that's the next thing to add to the contract."

"Fine, but I call first dibs in the morning; I need something to wake my ass up before Organic Chemistry at 9am."

Bella made a face. "Ooh, that's why I'm an English major, no classes before 11:30."

"Lucky bitch."

Bella laughed and took another bite. "God, I'm glad I got you as my roommate, Felix was so high-strung, it's nice to have someone who gets my jokes and can call me bitch without meaning it maliciously."

"This guy was really that bad?"

"He was a true drama queen, with the theater major to prove it. He got some national tour this summer and then came back to tell me that he was going back on the road and dropping out of school. He thought I'd be sad, but I was excited, he was so over the top, and after two years of his shit, I was exhausted. Promise me something, if I do something that bugs you, tell me."

I smiled, "Only if you'll do the same for me."

"Deal. And no smoking, I hate smoking."

I wrote those two onto our contract. "Is that it?"

Bella smiled. "Yeah, let me sign that bad boy." Bella reached over and signed it, and I signed it too, then she got up and ran into her room and came back with two copies. "There's your copy, I'm going to run this down to Eric; you need anything?"

"Nope I'm good." And with that Bella lopped out of the apartment. I looked up at the ceiling, "God, I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I'm gonna try to keep it up."

**Alright, there's the first chapter! Edward and Bella are hiding under sarcasm and attitude, but what happens when they start to face what is to come of their living arrangement? Keep reading to see. To everyone who followed over from **_**Dance With Me**_** thanks for supporting me! And like I said, reviewing gets you previews and the benefit of knowing you made me smile! Okay, more coming soon…I bounce back between my stories, but for all of you who are new to my writing, I update almost every day, so now it's every other day. Thanks for taking a chance on me and I hope you enjoyed it!**


	2. React now, think later

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Wow…so to everyone who found me in the first 24 hours…you rock! To my reviewers, readers and people who have made me a fave, or alerted me or the story…thanks! The thunder rolls in this chapter and Bella makes her POV debut. This story has a lot of humor in it despite the drama and that is why I'm enjoying the change of pace!**

**BPOV**

Edward had been living in my apartment for three days and it has taken every ounce of self-control I have, to keep from going into his room and ravaging him. It seems he doesn't need to use superhuman self-control when it comes to me. I've never been the "type" for a guy like him; he's perfect in every way. Those emerald green eyes, that copper hair, and what I'm sure are perfectly sculpted muscles under those tight shirts he wears, and those chiseled cheekbones…GOD DAMN! A knock on my slightly open door woke me out of my lusty daydream. The door swung open and I almost dropped dead in my computer chair. Edward was standing in front of me in nothing but a towel, water dripping down his rock hard abs and sliding down the v that lead straight to his—

"Bella?" I shook myself out of my daydream again, forcing my eyes to focus on his.

"Sorry, I was lost in space for a while there."

Edward smiled that crooked smile of his and my heart raced. "No problem. I wanted to know what you were doing tonight, there's a party over at Med House."

"Med House?" I cocked my head like a dog who just heard a weird noise.

"Yeah, the Med School Class of 1990 donated a house to the med students of future generations a few years ago. The thing was chopped up into dorm type rooms but it's huge, thirty students live there at any time. Anyway, right before the semester starts they have a crazy ass party, cause most of them won't see the light of day for the next few months. The party last fall was legendary, and this year is supposed to be even better. So what do you say? Want to watch the egg heads get fried?"

Was he seriously asking me out? Or was this a group thing? FUCK it, either way I got an invite. "Sure, is Alice coming?"

"Yeah, and Jasper and Rosalie. Cool, well it starts around 9, so we should head out around 8:30. It's better to get there early, so that way you can get your bearings before it's packed, last year I got seriously fucked up and wound up sleeping it off in the garden." Edward smiled and laughed at the memory.

"So how are we getting there?" I wasn't against drinking, but I wasn't getting in the car with him after last year's display.

"We're walking. We're gonna meet up with Alice at her apartment. God it feels good to say that!" I laughed at his exuberance for his Alice-free living.

**EPOV**

It was 8:20 and I was getting antsy to get going, but I knew better than to rush a woman. I was debating whether or not to open a few buttons and expose a hint of chest, or leave it all to the imagination. In the end, my slutty side won and I popped few button. I was leaning against the couch, with my fingers hooked into the belt loops of my jeans, when her door opened. Bella stepped out looking mighty sexy in a jean skirt, a curve hugging blue tank and a pair of converse. Her hair was wound around one of those big hair clips and it fell in playful disarray, framing her face. She threw on a jean jacket and walked into the living room. "You ready to go Edward?"

I nodded, "Don't you need your purse?"

Bella laughed. "With my luck I'd lose it within the first hour, I have everything I need on me."

"Okay, let's go meet Alice before she gets pissy." Bella grabbed me by the arm and we he headed out.

We were about five minutes from Alice's house when Bella spoke up. "Edward, is Alice your twin?"

I laughed. "No, I'm a year older than her; she just turned 20 a few weeks ago."

"Oh, so she's like a month older than I am, cool."

I stopped short. "How old are you?"

"19, I turn 20 on September 13th." Crap, Bella was younger than I thought. "So wait, how are you both juniors then?"

"I deferred college for a year to travel, I figured I better see the world then, because I'll be in college forever, and then I start my residency. So when I came back, Alice had graduated and we were both freshman."

"That's cool; I wish I could have done that. I'd like to travel like that someday."

"Edward! Bella!" Alice was waving her arms over her head as Rosalie and Jasper stood around behind her.

Bella ran ahead of me to hug Alice. "Hey Alice, Jasper, Rosalie." The Hale twins looked at Bella like she was crazy. "Edward said you guys were coming, so I just figured."

Jasper held out his hand. "Nice to meet you, Bella, hey Edward."

I nodded at Jasper and Rosalie. "Rose."

Rosalie came forward and shook hands with Bella. "Hi, I'm Rosalie Hale."

We got moving after that, and within no time we were arriving at the Med House. "Okay everyone; keep tabs on your roomies, no ditching anyone, okay?" Alice and Jasper were already dancing over to a chest of beer on the front porch. Rosalie was nowhere to be seen. "Nice to see they value my opinion, as someone who has made an ass out of myself at one of these parties."

Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the music. "Quit being responsible for a little bit and dance with me." We stopped by one of the coolers on our way to the makeshift dance floor and Bella started grinding against me to some remixed hip-hop song. Having Bella's body rubbing up against mine was nice, and the whole time she was smiling and laughing. This year would definitely be better than last year that's for sure. We danced for a while and then some guy came up behind Bella and started grinding on her ass. She turned to get a look at the guy and smiled.

He leaned in like I wasn't there and asked, "You want to get a drink?" Bella nodded and turned to me.

"I'll find you in a little while, if you don't see me, call my cell." And with that Bella was gone.

I got kind of pissed at that point and went back to drinking. By 10:45 I was feeling nice, and that's when it happened. I was talking to some kid who was in my year, when I saw Bella. She was on the floor, sandwiched between two guys who were feeling her up, and all she did was smile and giggle at them. That's when I lost it. I went and found a game of quarters and lost, purposely. About eight rounds later I found a hand on my back. I turned around and this tall blonde was stepping over my legs so she was straddling them. "You look sad, sexy, you want Tanya to kiss it and make it better?"

I shot a quick look over my shoulder to see Bella still dancing with those guys, so I caved. "I'd love for you to make it better." With that, Tanya sank down onto my lap and pushed me back in the chair and grinded into my groin as she kissed me forcefully. I wanted to feel something, but I couldn't, and that pissed me off.

Tanya moved her lips to my ear and whispered. "Stop thinking about it, just have fun." I realized she was right, and stopped fighting it. I ran my hands up and down her back before tangling one hand into her long strawberry blonde hair, and grabbed her ass with the other, pulling her closer to me.

**BPOV**

I was having fun, dancing with two guys who were, let's just say a little too free with their hands, but I was enjoying myself. That's when I heard the sound of male stupidity. I turned and saw a small crowd gathering. I walked over and saw some blonde chick riding Edward and by the way he was grabbing her ass, he seemed to be having a good time. I flipped out and pushed my way out of the crowd. I was on my way back up to the house when I heard him. "Hey, are you okay?"

I turned to see a ridiculously tall, russet skinned, muscle-bound guy. "I'm fine."

"Your boyfriend?"

I shot him a look. "No, my roommate, he's just an ass is all. We were supposed to be sticking together tonight."

He gestured towards the house. "It looks like he found someone to look out for him, so how about I take over his job. Come on, the good stuff's in the kitchen." My giant led the way into the kitchen and got us each a cup of some fruity punch that was bound to make me want to die in the morning. "I'm Jacob."

I yelled over the crowd. "Bella."

Jacob led me into one of the other rooms. We talked for ages, although I have no idea about what, the punch erased much of the night shortly after it happened. I remember at one point he brought up Edward, and I got so pissed by what I had seen, that I planted a kiss right on him. He pulled me close to him and deepened the kiss. It was all wrong, I knew it the moment our lips met, they were too hard, too forceful, and his skin was too hot. Edward's skin was always slightly cold to the touch, I had learned that through the brief moments when he would innocently touch me. He never touched me this way, and he never touched me the way he did that blonde girl.

Jake leaned into me, pushing me back against the couch cushions and he was everywhere, his body pressing against mine. I started to get dizzy and I slid my hands up his chest and pressed against him, willing him off of me. He realized what I wanted and leaned back. "I need some air."

Jacob helped me up and walked me to the front door. I sat down on the porch and he hung out next to me. "Sorry if that was-" he started, but I quickly raised my hand.

"I just needed air." It seemed stupid to dismiss this guy simply because he wasn't Edward. And he stopped when I wanted, even though he obviously didn't, so he couldn't be that bad. I sat there, trying to get my bearings, but they never came. I have no idea when I fell asleep, but the next thing I remember was the sound of Alice's voice.

"Bella?" God that was way too loud. Alice, Jasper and Rosalie were in front of me; Alice was crouching down and putting her cool hand against my cheek. "Are you okay? Where's Edward?"

I didn't want to hear his name at that moment, because I felt like shit already. "I lost him hours ago; he was tongue deep in some blonde chick!" I spit out angrily.

Alice began fuming. "That fucking prick! Come Bella, you're coming home with us."

"Alice, I'd really rather curl up and die in my own bed. Just put me in a cab."

Alice was already shaking her head. "Screw that! But if you want to go home, I'll go with you. I'm not leaving you alone tonight."

I smiled up at her weakly. "Alice, what time is it?"

Alice pulled out her phone. "It's 3:20."

Fuck, I lost the whole night sitting out here. At that moment, Jasper got on my other side to help me up. We walked to a cab stand a few blocks away. The four of us rode to my apartment and Jasper and Alice got me up to my apartment, while Rosalie held the cab. After Alice got me in bed, I heard Jasper and her mutter their good-byes and I quickly drifted off to sleep.

**EPOV**

My head was pounding. I was aware that I was in a bed, but I had no idea how I got there. As my mind started to switch on, my head popped off the pillow with sudden urgency. Bella. OW! Mental note, no sudden movements. Shit! I had lost Bella sometime after I started making out with…Tanya? It was starting to come back to me now. We had stumbled my way up to one of the bedrooms, after my very public display. I looked over and Tanya was lying next to me. I stood up and saw my clothes. I started getting dressed, when Tanya woke up. "Where's the fire?" She asked sleepily.

"I lost Bella, my roommate. I brought her here and she doesn't know the area, and I ditched her. I have to make sure she's okay." I was pulling my jeans up and beginning to button my shirt.

Tanya got up and reached for her clothing. "Sure, give me a minute and I'll help you look. Four eyes are better than two."

I looked over, kind of amazed that the girl I had slept with was going to help dig me out of this hole. "You sure?"

She smiled. "Of course. I think it's sweet that you're that worried. And you probably wouldn't have lost her if it wasn't for me, so I'll help you."

We finished getting dressed and stared with the rooms. I didn't like the idea of walking in on Bella in any type of morning after scene, but after what I had done, I guess I couldn't blame her for doing the same. After the rooms came up empty, we went downstairs and started looking through the living room, which resembled Jonestown the morning after.

"Hey Edward, we should split up, we'll find her faster. What does Bella look like? It might help if I know what I'm looking for." Tanya laughed and I thought for a minute, trying to remember what Bella had been wearing.

"She's tiny, really long brown hair, brown eyes; she was wearing a blue tank and a jean skirt."

"Wow, good memory." Tanya chuckled.

"The sober stuff is easy, it's anything that came after the Jack that is hard for me to wrap my head around."

I went outside to check the backyard, while Tanya continued inside. She finally met me out on the patio. "She's not in the house or out front. I don't think she's here."

I turned on my phone and it beeped. I hit the button and waited for the password prompt. After that, I heard Alice's voice. "Edward, when you hear this…GET! HOME!" FUCK! Something must have happened. I deleted the message and was running for the front of the house.

"Tanya, I have to get home, that was my sister and she was really upset. I think Bella's with her."

Tanya nodded. "Do you mind if I call you sometime?"

I stopped short. I was being an ass. "Sure, give me your phone." I entered my number in and then dialed it so her number would pop up. "I'll talk to you soon. Thanks for being so cool about all of this."

Tanya shrugged. "It's nothing; you seem like a really nice guy. I hope your roommate is okay."

I gave Tanya a quick kiss on the lips and then ran towards the cab stand. I got to my apartment a little while later, and when I opened my door Alice was sitting on my couch. "You're an ass!" Alice whispered, but the venom was still there.

"How is she? Is she okay?" I was feeling a little better that she was cursing at me, if something was really wrong she'd be upset, but Alice was clearly irate, so Bella must be fine.

"So, now you care? What happened to the 'golden rule,' Edward? We found her asleep on the front porch, all alone. Something really bad could have happened. Who's the girl?"

I was not in the mood for anymore of Alice's shit. "Look, I'm here now. You can go; I'll take care of her."

"You better. Tell her I'll call her tonight. And Edward, if you ever do to her what you did last night again, I'll kill you. It could have easily been some guy who stumbled across her, and she was in no shape to take care of herself." Alice's words hit home, and all I wanted was to see her. Alice left and I went into the kitchen to get aspirin and a tall glass of water, before I went into her room.

Bella was sprawled out on her bed in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Her hair was fanned out, partially hiding her face, and her cheek was pressed against the mattress. I put down the aspirin and water on her nightstand and brushed the hair off her face. I sat on the edge of her bed and placed my hand on the small of her back; she cringed away from my touch. I moved my hand to her face and brushed the hair back even more, letting my hand rest on the side of her head as I leaned down to whisper. "Bella, wake up." Bella moaned slightly and her eyes fluttered open. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I was a dick; I shouldn't have left you last night."

Bella tried to sit up and I reached to help her. "Edward, I'm a big girl, I left the backyard where we had been hanging out, I drank all that booze," she clutched her head and I grabbed the water and aspirin. "Thanks." She took the pills and swallowed some of the water. "You're not my keeper. I just have to be smarter next time." Bella took another gulp of water and sat it on the table. "Edward, I'm going to lie back down. Thanks for checking up on me."

I got up and helped her back down, pulling the covers over her. "No problem, holler if you need anything, I'm not going anywhere today."

Bella nodded into her pillow and I walked to the door before going to take a shower. As the water washed over me I smiled, because by some miracle, Bella didn't hate me.

**So there's another chapter. Edward and Bella react badly to things and that's where most of their trouble comes from. Thanks again for reading and please review!**


	3. Baby Steps

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Okay so I'm back after crazy few days. Sorry for the delay. In here we get the beginning of the Edward/Tanya and Bella/Jake relationships, because they'd rather bury their hurt and anger deep and then in 20 years cut out that piece of their body with the tumor in it. (I promise there's absolutely no cancer in this story!) Remember, this story is rated NC-17 for a reason. Language, dark themes, underage drinking and lemons! Enjoy some zest and a little juice…**

**BPOV**

I was still pissed; Edward had ditched me for that girl, and then came in and checked up on me. I wanted him so bad, but all I could think of was that skanky bitch. I must have fallen back asleep, because it was around 4pm when my cell rang. I reached for it and held it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Bella, hey, it's Jake. We met last night at the party. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, because I went into the house to go to the bathroom and you were gone by the time I got back." I vaguely remember hanging out with him, but I don't remember giving him my number…oh well, I don't remember a lot from last night, including the hours of 12ish to 3:20am.

"I'm fine Jake, just hung over."

"Well, if you haven't eaten, and you want to, there's this diner that makes the best hangover food, you want to go?"

What the hell, he was good looking, as far as I remember, and it would get me out of the apartment. "Sure, what diner?"

"The Sugar Bowl."

I knew that diner well. "Cool, I'll meet you there in an hour."

Jake laughed. "Alright, see you then."

I hung up and gathered some clothes and my makeup and went to the bathroom. I showered and threw my hair into a ponytail. Finally I did my makeup, because I looked like death warmed up, and then exited the bathroom to see Edward sprawled out on the couch. "You look better. Where are you off to?"

I shot him a look. "I'm going to the diner."

Edward sat up. "You want company?"

I growled internally. "No, I'm meeting someone."

Edward went back to lounging as I grabbed my coat and made sure I had everything. "Really, who?"

The guy who I hung out with after you decided to FUCK THAT WHORE! "A guy I met last night at the party."

Edward's head snapped around to look at me. "Oh…well, have fun." He sounded like that was the last thing he wanted.

I left and decided to walk the five blocks to the diner, because it was less of a hassle. Walking in I saw Jacob and a little more of last night came back to me. I remembered how he seemed willing to follow my lead; it was nice that someone was. When Jacob saw me, he got up and gave me a hug. We sat across from each other and talked about school. "So, you're an English major. Are you studying Lit or Creative Writing?"

"Lit, I write, but only in my journal. I have a poetry class this semester that is going to fucking kill me."

Jacob laughed. "I'm sure you'll do fine. But if you want to take my statistics class, I'll totally swap with you."

I was realizing that being with Jacob was easy, of course if I thought about Edward it would get bad, but if I could keep him from creeping into my mind, Jacob was actually a really great guy. It was easy, no drama and no games. Jacob offered to walk me home, I originally wanted to say no, but I chose to let him walk me to my building, but not my apartment, because I don't let guys know where I live, that way my apartment is always a safe place for me. That's one of the things you're told when you have a former chief as a father, and a flighty mother who has dated her share of losers. I rode the elevator up to my floor and then got out and went back to my room. Classes started tomorrow and I had my only early class, biology, at 9am, thank God it only met two days a week.

I was asleep when I first heard it. At first, I thought it was the TV and almost knocked on Edward's wall, but then I heard Edward's voice as he laughed at the loud moan that had kept me awake after the bang, who's cause I didn't want to know. "Shh…Tanya, keep it down, I think my roommates asleep." Tanya sounds like a probable name for a skank. FUCK! Leave it to Edward to take a girl who was made for a one night stand and keep her around just to drive me crazy. Okay, I'm sure that wasn't why he was doing it, but it felt like some cruel fucking joke. I was lying in my bed, I-Pod-less thanks to a cleaning incident last month, no hope of falling to sleep with the porno being filmed ten feet from my head, and I was too tired and pissed to leave for one of the common rooms. So I did what little I could, I reached under my mattress for my shortie of Southern Comfort and took a swig. After a few more sips I remembered the old adage, 'if you can't beat them, join them,' so I did.

I reached under my covers and slid my hand under the elastic band of my shorts and then my underwear. I was listening intently as I rubbed my clit, imaging Edward between my legs, his green eyes staring at me with desire, his cock pressed up against my folds. "Uuuhhhhnnnn! Ooh baby, that feels so fucking good!" Edward called out through the wall and I rose off the bed, responding to the pleasure in his voice. I bit down on my lip, to keep from talking back and quickened my pace. Thank God Tanya wasn't a talker…because that would have killed the illusion. I rode out the waves of pleasure as Edward kept moaning from his bed, and then I finally fell asleep, content with what might just become my new hobby.

**EPOV**

I was in my room, saving all my computer files to my zip drive, thankful that my new computer was coming in the mail any day now. Bella had been fine the last time I checked, she was still hung over, but at least she was sleeping it off. I heard the shower running and got up, partially to see how she was feeling, and partially because I was hoping to catch a glimpse of her in a towel. I lay down on the couch and waited for her to come out. She came out dressed and ready to go out. She saw me on the couch and looked a little surprised, so I started the conversation. "You look better. Where are you off to?"

She shot me an angry glare. "I'm going to the diner."

I sat up. "You want company?"

"No, I'm meeting someone." She seemed mad; I guess things weren't as good as I thought.

I went back to lounging as she grabbed her coat. "Really, who?"

"A guy I met last night at the party." My head snapped around to look at her. So, she got the number of one of those date-rapists in training, I'm gonna have to keep an eye on her.

"Oh…well, have fun."

When Bella left I was kind of annoyed. She was mad at me for ditching her, and now she was spending time with some idiot who was groping her without even knowing her name. I wasn't going to sit here and do nothing. Then I realized that I knew exactly what I could do. I pulled out my phone and scrolled until I saw Tanya's number, then I hit 'send.'

"Hey Tanya, its Edward."

"Hi Edward." Tanya sounded really happy to hear my voice.

"I know its last minute, but I wanted to know what you were doing tonight?"

Tanya laughed. "Well I get off of work at 10pm, if you want to get a drink. Or is that too late?"

I smiled. "No, that's fine. I don't have morning classes tomorrow. Where do you want to meet up?"

"I work at Decode. Why don't you swing by, we can hang out here."

"Great, I'll see you at 10."

I had made it to Decode just as Tanya walked out of the back room. She ran over and gave me a quick hug. "Hey Edward, I'm really glad you called."

"Me too. I was going a little stir crazy at my apartment and I wanted to see a friendly face."

Tanya frowned. "Oh no! What happened; is Bella mad at you?"

I nodded, "Yeah, it's my own fault though. I made a big deal about not losing your roommate, and then I disappeared all night. She was all alone when my sister found her. I don't blame her for being mad; I just wish I could do something to make it up to her."

Tanya waved over the bartender. "What do you want to drink?"

I looked at what was on tap. "Stella."

Tanya turned back to the bar. "Alec, two Stella's."

"Sure T-lo." He smiled and went to get the drinks.

"T-lo?" I laughed.

"Yeah, whenever Jennifer Lopez comes on the jukebox I start dancing, it cracks the guys up. Okay, now about Bella, what are you thinking?"

I smiled, Tanya was really sweet, at least I did something right last night. "I don't know, her birthday is Saturday, but I've only known her four days, how am I supposed to know what to do for her."

"How old will she be?"

"20."

"Alright, I'm working this weekend, so we'll be able to pull this off. Bring Bella here and throw a little birthday thing for her, that should work."

I shook my head. "She's pissed, I'm not sure she'd agree to come out with me."

Tanya thought for a minute. "Have your sister ask her out, you said they're friendly, right?"

"Tanya, that's brilliant. This might actually work, thank you. Okay, now that my problem is taken care of, why don't you tell me a little something more than your nickname, T-lo."

Tanya was funny, and smart, and she wasn't threatened by the chick roommate. In fact, in the last 16 hours she had not only helped me look for her but also helped me figure out a plan to get us talking again. We hung around Decode for a few hours and then made our way back to my place. Now if I was really thinking, I would have figured out that bringing Tanya back to my apartment with a still pissed Bella there may not have been the best idea, but I wasn't exactly thinking with my brain at the time.

Tanya and I made it through the apartment, but when we made our way into my room she banged into my dresser as she was pulling off her pants. I laughed and grabbed her ass moving her closer to the bed. She moaned and I shushed her and then climbed onto the bed, pulling her down on top of me. Tanya straddled me and slid a condom on before slowly sliding me inside her. Pushing me back onto the bed, Tanya began riding me hard. Rocking her hips into mine as she slammed down, she tightened around me and it felt nice. "Uuuhhhhnnnn! Ooh baby, that feels so fucking good!" Tanya giggled softly and then gasped and quickened her pace. I reached up to grab her breasts as the bounced with each movement and massaged them, paying special attention to her already hard nipples. I moaned again, knowing that I was so close to cumming, as she continued to ride me harder and harder, finally throwing her head back and panting. I felt her tremble around me and I was done for, biting my lip so I wouldn't scream out her name and wake Bella.

Tanya collapsed on the bed next to me, smiling as she kissed my neck. We laid there for about a half hour before Tanya began to get up. I grabbed her wrist and she turned to me. "I better go."

"You sure?" I didn't want her going home alone this late.

"Yeah, don't worry I don't live too far."

"I could walk you?"

Tanya smiled. "That's okay; the 7th floor is closer than you think."

"You live here?" How in the hell did that not come up?

"Since Sophomore year. Call me and let me know what night you guys are coming to the bar this weekend."

"I will." I kissed her quickly and went to my dresser as she gathered her clothes up and got dressed. I walked her to the door and locked it behind her.

I woke up at 10:30 and noticed the smell of baked goods coming from the kitchen. I got up and wandered through the door to see a plate of muffins on the counter with a note next to it.

_I would have cooked, but you were asleep when I got up. I left the coffee pot plugged in so it should still be hot, and there is a bowl of cut up fruit in the fridge. Hope the first day doesn't suck._

_-B_

I know that Bella and I had made the deal that if I bought groceries, she would cook, but seeing that she had baked the muffins and thought about what to make that would still be good when I woke up made me feel that this would blow over soon and we could get back to the banter we had started to develop before I had been a fuck up. I opened the fridge and got out the bowl of fruit, grabbing a muffin and poured myself some coffee. As I ate my breakfast I tried to think of what to get Bella for her birthday. I was stumped, so I decided to forget about that for a moment and called Alice. Alice was excited that I was planning something for Bella's birthday and was quickly in on the plan. She was going to ask her tomorrow, hoping that Bella and I would start talking so I could ask her myself. I got up and did my dishes before grabbing a shower and leaving for class.

It was 3:30 when I got back to the apartment. Permanently attached to the door was one of those half corkboard/half dry erase boards, and on the dry erase half Bella had scrawled in her terrible handwriting:

_Studying already! Fuck teachers who don't understand that the first day is supposed to be a pass._

I laughed to myself, until I looked at the corkboard half and saw the decorated index card pinned to the top of it.

_Bella and Edward's Room_

It was another small gesture, but it made me hopeful. Bella had also added a list of various activities with a push pin stuck next to "home alone." I opened the door and made my way back to my room. I was sitting my bag on my desk when I heard it, a soft moan came through the wall, and at first I assumed that maybe Bella talked in her sleep, but when it was followed by a much louder moan a second later I knew she was awake. I walked over to the wall like a complete pervert and pressed my ear to hear her panting, but no sounds of a companion, and I was instantly hard. I wasn't entirely sure what was going on with Tanya, but hearing Bella pleasuring herself in the next room was too much to bear. I felt my pants tighten and went to lock my door. I threw off the clothes on the bottom half of my body and lay down on my bed.

Running my hand up and down the length of my cock to a soundtrack of Bella's pleasure was hot; the fact that we had a wall separating us only seemed to enhance the fact. Closing my eyes and picturing her, I quickly came and cleaned myself up as I heard her climax next door. A minute later I heard her door open and then soon after, I heard the shower. I decided to reemerge from my room, grabbing my I-Pod and the bag of books I had just bought.

Twenty minutes later, Bella came out of the bathroom in sweats and a t-shirt, and stopped short when she saw me using post-it flags to mark out the different reading assignment in my various books so I would never have to wonder what the next reading assignment was. "When'd you get home?"

I made a show out of pulling my ear-buds out and asking her, "What was that?"

She visibly relaxed. "When'd you get home?"

"About thirty minutes ago, I didn't realize you were home, or else I would have come and said hi."

Bella let out a stifled chuckle. "That's fine, so how was class?"

"Sucked, I have to take a literature class and I hate the topic I got."

Bella walked over and saw the stack of literature. "Let me guess, you're taking 'Women in Literature' with O'Hara."

I smiled up at her. "How'd you know?"

She ran her hands over the stack of literature. "You have _Hamlet_, _Wuthering Heights_, _Jane Eyre_, _Gone with the Wind_, _The Virgin Suicides _and _Wicked_. O'Hara is the only one who could pull together that grouping. One tip with her, everyone of those books has a movie except _Wicked_, but whatever you do, don't watch the movie instead of reading the book, she pulls random shit out of her ass for tests and if she thinks you're watching the classics instead of reading them, she'll ream you."

"How do you know so much about her?"

Bella laughed, "She's my advisor, and in fact if her plans for the conference go through, then my status as her TA will mean that I'll be teaching _The Virgin Suicides_ to you."

"Seriously? Oh, I may pass this class after all!"

"Hold on, I'm not sure about that."

I smirked at her. "Come on, I'll make it worth your while."

Bella put both of her hands on the table and leaned forward. "You help me pass Biology, and I'll help you get through Women's Lit, deal?"

I smiled and offered her my hand, "Deal."

Bella and I shook on it and then she straightened up. "You have plans for tonight?"

"Nope, I'm just preparing for my Organic Chemistry class tomorrow morning."

Bella shot me a look, "How can you prepare for a class you haven't had yet?"

"I'm just getting everything set up." I motioned to the flags that were sticking out of the tops of half my books.

"Jesus, what's all that?"

I laughed at her reaction. "I'm sort of anal, and I'm a little lazy. So I mark out the reading assignments so that way I never have to look at the syllabus again."

Bella snorted. "You're weird. Are you starting to get hungry?"

"A little, maybe in a little while."

Bella headed into the kitchen. "Okay, I'll throw the lasagna in now so it'll be done by 5:00."

"You made lasagna?"

Bella laughed again from the kitchen at my shocked reaction. "Yeah I made a few pans when I made it for the guys who helped us move you in, it's easier that way."

Bella ran into her room and came out with her bag, taking one of the other seats at the table and pulling out her books. The awkwardness and anger of yesterday seemed to be gone, so I decided to chance it. "Bella, we're okay, right?"

Bella looked up as she pulled a Jane Austen compilation out of her messenger bag. "Yeah, sorry if I was really bitchy yesterday, I get that way when I'm hung over."

I waved my hand. "I was an ass, I deserved it. Anyway, I was curious if you have any plans for your birthday?"

She shook her head. "No."

I smiled. "Good, because I talked to Alice and we want to take you out, the twins Hale will be coming too, there's this bar, Decode, and I thought it'd be fun. What do you say?"

"You want to take me out for my birthday, sure." Bella hesitated for a minute. "Do you mind if I invite someone?"

"Of course not, it's your birthday. So who do you want to invite?"

Bella looked at me from under her lashes. "Well, my brother Emmett; that is if I can get him to leave his football buddies for five minutes, and Jake."

"The guy from the party?" I tried not to sound disappointed.

"Yeah, but hey why don't you invite Tanya?" Bella's mouth clamped shut and she was instantly bright red. It took me a minute to realize why she was red, and another to turn the exact same shade. I hadn't told anyone about Tanya, and the only way Bella could have known was if she heard us last night, which I now know is possible because of what I walked in on this afternoon. "God, Edward, I'm sorry."

I couldn't help but laugh. "It's no big deal. I'm curious though, were you able to drown us out using your I-Pod, because I may need to know for future reference?"

Bella blushed again. "I don't have an I-Pod at the moment…I dropped it in the toilet cleaning last month."

I laughed again and then realized I knew exactly what I was getting her for her birthday. Bella quickly pulled out a few more things from her bag and I noticed a nice journal. "Hey, that thing's pretty cool looking, what's the design on the front?"

Bella smiled. "It's the Triple Goddess. My mom is slightly hippie, and when I was 14 she studied Wicca for a while, and although it never stuck for her, I became fascinated. I don't practice or anything, but I think its fun. I have tons of journals, and I always keep something with me, so if I get an idea I can write it down. I'm not a good writer, but I like to write for myself."

"Cool. And as far as Tanya joining us…she works there, that's how we're getting you in."

Bella's face lit up. "Hey, I like this girl already." With that Bella picked up one of her novels and began flipping through it. I kept going through my books as the smell of Bella's lasagna started to waft out of the kitchen, happy that we were finding our stride.

**There you go, another chapter's done. The birthday party sets some things in motion and everything starts to pick up.**


	4. Happy Birthday Eeyore!

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Hey everyone! I'm just going to get right into this, but I wanted to let you know this is where the drama and darkness begins. Let's see what's waiting for Bella and Edward…**

**I own nothing; I'm just having fun giving some ink to my girl!**

**EPOV**

It was Bella's birthday, and I had everything planned out. I had gotten my computer in the mail on Thursday, which was perfect because I had gotten the free I-Pod that comes when you buy an Apple computer during the beginning of the fall. I was originally going to sell it or something but this worked because I could give her something really cool without getting yelled at for spending a fortune, a warning Bella issued on Monday after I told her about the plans for her birthday. I had gone to a little bookstore and bought her a new leather journal so that I had actually spent money on her.

They were wrapped in tin foil and sitting on the dining table next to a package from Bella's parents that I had gotten first thing this morning from the mail office. On my way back I had gone to The Sugar Bowl and had picked up two orders of pancakes, which were now on plates from the kitchen. The coffee pot went off and I got up, pouring two cups and making my way to Bella's door with hers. I knocked, "Bella, coffee's done." I heard her moving around and then her door opened.

"Thanks." She finger combed her hair a few times and took the mug before going back into her room.

"Wait; there was something for you in the mail, why don't you check it out. The box looks pretty big."

Bella cocked an eyebrow at me and walked out into the living room. "Holy fuck! Edward what is all of this?"

I laughed. "Happy Birthday, Bella! The big one is from your parents the others are from me, and I got breakfast from The Sugar Bowl."

She looked at me in awe, "Edward this is crazy…how did you…when did you…thank you."

She walked over to the table and started eating. "So?"

Bella looked down at her plate, "Nobody's ever done anything like this for me. I don't really have many friends, and Emmett's not big into planning stuff. This is really sweet."

"Don't thank me until you open your gifts."

Bella looked at the foil wrapped gifts. "You didn't have to do this."

"Shut up and open them." I smiled as she put her fork down and opened the journal.

"Edward this is gorgeous, I love these journals, but the leather ones are like $30. I told you not to spend a lot of money on me."

"Bella I saw it and thought it suited you; use it for something important, something you keep private. Open the other one." I motioned with my chin and she picked up the second gift, ripped the foil back and then sat it down and punched me in the arm.

"You're insane; I can't take an I-Pod from you. That's ridiculous!"

I rubbed my arm; she hit me in just the right spot. "Bella, it came free with my computer, I got a new one in June, not knowing that my computer was about to get a virus, that's why I went Mac this time. Honestly, that didn't cost me a penny, so you can't bitch about it."

Bella shook her head and looked up with tears in her eyes. "Thank you, really, this was amazing and we haven't even gone out yet."

I pushed the box from her parents a little closer. "What do you think it is?"

Bella got up, abandoning her empty plate and taking the butter knife to the tape on the side of the box. She got it open and reached in, pulling items out as she figured out what they were. "Clothes, candy, a cactus…"

I laughed because there was actually a little cactus packed in there. "Seems that 'C' would be the theme to this care package."

Bella laughed and then froze after pulling out another mailer bag of clothing. "Holy shit!"

"What?"

Bella's face lit up. "They seriously did it. They got it for me." Bella pulled out a box and opened it quickly. "It's a Nikon Coolpix L100. This is an SLR camera, I've wanted one of these for years and they kept telling me that they were too expensive." Bella took the camera out and put in the batteries, turned it on and snapped a quick picture of me. "Ha! This thing is awesome. This is the best birthday I've ever had. I'm gonna look at everything they got me and hook up my I-Pod. Thanks again." Bella put her gifts back in the box and then gave me a quick peck on the cheek before heading off to her bedroom with her gifts.

It was 10:30 and I was once again outside Bella's door waiting for her to emerge. I heard the doorknob turn and she stepped out in a red spaghetti strapped corset dress. The skirt was panels of solid and lacey flowing blood red fabric, falling to right below her knees. I felt my stomach tighten as she looked up at me. "What?"

"You look sexy. Jake's a lucky guy." I swallowed a little bile as I thought about what he looked like. Bella didn't bring him around the apartment, so tonight would be the night everyone would meet him for the first time.

Bella grabbed her purse and we headed for the elevator.

Tanya had been right, with her behind the bar, no one would hassle Bella while we celebrated her. Alice and Rosalie dragged Bella to the dance floor as Jasper and I leaned against the bar, watching them dance. I was nursing my Sam Adams when Bella squealed and ran from the dance floor and straight into the arms of a burly man with black hair. Shit, this guy was huge, and she obviously really liked him, I can't wait to see her brother get a look at this guy. Bella pulled him over and waved Alice and Rosalie off the dance floor. "Everyone, this is my brother, Emmett. Em, this is my roommate Edward, his sister Alice, her boyfriend Jasper, and his twin sister Rosalie." Thank God, I don't think I could have handled him being her boyfriend. We all shook and said our "hello's" as Emmett pulled out a box out of his jacket pocket.

"Happy Birthday Bells!" Bella opened the box and gasped.

"Emmett, these are awesome." Bella slipped on the ring with the saying _"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."_ And a cuff bracelet that said _"Not all who wander are lost."_ Bella beamed. "Thanks Em, these are awesome."

Emmett smiled and pulled her into another crushing hug. "I know you have a hard-on for Tolkien, so I figured it'd work." He smiled and Alice reached into her purse.

"This is from me and Jasper." Alice handed Bella the small card and her eyes bugged out as she saw the gift card.

"This is a $100 iTunes gift card, this is way too much."

"Bullshit, plus now you can get plenty more angry chick music to piss Edward and Emmett off with."

Bella laughed and Rosalie handed her a bag. "From what I've heard about your old I-Pod, I think you'll need these."

Bella sat the bag on the bar and pulled out a plastic sports arm-holder and a bright pink portable boom box I-Pod dock. Bella laughed and hugged Rose, while Emmett looked at us like we were all crazy. "You guys realize her I-Pod took a dip in the toilet last month, right."

Rosalie laughed and smiled at him. "Edward gave her a new one this morning."

Emmett eyed me harshly. "What?"

"I got a new computer and it came with it, don't hit me thinking I dropped $300 on your sister."

Emmett laughed. "Dude, breathe. You planned this whole thing and made Eeyore smile, we have no beef." I let out a huge sigh of relief as the music changed and Alice grabbed Jasper, pulling him out to grind on him, while Emmett nudged Bella. "I love you sis, but I'm not dancing with you to this song." Emmett moved over to Rosalie and she led him out on the floor. Bella packed up her gifts and waved Tanya over.

"How's your birthday?" Tanya smiled.

"Great, thanks for everything." Bella smiled back at Tanya.

"Okay, here's a birthday shot." Tanya poured two shots of Southern Comfort and took one with Bella. "Bella, give me your gifts, I'll hide them behind the bar so you don't have to worry about them."

Bella handed them to Tanya and then leaned in. "Do you mind if I borrow your boyfriend, it looks like I got stood up?"

Tanya shook her head. "Not at all, go have fun."

Bella grabbed my hand and led me out on the floor and started dancing with me. It felt weird, because a part of me wanted this, but the other part of me really liked Tanya, who was behind the bar and trusted me completely. Bella looked up at me and smiled. "Thanks again, I've never had a birthday like this. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."

I leaned down so she could hear me. "You're welcome Bella. Or should I call you 'Eeyore?'"

Bella shook her head. "I could kill Emmett for that."

"So what's with the nickname?"

Bella looked down and then her eyes flashed up to mine. "I'm moody and plus when I was 18, he was the first tattoo I got."

My eyes bugged out. "You have tattoos?" I knew Bella was snarky and had a slight edge to her, but never thought she would have tattoos.

"Yeah three."

I cocked my eyebrow at her and she laughed, "Where are these works of art?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Well Eeyore was my first, he's on my right hip, next was the butterfly on my ankle." Bella stepped away from me and lifted her leg slightly to show me a tribal looking butterfly that was probably about 3" big, and then turned and pointed to her back where the tops of two horses could be seen between her shoulder blades. "My third is my horses, that one's my favorite."

I smiled at her. "Why?"

"My grandma used to tell me this story about two horses in a pasture. At first the only difference you noticed was that one had a bell around its neck. But if you watched them closely you noticed that the other horse was blind. The owner didn't have the heart to put it down, so instead he had the other one wear the bell so the blind horse could hear it and find his way. Sometimes the horse with the bell would stop and check on his friend and if he had gotten off course, he'd go back so he could hear where he was again and then continue on home. The horse with the bell never got annoyed or angry; he just waited patiently and helped his friend. Sometimes we're the horse with the bell, others we're the blind horse, that's why you should always be nice to people, you never know when you'll lose your way and when you do, you need someone to put on the bell."

I stared at her. "That's beautiful; you put a lot of thought into that one."

"Had to so Chief Swan didn't shoot me when he found out." I laughed and Bella and I went back to dancing. Around 1:30, this big russet skinned guy wearing a University Peace Officer jacket came in and locked his eyes on Bella. I tapped her and motioned towards the door; Bella turned and dropped her hands from my shoulders. "I better go see what his excuse for this is."

So this was Jake, he was taller than Emmett, and slightly less muscular, but I still didn't like the look of him. Bella and he talked for a minute and then she hugged him, stepping up on her tiptoes to kiss him. Then she came back to the dance floor while Jake walked out. "Hey guys, thanks for everything, but Jake is tired, he had to pull a double cause there was some incident on-campus, so we're going to hang out at his place."

"He's not going to say hi." I remarked, kind of annoyed.

"No, he's exhausted; he'd rather meet you when he can actually carry on a conversation. I'm just gonna get my stuff."

"I'll get it, go on and spend the rest of the night with your boyfriend."

"Thanks Edward." Bella walked up and hugged me tight, before saying good-bye to everyone else and heading to the door.

I waited around a few minutes and then said good-bye and turned back to the bar.

"Tanya, can I have Bella's stuff, I'm heading out."

"You okay?" She looked a little concerned.

"Yeah, I'm just tired, and I have to attempt laundry tomorrow, so I think I better get a good night's sleep."

Tanya giggled and then leaned over the bar with Bella's bag in hand to kiss me. "Sleep tight."

I reached over and stroked her face. "You too, I'll talk to you tomorrow." And with that I grabbed Bella's presents and went back to Masen.

**BPOV**

I woke up and my head was killing me. I looked around and didn't recognize anything. Moving to get up I was immediately sore. I stretched and the sheet fell down and I realized I was naked, and I had a bruise right below my Eeyore tattoo. I started getting dressed and little flashes were coming back, Jake had gotten me Champagne for my birthday…I remember making out, and from how sore I was, evidently we went a lot farther than that. I slipped on my shoes and put my hair up with a rubber band because I didn't have any type of hair thing, and left his room. There were a few guys in Peace Officer uniforms standing around the living room. "Where's Jake?"

"He went to work." The guy whose name badge read "Paul" said matter-of-factly.

"Okay." I said a little pissed that he just left me around his place and went to work, but I wasn't in any mood to get into it with his ass of a co-worker. I walked back to my building and was greeted by Eric.

"Hey Bells, how's Edward working out?" Jesus, I hated how perky he was in the morning.

"Great, now if you don't mind I'm going to upstairs and change into something a little more comfortable." I stalked my way to the elevator and got in, pushing the button for my floor and then leaning into the corner. When the doors opened I stepped out and staggered to my door. When I got in, Edward seemed to be asleep, so I grabbed my stuff and jumped in the shower. The hot water felt good as it loosened my muscles, but it did little for the ache between my legs. I got out and threw on my _"I feel a sin comin' on"_ tank and a pair of yoga pants. I stepped out of the bathroom as I put my hair in a messy bun so my head wouldn't hurt anymore. Smelling the coffee, I dropped my stuff off in my room and then went to the kitchen, Advil in hand.

"Hey, how was the rest of your night?" Edward said as he passed me a cup of coffee.

"Alright, how about yours?"

"I left pretty soon after you did. I have to do laundry today and I needed to be awake, seeing as I have no idea what I'm doing."

I laughed, "You've never done laundry before?"

"Nope, Alice didn't trust me not to ruin my clothes, so she did it for me." He smiled his crooked smile and I felt a twinge down below. Mental note, don't get turned on by hot roommate after a night of rough sex.

"I'll help you Cullen, but I'm not doing it for you." I went back to my room and got my journal and a pencil and came back in. I sipped my coffee as Edward collected his laundry.

He came back with two large laundry bags and a hamper with soap and fabric softener in it. "Jesus, where'd all that come from?"

"Alice dropped off my laundry; she said she wasn't doing it now that I moved out." He laughed and we headed down to the elevator. Getting out on the 18th floor we went to the laundry room right next to the elevator vestibule and started the machines.

"Okay hot water is for whites, and cold for everything else but jeans, those use warm." With four washers going Edward threw his darks and other colors in two separate washers, and then his jeans in the third, and whites in the last. With the soap in and the lids closed, I sat on the folding table with my journal.

"Now what do we do?" Edward looked at me confused.

"Now we sit here until it goes into the rinse, then you add the fabric softener." I shook my head, he was legal to drink, but had never done laundry before.

"Crap, I would have brought down _Jane_ _Eyre_ and started trying to hack through it."

"Well go, I'll watch them until you're back." Edward headed back upstairs and I started writing. A few minutes later he was back and jumped up next to me on the table.

"O'Hara is totally a man-hater isn't she?"

I chuckled without stopping the poem I was working on. "Oh yeah! But I have lady parts so we get along great, plus she says I'm a 'punchy little bitch,' whatever the fuck that means. So, how far are you into it?"

"Um, Jane woke up in her room after being locked in the red room." He shakes his head and looks back at the book.

"Pay close attention to Jane's quest for love, and her feminist views, those could be good issues to string along throughout the other works for your final paper. If you mark them now, you don't have to search for quotes later."

"Thanks Bells." He smiled at me and I went back to my poem. "What are you writing?"

"My poetry teacher wants us to write constantly about any and everything. She says you never know when nothing can become something great when written on the page. We have to bring in three poems by Monday. I have one more after this."

"Can I read it?" He made a puppy dog face when he saw the look I shot him.

"Sorry, I hate that she's reading them. I just want to get this done so I can get back to my Shakespeare homework." Just then the washers started the rinse cycle and I motioned towards the washers and he jumped down to add the bubblegum pink liquid.

I was sitting on the couch around 4pm when my cell phone rang. I saw Jake's name pop up and I went into my room to answer it. "Yes?"

"Bella, you left without calling?"

"You went to work, Jake. What was I supposed to sit there all day, I have stuff to do."

"Sorry, I was just so excited to see you when I got home and you were gone. Can I come over?"

I wasn't about to break my rule for him. "Sorry Jake, my roommate's here."

"You'll come here then?"

I didn't really know if I should, but I wanted to talk to him, so I agreed. "Sure, I'll be there in a little bit." I hung up and grabbed my jacket.

Edward was in the kitchen when I came out. "Going to Jake's?"

"Yeah, I'll be back later."

"'Kay I'll leave you some leftover chicken."

"Sure, sure." I cringed a little, it hadn't taken me long to pick up one of Jake's habits.

I knocked on the door to Jake's apartment and was greeted by Paul, joy. "He's in his room."

I walked through the living room and opened the door to see Jake sitting on his bed in cut-off sweats and nothing else. "Bella!" He jumped off the bed and pulled me into a tight hug, kissing me hard. His hands were all over me as he walked us over to the bed, and when my legs hit the mattress, Jake pushed me onto it.

"Jake, what the hell?"

He was already on top of me. "I want you so bad right now. That shirt's right, you're going to be sinning in a minute."

I tried to push him off, but it didn't register to him. He tried to take off my shirt and I smacked his hand away and he stared down at me and I froze. He took the opportunity and pulled my pants and underwear off in one clean shot. "Jake-"

"Shh." His lips were back on mine and he kicked off his own pants, leaving him naked on top of me. I went to push at him again and he grabbed both of my hands and held them in one of his above my head. Pushing my legs open, he slammed into me and I whimpered. It wasn't that he was big, it's just he was so rough that it hurt. I kept struggling until he picked up the pace and the pain became too much. I stopped struggling, just lying there, waiting for him to finish. He called out, "Oh God Bella, that feels so good," which was an odd thing to say, since I hadn't moved in minutes. At one point, I thought that it should have been over, he was taking a long time to finish, but I wasn't about to bring that up. Finally, he did, pulling out of me and rolling over. He leaned in and kissed my swollen lips again. "You want to grab a bite?"

I sat up. "No, I have to finish my homework."

He rolled over. "Okay, I'll call you tomorrow." I turned around staring at him, before grabbing my pants and underwear and pulled them on, sliding on my flip-flops and heading for the door to his room. "Turn off the light." It wasn't a question, so I slapped the switch and left his apartment.

I walked back to my building for the second time today, and got into the elevator. When I reached the apartment, Edward was looking over a medical journal. "How's Jake?"

"Fine. I'm gonna go read in my room, then I'll probably go to bed early, I have that damn Bio class tomorrow."

Edward looked up at me. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."

Edward went back to his journal and I closed my door. Walking over to my bed, I reached for my shortie and took several swigs, before curling up under my covers and going to sleep.


	5. Breaking Point

_**THIS CHAPTER DEALS HEAVILY WITH THE SUBJECT OF RAPE AND ABUSE, PLEASE PROCEED WITH THAT IN MIND.**_

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Everything that has happened to this point has been leading up to these next two chapters, and the scenes with Jake get a lot rougher. I apologize for the graphic nature of this, but with what Bella's going through I feel it would be wrong to gloss over it completely. Although I put in only what was necessary and tried to be as quick as I could with it. This was a hard chapter to write, but it sets up the rest of the story and everything Bella has to overcome. Thank you for your patience and understanding, and I promise that this is the beginning of the end for Jake! This chapter is dedicated to anyone who has ever been silenced by fear, may you find your voice again.**

**EPOV**

I hadn't seen much of Bella in the last two weeks. There was always breakfast waiting for me, and something for dinner, but she spent a lot of time locked in her room. When I did see her she was friendly, but there was something wrong, she'd answer a direct question but the banter was weak and her attitude was gone. I was starting to worry, so I made plans to get the gang together, hoping having friends around would knock her out of this funk.

**BPOV**

I was in hell. Every time I tried to talk to Jake he would just have sex with me. And I didn't want it, but what in the fuck could I do, go to the University Hospital and tell them that one of their own Peace Officers was raping his girlfriend. That was the first time I actually thought that word, but it was true, this wasn't just rough sex, Jake was forcing me to sleep with him against my will. I have to end this. I headed over to his apartment and knocked, and once again Paul let me in, leering at me. I stepped past him and went into Jake's room. I had given up trying to figure out the crazy mood swings and the new angry man who had replaced the Jake I met that night at the Med House party. I pushed the door open and froze where I stood.

"Close the fucking door!" Jake looked up from his bed where he had a key in one hand and a small bag of white powder in the other. I closed it and Jake dipped the key in, collecting a small amount on the tip before raising it to his nose and snorting it. He looked at me and held the key out to me. "Want some?"

I looked at him dumbstruck. "Jake, what the fuck!" I went to open the door and heard the keys hit the floor. Before I could pull it open I was airborne, landing on the bed with Jake on top of me.

"You keep your fucking mouth shut!" He growled through his teeth. "If you tell anyone, I swear to God I will kill you." There was no doubt in my mind that he meant what he said. Jake looked me over and then went for the button on my pants, I reached down and he grabbed my wrist in his crushing grip. "You're mine! And if I want to fuck you, I'm going to fuck you." Jacob had leaned down to grumble in my ear. He turned and started kissing and sucking on my neck, I went to move again and his hand was on my throat. "I don't want to hurt you, but you seem insistent that I do." Jake ripped my button down shirt off, popping the buttons off with the force he used. I lay there, frozen, because I knew that if I fought he would kill me, and then he'd make me hurt. Jake pulled my pants and underwear off and then pulled off my tank top, finally unhooking my bra. I was perfectly still, trying not to cry, afraid the tears would only make him angrier. Jake threw off his sweats and pinned my legs open on the bed, and thrust hard into me. I hadn't had much of a chance to heal since we'd started this vicious cycle. The bruises on my arms and torso were every color imaginable, yellow bruises that were fading stood out against the almost black bruises that were recent, and now contrasted the red hand prints that would be bruises in a few hours. He slammed into me again and I cried out. My pain only seemed to fuel him as he moved faster and harder, if that was possible. The tears streamed down my face silently as he grabbed and squeezed at me. When it was too much I let out another cry and he wrapped his hand around my neck again, squeezing until I let out a gasp as he let go. Finally he let go of my arm with his other hand and put both hands in my hair, pulling as I felt him cum inside me. He turned my head so I was facing him, and then kissed me. "You're mine, never forget that."

He rolled off me and I stayed there for another minute, before he got up and got dressed. Paul called from the front room. "Jacob, let's go! Everyone's in the car."

Jacob looked down at me, where I was still frozen on the bed. "I'm going camping with a few of the guys this weekend, so I'll see you Monday." With that Jake threw on a sweatshirt and walked out into the living room.

When I heard the door slam I got up and put my clothes on. I looked at the marks on my neck; they would be hard to hide, especially if the bruises were dark. I pulled on my button down shirt, which now only had a few buttons on it, and walked out of his room. I went down to the cab stand a few blocks away and asked them to take me to the University Hospital. Fuck it! He was gone until Monday, that gave me two and a half days, maybe three to decide anything, but I was going to make sure that if I wanted to go forward with this, then there would be plenty of evidence.

I went to the clinic at the hospital, hoping that I could keep this from getting around, but after the female intern who was assigned to me saw me without my clothing on as I changed into the gown, she called for an attending. This is where it got worse. There was a flutter of the curtain as someone tapped it, before the soft male voice called from behind the partition. "Hello, Miss, may I come in?"

I whispered, "Yes," and was face to face with a man who looked like he belonged in a fictional hospital where every doctor had perfect hair and complicated sex lives, and an occasional patient to see. He sat on a rolling stool at the end of the bed I was sitting on as the intern followed in behind him, pulling the curtain closed.

"First, I was hoping you would give me your name. The more complete the report is, the better the chance is that we can stop this from happening to you again." I don't know what it was about him, whether it was his soothing voice, or his kind eyes, but I wanted to trust him. "I'll go first; my name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

Cullen? Like Edward Cullen, like my roommate who was the son of a doctor at this hospital…FUCK! Of all the doctors for this woman to ask for help, she found the last person I would want to know my secret. But still, he couldn't say anything to his son, and I wanted to trust him, I wanted this to end. "Isabella Swan."

I saw the recognition in his eyes; he knew who I was too. "Okay Isabella, now I know this must be difficult for you. Would you prefer it if I got a female attending to do your exam?"

I shook my head. "You're a doctor, it's not like you haven't seen it before." The fact that he was a male doctor actually made me more comfortable, because he didn't have firsthand knowledge of just how bad this was.

He motioned behind the curtain and a female police officer came in with a large camera. "This officer is going to take a few pictures if you'll allow it and collect your clothing. Now, I'm going to be as gentle as I can, and if you need a break at any point, you just say so." I nodded and then he motioned for the officer to begin with my clothing. She bagged each item in a separate bag before labeling it and taping it up. Dr. Cullen motioned for me to lie down and I complied. The intern stood next to me, holding my hand as he began collecting the evidence from me. Trying to take my mind off what was happening; I decided to start up a conversation.

"Dr. Cullen, if you don't mind me asking, why were you the one who was called down here to take over the exam?"

Without stopping what he was doing, he responded. "I'm the attending in charge today, and when your doctor asked for assistance I thought I should be the one to handle it, instead of passing it off to someone else, unless you had requested a female doctor perform the exam."

I nodded even though he couldn't see it. He continued to work for a while and I sat still, trying not to cry. Almost an hour later, Dr. Cullen was still collecting evidence. He took fingernail scrapings and collected hair, saliva and finally blood. All throughout the exam, the officer asked me questions, all of which I answered, until she asked for my boyfriends name. As soon as she asked, I heard his threat in my head and I tensed up. "I can't tell you his name."

"The evidence will only help to prove he did it if we have something to compare it to, we can process this kit, but we're going to need his name to start building a case against him, unless he's already in the system."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I can't, not now."

"Alright Isabella, but if you change your mind, please contact me. Now if you don't mind, I need to take some pictures." I nodded and the officer handed me her business card and then took out her camera. She took pictures of my bruises and other injuries as Dr. Cullen excused himself. When he came back a few minutes later he had a bag of clothes from the hospital gift shop.

"They don't have the hospital logo on them, just the university logo, so no one will wonder why you have them on." He smiled at me and I began crying.

"How much do I owe you for them?"

He shook his head. "The clinic provides them for victims who have their clothes collected by the police. I'm sorry I can't do more."

"You've done plenty, now I know why your son's such a good guy." Fuck! So much for trying to keep this a business relationship.

Dr. Cullen turned to look at me. "Isabella, you know I can't say anything to him, but if you trust him, maybe you should. If I see you with him, I won't let on that I know you. I'll let you tell him, if you choose to, in your own time. Good-bye Isabella."

"It's Bella, and thank you Dr. Cullen."

"Call me Carlisle, and I hope the next time I see you, it's in a more social situation."

Carlisle walked out of the curtain and I got dressed. I didn't have any underwear, but the sweatshirt was baggy, and it covered my neck, which did indeed have two sets of overlapping handprint shaped bruises.

I got a cab outside the hospital entrance, almost three hours after I had arrived, and went back to my apartment. When I got there Edward said that Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and Tanya were going to be there in an hour. I got in the shower cursing that this had to be the day that everyone decided to catch up after getting bogged down in homework after our last outing.

**EPOV**

It was 6:30, and Bella still wasn't home, and I was starting to wonder if she was ever going to come home, then I heard the key outside and she walked in, looking really exhausted. "Are you okay?"

She jumped and looked up, clearly surprised to see me. "I'm fine; I just don't feel that good."

Crap, maybe tonight wasn't the best night for this. "Bells, I hope you don't mind, but everyone's coming over in like an hour for pizza and to catch up since we haven't gotten together since your birthday."

She groaned slightly to herself. "Well, I better get in the shower then if I'm going to be decent in an hour."

With that, Bella went into her room and came out a few minutes later with clothes and her shower caddy. About thirty minutes later, the shower finally stopped running and ten minutes later she came out clad in sweats and a sweatshirt. Her hair was down and pouring out of her hoodie, which she was wearing up. "Are you cold, because I can turn on the heat?"

She smiled at me. "No, I'm just tired. Thanks though."

"Hey did you call Jake and see if he wants to come?" I still hadn't met him and I didn't like that she was keeping him from all of us.

"He's camping with the guys this weekend. Plus, we hit a rough patch; I'm not exactly talking to him at the moment."

Wow, that didn't take long, but if that's the reason behind for her mood lately, then I hope being away from him will cheer her up. "Sorry."

Bella shrugged and then jumped as the loud bang came at the door. I got up and opened it to see Emmett with three pizzas and Alice, Jasper and Rosalie in tow with drinks and snacks. We all settled in and were about to start eating when there was another knock at the door and I got up to let Tanya in.

We sat around, eating and joking, when Emmett turned to his sister. "So, Bella, what's new with you? And where's this mystery man of yours?"

Bella cringed slightly. "Jake's camping, and I've been focused on my schoolwork, Shakespeare is intense, but I really like the class. And I'm going to be teaching two of O'Hara's classes when she goes to her conference in December."

I felt my eyes bug out of my head. "Seriously, you're teaching my class? Sweet!"

Tanya turned to Bella. "Which of O'Hara's classes are you the TA for?"

"Women in Literature and Adolescence and Literature. It's the same book for both classes, _The Virgin Suicides_, that's the reason I got two classes when everyone else got one."

Rosalie grabbed another slice of pizza and then asked Bella. "I need to take another Lit class for my Gen Ed requirements, what are those classes about?"

"They're both good, especially if you're a female; she's a bit of a bitch to guys. But Women in Literature takes a wide range of books written by both men and women and examines the depiction of women in them and what stereotypes are prevalent and when the characters fight against the idea of what a woman 'should' be. Teen Lit, which is what we call it, focuses on literature that has main characters that are teens, she loves it because it's such a tough time in a person's life to begin with, but then they have these extraordinary issues to deal with on top of the normal pressure of growing up. I personally like Teen Lit better, the books are more modern, and the subject is more interesting." That was the first bit of animation that I had seen from Bella in a while, so I was happy thinking that this might have helped after all. Rosalie decided to cut out early and as she put on her coat Emmett stood up and offered to walk her out. After another ten minutes Bella laughed. "If the current pairings hold, we'll be one incestuous fucking circle."

Tanya looked at her. "What?"

"Emmet's my brother; he's at the very least screwing Rosalie, who is Jasper's sister. Jasper's dating Alice, who is Edward's sister. We could be a plot of a soap opera."

I had to ask it as soon as the question popped into my head, hoping to get her to laugh again. "If Alice marries Jasper, and Rosalie marries Emmett, what does that make us?"

She smiled. "Roommates."

We all laughed and then a few minutes later Alice and Jasper bowed out, leaving just the three of us. As soon as they were out the door, Bella dropped the cheery demeanor and started cleaning up the food, wrapping up the leftover pizza and putting it in the freezer, then taping up the bags of chips and putting them in the cabinet. "Alright, you guys have fun, I'm going to bed." Bella walked into her bedroom and locked her door. I was still staring after her when I felt Tanya tap me.

"Hello?" I turned to see she was slightly annoyed.

"Yeah?" I wasn't sure where her attitude was coming from.

"Did something happen that I should know about?" Tanya was looking at me sternly.

I looked at Tanya like she was crazy. "No, she's just been weird and kind of down lately, I'm worried about her."

"Has she said anything to you?"

I shook my head. "No, she just shut's herself in her room."

"Then I guess she doesn't want to talk about it with you, whatever it is."

I got up and went into the kitchen to get another beer. "What the fuck Tanya, where is this attitude coming from?"

"Because Edward, in the last two weeks I've barely heard from you, and when I do see you we study or watch TV, we don't ever talk. What do I have to do, walk around like some _sad little puppy_ to get your attention?" She stared at me, her eyes hard and cold.

"Tanya, what the hell? You're crazy!" Not the best thing to say to her and not the best time to be having this fight either, with Bella in the next room.

"Maybe I am, but it doesn't matter either way, because I'm not Bella."

That caught me off guard. "What the fuck does that mean?"

She sneered at me. "You can't honestly be that thick. You like her, you were focused on her the whole time, and I bet you can't remember a single thing I said all night."

"Of course I can, you were talking about your English class." HA!

"You mean the English class that Bella's going to be teaching?" Fuck, she had a point there.

"Tanya, I may have been acting protective of Bella, but I'm worried about her." I was going to continue when she cut me off.

"She has a boyfriend to watch out for her."

"I don't trust him, and besides, they're on the outs. You used to understand that I looked out for her. You said it was sweet!"

Tanya rolled her eyes at me. "I understood when I thought you were a good guy who was looking out for his roommate, but you like her…a lot…more than you like me. And if I thought that might change then I might stick around, but I'm not going to be some placeholder until Bella gets her shit together and you can actually be with her. When she breaks up with Jake, you're gonna be waiting right here to kiss it and make it better. I deserve better than that. I like you Edward, and if you decide you want to actually be in a relationship with me, then you know where to find me. Otherwise, I hope she realizes what's sitting right in front of her, for both your sakes." Tanya grabbed her bag and went to the door, leaving me reeling at what she said.

I knew that I was protective of Bella, and there was some attraction there, I mean she's beautiful, who wouldn't be attracted to her. But now that Tanya threw it in my face like that I realized just how right she was. I liked Bella a lot more than I had even let myself realize, but there wasn't anything I could do about it at the moment. She was with Jake, for however long that was going to last. So all I can do is wait.

**Oh boy! So Bella takes steps to get rid of Jake for good, but isn't ready to pull the trigger quite yet. (Metaphorically speaking.) And Tanya saw what was happening between Edward and Bella before he did and called him on it! If I was her I would too, but we all know she wasn't right for him anyway. What's going to come of Carlisle knowing her secret, and how will everything with Jake end? All is revealed in the next chapter! If you enjoyed this, or maybe appreciated is a better word because this isn't a feel good type of chapter, please leave me love. If you're mad at me, let me know that too, but remember, there is a method to my madness, and there is reason for this pain. Until next chapter**


	6. Everything Falls Apart

_**THIS CHAPTER DEALS HEAVILY WITH THE SUBJECT OF RAPE AND ABUSE, PLEASE PROCEED WITH THAT IN MIND.**_

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**This was a very hard chapter to write, and I spent a lot of time going over it to make it right, because it felt like something was missing, and it took a while until I found it. The drama is still there and the shit hits the fan hard, so get out from behind it! And for anyone who was wondering, for me, fuck is barely a word anymore; it's more like a comma that's really useful in an argument and lots of fun to say! Okay, I'm going to leave this off until the closing note because I think you want to get into the story as much as I want you to read it!**

**SM created Twilight, I just turned her werewolf into a monster.**

**BPOV**

In the six days since I went to the hospital I still hadn't named Jake. I had almost worked up the nerve, but then my phone rang, he was back from his camping trip. I lost it when I saw his name; I thought for sure he heard that I had gone to the hospital. Damn, why had I gone to the hospital his EMT squad operated out of? The irony of the fact that his job was healing people, while his private life was filled with drugs and violence, had not escaped me. I used my days alone to do a little research, and I was positive that the coke I had caught him snorting was behind his mood swings and his actions. Not that it justified it, actually it made I worse, that shit turned him into a monster and he seemed to enjoy the feeling of power it gave him.

I was a bigger wreck than ever, I was drinking more and it was making me more anxious and jumpy, and everything scared me. Edward kept checking in on me, and I honestly think I would have lost it completely if I couldn't hear Edward in the apartment. Tanya hadn't come around, and I didn't know what that meant, after that first night she didn't come around much, but he wasn't leaving to see her like he had been. I used all the time pent up in my room to get ahead in most of my classes, luckily I had the three Lit classes, so I was able to pump out the response assignments that were due after every reading, so I was covered there. And I never thought I'd say it, but I was grateful for that fucking poetry class, because I was getting everything out on the page. The pain and guilt and the fear poured over the paper, everything that I could never say, all the places I wanted to go, the things I wanted to do, and Edward, endlessly Edward.

I wanted to do what Dr. Cullen had said, I wanted to confide in Edward, but if I told him about Jake, I didn't know what he would do. Would he want to kill him? Would he think I deserved it the way I acted that night at the Med House party? Would I be damaged goods? I hated the idea of him being disgusted or angry or disappointed with me. I needed him to be on my side, but how could I tell him to ensure that he was; there was no way to, so I bit my tongue there too. It was Thursday and I had fifteen texts from Jake and four voicemails. I had turned my phone off and crawled into bed. I wasn't dealing with this, but then again, when did I ever deal with this shit, so I just pushed it deep. I reached out from under the covers and found my shortie, which I was going to have to refill again, and took a few sips. I let out a hard laugh at the fact that my favorite drink was Southern Comfort, because that was exactly what I needed, and exactly what was eluding me, comfort.

I replaced the bottle under my mattress and there was a knock at my door. "Bells, why don't you come out and eat? There are plenty of leftovers." God, I loved that boy, even if he didn't see me as anything more than a friend; he always noticed when I hadn't been eating.

"Just give me a minute." I got up and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror hanging on my closet door. I had been forced into my winter wear early this year thanks to Jake, but my neck was still exposed, so I grabbed one of my hoodies and threw it on, slipping on some ballet slippers and emerging from my cave. I walked into the kitchen and Edward was watching his baked ziti spin around in the microwave while I took out the leftover stuffing from the stuffed peppers and put some in a bowel. When Edward's was done he took his out and threw mine in. "Thanks." I went to put the container back in the fridge and get a drink. I poured some iced tea into a glass and then put the jug back. When the timer went off I grabbed the bowel and joined Edward at the table.

Edward looked up when I came into the living room and took a deep breath. "How are classes going?"

I rolled my eyes. "I hate Bio, it's so pointless. I know that's probably funny for you to hear because that's what half your major is, but I'm banging my head against the fucking wall in that class."

Edward smiled. "I'm not completely fucking up Women's Lit, although I'll be so glad next class because we'll be finishing Wuthering Heights, I hate that damn book!"

I snickered at him. "I love that book, it proves that even screwed up people deserve love."

I looked down at my food and took another bite. "How was Jake's trip?" Grr!

"Don't know...I'm still not talking to him." I looked up at him. "Where's Tanya been the past couple days?"

He looked away for a moment staring at a crack on the far wall. "We broke up last weekend."

Shit! "I'm sorry."

He looked back at me and smiled. "It's alright, it wasn't meant to be I guess." Just then the phone rang and Edward grabbed the receiver off the wall. "Hello?" There was a pause while he listened to whoever was on the other end. "No man, sorry, she's not here." Edward hung the phone up and sat back down.

"Thanks, I'm not ready to deal with his shit yet."

Edward started playing with his food. "What'd he do?" I looked down, tracing a pattern on the wood. Edward spoke again before I had a chance to. "Never mind, it's none of my business." With that Edward got up and washed his dish. I followed him in and dumped the rest of my food in the trash before he took my dishes to clean. I squeezed his bicep and walked out of the kitchen and went back to bed.

I woke up and thankfully Edward was gone, his science class ran longer than mine, but we both got out around the same time. I ran to the bathroom and got ready for class, dressing in my hoodie and loose fitting jeans, and grabbed my bag on the way out. Poetry class was dragging today as one of my classmates read her flowery love poem about her idiot boyfriend, but by some grace, when she finished our teacher let us out five minutes early. I walked out of the door and froze where I was. Leaning against the wall was Jake, and he didn't look pleased. I kept walking, keeping up with my classmates as he followed behind me. Before he could reach me, I ducked into the women's room next to the elevator and locked the door. When the floor was empty Jake was at the door pounding loud. "Bella, get out here!"

I called from the middle of the bathroom. "No, go away; I have nothing to say to you!"

He banged again. "Bella, we are going to talk about this."

"No we're not, it's over Jake! We're over, so leave me alone."

"I can't do that, baby."

A thought just dawned on me. "How did you know what class I had?"

I could hear him laugh through the door. "Same way I found out your dorm phone number, I have friends in all the right places."

I gasped; I hadn't realized that he shouldn't have known that number…just like I had never given him my cell number that first night. "Leave me alone!"

He didn't respond, he just kept knocking, and the door shook, like it couldn't take much more of his constant banging. I looked at my phone, dialing the only person who stood a chance of scaring Jake. "Hi, you've reached Emmett-"

I hung up, and then texted Edward. _Edward, can you swing by Whitman Hall, I got out of class and I need your help._

He answered. _Sure, I'll be there in a few, what floor are you on?_

_Third. _I hit the send button.

_Alright, see you there._ I took a deep breath and noticed that the banging had stopped, but I didn't trust that he was gone, so I sat on the floor in the back corner until I heard Edward.

"Bella? Where are you?" I got up and ran to the door, unlocking it as he was walking back towards my classroom. He noticed the tears running down my cheek and ran over to me. "Bella, what's wrong?"

I threw my arms around his waist and hugged him close; I was so relieved that he was there. "I got into another fight with Jake, I told him it was over and he was angry, so I locked myself in the bathroom and I wanted you to get me so he would leave me alone."

Edward wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back, which stung a little, but I managed to hide it in the sniffles. "I'm sorry; I know you guys have been having problems. Are you alright?"

I nodded. "Can we just go home?"

Edward pulled me along his side and we walked back to our building.

It was 1:00 when I emerged from my room. Edward was wearing a button-down shirt and dress jeans, when he heard my door open he looked up at me with a smile. "Hey you're up. You want to come to dinner at my parents' house?"

"I thought your family dinners were on Sunday?"

Edward shrugged, "My dad has to pull a double, so we're doing it today before he goes in. Come with me."

I shook my head. "Thanks but I think I'm going to hang back and get lost in Austen."

"Okay, I'll bring you back something."

"Sounds good." Edward looked back at me again before he headed for the door.

I went back into my room and grabbed _Mr. Knightley's Diary_. I liked his version better that _Emma_ and was hoping to finish it so I could get into the super soapy sequel that I loved. Mr. Knightley had just left for London, afraid that he was too late and that Emma was in love with Frank Churchill when my stomach grumbled. I looked up and it was 5:00, no wonder, I had been reading all afternoon. I decided to be lazy and ran to the vending machine on the 18th floor, because I could sign up for some laundry room time while I was there. I ran up the stairs and made my way back to my apartment. I opened the door and went back to the couch when something caught my eye. I turned and Jake was standing right next to my door, sliding the lock shut.

"You didn't think that little stunt yesterday would be enough to deter me, did you?" He was breathing heavy and I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was high.

"Get out!" My voice wavered and he took a step towards me.

"You're not in charge here Bella, you're mine and I'm going to take what's mine." He continued towards me. I made a run for the kitchen and he caught my arm, pulling me into him and shaking me hard. "You're not going anywhere!" He growled at me and I shivered. "Now you're going to tell me why you're acting this way. What happened while I was away?"

I trembled in his grip, he was still squeezing and I was terrified of his rage, but starting to feel mine course through me. "I opened my fucking eyes! Jake, you do coke, and you force yourself on me, now let go, you're hurting me!"

"Force myself? You know you wanted it, otherwise why would you come over?" I froze, I had gone over there all those times to talk to him and find out why he was behaving this way, and last week I got my answer. "It's this roommate of yours, isn't it? I leave you for two days and you fuck the closest guy!"

I looked at him horrified. "No! This has nothing to do with Edward, leave him out of this!"

Jake released my arms and slapped me hard. I fell to the floor and he stood over me, kicking me, punching me, grabbing my by the hair and pulling me to my feet to shake me some more before letting go and hitting me again. This is it, he's going to kill me, and no one's going to know. Why in the fuck didn't I call back that detective and tell her Jake's name. Just then I heard a guttural yell and Jake was gone as I heard and felt the loud thud as someone hit the floor. My eyes wouldn't open until I heard Jake. "You bastard, I'll kill you!" I opened my eyes to see him punch Edward in the face and then step forward to stand over him. Without thinking, I used every ounce of strength I had and dove onto Jake's back and started screaming and hitting him. He turned and threw me to the floor and then I saw Edward wrap his arms around Jake's chest and throw him into the hall, locking the door before he could run back in.

"I'm calling the cops, so if you have half a fucking brain, you'll get out of here!" Edward yelled through the door before he stumbled back and turned towards me. "Bella, oh God, you're bleeding pretty badly. Hold on, okay, hold on for me." I wanted to keep my eyes open for him, but my lids were just too heavy.

**EPOV**

Dinner was so fucking boring, and all I wanted to do was get home and check on Bella, she still seemed a little spooked after yesterday, so the break-up must have been pretty bad. I got to my floor and I heard a low rumble from the rooms at the end of the hall, but it didn't sound like music, so I assumed it was one of the other rooms until I got close enough to make it out the grunts and cries that were coming from my apartment.

I dropped the food I had brought for Bella and ran to the door, unlocking it to see Jake standing over her where she was lying on the floor. She was bleeding as she curled tighter in on herself, bracing for the kick he was about to deliver. I was already half way across the living room when my lips finally formed the word. "NO!" It was almost a growl, but it distracted him enough so he turned towards me as I plowed into him, knocking us both to the floor. He got up first and as I got to my feet he punched me in the face and I fell to the ground. This piece of shit was fast, and he hit really goddamn hard, I can't imagine how Bella survived more than a few of his punches, as it was the whole left side of my face felt like it was caved in. Just then I heard the most terrifying thing of all, Bella screamed as I saw her land on Jake's back, hitting him so he'd turn his attention away from me. He did turn towards her and shoved her back to the floor, getting ready to continue the thrashing he's been giving her before I got home. I was on my feet with my arms around him in the next instant, throwing him out the open door before locking it. I yelled out to him. "I'm calling the cops, so if you have half a fucking brain, you'll get out of here!"

I spun around so fast I almost fell as I made my way to Bella's broken body. "Bella, oh God, you're bleeding pretty badly. Hold on, okay, hold on for me." I reached into my pocket and dialed 911, knowing that the University Hospital was the closest and that she would get help quickly with my father on-duty. I can't remember the call because all I could focus on was Bella's labored breath and the blood on the floor from the gash on her forehead. I hung up with the operator and called my dad.

"Edward?" My dad sounded concerned, and considering the fact that I had only seen him an hour ago, it wasn't that gross of an overreaction.

"Dad, my roommate Bella's going to be coming to the ER soon in an ambulance. Please, I need you to be the one to check her out."

"What happened to her?" He was in full-fledged Dr. Cullen mode and I was so damn happy that he was going to take care of her.

"Her boyfriend beat the crap out of her." I spit the words into the phone. "She's bleeding and she's unconscious."

"Son listen to me, go into her room and get any medications she might have, and make sure you bring her purse so we have her insurance information."

"Okay." I leaned down to whisper in Bella's ear. "I'm just going to grab your stuff, I'm not leaving you." I ran to her bedroom and grabbed her purse, seeing a few pill bottles on her dresser, throwing them in and then running back to her.

"Edward, I'm going to go down to prep for her arrival, you should let the building RD know what happened."

I took a deep breath, trying to hold in the sobs as I sat next to Bella, feeling supremely useless, I was pre-med and I had no idea how to help her. "Bye dad." I hung up and dialed Eric's cell.

"Yorkie."

"Eric, it's Edward Cullen in 1918, the cops and paramedics are on their way, Bella's in bad shape, I need you to make sure they get up to our apartment as soon as they get here."

"Shit, sure. But when everything calms down, we have to talk about this." Eric was being professional at the moment and I was glad that everyone involved was stepping up to do what they were supposed to do.

I hung up and sat on the floor next to Bella, stroking her hair and whispering to her over and over again, "Bella, I'm here, you're going to be okay."

When the EMT's showed up they began working on Bella immediately, while the officers began talking to me.

"I came home and he was beating the shit out of her. I tried to get him off of her and he hit me, then she ran at him and he turned his back to me and I got him out of the apartment. I didn't give a shit if he ran in that moment; I just had to get him away from her."

The officer nodded. "What's her boyfriend's name?"

"Jake. I don't know his last name." I shook my head, trying to hold it together. I winced as the pain in my cheek shot through my face as I finished my sentence.

"And her name?"

"Isabella Swan."

The officer signaled to the other's to start looking around the room, as Eric followed behind them.

At that moment a detective walked through the door. "Edward Cullen?"

My head snapped up. "Yes?"

She walked over and spoke to both me and the officer who had been questioning me. "I'm Detective Anders and I'll be taking over here as this case is tied into another investigation of mine. Now, you look like you need to see a doctor yourself, get a ride to the hospital and I'll ask you more questions later when we come to get both of your statements."

The paramedics were wheeling Bella out the door and I followed them with her purse in my hand.

I sat in the front of the ambulance and when we arrived my father was waiting in the ambulance bay. "Edward, go with Dr. Summers and he'll look at your face and get any information you have on Bella."

They wheeled Bella in and I handed over Bella's purse as the doctor searched and pulled out the pill bottles I had thrown in, writing down the names and dosages before handing it to a nurse to give it to my father. Then he went to work on my face. I was lucky that my cheekbone wasn't broken and he got me something for the pain and ice to keep the swelling down. Then he led me to the waiting room, so my father could find me when he was done with Bella.

I tried calling Emmett, but it went right to voicemail, so I left a message. "Emmett, call me as soon as you get this, it's important." I wasn't about to tell him in a message, and I hoped he would call back sooner rather than later.

The waiting was horrible, but I knew it just meant that they were being thorough. Finally, Detective Anders came over and asked for my statement. After I finished reliving the story again, she asked me about Bella's behavior since meeting Jake, and I told her how she had begun shutting down, feeling like a fucking idiot for not seeing it sooner. As we were finishing up my father came out and gave me the good news, Bella was awake and asking for me.

I walked down the hall and opened the door, with my father close behind. My breath caught as I saw her lying in the bed, her eyes still closed. "She had some internal bleeding, but it wasn't bad enough to need surgery, and she's really badly bruised, most of her ribs are bruised and two of them are broken. She's not going to be able to move much, so you may need some help with her."

Bella's eyes open just then and everything came into focus. I'd been going on autopilot in a haze, not remembering much of the last few hours because I was so worried about her. "How come you're telling me all this? Doesn't this go against doctor/patient confidentiality?"

My dad smiled as he led me to Bella's bedside. "She wanted me to tell you how bad she was, she didn't want you to worry, in case she was unconscious for a while."

Bella opened her eyes again and smiled at me, wincing as she took in a breath before weakly whispering, "My hero."

I started crying as I took her hand in mine. "God Bella, you had me so scared. What the hell happened?"

Just then Detective Anders came in and Bella's brow furrowed. She turned to look at my father. "You called Detective Anders?"

My father nodded, "As soon as I got Edward's call. I thought it best if she was involved with this from the beginning, and I knew I'd have to report it once you arrived."

The detective walked over to her bed and smiled down at her. "Do you feel up to giving me a statement?"

Bella nodded. I went to leave and she clutched onto my hand. "Don't go. I want you to know everything, but I don't think I could go through telling it twice." I sat back down and Detective Anders settled in. "After last Friday, I kept trying to convince myself to call you and tell you his name, but then he got home from his trip and started calling me. The messages started out sweet, but they got worse as I continued to ignore them. They're all saved on my phone; you can take it, if it helps. Anyway, I ignored him all week and Thursday he called my apartment, it didn't even dawn on me until he mentioned it the next day, but he didn't know my apartment or the phone number. He only knew what building I lived in. Edward told him I wasn't home, and then when I got out of class Friday he was outside the room. I ran and hid in the bathroom…" Bella started to cry and I gently rubbed her arm, careful of the fact that she was almost purple under her hospital gown. She took a breath, wincing again and then continued. "I was so scared, and I tried to call my brother, but when he didn't answer and I remembered that Edward's class was ending, so I texted him to come help me, and by the time he got there Jake was gone."

The detective looked up from her pad at that moment, "Bella, I need you to tell me Jake's last name."

"Jacob Black, he's a Peace Officer with the University, his squad operates out of this hospital." Bella looked down and Detective Anders opened the door flagging down one of the officers standing in the hall.

"I need you to get me all the information on an employee here, his name is Jacob Black and he's a Peace Officer with the University." The officer nodded and went on his way, while the detective came back in and urged Bella to continue.

"So Edward left this afternoon and I was reading, and I started to get hungry so I ran to the vending machine on the 18th floor to grab a snack and sign up to do laundry, and when I came back he was in the apartment. I told him to get out, but he had locked the door and he kept saying that he was in charge, and I was his and I wasn't getting away from him." Bella's breathing started to get a little ragged and her eyes filled with tears. "Then he asked why I was acting like this and I told him that I was done, that between the coke and him forcing himself on me-" as soon as she said it I gasped. He _raped_ her. My mind was reeling, but I managed not to betray my thoughts so that Bella would continue. Which she eventually did, although the hysteria in her voice never faded. "Anyway, he said that I must of enjoyed it, because I kept going to see him, but that's not true, I was going there to find out what was with him, and the last time I was about to break up with him before…then he accused me of sleeping with Edward, saying that was what had changed. I told him that Edward had nothing to do with it and then he slapped me and I fell to the ground." Bella stopped again, waiting until her breathing slowed to continue. "He was all over me after that, punching, kicking, he'd pull me up by the hair just to hit me again. I thought that I was going to die, and then I heard Edward yell and Jake was off of me. I heard Jake threaten to kill him and that's when I opened my eyes and saw him punch Edward and stand over him like he had me. I ran at him and jumped him, but he knocked me to the floor and then Edward threw him out and after that, I don't remember anything until after I woke up here." Bella looked up at the detective, and the detective nodded.

"You did very good Isabella. Now, I have to check a few things and then I'll be back so you can sign your statement, alright?" Bella nodded and the detective walked over to the bag of Bella's personal effects and took them with her.

After the door closed, Bella turned to look at me. "How much do you hate me right now?"

I moved closer to her and reached up to stroke her face. "Bella, I don't hate you, none of this is your fault. I just wished I had figured it out sooner, or made you come to dinner today." I hated this scum-sucking bastard for ever touching her, and I hated myself, but I could never hate her.

"You noticed something was wrong, I was just too afraid to tell you. And if I had gone with you, he just would have found me another time. You saved my life, Edward."

My dad walked up behind me and checked Bella's monitors. "Bella you need to take it easy. I'm going to sign a medical release form so that your teachers will allow you to miss classes until you are well enough to return. With your ribs and some of the other injuries, you may have to be restricted to bed for a few weeks, possibly a month, until everything heals enough for you to be able to go to your classes. Do you think any of your teachers will give you a problem with that?"

Bella shook her head slightly. "No, but I'm going to fail Bio without being there for the lectures."

"I'll tutor you, it'll be fine. And I'll be there to take care of you while you're on bed rest."

Bella looked up at me with tear-glazed eyes. "Edward, I can't ask you to give up your life to-"

I cut her off. "Bella, you're my friend and you need me, and besides, it'll help me work on my bedside manner for when I'm an intern." I winked and she blushed under the bruises.

Bella let go of my hand to lightly touch my face. "Look at your cheek, does it hurt?"

I laughed, which did twinge a little. "My mug will survive, I'm just glad I got home when I did. Now you get some rest, I'm going to try to call Emmett again; you want me to call your parents?"

"No, and tell Emmett not to call them either. I'll call them when I'm a little better."

"Okay Bells." I stood up and kissed her hair before stepping out of the room with my dad.

I turned to face him, hoping he could tell me something more. "Son, I'm so proud of you. You handled this so well, and you were there for Bella when she needed you."

"How long have you known?" I could tell now that this wasn't his first time treating her.

"She came in last Friday, that's when Detective Anders was assigned to the investigation. That's why I called her when you told me that Bella's boyfriend had done this, we needed to talk to her and get the story from her before she shut down further."

I whispered. "Dad, how bad is she, I mean besides the physical stuff?"

My dad ran his hand through his hair. "I don't know son. I've contacted her doctor, he also works here in addition to his private practice, he's going to stop by and re-evaluate her. I can't tell you anything more than that."

I left my dad to go outside and try to call Emmett again. When he didn't answer I left him another message and then called Alice. "Yes Edward?"

"Alice I need your help, but you can't say anything to anyone."

"What is it Edward?" Her voice was colored with concern.

"I need you to go to my apartment and pick up some clothes for her, pajamas and sweats, and make sure you bring a hoodie."

"Edward, what's going on?" It was clear that Alice was really worried about Bella now.

"Just do it, and then meet me at the University Hospital, I'll explain what I can to you then."

Alice took a deep breath and let out a sigh. "I'll be there as soon as I can, but how am I going to get into your place?"

"I'll call the RD and tell him to let you in."

"Okay, I'll call you when I get there."

"Bye Alice." I loved that my sister was so good when it came to this kind of stuff, because I didn't want to go through Bella's drawers, and I really didn't want to leave her either.

I hung up and quickly called Eric; who said the police had just left and that he would let Alice in before he locked up our place again. I told him that I'd explain everything to him when I came back to the building, but that I wasn't sure when that would be.

About twenty five minutes later Emmett finally called me back and I told him to come down and see his sister, and not to do anything stupid. A little while later Alice showed up and I brought her to Bella's room, telling her only what happened today, and that Bella was pressing charges. Alice came into the room and sat with Bella while I caught Emmett in the hallway. "Emmett, before you go in there, you need to stay calm. Bella's been through a lot and she's banged up bad, she can't get upset."

Emmett stared at me for a long moment before stepping past me and into Bella's room. "Bella?"

Bella looked up at her big brother and started crying. "Em…"

"What happened?"

"Jake beat the crap out of me."

Emmett immediately got pissed. "Why didn't you say anything Cullen?"

"Because the cops are looking for him, and I didn't want you to go after him and make it worse."

Emmett turned away from Bella and got in my face. "Oh, you've known my sister for a month and you all of a sudden know what's best for her."

"Emmett." Bella tried to rebuke him but he didn't hear her.

"I knew it was a bad idea having her in that building. This never would have happened if she hadn't gone to that damn party with you." I know Bella didn't blame me, but I still did, so to have Emmett agree brought back all the guilt.

"Emmett!" Bella winced a little and I looked over at her.

"Emmett you're upsetting her, and it's not going to make this any easier on her." Emmett almost growled at me when I claimed to know what was best for his sister again.

"Shut up! Bella, you're moving in with me, you're not going back to that apartment."

"Emmett Swan, I'm not a child!" All three of us turned to face Bella as she squeaked from the pain of her outburst. "Edward has been there for me, he's taken better care of me in the last month than you have in the last year. He tried to get me to open up to him, and he doesn't know my history. Meanwhile, you know exactly what I went through when I was younger and you tease me about it!"

"Bella, what in the hell-?"

"Eeyore? Like I don't feel bad enough without your cute little nickname. You think I like that you compare me to a depressed donkey whose catchphrase is 'Thanks for noticing me?' In all these years you have _never_ seen me, not really. You see what you want, what makes everything easy for you, but you never notice for one second how much I'm still suffering. Edward saw that and he has tried to be there, and I'm finally willing to let him, I'm going back to my apartment, and I'm going to start up classes as soon as Dr. Cullen lets me. You can't pick and choose when you get to play the big brother card. And I swear to God if you call mom and dad, I will never forgive you."

The nurse came in and looked at the three of us and then went to Bella and gave her a sedative. "All of you can't be in here, only one visitor at a time, and if you can't visit her without upsetting her, then I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Alice and I went to leave and Emmett walked over to her when she called out. "Edward, please stay with me." I turned and looked at Emmett, who shrugged, obviously affected by her words, and walked out past me, while I went to sit in the chair next to her bed. "Sorry about Emmett, he can be a prick sometimes."

I took her hand and rubbed the back of it with my other hand. "Bella, don't start picking fights with your brother because of me, you need to stay calm. I don't want you to hurt yourself worse by working yourself up."

Bella looked away and then locked her deep chocolate eyes on mine; letting me see some of the pain she had been holding in. "I didn't pick that fight because of you. I've wanted to say that to Emmett for years, to everyone really, and I've never been able to until today." Bella took in a ragged breath. "Edward, I'm in bad shape. I'm angry, and I'm scared, and I'm a mess. I've been so stupid! My doctor has me on a medication and I've been drinking and I know I shouldn't, but I didn't care because I just wanted to make the pain go away. But it didn't go away, it got worse. I promise that someday you'll know the whole story, but for now, I can't tell you any specifics…it just hurts too much." Bella started crying again and I tried to ease her pain.

"Bella, it's okay. You tell what you want, when you're ready, and not because you feel like you owe it to me. I'm not going anywhere, okay, you're stuck with me. Now get some rest, I'll stay here until you're asleep."

Bella yawned, the sedatives finally taking effect. "I love you, Edward."

Hearing those words made my heart swell and brake in the same instant, because as much as I wanted to hear them, I knew she didn't mean them about me the way I did about her.


	7. Returning to the Scene of the Crime

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Hey guys, any paragraphs or lines of dialogue completely in ****_italics_**** are dreams, flashbacks, or hallucinations. (Either visual or audio)**

**EPOV**

It was a long night. I went back to the apartment with Alice around 1:30am, and thankfully the cops were gone, but soon after I got in, Eric knocked on the door. I opened it and let him in, walking back over to one of the two small pools of blood on the floor from where Bella had landed. "Okay Edward, what happened tonight?"

"Bella's boyfriend beat her up. I don't know how long it's been going on, but I walked in and got him out and called the cops. She's in the hospital, they'll probably release her tomorrow, or later today, whatever."

"Are you guys going to need the keys changed?" It seemed Eric was trying to help in the small way he had the power to.

I shook my head. "He didn't use a key to get in, but I'll ask Bella if it'll make her feel safer. That's the main thing, making her feel safe and keeping her calm."

Eric shook his head. "I hate to do this, but I'm going to need the two of you to fill out a form. It doesn't have to be super detailed, but I need the basics for the housing office, it'll be confidential. If I drop it off, will you have Bella fill out one too?"

I nodded as I moved to the second spot on the floor. "I'll fill out mine, but I'm not going to push her to do hers right away, I'll wait until she's a little better, but I'll get her to do it too."

Eric looked around the room, avoiding my eyes. "Alright, I'll let you get some rest. If you need anything, call me."

"I will." I didn't look up, but I heard him turn the lock before he closed the door. A few minutes later, Alice emerged from Bella's room.

"I stripped and made her bed, and put all of her laundry in the hamper except this." Alice held a small mesh container. "I'll do her unmentionables and bring them back so it won't be awkward for you."

"Thanks Alice." I used the rag to wipe the floor, which was now clean, and threw the sponge in the bucket and took off the rubber gloves.

Alice stepped up behind me and knelt down next to me, pulling me into a hug. "I'm proud of you Edward, what you did was heroic."

I hugged her tighter as the tears started to roll down my cheeks. "I thought I was watching her die. God Alice, I was so fucking scared."

Alice stroked my back, trying to calm me. "Edward, she's okay now. She's coming home tomorrow and she'll be fine."

I didn't respond, because I wasn't about to betray Bella and let Alice know just how far from over this was for her. I let Alice out and cleaned up, before going into my room and trying to go to sleep.

It was 9:30 according to my alarm clock when I heard the knock on my door. I got up and opened it to see a physically and emotionally drained Emmett standing in front of me. The look on his face made my heart leap into my throat and my stomach drop. My hand flew to my mouth, not even wanting to think the words. Emmett looked up at me and his face immediately came to life. "God, no, Edward she's fine." He held his hands up trying to prepare himself if I dropped. I finally took a breath and he relaxed a little. "Sorry man, I came by to see you before you headed to the hospital."

"Sure Emmett, come in." I gestured behind me and he walked in. We sat on the couch and he stared down at his feet, taking a deep breath before he started.

"I fucked this up on all sides. I'm sorry for yesterday. I'm sorry that you got left to deal with this because I was too wound up in my own shit to see it was happening again."

I stopped him, because besides the fact that either of us blaming ourselves wouldn't help any, I was completely lost. "Emmett, you realize I'm totally clueless over here, right?"

Emmett looked up at me again. "Our parents got divorced when Bella was two, she doesn't really remember them together. We moved with our mom for a while, but then she married this musician and wanted to go on tour with him, so we moved back to Forks in time for Bella to start Junior High. We lived there for four years, and then at the end of the summer before Bella started her junior year, her best friend committed suicide. By that point our mom was single again and back in Phoenix, so we went to live with her again. I'm the only one who has been there all along and all I did was make it worse. I knew what she was like back then, and I didn't even notice it last Friday."

"Emmett it's not your fault, I didn't notice it at first either, and the only reason I started to was because she only left her room to go to class or fix food for me." I shook my head thinking that even while she was suffering, Bella managed to try and take care of me as best she could.

"I talked to Bella last night, after you guys left. You really looked out for her. You got her to eat, which is the biggest thing with her when she gets like that. I'm glad she had you, especially yesterday. I don't even want to-"

I put my hand on his shoulder, willing him to stop. "Don't even think it. She's okay, and she'll get through this somehow. Did you call your parents?"

"No, she won't let me. She's afraid they're going to come up from Phoenix and try to put her in a hospital or something."

"Wait, I thought you said your father-"

Emmett laughed. "Our parents are ass backwards. They have two children who need a stable life, and they play musical homes, we're adults and on our own, and now they get back together."

I shook my head, now I'm starting to get some of Bella's comments about her parents. "How is she?"

"She jumps out of her skin at every noise. And she spent all night asking for you. Your dad and her psychotherapist and psychiatrist all agreed that having you with her was one of the best things, because you seem to be able to keep her calm. They're going to let you stay with her until they release her. That's the other reason I came, was to tell you that as soon as you're ready, you can visit her. I'm gonna give her space for a few days. She isn't angry at me like she was, but it's probably better that she gets some more perspective before I make things worse again. Tell her to call me when she wants to see me, and tell her I love her." Emmett ran his hands over his face, trying to wipe the exhaustion and emotion off of his face, before standing up. "I'm going to leave you be now. Call me if you need anything."

I stood up with him as I walked him to the door. "Will do Emmett, and don't beat yourself up, Bella knows you love her. She'll come around." Emmett shook his head and walked down the hall without another word.

Once he was gone, I jumped in the shower and got dressed quickly so I could get to the hospital and see how Bella was doing.

**BPOV**

_I just got to the part of the novel when Mr. Knightley left for London, I was so involved in the book that I didn't hear the door open, and I didn't know that there was someone there until a pair of big brown hands clasped my shoulders and his words hissed in my ear. "You're mine, never forget that." I struggled against him, but my body was weak and heavy, and then I felt the sharp shooting pain._

My eyes flew open as I looked frantically around the room, calling out and crying. My door burst open and Dr. Cullen and Edward came in, Edward immediately coming to my side, trying to calm me. "Shh, Bella it's okay, it was just a dream. You're safe now."

I shook my head, trying to calm my breathing to elevate the throbbing in my chest as my ribs protested against the movement. "I'm not…he'll find me."

Edward shook his head and put both of his hands lightly on either side of my face, keeping me still without restraining me. "He can't get you. Bella, they caught him. Jake is in jail." I froze. It couldn't be true; Edward was just saying this to keep me from losing it. I looked over at Carlisle and he nodded.

"I found out from Sam, the head of the Peace Officers. When he heard about what happened and the suspected drug use he called the police himself. Jake got picked up an hour ago, and with all the evidence against him, he won't be getting out for a while."

I took a quick breath and let it out. "He's really in jail?"

Edward nodded. "Yes. And you won't be alone; someone will always be with you. Between the five of us we'll have you covered, so please relax. If we're going to spring you today, you need to show the doctors that you're ready to be released." Edward smiled and my breathing finally returned to normal.

Dr. Hayner and Dr. Gonzales both came in just then. Edward went to move but my hand caught his as it left my face, he settled back in, holding my hand in both of his. Dr. Hayner approached and looked at my chart on the computer, while Dr. Gonzales came behind Edward. "It's alright; he's my friend and roommate, so you can talk in front of him."

Dr. Gonzales smiled and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Bella, we're going to start off with some pretty intensive therapy. It's best in situations like this to get you talking about the events as soon as possible so that they can be dealt with; instead of letting them rule your life. Now I know you'll be on bed rest for a few weeks, so in the beginning we can do our sessions at your apartment. It may even be more beneficial to do them there, because it's where the trauma occurred. But as soon as you're well enough, then we'll move them to my office. Is that okay?"

I nodded and then looked at my hand where it lay firmly in Edward's grasp. "How often?"

"We're going to start with three times a week. It will allow us to move at your pace while not letting too much time pass. How about Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 6pm?"

"That's good, not like I have anywhere else to be." Dr. Gonzales put the appointments into her blackberry and smiled.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, take care Bella." Dr. Gonzales was a sweet motherly woman, and I felt a little bit at ease with her, which I guess is a good thing considering the fact that I was going to be telling her my deepest, darkest secrets.

Dr. Hayner looked up from the computer screen and sat on the edge of my bed. "Well Isabella, you seem to be having some pretty bad nightmares, so I'm going to give you something to help you sleep as well as the lexapro. Now it's important that you take the lexapro everyday, no skipping, do you understand?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"I'll check in with you next week, but if there's a problem before then, call me." I nodded again and he began writing on a prescription pad, pulling off two sheets and handing them to me. "Have those filled on your way home so that you can take the sedative tonight, and start with the other in the morning." Dr. Hayner stood up gingerly, so as not to shake the bed, and left the room. Carlisle walked to stand by the head of my bed across from Edward.

"Bella, we're going to release you in a few hours, but I want to go over some things with you before then."

"Okay Dr. Cullen, shoot."

"First, you have to limit your movement, you can move from the bed to the couch for a change in scenery, but no walking around. I know it seems difficult, but it's only for a few weeks. Next, we're sending you home with some pain medication, but you have to be careful with them, because they can make you very drowsy, don't take them with the sedative, its one or the other at night. If you have any difficulties beyond what you're already experiencing, a pain in your abdomen, or any change in the severity of anything, let me know, because that could mean a more serious problem. You were very lucky with your injuries, but there is still the potential that something could develop over the next week or so, so don't try to tough it out. Edward will give you my personal number so you can get a hold of me any time. Do you have any questions?" I looked up into his pale blue eyes and shook my head for what felt like the hundredth time today. He looked over at Edward and motioned towards the door. "Son, can I talk to you for a second?"

**EPOV**

I walked out into the hallway with my dad. "What's up?"

"Edward, I know you care about Bella, but I don't want you to let your schoolwork suffer because you want to take care of her."

I looked at him like he was unbalanced, wasn't he just telling me yesterday how proud he was of me? "Dad, she needs me. And I'm not doing it all alone. Alice and Jasper and Rosalie offered to help, and Emmett too when she's ready to talk to him. Plus, staying home with Bella will be the best thing for my course load; I won't be out partying, so I'll have plenty of time to study. Look, mom's making some food that I can just throw in the oven so Bella and I don't starve while she's on bed rest, and I wanted to pick up a few things before I swing by to get her, I'm going to poke my head in and say good-bye. I'll see you later."

I walked into Bella's room and told her I'd be back in a little while and then headed out to do my shopping.

**BPOV**

Edward had been gone for a while and I was getting anxious, I was starting to hate how dependent I felt on him, because in the end, he wasn't going to be able to reciprocate my feelings. As if he heard my mind calling out for him, my door opened and Edward walked in. "Hey, you ready to go home?"

I grimaced a little, trying to make it look like it was from my movement, but I don't think he bought it. "I'm ready to get out of here."

The nurse came in with my discharge papers, which I quickly signed before climbing into the wheelchair and going out to the elevator. "Do you have to see my dad before you go?" Edward looked down at me as we waited for the doors to open.

"Nope, I'm all set." We rode down to the parking garage and the nurse pushed me out to the car where Edward opened the door and helped me into his Volvo. He walked around the car and slid in, quickly making his way out of the garage and onto the street.

We were back at Masen quicker than I would have liked, having only stopped at the pharmacy. As Edward parked next to my truck on the 5th floor near the elevator, I started shaking. They all knew…they had to…my entire building had heard what happened…and with Jake being arrested, they now knew that he had been raping me…my entire building knew…my friends knew…Emmett knew. They would be judging me…I was stupid…weak…I let this happen to myself…I deserved it.

My mind continued to race as Edward took my hand and rubbed small circles on the back of it with his thumb. "Bella, what is it?" The concern in his voice ran through me like a current, stunning me and halting my thoughts.

"They all know." I spoke in barely more than a whisper.

Edward turned in his seat taking my hand in his, running his right hand over my hair. "Bella, they don't matter, and if anyone is crazy or stupid enough to try to make you feel bad, then let me know and I'll handle it. None of their bullshit matters, you're alive and well and back home, and I'm going to get you through this. Now let's go inside and get you into bed, I'm sure the car seat isn't comfortable." I nodded and Edward got out of the car and came to my door but didn't open it. "Wait here, I'll be right back." I looked at him, feeling the panic rise again and he quickly continued. "I'm just going to the crap closet; I won't even let the door close all the way." I relaxed and he ran through the door and came back a minute later with his computer chair, rolling it to the car. I shook my head as he rolled it out of the way and opened my door. "I don't have a wheelchair, so I thought this is the next best thing." He reached down and helped me out of the car and into the seat, closing and locking his car before wheeling the chair to the wheelchair vestibule. He pushed the button and we quickly got in and watched the doors close. When we got to our floor he pushed me to the end of the hall, I was starting to feel ridiculous, but then he unlocked the door and my breath caught. Edward turned the chair to face him as he knelt in front of me. "It's okay, I'm here." I took a breath and smiled weakly, cueing him to move forward. He pushed me through the apartment, stopping only to double lock apartment door, and into my room. He sat a pair of pajamas on the bed and helped me stand up.

I looked over at my nightstand and saw some bamboo in a ceramic pot. "Edward, what's that?"

He looked over and smiled. "It's a bamboo plant; they're a symbol of longevity. I wanted to get you flowers, but they'd only last a few days, so I thought about getting you a plant and decided it was perfect because all it needs is water, so you can take care of it yourself while you're stuck here." Edward looked around quickly and then pulled a wedge pillow from the closet. "I got you this so you could sit up in bed without hurting your ribs, and I had the girl at the store pick out girlie magazines, and I put some chick flicks on my Netflix queue, and-"

"Edward…I don't…thank you. For everything." The tears welled up in my eyes and he gently took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead. Edward took the chair and made his way to the door as I tried to pick up the shirt he had sat on my bed. As I bent, I felt a sharp pain and instantly gasped. "Edward?" He stopped and turned to face me. "Can…do you think you could help me change, I can't bend, it hurts."

Edward smiled and walked over as he unzipped my sweatshirt. This was not the way I thought he'd see me naked for the first time. "Bella relax; just think of me as a future doctor if that helps." So. Doesn't. Help. I lifted my arms and Edward pulled my long-sleeved shirt over my head and put it on the bed, next dropping down to his knees to lower my sweats. He looked up at me and I blushed a deep red and nodded as his hands hooked into the waistband of my underwear and pulled them down as well, helping me step out of both. I stood before him completely nude, and he didn't seem to notice. I wasn't sure if I should be grateful for his class, or hurt that he wasn't even trying to sneak a peek, in the end I settled on grateful. He grabbed the clean underwear and pants and knelt in front of me again. I placed a hand on his shoulder to steady myself as he helped me step into both and then pulled them up my legs one at a time. There was nothing sexual about his touch, but having his hands on my legs, gently brushing against the blotches and discoloration felt nice, like they would face under his touch. When he stood up again I saw a brief flash of pain in his eyes, this was difficult for him. Seeing me like this, now that he knew, to have to see the damage that went along with the stories was taking its toll on him. He slipped the shirt over my arms and down my torso, reaching to pull my hair out of my shirt, so that it flowed down my back. "I'm going to put in one of the dinners my mom made, you hungry?"

I nodded. "I'm famished." Edward picked up my dirty clothes and put my sweats in my hamper, but put my underwear in a small bag hanging from it. "What's that?"

Edward looked up with a smirk on his face. "I can handle laundry, but I'm not risking your 'delicates' to my newly acquired skills, so Alice said she'd do them."

He walked back to me and helped me get into bed, tucking me in before leaving the room, the door cracked slightly so he could hear me if I needed him.

**EPOV**

I was almost to the door when she called to me. "Edward?" I let go of the chair and turned to face her. "Can…do you think you could help me change, I can't bend, it hurts."

I smiled and walked over, unzipping her sweatshirt. I had dreamt of undressing her, but not like this. She tensed and I felt like shit for even thinking like that with everything she's been through. "Bella relax; just think of me as a future doctor if that helps." I pulled her shirt over her head and fought to keep my cool. The bruises were worse than I could have imagined. Every shade they could be, she was tie-dyed by them. Her arms were marked with his hand prints and her stomach had the shape of his boot from where he had kicked her. I put her shirt on the bed and dropped to my knees to lower her pants. Her legs were bruised as well, although not as bad as the top half of her. Her thighs were the worst and my blood boiled knowing what that meant. No one deserved this…especially not Bella. And if I was ever given the opportunity someday, I'd show her just how she should be loved. I looked up at her, not sure if she wanted me to take off her underwear, or wait until one of the girls came by later. She blushed and nodded, she was embarrassed, and I decided to finish this as quickly as I could, so as to save her any more mortification. I pulled down her underwear and helped her step out of them. Sitting them on top of her shirt, I picked up the underwear and pants and knelt in front of her again. Bella placed her hand on my shoulder as I helped her step into her clothing and then pulled them up her body one at a time. Feeling her skin under my fingers was amazing, but I had to remind myself that she wasn't mine, she was my friend and she needed me to be there for her without my own hang ups. I tried to hide my feelings but I caught a quick tightening of her face and knew she saw it. Damn it Cullen, pull it together, she doesn't need you making her feel worse. I helped her on with her shirt and then fixed her hair. "I'm going to put in one of the dinners my mom made, you hungry?"

She nodded. "I'm famished." I picked up her dirty clothes and sorted them so I didn't have to worry about it later. Bella saw me put her underwear in the bag for Alice and asked, "What's that?"

I smirk at her. "I can handle laundry, but I'm not risking your 'delicates' to my newly acquired skills, so Alice said she'd do them."

I helped lower her into bed, sweeping her legs up once she was sitting, and tucking her in before walking out with the chair, leaving the door cracked slightly so she could call out to me.

**Well there you have it…hope you liked this chapter…it took me a while to get out, but I'm proud of it. Please leave me some love…I really enjoy hearing from all of you!**


	8. Understanding Nila's Reasons

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Remember unless otherwise specified, all paragraphs or complete lines in ****_italics _****are dreams, or hallucinations. There will be more in the closing note but for now I just want to get on to the story.**

**This chapter is dedicated in loving memory to John "Critic" Costello, a dear friend who died too young. He was my Emmett, a protective big brother-type who was always there in a pinch and who loved to laugh. You always believed in me, and I'll miss our quiet talks in the middle of some loud tale parties!**

**EPOV**

Bella was tired, so she went to bed a little after dinner, while I on the other hand couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about her, everything I had seen and heard in the past few days and my mind wouldn't shut off. God I hated Jacob. I had hated him when I thought he was dating Bella, but now that I knew what he was, I wanted to see him suffer and that was something I had never felt before.

It was about 11:30 when it happened the first time; I had just fallen asleep when Bella's scream tore through my dream. I was out of bed in a second and in her room in the next. She was crying and panting, which caused her to wince out of pain. I quickly made my way to her side and realized she was still sleeping. I placed my hands on her face and called out to her and her eyes flew open with a shock.

"Edward?" She looked so terrified.

"Bella, I'm here. It was just a nightmare." I smoothed her hair and the tears began to fall harder.

"I thought you were dead!" Her voice broke on the last word and I carefully sat next to her on the bed.

"What are you talking about?"

Bella's breathing calmed down some and she looked into my eyes, holding my undivided attention. "I dreamt that I had been too weak to stop Jake and he killed you for defending me."

Somehow knowing that the cry I had heard had been out of concern for me worried me more than if she had been reliving what had actually happened. "Bella, I'm fine. Nothing happened to me, and Jake will never hurt you again."

"But it could have, so easily. I would have never been able to live with myself if he had really hurt you." Bella sat up and wrapped her arms around my neck, crying into the crook of my neck, her soft lips resting against my skin innocently.

"Don't worry about that now. But you should probably mention it to Dr. Gonzales tomorrow. Now how about you go back to sleep." She pulled back and looked down into her lap and the words just flew out. "If it'll help, I'll sleep next to you."

Bella looked up at me. "Really? I don't want to put you out."

I brushed my finger across her face, wiping away some of her tears as I stood up. "I'll be right back."

I ran into my room and grabbed a pillow before I went back to Bella's bed. I laid down on the other side and she stayed on her back, reaching her hand over to take mine. I got a little bit of sleep before her next dream started and she whimpered. I gently squeezed her hand and she calmed, so that's what I did the rest of the night. Every time one of her dreams started to scare her, I'd let her know I was there and she would relax. When morning came I was pretty tired, but Alice showed up with breakfast and I went back to my room to get some sleep before my class.

**BPOV**

I was so angry at myself for last night. Edward barely got any sleep as he stayed with me, trying to help me make it through the night. He look exhausted when Alice came by to relieve him this morning and I couldn't imagine what the next month would be like, or how much he would resent me by the end of it.

Alice and I watched movies all morning and Edward popped his head in to let me know he would be home around 5pm and then left. I shifted uncomfortably and Alice immediately became concerned but I quieted her fears and we settled back into the movie.

Jasper showed up around 12:30 with lunch, and Alice gave me a quick kiss on the temple before she left for class. Jasper and I ate sitting on my bed when he looked over at me and I sighed. "Bella, do you need something?"

"No, I'm fine." I looked up at him and I knew he didn't believe me.

"Look, you don't have to tell me, I realize we don't really know each other, but if you wanted to talk about something, I promise I won't say anything to anyone."

I looked at Jasper and could tell he was sincere and I wanted to hash this out, because I knew my therapist would tell me I wasn't giving everyone enough credit. "I'm afraid you're all going to hate me by the time this is over."

"Why would we hate you?" The shock and concern was evident on her face.

"Because, you're all sacrificing your lives for me, and I know you're fine about it now, but in two weeks you'll be sick of having to watch me. And Edward-"

I cut myself off, not knowing how to continue that thought. "What about Edward?"

"He takes such good care of me, but I'm just waiting for the moment all of this is too much for him and he bails. I don't know what I would do if that happened."

"Bella, we all thought we lost you the other day. Thankfully you're okay, but we didn't know that at first. Edward was losing his mind thinking he hadn't been fast enough, or that he should have known something was really wrong sooner. We aren't here out of some false sense of duty, we love you and we're happy to see that you're okay. Edward more than any of the rest of us."

The tears started to fall because you couldn't doubt the truth in his words, and I desperately needed to believe them. "Jasper can I tell you something else, but this definitely has to stay between us, you can't even tell Alice."

"I won't tell a soul."

I took a deep breath and whispered my admission. "I like Edward…a lot. But I'm scared that with everything that's happened and everything he's seen, I'll be damaged goods to him, and he'll never be able to get past it."

Jasper reached out and handed me some tissues. "I don't know what's going on with Edward, but if he has feelings for you, this wouldn't matter. Sure, he'd wait until you were ready, but Edward doesn't get scared off." Jasper smiled at me and I returned the smile.

"Okay, enough of this heavy stuff. Why don't you pick one of the non-girly movies and pop it in, I don't care what we watch."

Jasper got up and put in _My Cousin Vinny_, and I tried my best not to laugh too hard, which was easy because I knew all the jokes by heart so none of them were really laugh out loud funny anymore.

The movie was just ending when I heard the key turn in the lock. I stiffened for a second before Edward called out from the living room. "Bells, you hungry?"

"Yeah." I called without taking a deep breath.

"Alright, I'll head out now. If you ever want to talk, you just call okay."

"I will." Jasper smiled one more time before he headed out the door.

A few minutes later, Edward opened my bedroom door and came to sit next to me on the bed. "So I was thinking...if you want, after your doctor leaves we can move this show into the living room for a change of pace. What do you think?"

I took in a breath and looked down at my comforter. "I'll let you know how I'm feeling after Dr. Gonzales leaves."

Edward nodded and then sat there and told me about his day. He had mentioned tutoring me to my biology teacher, who also happened to be one of his teachers, and Edward was now getting extra credit for his efforts, which made me feel better about it.

Soon there was a knock at the door, and Edward got up to answer it. I could hear the muffled conversation before my door opened and Dr. Gonzales walked in and Edward came in to grab his bag. "I'll be in the parlor if you need me." He smiled before closing the door and then the apartment door clicked closed a moment later.

I looked at Dr. Gonzales who pulled my desk chair over to the side of my bed and smiled warmly at me. "Hello Bella, how are you doing today?"

"I'm fine, I guess." I looked up and knew she wasn't convinced.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me. I can see there's something on your mind."

I took a breath and shot a glance at my hands. "I was thinking about my friend Nila."

She began writing something on her pad as she looked up at me. "Your friend from Forks?"

I found a spot on the wall to focus on as I started with my confession. "Yeah. When she killed herself, I was so angry at her. I never understood why she didn't come and tell me what was going on, but after this…if she was feeling anything close to what I've been feeling the past few weeks, then I think she got it right."

I heard the pen stop and I could feel her eyes on me. "What are you saying, Bella?"

"I'm not going to hurt myself; I'm too much of a pussy for that. But I get wanting the pain to stop, and not wanting to be a burden to everyone."

"Do you feel like a burden to people?"

I nodded. "My friends are all bending over backwards to be there for me, and Edward…I'm really scared he'll end up hating me, or seeing me as broken and not worth the effort."

"Bella, your friends care about you deeply, that's evident in how they've all banded together to help you. And as for Edward, he seemed genuinely concerned about you before he left. Has he done anything to make you suspect that he would feel that way?"

I shook my head. "No, but everyone always does."

"You mean your family. Bella, I know that you don't get along with your parents, and your relationship with your brother Emmett is strained, but I don't think you should lump Edward in with them. Let his actions speak for themselves, and talk to him. Let him know that you want him to be honest with you, and Bella…"

I finally made eye contact with her, confused by her tone. "Yes, Dr. Gonzales?"

"Work on making yourself better before you try to start a relationship with him."

My jaw dropped and my eyes were as big as saucers. "What are you…?"

Dr. G shook her head and laughed. "Bella, I have a son and _four_ daughters, I know that look in your eye, but believe me, you two will have a better shot if you work through your own issues first. Now, how was your first night back in the apartment?"

I looked over to the other side of the bed and sighed. "Weird. When I got home, Edward helped me change…which wasn't as awkward as it could have been. He was really respectful, and he got me all this stuff." I motioned to the stack of magazines and movies next to my bed and the pillow behind me. "He even got me the bamboo so I could feel a little productive, giving me a living thing to be in charge of, without it being something I could kill easily."

Dr. Gonzales smiled. "That was very sweet of him; he seems to take excellent care of you. How was it sleeping here?"

I took a deep breath and winced a little. "I had a really bad nightmare, I dreamt that Jake killed Edward while I just lied there and watched. I felt so helpless, and I had obviously started screaming because Edward came in and woke me up. And then…"

Dr. G looked up from her notepad. Then?"

"Edward stayed with me the rest of the night. He would let me know he was there and that it was just a dream whenever I'd start to freak out and I'd calm down. He looked like hell when he left this morning, but he refused to let me apologize." I scoffed a little, annoyed at the fact that Edward wouldn't let me feel bad for keeping him up all night.

"While I'm not sure how I feel about him spending the night, I'm glad you were able to get some sleep. From now on, I want him to stay in his room; he can talk things out with you when you have a nightmare, but no more sleepovers. And as for the apology, do I have your permission to talk to him about letting you voice your concerns?"

"Sure."

She smiled and then looked at her watch. "Okay, now for next time, I want you to start writing down your feelings, and keeping track of any nightmares you have. And come up with playlists for your moods. Something that will cheer you up, one that will let you feel sad when you need to, and one that lets you feel some of the anger I know you're holding in. Use them to help you through your feelings, and when I come on Wednesday, we'll work some more with music, alright?"

"No problem. Dr. Gonzales, would you mind handing me that photo album?"

Dr. G turned and picked up the album. "Here you go; you have a good night Bella."

I took the album and then called Edward. "I'm finished, you can come back now."

Edward chuckled into the phone. "Okay, I'll be back in a minute."

I turned to the album on my lap and flipped it open. The pictures were from the summer before my junior year. Nila's face stood out to me in the pictures as I looked over them. I could see the forced smile, because I had been wearing one myself the past month. I continued to look at the pictures until I heard my door open. "Bella, why are you crying?"

I looked up at Edward and then placed my hand on my cheek and realized that I was crying. "Come sit with me." I patted a space next to me and Edward climbed up, resting his head against the wall. I moved the album so he could see the pictures as well.

"Holy shit! Look at Emmett's hair." Edward pointed at a picture where Emmett's hair was spiked and the tips were frosted to a near platinum blonde.

"Yeah, he rocked that look for a while." I turned the page to a picture of Nila and I cocooned in Indian fabrics, trying to wrap ourselves in traditional saris, but looking more like we had wrapped bed sheets around us in an attempt to cover up. "God, I remember her dad was so mad at us when he saw this, he said we were being disrespectful. Nila's mom just thought we were having fun."

"Her dad was strict?" He looked over before turning to the next page which was a photo of Emmett flanked by the two of us.

"It's funny, living so close to the La Push Reservation; Nila always wished she was Native American instead of Indian. There were so many things she couldn't do because of the culture; part of me thinks that's why she did it. She was tired of being told everything she couldn't do, so she killed herself to finally break free."

Edward inched closer and wrapped his arm around my shoulder as I cried. "How did she…?"

"Pills, that's why I won't take the sedatives or pain pills unless I really have to. My dad couldn't handle watching me get that depressed, and I think he was afraid that I might shoot myself with his gun, so he shipped us back to Phoenix to live with my mom. All I wanted was to be around things that reminded me of her and he sent me 1,500 miles away." I closed the album and looked up at Edward. "Edward, I want to apologize for-"

Edward cut me off quickly. "Bella, don't-"

I stopped him this time. "No, you have to let me say this; Dr. G said you have to let me express myself."

Edward frowned. "You're right, I shouldn't have interrupted. Go on."

"I'm sorry that you got a shitty night's sleep last night because of me. I'm sorry you are stuck taking care of me when you could be out having fun, I sure you wish you had taken a different room assignment."

Edward turned my head so I had to look at him. "Don't say that. I don't care about what has happened, or what could happen in the future, I will never regret meeting you. You're one of my best friends. I'm just wearing the bell at the moment, I sure soon enough you'll be the one helping me out. You've already kept me in line since I've lived here, so how about we agree to take care of each other."

Having Edward talk about me like that warmed my heart. Even if he didn't feel the way I did about him, he loved me the best he could, and I was okay with that, even though I knew it might never be the way I wanted him to love me. "You remembered the story."

He guffawed, shaking my slightly. "Well with the two horses on your back, it's kind of hard to forget."

Edward bringing up my tattoos reminded me that he had seen me naked last night, and I immediately blushed. "If I ask you something, will you promise to be honest with me?"

"Sure."

I made sure to look him in the eye as I asked him my question. "What were the past three days really like for you…no holding back?"

Edward took a deep breath and kept his eyes glued on his feet, which were stretched out in front of him. "When I was getting ready to leave for dinner, I kept hoping you'd agree to come, because I thought it would cheer you up. You'd been in a funk since your birthday, but I guess I know why now. Then I got home and I was so terrified. When he hit me I thought my face was caved in, and I couldn't help but wonder how you could survive a beating from him. After I got him out, I thought I was watching you die, and I cursed myself for not realizing just how bad things had been for you. I kept begging you to hold on, but you were unconscious."

"I heard you. I couldn't answer you…which really pissed me off, but I heard you telling me that you weren't leaving me and that I would be fine." I took his hand and his eyes flickered to me before going back to his feet.

"The whole time you were with my dad I was freaking out, then I got to see you and you were so banged up, I could have killed him if I saw him again. As you woke up, you needed me so intensely that I couldn't bear to leave you. When I sat there and heard you tell the detective everything…I lost my mind. You didn't deserve that, no one does. By the time I knew everything he had done I felt like a fool for not knowing sooner. At that moment I vowed to take care of you and make up for not seeing what was happening."

"Edward, what happened to me wasn't your fault. If you want to be there for me, do it as my friend. And if I drive you crazy, or get to be too much, tell me. We have to communicate."

"Deal." He smiled that damned crooked smile and I sighed.

"Oh, and you can't stay in here anymore. Dr. G says that I have to deal with the dreams so they go away. Now, do you think we could go into the living room?"

Edward nodded and helped me walk into the living room. I froze for a minute, but then continued to the couch before Edward went to throw in some food.

"_You're mine, never forget that." Hot hands held my shoulders and his panting reverberated in my ears._

The contrast of a cool hand on my shoulder made me jump and gasp, seeing stars the pain was so sharp. "Fuck!"

"Bella?" Edward was sitting next to me.

"I heard him. I could…feel him." I kept gasping and my ribs were protesting. "Ow!"

Edward looked concerned for a moment and then picked me up and carried me to my room. I was too shocked by the fact that I was actually in Edward's arms to get annoyed like I normally would have. "The living room was a bad idea, sorry I suggested it."

As he sat me back on my bed, I looked into his eyes. "It's okay, I wanted the change of scenery, we'll have to work up to that."

The rest of the night we spent eating and doing homework. Edward went over his pristine bio notes from his freshman year, helping me understand what I had already learned. Somehow his explanations made so much more sense than the teacher's had. After that, I pulled out my weathered copy of _Hamlet_ with all my notes so he could try to power through that beast. That night after he went to bed I sat up and began writing in the journal he gave me. It seemed appropriate to use that book to document what I was feeling, since most of it revolved around the things I couldn't tell him.

I fell asleep, and somehow pure exhaustion kicked in and Rose woke me up the next morning with a big cup of coffee.

"After Edward leaves I figured you could use a shower." Rosalie had a small smile on her face and I couldn't help but blush.

"I smell that bad, huh?"

Her face dropped, afraid I might be offended, but I quickly reassured her. "Don't worry, you're right, I do need some help, and even I don't think I'm ready for Edward to see me naked and wet."

I heard the gasp and knew I had said too much. "See you naked _and wet_? He's seen you naked period?"

I told Rose about Edward changing me and she shook her head in quiet horror. "I don't know how you managed to let him do that. It took me ages to let a guy see me naked."

"Can you please stop saying 'naked' like that. Besides, why would you be nervous having a guy see you naked, you're gorgeous."

Rose's expression became distant and she got really quiet. "I know more about what you're going through than you know." Rose took a deep breath and continued. "When I was younger, I was molested by a friend of my father's."

I couldn't help the slack jawed look on my face. "Rose, I'm so sorry." I pulled together my expression as she looked up and took my hand.

"If you ever want to talk to someone who's been there, you call me." She shifted slightly and turned to the door as Edward came in.

"Bacon and egg for you." He handed me my sandwich from the deli down the block, before reaching in and handing Rose one too. "And egg whites and bacon for you. Okay, I'm off to hack my way through some journals before trying to start my Lit reading. I'll see you around 3pm."

I nodded and opened the sandwich as Rose did the same. "Emmett says 'hi'."

I grumbled and swallowed my food. "Rose I know you mean well, but I'm really not in the mood to go there."

"And I get it, Jasper beat himself up after everything that happened to me, going on about the connection between twins and everything, but your brother loves you, and he knows he hasn't really shown it, but he wants to try to be there for you more."

"I know, but right now I can't be worrying about his feelings. I'm not shutting him out to punish him, but there's a lot of baggage attached to him, and I need to make me better before I can take on our issues. Tell him I miss him, and I'll call him when I can."

Rose nodded and we finished our sandwiches in silence. When we were done, Rose helped me shower and then we did some homework. She shook her head more than once as she saw my Lit assignments done well into November for two of my classes and my Shakespeare anthology placed squarely on my raised knees.

After reading the same sentence for twenty minutes I sighed and closed the book. Rose looked up at me and her brow furrowed. "Rose, how did you get everyone to stop treating you like you were broken?"

She smiled and closed her book as well. "I stopped acting that way. Once the old me started to come back, my family and friends started being more comfortable with me again, and that made me act more normal. It'll happen, especially once you're free to leave the apartment. Just give it time."

The apartment door opened and Rose gave me a quick kiss before gathering up her things and saying good-bye to Edward. The night past much as yesterday did, and by the time I went to bed I was actually pretty hopeful for the time when I wasn't confined to my bed. But then the nightmares came.

Over the course of the night I woke up four times, screaming and crying, and each time Edward came in to tell me it wasn't real before going to sleep again. When Wednesday morning rolled around I was pissed and not in the mood to do anything. For the moment I was happy to not have to get out of bed, and when Alice came by I told her I wanted to sleep.

The sound of her cleaning the apartment could be heard while I laid there, pretending to sleep. But in reality I spent the time making a playlist that wasn't on Dr. G's list, a playlist of song about my feelings for Edward. Lifehouse's _Take Me Away _and _Storm_ as well as Maroon 5's cover of _If I Fell_ were the first three to be added, and I continued to be a bad girl and think about things that weren't going to help me at the moment. But damn it if Edward wasn't the one thing that made me happy right now, and I needed happy and a magical remote control like in that dumb Adam Sandler movie so I could fast forward all this crappy stuff and get out of this apartment.

I was stir-crazy after four days…I'm so fucking screwed! Reaching down to where my shortie used to be, I saw the journal sticking out from where I had hidden it last night and began writing. Everything flowed out, my frustrations about Edward, about being stuck in my room, about Jake and at being so stupid that I hadn't seen a bad thing even as it beat me, while a good thing was sitting at home.

I knew in that moment that I would fight to get through this, because continuing on like this was too painful. Edward knocked on my door and came in, surprised to see me awake.

"I would have come in sooner, but Alice said you were sleeping."

"I tried, but then I started writing." Edward craned his neck to see what I was writing in.

"Hey, that's the journal I got you, think I'll ever get to read any of it?" He looked so hopeful, but I knew that there were large sections that he would never see.

"Maybe, but only parts of it."

He smiled and then another knock came from outside. "That has to be Dr. Gonzales; I'll go let her in."

In my session I talked about the dreams, and everything I was feeling. How clear my visions were, and how frustrated I was getting. When she asked about the playlists I told her what I had done and she smiled before shocking the hell out of me.

"That's good. If thinking about him, and what you want for the future is occupying your thoughts, then you have to deal with that as well. You're being mature, and taking care of yourself first, which is something women twice your age don't do. Now how's the journaling going?"

When I showed her how much I had written she was impressed. Then she pulled out a set of bongos and handed it to me. "What's this?"

Dr. G smiled and began explaining the exercise. "I'm going to ask you to think about certain things, and I want you to play the drums based on what you feel. Be completely instinctual; don't think about how it sounds, and just focus on being in the moment."

As I started she asked me to play about my feelings in that exact moment and I beat out a random pattern, not really connected to anything. She then asked me to think about my friends and family, which started out normal enough until I started thinking about Rose and Emmett. When it began to get louder she asked what had caused the change and I told her that Rose knew what I was going through and then about her plea for my brother, and my feelings about shutting him out, and why I felt it was necessary. I never broke the rhythm as I talked and she smiled at how open I was being. If I was being honest, I was pretty fucking shocked too; my therapist in Phoenix had never gotten me to talk this much.

But then again, Dr. G felt like a friend's mom, not a shrink, which was probably why it was so easy to open up.

Next she asked me about Jake, and the beat got erratic and loud as my breathing matched it and his voice filled my head. I felt like I was going crazy right there, but a gentle hand on my arm brought me back as she asked me to think about Edward. The beat evened out, and I laughed when I realized I was actually playing one of the songs on the Edward playlist.

As the session ended she told me to keep up what I was doing, and not to close myself off when I would get scared, but instead to keep the lines of communication open.

When Edward came back we hung out in his room for a change, and the knock on the door around 7:30 threw me off. Edward went to answer it, and a few minutes later Dr. Cullen came in with a woman who I was sure was Edward's mom. They had the same green eyes, and her hair was slightly darker than his, but you could clearly see the family resemblance.

"Hi dear, I'm sorry we haven't met before now. My name is Esme." She smiled brightly and extended her hand, which I took eagerly.

"It's nice to meet you too, and thank you for all the food you sent over."

She sat on the end of Edward's bed and Carlisle pulled up the desk chair. "Bella, before Esme sent the food, all we heard about were all the amazing meals you'd been making for Edward, so really it's the least we could do until you're up and about. Now how have you been feeling?"

I couldn't help but laugh, and then automatically wince. "Well, aside from moments like that, everything's been okay. I'm really sore, but some of the older bruises are fading so I'm looking a little less tie-dyed." I caught Edward's grimace from his spot near the door and frowned. "Sorry, I know that's a sensitive subject."

Carlisle and Esme turned to their son and he shrugged. "If you can laugh about it then that's fine, but I can't yet."

Esme and Carlisle visited for a little while longer, going on about how clean his room was and their amazement that he already had quotes picked from the books he had read based on topics he was thinking about writing his final paper on. "Clearly, Bella had been helping us more than just keeping him fed; she's turning him into a better student as well." Carlisle joked and Edward rolled his eyes. When they finally left, Edward came back in and lounged on the bed, even letting me watch CSI: NY and the Top Chef replay in his room, where I fell asleep before Judge's Table.

**There you have it, another chapter of ****_Friends in Love_****. Writing this chapter took a while because I wanted to get the therapy right. I once had a therapist that used all types of interesting techniques in with traditional therapy to help me open up, and she was the only doctor I ever truly felt comfortable with. I know the story is in a weird place right now, as are the characters, but as the next few chapters progress, and we get Bella back out of the apartment, real life will start to make things "interesting" again.**


	9. Slip of the Tongue

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Hello again. This chapter was a bit of a struggle for me, but I finally decided to just go with it and this is what came of that leap of faith. Bella is still in intensive therapy, but you're seeing less of it as she begins to get closer to the end of her medically induced lockdown. Plenty of therapy is still to come, so don't fear that you've seen the last of Dr. G, because I love her far too much and Bella will be facing too much in the upcoming months for her to bail on therapy.**

**Also, Bella's poems in this chapter are mine. One of them was something I wrote for a class back in college and has since been added to a play of mine, but the others were more specifically written for Bella, but there's still a lot of me in them. Hope you enjoy those. They're in italics so that you know he's reading them in his head.**

**BPOV**

I'm starting to hate my room. After nearly a month of lockdown all I wanted to do was leave and never go back. And I was excited as the day was fast approaching. Eight more days until Halloween, which was the night Dr. Cullen had set for my release. I was excited that I was going to get to go out because Halloween was one of my favorite holidays and Alice had been a blast with all her costume ideas and we finally settled on one I liked, so come next Friday I was going to be a pirate queen.

Before Dr. G would sign off on less frequent sessions she wanted me to talk to Emmett, which I had been dreading since she mentioned it last week, along with my return to classes. Today was the day though, so I was sitting up in bed, waiting for Rose to come by with my brother.

The key turning in the lock set my stomach into its impression of an acrobat as I heard them come in and make their way to my door. Emmett let out a deep breath and then knocked. "Come in Emmett." I called out as the door opened.

Emmett walked in and stopped as he looked me over, which made me glad that I had waited this long because all of the bruises were finally healed. "Hey Bella, how are you?"

"Better, what about you?"

Emmett moved my desk chair to my bedside and sat down. "Can't complain."

We sat there in a very awkward silence before I finally broke it. "How's football going?"

Emmett turned towards my window. "I'm not playing anymore."

I looked at him shocked. "Emmett, you helped found that touch football league, why would you…" I trailed off, knowing exactly why he had stopped playing.

"Bella it was taking up too much time, with practices and games and all the running the league stuff…so now I'm just in charge of the league. Like the commissioner or something. I actually really like it."

"That's good, I'm glad." I smiled weakly and then stared back down at the comforter.

"So, how's Edward?"

"He's good, but I'm sure he'll be thrilled when I'm free again." It was Emmett's scoff that forced me to look up.

"Bella, that boy cares about you, don't sell everyone short."

"I didn't mean it like that. I meant that he knows how crazy I've been going in here and he'll be happy to see me going on with some semblance of a normal life."

Emmett rolled his eyes and I was starting to get really annoyed. "Oh, so I'm the bad guy, nice to know what role you've cast me in."

"I didn't cast you in shit! You were the one that took a page out of mom and dad's playbook and ignored what was going on with me. All I want is for you to accept that I'm not this happy little thing. I'm going to be sad, and there will be times when I'm downright depressed, those are the times I need my brother to be there for me, not ignore me because he's afraid of a serious conversation."

"Okay, point taken. Speaking of mom and dad, are you going to call them?"

"No, I email them twice a week, but I honestly have nothing to say to them right now, nothing nice at least."

My brother shook his head. "How about Thanksgiving, they want to know when your last class is so they can book our flights."

"I'm not going home for Thanksgiving."

"Bella." He was trying to guilt me into coming but I wasn't having any part of that.

"No. I'm not going to sit across the table for them and try to bite my tongue. I won't be able to go the whole weekend without telling them, and I'm not ready for a fight. I'll see them at Christmas."

"So you're going to send me to deal with them alone?"

I shook my head before answering him. "Emmett, it will be the same as every year. Eat dinner, watch football with dad and then spend the rest of the weekend hanging out with your friends."

Emmett shifted in his seat. "Bella, I have to go to class in a little bit, but I want to know…how are you, really?"

"It's tough, but I survive. I'll be better when I get out of here."

Emmett nodded and then stood and gave me a hug before he left, using Rosalie's key to lock up.

Emmett and I never had serious conversations, so that was about as good as it could have gone, but the fact that he brought up Thanksgiving with my parents automatically made the knot in my stomach grow.

I was curled up under the covers when Edward came home an hour later. "Hey Edward, how was your class?"

"It was alright. How was the pow wow with Emmett?"

"We fought, which is a good thing. But he mentioned that my parents want me to come home for Thanksgiving, but I'm not going."

"Well, you're always welcome at the Cullen house of horrors."

I giggled at Edward's characterization of his family dinner. "So, anything else going on out there?"

Edward sat at the foot of my bed. "Actually, yeah. Someone found a little kitten in the parking garage, it's like two weeks old or something like that, but it has problems with its legs and one of its eyes is messed up so no one wants to keep it. Eric is going to drop it off at the shelter."

My chest tightened as I thought about the poor little kitten and exactly what would happen to him at the shelter. "Edward he can't! They won't spend the money to make him better; they'll just put him down right away. Please Edward, can we take him, don't let them kill the kitten."

Edward stood up and came over to me and took my hand. "Okay, I'll call Eric and see if he still has the kitten."

Edward dialed his phone and waited for Eric to answer. "Eric, its Edward. Bella and I are gonna take the cat." There was a moment where I heard Eric telling Edward something I couldn't quite make out. "Thanks, I'll see you in a few." He hung up the phone and turned to me. "Okay, my father will probably kill me for this, but screw it, you're coming with me."

"Where are we going?"

"We're getting the cat and then bringing it to the vet Eric found a few blocks away and then we're going shopping for it, because I don't know shit about cats, and besides this little terror is your baby."

I laughed and stood up to go get dressed. I was allowed a little more freedom throughout the apartment, but Edward's dad still didn't want me pushing it, so this trip would probably be against doctor's orders, but I was thrilled to be getting out of the apartment. I got dressed and when I finally walked into the living room, Eric was standing there with a shoebox in his hand. Inside the shoebox was a t-shirt and the most adorable little gray and black and white striped kitten.

"Oh baby!" I cooed as I took the box from Eric. Both boys laughed before I shot daggers at them both.

"I called the vet and they have time to see you now." Eric gave Edward a piece of paper with the info on it.

"Thanks man. Come on Bells, we better get going."

I was giddy at the prospect of getting out for a while and Edward was smirking at my reaction as he locked the door and the three of us went to the elevator together. When the doors opened Edward and I went to the parking garage, leaving Eric to ride back to the main floor. Edward held the door for me as I slid into his car and then handed me the kitten. The little bugger was stubborn; he rolled around the box the whole way to the vet trying to support his weight on his hind legs. He also had a very proud air about him when he sat and the way his fur covered him, he looked like he was wearing an old fashioned coat with tails over a white shirt and pair of slacks.

When we arrived at the vet's office a few minutes later, Edward helped me from the car and we walked up to the reception desk. The girl behind the counter looked up when I sat the shoebox on the counter. "Do you have an appointment?"

"No, my RD called a few minutes ago, we found a stray kitten in our parking garage." Edward smiled and the young woman melted.

"Oh yeah…pets name?"

Edward shot me a glance because he had no idea what to call the thing, but I knew the perfect name. "Fitz Swan."

The girl wrote it down and then called the vet tech out to show us to the exam room. After I sat the box on the table, I pulled Fitz to my chest and began petting his head and cuddling him as he purred. A minute later Dr. Handlin came in and began looking over Fitz. We voiced our concerns about his eye and his hind legs and she told us she would be back in a few minutes.

When she finally returned he was clean and fluffy as she sat him back in the box and turned her attention towards us. "Have you ever taken care of a kitten before?"

We both shook our heads and she smiled. "Well the most important thing is that you love him, and I can see that you do. Now as far as his care, in the beginning he's going to need to be fed every two to three hours, just like a human infant. I'll give you the name of the formula you should buy and you'll also need a nursing bottle. His eye has a common infection, and I'll give you an ointment that you'll have to use on him twice a day. And his legs could be something more serious, but he's also a two week old kitten, who probably hasn't gotten much nutrition, so all I can tell you for now is to encourage him to walk when he's supervised, but other than that, get him a box he can sleep in. He won't be able to use a litter box yet, so you'll have to change the bedding in his box a lot, and keep his hind end clean. Normally his mother would do it, but you have to be very careful with that, every time he does his business, he has to be cleaned."

I just pulled him to my chest and cuddled him some more. "I bet you feel so much better after your bath. Momma's gonna take good care of you." I turned back to the vet and smiled. "Thank you, when should we make our next appointment?"

The vet smiled at my affectionate cooing and then looked at the file. "I would say in two weeks, that way we give his eye a chance to clear up. If you have any problems before that, don't hesitate to call."

We both thanked the vet before we went back to the waiting room to pay the receptionist. I was about to reach into my purse when I saw Edward's hand fly across the counter with his credit card already being swiped through the pin pad. "Edward." I tried to sound reproachful but he just laughed.

"That kitten has made you happier in the last half hour than I've seen you ever, let me pay for today."

I smiled at him as we made our way to the car. "Okay, now I have to ask…Fitz?"

I laughed at his tone and then pointed to the sleeping ball of fur that already owned my heart. "He's so proud and he looks like a little English gentleman from a Jane Austen book, so of course I chose to name him after Fitzwilliam Darcy."

Edward shook his head and laughed as we pulled into the Petco. We got out of the car and I sat Fitz's box in the child seat area and began pushing the cart as Edward came up behind me and put his hands on either side of mine and stood close behind me as we headed for the cat section. "If you start to get tired, let me know."

I nodded as we continued to walk around and found the kitten food. Edward grabbed two cans of the kitten formula, not even balking at the $20 price tag before grabbing two bottles and heading towards the toy section. He picked up some balls and a fish on a pole that I fell in love with so I could try and get him walking. We found a bed for him for later and Edward asked the guy packing out bags of food if they had any boxes that we could keep the cat in, which he went in the back to get for us. I picked out some kitten wipes and a carrier and then we headed for the checkout, the whole time Edward stayed very close and the heat radiating off of him was so inviting that it took everything in me not to turn in his arms and kiss him.

Once again Edward paid and then we headed back to the apartment.

**EPOV**

Seeing Bella so happy made keeping the kitten an easy choice. But soon after she returned to her room with Fitz, there was a knock at my door and as soon as I saw my father's face my buzz was immediately killed.

"Edward, what were you thinking?"

"Dad?" I honestly didn't know what had him so upset.

"I stopped by earlier and one of your neighbors said that you and Bella were gone. I know Bella's doing better, but I told you I wanted her to have another week before she started going out again."

"Dad, it wasn't like we went out partying, it was a onetime thing."

"What could have been so important that you brought her out before both her therapist and I gave the okay?"

I took a deep breath. "There was this kitten that was found in the garage, and when Bella found out they were going to send it to the shelter she freaked, so we took it in. The things only a few weeks old and Bella was so in love with it that I brought her with me to the vet and then the pet store because she would need to know what to do more than I did. We were gone a little over an hour and if you took one look at Bella before that cat showed up and now, you would be happy that she got out."

My father's face softened some and he let out a deep breath. "How did she handle the outing?"

"Fine, I mean I'm sure it'll be harder once she has to start back at classes, but she didn't freak or look around too much, she was like her old self."

My dad smiled at the news and then motioned towards Bella's door. I walked with him over to her room and then knocked. "Bella, my dad wants to see you."

"Come in Dr. Cullen."

I opened the door and followed in as my dad sat on the bed next to Bella, who was sitting cross-legged with the kitten in her arms and the box, which now had one of her old towels in it, sitting next to her bed. "I hear you went out a little earlier?" My dad was putting on his doctor façade, but Bella let out a small chuckle.

"Dr. Cullen, I think it's only fair to warn you, the walls are paper thin in this place. I heard you yelling at Edward. Please don't be mad at him. I really was starting to go batty here and the whole time he made sure I didn't push it and that we were back as soon as we could be."

My dad smiled at her and motioned towards Fitz. "It looks like he has you wrapped around his little paw. And please Bella; call me Carlisle outside the hospital. Now, I'm glad to see that today helped you, but no leaving the building until Halloween. I think Edward was right to start getting you out of the apartment for a short time, but no more trips. You can go to the different social rooms, and you can start doing your own laundry, but no heavy lifting, leave that to Edward until I give you the all clear."

Bella's face lit up and she leapt forward to hug my dad while still keeping the kitten safe. "Thank you Carlisle, I was about to make Edward paint my walls just to get a change of scenery."

My dad laughed and turned to look at me. "The fact that you could even consider that means that that kitten has nothing on your powers of persuasion."

We all laughed but my father was right, I'd do anything for her and hopefully someday, she'd let me.

**BPOV**

Two days after I was freed, I decided to do laundry and give Edward a break from having to do everything short of wiping my ass. I loaded the three machines, all while Fitz sat in his shoebox watching.

I leaned against the table, playing with my baby when I heard someone come up behind me and I froze until I recognized the voice I hadn't heard in a while. "What's his name?"

I turned to see Tanya standing behind me. "Fitz."

Tanya looked down and then met my eyes again. "I was so sorry to hear about what happened to you."

I had a feeling this was going to get awkward real quick so I was hoping to nip it in the butt. "Tanya…can we not-"

Her face changed and I was grateful that she got my hesitation. "Sure…sorry. But hey, at least you got Edward out of it. When I dumped him I thought he would spend the rest of the semester pining over you." What. The. Fuck.

"Tanya, what in the hell are you talking about?" I looked at her annoyed, because I honestly had no idea what she was saying.

"You mean he didn't…and you two aren't…oh shit." With that, Tanya turned on her heel and left the laundry room.

I stood there completely blown away by what she had said. According to the slightly snotty tone when she mentioned that all the drama had won me Edward made me lean towards actually believing her. But if that was true, if Edward really did have feelings for me, that changed everything that had happened between us.

The timer on my laundry went off and I quickly threw my clothes into the dryer and then began writing again. The words came quickly as I tried to think of what I would do, what I should do. But I already knew my choice, I needed answers. My laundry finished and I packed up my granny cart and pushed it to the elevator with Fitz bouncing along in his shoebox as I got to the apartment.

I put my clothes away and tried to think of how I was going to talk about this with Edward, but I had no clue. I was however, tired from my afternoon so I decided to take a nap and I would hopefully wake up with a brilliant idea.

**EPOV**

When I got back from my Medical Honor Society meeting I was expecting to see Bella playing with Fitz on the couch, as she had been the past few days, but instead I heard the insistent meowing coming from Bella's room. I walked over to her door and knocked quickly before poking my head in and seeing her shoulders shake as she cried. Fitz was sitting in his box staring up in Bella's general direction, and I could tell from the empty bottle of formula sitting on her nightstand that he had been fed since I left.

I sat next to Bella, her eyes glazed over as the tears fell silently. I placed my hand on her arm and her eyes focused before her head snapped up to look at me. "Bella what hap-"

"I ran into Tanya in the laundry room today…it was very educational." I instantly flushed with anger at whatever Tanya had done to upset Bella. I knew she was annoyed at me for how I felt about Bella, but for her to get in her face after all she's been through…but then the second part of the sentence clicked in my head and I felt the color drain from my face. There was only one thing that Tanya could have said to Bella that could be described as 'educational.' "I'm not mad that you didn't tell me…I get it actually."

I was completely confused now. She was crying as she laid there, but she wasn't mad? "What exactly did Tanya say to you?"

"She said that at least I got you out of the whole mess, and that she thought you would have pined over me the whole semester. Then when she realized that you hadn't told me she got the hell out of there."

I growled at her for even thinking that if Bella and I were together than that was something good to come out of everything with Jake, because I would be miserable for the rest of my life if it would take that away. "Bella, I was going to tell you, but then everything happened and you needed to get better and I wasn't going to complicate that for you."

Bella sat up and took my hand. "Edward, I know. You've put me first from the beginning and that's only one of the reasons I love you-" Bella stopped short at the admission and I quickly moved to make her feel less vulnerable.

"I love you too."

Tears began to escape her eyes, which were now closed tightly. "If I hadn't been such an idiot…if I had just stayed with you that night then none of this would have happened."

"Bella-" I wanted to stop her pattern of blaming herself, but she quickly cut me off.

"Edward, before you say anything, there are two things I need you to know. First, I need to let you know that if we start this, I need for it to move slow…like painfully slow. I need to learn to trust myself again and with the trial coming up in the next few months I'll be reliving this and I need support, I can't handle any more complications."

I nodded and squeezed her hand. "I want to support you, just like I have been, but I also want you to realize that you're worthy of something more than the pain he caused you, you deserve to be loved." Her eyes focused on mine as the tears continued to fall.

"Then the other thing I need is for you to read this. Because I need you to know exactly what I'm feeling about everything, not the sugar coated version." Bella reached beside her and handed me the journal I had bought her for her birthday. "I marked with the post-it's the poems I want you to read…the rest of that is a little too personal for anyone to read…but I trust you. I'm going to put in dinner, come find me when you're done."

Bella picked Fitz out of the box and sat him in the shoebox as she grabbed his bottle and headed to the kitchen. I sat there in shock for a few moments before I finally turned to the first page marked with a post-it. Her handwriting scrawled across the paper where a title-less poem filled the page.

_Confused,_

_A pounding that won't cease._

_Pain,_

_With no sign of relief._

_Fear,_

_What is this place?_

_A night I can't remember,_

_A morning I won't forget._

_He left me there broken,_

_And filled with regret._

_There's no comfort in the light,_

_Only magnification of mistakes._

_My spirit is shattered,_

_He's a master at being fake._

_His words in my ears,_

_His hands on my wrists,_

_His lips on my throat,_

_My hands balled in fists._

_I'm perfectly still,_

_Until the end comes._

_I close myself off,_

_I pray to go numb._

_I dress myself quickly,_

_And make a getaway._

_I cry in the shower,_

_And go on with my day._

My heart broke as I read an unedited version of what Jake had done to her. I knew she left me alone so that she didn't have to watch me react, but also so I could react how I needed to so that way when I saw her I could be there for her like she needed. This wasn't the description she had given the police, or the edited version she gave everyone else. This was the hell she endured while I blindly went about my life. I turned to the next page that was noted and the title, _An Attack of Panic_, made my stomach knot up.

_A slight twinge of pain_

_A shortness of breath_

_A trembling hand_

_And I'm filled with unrest_

_In a split second_

_My comfort is gone_

_I'm screaming in silence_

_My mind is a fog_

_With no idea of cause_

_No sign of relief_

_I've just said good-bye_

_To a good night's sleep_

_It shames my family_

_It frightens my friends_

_This hell has no escape_

_Just to wait till it ends_

_Only few understand_

_Mainly comrades in arms_

_In the war against fear_

_Where my minds too far gone_

_Yet there's a voice in the darkness_

_A beacon of light_

_His love and his friendship_

_Makes my chest seem less tight_

_With a few simple words_

_"Hey, it's going to pass."_

_I know that he'll be there_

_That he'll help me last_

_He's never been to my hell_

_But he's seen it in my eyes_

_Yet he smiles_

_And he hugs me_

_And my panic subsides_

_I may not know its cause_

_But I know its relief_

_In the look in his eyes_

_And the trust that we keep._

This poem made me smile, if only slightly, because even though it illustrated her terror, I was present in it, a calming influence that brought some relief. I felt less useless as I looked over the words and steadied myself for the next entry.

_I know he can't hurt me_

_But he's with me now_

_The voice in my memory_

_That shatters my will_

_Trapped in the fear_

_Restricted to bed_

_His face fills my vision_

_Though it's all in my head_

_He claims his possession_

_Keeps me trapped in the fear_

_That he'll get me through him_

_Which would hurt me worse still_

_He's discovered my weakness_

_And uses it well_

_So I sacrifice myself_

_In this personal hell_

_He follows me waking_

_He haunts in my sleep_

_I struggle in silence_

_While everyone sleeps_

_I want to get better_

_But I don't know the way_

_So I'm locked in this battle_

_Until daylight can come_

Once again I felt the acid rise in my throat because I had heard her scream and cry over what that monster had done to her, what he still did to her. When I saw her reference to Jake using me to hurt her I got even angrier, because I knew that people had started talking about us, and that most assumed we were now a couple. Although I didn't mind it, I knew that come time for the trial it could be ammunition for the defense, especially considering Jake's ranting about Bella dumping him because of me. But even more evident were the nightmares where Jake had killed me, and how those caused Bella to scream louder and cry harder than when she dreamt that he killed her. I was her weakness, and I couldn't afford to let her down.

Flipping to the final poem I noticed it was the most recent entry in the journal, and when I saw today's date at the top I got a little nervous at what might be coming.

_She thought we were lovers_

_Though lovers we're not_

_But now with this knowledge_

_It thickens the plot_

_Every time that he held me_

_Every touch that we shared_

_Meant as much for him as it did for me_

_With us both unaware_

_The blinders have been torn away_

_And the light hurts my eyes_

_My brain tells me to hold off_

_But my heart begs to hold him tight_

_It's a dangerous dance_

_This thing we begin_

_With many ways to end badly_

_And far few chances to win_

_Yet the pain of not knowing_

_Would kill me quicker still_

_And the feelings inside me_

_Have strengthened my will_

_So if it is true_

_And there's love in his eyes_

_Then we'll journey together_

_With my heart as his prize_

The tears that filled my eyes as I read her choice made me feel supremely unworthy of her. She was risking so much by moving forward with me, but at the same time she was eager to know the truth and go on from there. Usually I would have felt like a bitch for crying like this, but Bella was worth it. I closed the book and wiped my face, getting up to talk to my Bella.

She was standing at the counter making a salad when I stopped behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my chin on her shoulder. "Bella, thank you…I know that it took a lot for you to trust me like that."

Bella giggled. "Edward, you've seen me naked…trust me I felt a lot more exposed to you that night than I did knowing that you were reading that. Now there are no secrets."

She motioned towards the living room and I grabbed some plates and silverware and set the table while she pulled the small platter of stuffed shells out of the oven and carried it to the table. I got us each a soda and then we sat down to eat.

I watched Bella more than I ate, mesmerized that we had finally both admitted to our feelings; I never thought this day would come, so to have it come so soon was so unbelievable that I had to resist the urge to pinch myself.

"Edward?" I shook my head and focused on Bella, aware that I had obviously missed the question she had asked.

"Sorry Bells, I was just thinking…what did you say?"

Bella smiled and looked up at me from under her lashes. "I wanted to know how your meeting went."

I smiled back at her, completely forgetting that the meeting had been today…it felt like a lifetime ago. "Fine, mainly they were talking about the new inductees and the dinner. Which reminds me, Bella will you go with me to the Medical Honor Society Induction Dinner at the end of the semester?"

Bella laughed and then nodded. "I'd love to go with you, but tell Alice she has to be gentle."

I joined in the laughter as I remembered that Halloween was this Friday. "Do you have a costume for Friday?"

"Yup, bought it online and it is all ready to go. Alice and Rose are going to help me get ready. Where are you taking me anyway?"

"We're all going to a private party, you have to pay for your ticket and it is a little more upscale than going to some bar…I wanted to make sure you felt safe for your first real outing."

Bella reached out and took my hand. "You're so good to me. I don't know what I'd do without you."

I squeezed her hand in mine and then picked up our dishes. "Why don't you pick something for us to watch while I clean up?"

Bella ran her hand up my arm before disappearing into her bedroom. When I was done with the dishes I changed into my pajamas and walked into the living room to see Bella sitting on the couch in a tank top and shorts. It had been so long since Bella had worn anything that didn't completely cover her that I couldn't help the happiness I felt as more of the old Bella came out in little ways.

The screen flashed orange and I realized that she had grabbed her Arrested Development DVDs. I sat down next to her, not really knowing what to do. I knew I had to take it slow and let her make all the moves but I didn't even know how she would react if I tried to lounge on the couch with her like we used to.

Sensing my uncertainty, Bella lifted my arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, cuddling into my side. I relaxed and kicked up my feet as she sighed before starting the DVD. "It's okay Edward; I'll let you know if something is too soon."

I smiled as I leaned down to kiss her hair and then turned my attention to the show.

Four episodes later, we shut off the TV and Bella shifted next to me, but when I went to stand up her hand grasped mine. I looked at her and she leaned in slightly, ghosting her lips over mine before making definite contact.

I moved slowly, kissing gently as she held my face in her tiny hands and gave me everything she could for the time being. When she pulled away a moment later, the smile that filled her face was so radiant that I took a chance and kissed her softly again. "Goodnight Bella." I whispered against her lips.

She blushed and walked to her room, turning to me before she closed the door. "Goodnight Edward."

**So there you have it…the cat is out of the bag! I know you guys have been waiting for this moment, and I was going to hold it off, but I want them to build slowly, so I had to get the ball rolling now.**

**And speaking of cat…Fitz is real. He had a similar story, and I've had him for over a year now. Sometimes when you're sad and anxious a purring cat can make all the difference, and they always seem to know when to stop being pissy and start with the loving…more cute kitty stories in future chapters…until then, REVIEWS=LOVE!**


	10. A Shadow of a Ghost

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**BPOV**

Today was Halloween. And after all those weeks, I was finally getting out. Dr. Gonzales and I had an appointment for tomorrow, so that we could discuss how I handled my first night out and Carlisle was coming by in a few minutes to give me a final check-up before I was free again. The knock on my bedroom door jarred me from my thoughts as I hopped out of my desk chair. "Come in."

Carlisle walked in smiling, which meant the x-rays from this morning must have been good. "So Bella, are you ready to get back to your life?"

I smiled at him as Edward caught the door and stood against the wall.

Carlisle motioned for me to stand in front of him as he asked about any residual pain and how different movements felt before nodding to me. "Everything seems to have healed nicely. You're officially off restriction."

Edward pushed off the wall and picked me up, spinning in a circle as I squealed in excitement. "Congrats babe, you're free!"

As Edward put me down Carlisle shot us a look. "Is there anything I should know?"

Edward looked at me and then back to his dad. "No, but tell mom that my girlfriend is coming over for Sunday dinner."

Carlisle laughed as he shook his head. "It took longer than I thought it would, but I'm glad you waited until the initial trauma was dealt with. See you two Sunday." With that, Carlisle stepped out of my room and we followed, locking the door behind him.

"So, girlfriend, huh?" I teased Edward as he winked.

"I'm not playing any name games." He looked at me earnestly for a moment and then faltered slightly. "Unless you're not ready?"

I reached up to put my finger over his lips. "I'm ready."

He kissed my finger and then leaned down to give me a sweet kiss on the lips. "Bella…I don't want to come off as impatient, but what are you ready for? I just don't want to do something, or assume something based on some unintentional gesture and push you too far."

I took a deep breath and rested my forehead against his chest. "I don't know. I know I love it when you kiss me, and I love your arms around me…but this is all trial and error. I don't know something is too much until it happens and I tense up. Try and be patient, I know that's hard, but-"

"Bella…" before he could finish we were interrupted by a loud knock on the door. Edward went to continue when Alice's voice came through the door.

"Edward, if we're going out to dinner before this party then I'm going to need to get in there now so we can all get ready."

Edward grumbled and kissed my forehead before going to unlock the door. "You're a pain in the ass, you do know that, right?"

"You'll love me at dinner; now go. Your costume is at my place." Edward rolled his eyes and headed for the door, at which time Alice spun around and grabbed the bags she came in with.

"Rose will be here in a few, so let's get you started."

For the next 30 minutes Alice set to straightening my long hair, ignoring Rose when she came in and ran to the bathroom to finish her own hair. Once Alice finished pulling at my mane, Rose sat in front of me to begin my make-up. "I just want to thank you guys for everything, I don't know if I would have survived the last month without you."

"Bella, you're our friend. And that's what friends do." Rosalie smiled before she continued working on my eyes.

After we were all ready, we put on our costumes and I cringed at how covered up my pirate was compared to Alice's Southern Belle and Rosalie's Goddess. I secretly wondered if Edward would be disappointed that I didn't look more like them, but then shook the thought off, he was okay with taking it slow, or at least that's what he said.

**EPOV**

It took me 10 minutes to throw on my sailor costume before Jasper and I got down to some serious crashing on Burnout 3. When Emmett turned up a little while after, I laughed at his costume. "God, I'm glad Bella and I aren't going in couples costumes."

Jasper shook his head as he slammed his car into the back of mine, sending it flying off the bridge before it reappeared a moment later. "Don't be so sure, Alice is devilish when it comes to this kind of stuff, I saw the pictures from the year you two and Carlisle dressed up as 'the bat, the cat and the penguin' from _Batman Returns_."

I grimaced as Emmett exploded into laughter. "Thanks Jazz, I've been trying to forget about it since I took that costume off."

Soon enough it was time to meet the girls at the restaurant, so we headed down to my car and piled in. By the time we got there, the girls were already waiting, and when I walked in the door I was smiling wide as Bella managed to look ridiculously sexy without showing much skin and I couldn't help but stalk right over and claim her mouth. Sliding my tongue across her lower lip, Bella allowed me access for a moment before pulling back from our PDA. "Well, hello sailor," Bella quipped as she kept me close.

I turned and caught a better look at the short dress that Alice was wearing and groaned. "Couldn't you have left something to the imagination, Alice?"

Alice laughed while Jasper tapped my shoulder. "At least her outfit has ruffles and stockings to hide some skin, Rose'll give the world a show the second she sneezes."

A loud smack echoed as Jasper grabbed his head, rubbing where Rosalie had just walloped him. "Shut it."

Just then we were shown to our table where we settled into our pairs. Dinner went by quickly enough, but my attention was focused on Bella, who besides being a little quiet, seemed to be enjoying herself. As we paid the check, I felt Bella's hand grab mine and I turned to see her look at me a little worried. "Bells?"

"Stick close tonight, okay." I reached up to push her hair behind her ear and kiss her cheek.

"I'm not leaving you alone; you're stuck with me all night." She smiled as we walked out to my car. Everyone else had opted for cabs, but Bella wasn't drinking so I had chosen to drive so if she wanted to leave early we wouldn't have to wait for a cab, but that also meant that both Alice and Rose were sitting on Jazz and Emmett's laps in my backseat.

Pulling up to the building, I parked and took Bella's hand as we walked to the door with our tickets. Once inside, we split up as I took Bella to the bar to get us both something to drink.

"What can I get you?" The bartender leaned in as I turned to Bella, who smiled.

"Can I have a coke?"

"We'll have a coke and a gin and tonic." The bartender nodded and I wrapped my arms around Bella's waist. "Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?"

"No, but I didn't tell you how hot those white pants look on you, so you're forgiven." Bella chuckled and I nuzzled my nose into her neck as our drinks were brought over.

After enjoying our drinks for a while, Bella pulled me over to the dance floor and held me tight. I moved with her to the music until she gasped and pulled back. I looked at her and followed with my eyes to see what had surprised her, my raging hard-on.

Nice fucking job! She's trying to get over what that bastard did to her and on your first official night out together you rub your dick all over her. I reached up to take her face in my hands, "Bella, I'm sorry-"

Her face hardened momentarily as she cut me off. "Stop apologizing, this isn't your fault. We're having fun, please don't get upset."

The smile that followed calmed me as I gave her a quick kiss and then we went to hang out by the others for a while. Bella seemed to relax once the girls started dancing with her and Jasper, Emmett and I ran interference with any guy foolish enough to try to get close to our girls.

Around 10:30, I headed to the bathroom, and when I exited Alice was waiting outside the door. I could tell from the look on her face that something was wrong. "Where's Bella?"

"Rosalie took her outside. Edward…she thought she saw Jake." The worried expression on her face nearly stopped my heart as I headed towards the door.

"I'll call you guys tomorrow." Any trace of the buzz I had felt was gone as the adrenaline pumped through my system.

I made my way to the car to see Bella sitting on the front passenger seat with her legs outside the car and her head in her trembling hands. She looked up and threw her arms around my neck as Rose got out of my way and headed back inside. "Call me if you need anything."

"Edward…Oh God, I saw him." I leaned back to see the tears running down her face.

"Bella, Jake's in jail. They would have called to notify you if he was out." I tried to reason with her but the fear in her eyes just grew.

"He was there, I…I know that it wasn't real…but it…it's never going to end is it?" Her voice broke on the word 'end' and I took both of her hands in mine as I knelt in front of her.

"Bella, look at me." I waited until her eyes locked with mine before I continued. "Jake can't hurt you anymore. I won't let anything happen to you, you're safe now. And this will get better, you just have to give it time…tonight was a big step, but we'll start off smaller next time, okay?"

Bella nodded and continued to take in shallow breaths as she shook with the panic that filled her. "Okay."

"Bella, breath slowly now. In and out." I tried to remember what my dad used to do when Alice would get herself worked up and as I remembered, I moved her right hand and placed it on my neck. "Can you feel my pulse? Focus on that, focus on me, I'm not going anywhere."

After a few minutes Bella started to calm down so I helped her turn so she was in the car and then ran around so we could head home. All drive long I held her hand, trying to reassure her until we pulled into the garage. When we got to the apartment, I locked the door and then checked the apartment so she would know that we were safe while she took a shower. I knocked on the bathroom door and told her that the apartment was empty and it swung open enough for me to catch a glimpse before I closed the door.

Bella was scrubbing her skin all the while her shoulder shook with the tears. I left her alone as I went to change into my sweats.

I had just gotten comfortable when there was a knock at my door. "Come in Bella."

The door opened and she stood there in her flannel pajamas. "Can I stay in here tonight?"

I threw back my blanket as an invitation and she slowly climbed in, sleeping close enough to take my hand, but far enough away that we weren't touching at any other point. I threw the blanket back up over her and squeezed her hand in mine. "Night Bella."

"Goodnight Edward."

**BPOV**

I woke up with a start. This wasn't my room. FUCK! How did this happen? SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! I'm never going to be free from him…

"Bella relax, you're safe." I felt Edward's cool electric touch on my forearm and I spun around, clinging to him. But then he shifted uncomfortably and I pulled back enough to look at him and then saw why he had shied away and it all clicked. Morning wood. I chuckled and let him go.

"I'm okay; I was just surprised not waking up in my own room. Go ahead, I'll be fine."

He looked at me for a moment before getting out of bed and heading towards the bathroom. I noticed he didn't take a change of clothes, so I got up to head off any more awkwardness.

Edward had just made it to his bedroom after his shower when Dr. Gonzales arrived. "Good morning Bella. How was last night?"

I sat in an uncomfortable silence when Edward stuck his head out of his room. "I'll be out of here in a second, I'm sorry."

Dr. Gonzales looked at me and then back to him. "Edward, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to stay for a little bit, that is if you don't have plans."

I turned and Edward looked at me, and I nodded, so he came to join me on the couch, taking a protective position next to me. "Are you okay with me staying?"

I nodded again, unable to find my voice at the moment.

"Okay, I get the distinct feeling that something happened last night, Bella do you think you could talk about it?"

I took a deep breath and started. "We went out last night to the party Edward had found and everything was fine at first, but then…"

"Then?" Was all Dr. G said.

"Edward went to the bathroom and I thought I saw Jake, and I lost it. I couldn't breathe and I had a full blown panic attack. Rosalie took me outside and stayed with me until Edward found us and brought me home."

"How long did the attack last?"

"About fifteen minutes."

Dr. G continued to write as she asked her next question. "And the feelings of dread and general anxiety?"

"They're still here. They got better last night right before I went to sleep, but then this morning it came back."

"Well, do you have any idea what caused either of these attacks?" Dr. Gonzales looked at me intently and I took Edward's hand.

"Last night I was having a great time, I wasn't expecting to enjoy it that much, and then it hit, but I don't know why. This morning is different, when Jake used to…you know…he'd always almost kick me out afterwards, or sometimes he'd leave and I'd wake up alone at his place, so this morning when I woke up in Edward's room…it was the first time since the hospital that I didn't wake up in my own bed. But after I realized where I was, and that Edward was there I was better."

"And why was that?" I knew what she was getting at, so I just said it.

"Because I trust him, I know he'd never hurt me." I looked over at him and he squeezed my hand, smiling encouragingly at me.

"Was any of the guilt there last night?" I took a deep breath, starting to connect the dots she was pointing to.

"You think I saw him because I don't think I should be happy this soon?" I felt Edward shift uncomfortably next to me and I reached the hand that had held his and rested it on his knee.

"I think that you're entirely too hard on yourself. You've worked hard to get to this, and it has happened quicker than it may normally. This isn't going to be easy Bella, but you're allowed to be happy. Don't let him take that away from you." She turned to Edward and smiled. "Now Edward, was there anything that you noticed that Bella has left out that you think could be helpful?"

The sigh came out before he found his words. "I wasn't there when it happened, but she was so terrified when I found her, and she was adamant that it was _him_, but after I was able to help her calm down and got her home, she was more subdued. And I noticed something while she was asleep. Her skin looked raw, like pink…you know."

Shit! I hoped he wouldn't have to see that new habit. "After I thought I saw him, I scrubbed myself, I was trying to get rid of the feeling of him watching…when it didn't work, that's when I asked Edward if I could stay the night with him."

"Okay, Edward, if you wouldn't mind I'd like to finish the session with Bella alone, thank you for your insight." Dr. G smiled and Edward kissed my temple before heading to the door.

"I'll be back in 20."

I focused my attention on my kind-hearted therapist, because with the question I had in my head, I better ease her worries first. "What do you think I'm about to say?" Oh joy…guessing games.

"You're going to tell me that I'm moving too fast with Edward?"

She smiled and wrote something in her notebook. "No, my concerns with Edward were that you'd bury yourself in a new relationship to try to forget about taking care of yourself, but it's obvious that Edward wouldn't have any of that. I think you're trying to break out of all of this too quickly. Start with smaller things, like going grocery shopping, I know you love to cook, so why don't you do that. And I'd like you to start going to the support group I mentioned, I think talking to women who've been where you are now might help you. Can you do that between now and our next session?"

I nodded. "Dr. Gonzales, can I ask you something?"

Having peaked her interest, she gestured for me to continue. "This is something that I'm curious about…he'd probably kill me for asking, but how do I start being intimate with Edward? I mean, last night we were dancing and he got…excited and I freaked a little. I want to be with him, but I can't even bring myself to fall asleep in his arms."

Trying to hide her momentary shock, she moved to sit next to me. "Bella, there's no time table for this. You have to move at _your_ pace. Make sure Edward knows that you might have to stop abruptly if you become uncomfortable, and take it in steps. Move up to bigger moments of intimacy. And please, _talk_ to him. We can discuss this more as thing progress, but for now, just be careful."

I walked Dr. Gonzales to the door and then headed to the kitchen to make a grocery list. Edward returned a few minutes later and caught my activity. "What's that?"

"My next therapy assignment, get your keys, we're going grocery shopping."

Ten minutes later we were pulling up to the University District Trader Joe's. When I got out of the car I felt a slight calm come over me, this was somewhere that hadn't been tainted and no matter where I was or what was going on, I could always find peace in a grocery store.

Edward and I walked in, and just like at Petco, he held onto the cart on either side of me, keeping me safe in the protective circle of his arms, without crowding me too much. We were desperately in need of food, so I wanted to walk the aisles and see if anything jumped out that I hadn't planned on.

Twenty-five minutes later we had worked through the aisles and were now in frozen food, beginning the run of the outside where all the refrigerated items were. As I began looking at the different meal-in-a-bag options and Edward searched for ice cream I turned to see Paul staring at me. FUCK ME! I was halfway between the two of them when Edward noticed the silent exchange and threw the ice cream in before taking his place around me and pushing the cart towards dairy. As we rounded the corner, Edward turned me around and took my face in his hands. "Who is that guy?"

I took a stilted breath. "Paul, he's one of Jake's roommates." Edward stiffened and then looked back in the direction we had just come from. "Edward, calm down, he didn't do anything, the last thing we want to do is give them any ammunition."

His head snapped back to me. "What?"

I rolled my eyes and then stared at his chest. "Jake's side of this is that I changed my story after something happened between us, and if you go over there guns blazing it'll help show that what happened was him defending his relationship and I just got in the way."

Edward's knuckles were white on the cart's handle. "That doesn't even make sense."

"I know, Jake's officially lost it, but let's just finish our shopping and head home."

Edward nodded and we did just that. After checking out, we loaded up his car and went back to the apartment. We filled up the stolen shopping cart from the crap closet and headed upstairs.

I used the time unloading the groceries to think about how to broach the subject of intimacy with Edward. I knew his reaction would be to tell me that there wasn't any rush, that we had nothing to prove, but _I _did. When I was done I found him in his room, sitting at his computer. "Hey gorgeous, what do you feel up to today?"

I smiled and climbed onto his bed, kicking off my ballet shoes and resting my head on one of his pillows. "Don't freak out at what I'm about to say, because I don't mean it like it sounds, I just want to say some things out loud. We need to talk."

Edward got up from his chair and joined me on the bed. I placed a hand on his chest, willing him to lay on his back before I curled into his side and placed my ear over his heart. I needed to hear that to keep me calm. "Edward…I'm scared." I felt his arms wrap around me and I sighed, he gave me exactly what I needed to move forward. "I know that when I leave here on Monday everyone is going to know who I am. I'm going to be _that_ girl. Everyone's going to whisper and stare and I'm going to be all alone. I have a meeting with my advisor about teaching her lessons while she's gone, and I'm terrified of having to do that. Not because of anything that goes into teaching it, but because I'll be the center of attention for 4 classes. She mentioned combining the classes during common hours like she has earlier in the semester, but I don't know what's worse, 6 hours with 60 students, or 3 hours with 120. And I'm worried about what people think about us, not that it matters to me, but I still don't like that they're going to be judging you with me."

"I'm a big boy, I can handle it." Edward whispered into my hair before letting me continue.

"Alright, now this is my other fear. Don't get mad at me, but I talked to Dr. Gonzales about us being more…intimate."

I felt him stiffen under me and then my head rose with his chest before he responded. "Bella, I don't want you to worry about that now…we'll get there."

I was annoyed, I knew he was reassuring me that he would wait, but who said I was ready to. I leaned up, resting on my right hand as I looked down at him. "Well I am worrying about it. This scares the hell out of me! I want to be with you, but the thought of it makes me anxious. I've wanted you since I first met you, and now we have this monumental boulder in our way. And that drives me nuts because right now I can't do much about it. Anyway, Dr. G says we should start small, and work our way up to it. Make sure I can get through one type of intimacy before we move on to the next."

He reached up to brush his hand across my cheek and then cup my face. "Okay…so what exactly do you want to do?"

"Are you busy now?"

He shook his head and smiled as a tear escaped my eye. "Can you hold me while I sleep? I want to get used to sleeping with you, so I won't panic."

He nodded and opened his arms for me to crawl into his chest as I fell asleep.

**EPOV**

Bella talking about wanting me was a type of sweet torture. I wanted so badly to hold her and make love to her, knowing that it would be a long time before we could 'just fuck' as harsh as that sounds. Today, however, was another test. Going to dinner at my parents would be a big step, and I hoped that nothing too bad would happen.

Bella stepped out of her room wearing a pink and black vintage print dress that was nice enough for dinner with my parents, yet still fun and uniquely Bella. As we drove to my parents house Bella fidgeted with her long sleeves until I reached over and took her hand. "They already love you, just breathe."

She took a deep breath as we pulled onto their street. When we got to their house I laughed at the gasp that escaped her lips. We headed to the door and were soon pulled inside for a round of hugs. "Bella, I'm so glad you came; now Edward can't say anything about Jazz being here!"

Alice bounded as Bella laughed before my mother gave her a hug as well. "It's good to see you again, why don't you two come into the dining room, dinner will be out in a minute."

I smiled at my mom before I went to get Bella and me a drink.

"How's she doing?" My mom and Alice asked as soon as Jasper had Bella occupied in the dining room.

"She's doing alright. I have no clue how she manages it, but she is doing well. I'm really proud of her."

Bella's laughter filtered into the kitchen a moment before I heard my father's quiet voice join in. We all returned to the dining room and sat down. Dinner went quickly enough, and Bella seemed to fit in here, which couldn't have made me any happier. No one mentioned her incident on Halloween, and Bella spent some time talking animatedly about getting to teach next month, promising to give me a hard time so no one thought I was getting preferential treatment. When the topic of classes came up she stiffened a little, but owned to her anxiety before announcing that she would survive it. After, we headed home for a quiet night of watching Arrested Development before a full day of classes for us both in the morning.


	11. Whispers, Fears and Baby Steps

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Here's the latest from College B&E! I'm really excited by what's coming and this chapter took quite a turn when Edward hijacked my mind and wrote a conversation I didn't know he wanted to have until it started flowing out onto the screen. Now to everyone who's reviewing and adding me to the various types of favorites…THANK YOU! That means so much to me.**

**BPOV**

Monday morning came way too quickly as I sat in my room listening to the sound of Edward in the shower. He had a meeting this morning so I would be going to class on my own. He had offered to ditch it, but it was for his Organic Chemistry class, and I wasn't about to let him mess up an important class for me. The shower shut off and I could hear Edward make his way to my room just before the knock came. "Bella, can I come in?"

I got up and opened the door to see Edward standing there in his towel covered, still dripping perfection and I couldn't resist. I leaned up and kissed him, running my hands up his neck until I had a hold of the hair at the back of his neck, while his right hand cupped my neck and his left held his towel securely in place. "Thank you, I'm gonna need to remember that someone's on my side today."

Edward furrowed his brow and then kissed my forehead. "I'm always going to be on your side. Have a good day, and I'll see you as soon as my last class is done."

I nodded and Edward went back to his room, while I went to pick out something to wear. Finally deciding on my 'Jessie and the Rippers' t-shirt and a pair of jeans, I got in the shower and then dressed before heading out into the hallway.

Making it to class was the easy part, but walking into the lecture hall was much harder. I had made a point of getting there early and hiding out in the back so that I could avoid notice, but no such luck. Although no one said anything to me, a lot of people stared and then turned quickly before whispering to their neighbors. I had never been so excited to have Biology class start in my life. The class dragged, but finally I was able to get out of there and head to McCarthy hall for my Austen class.

This class was much smaller, and therefore harder to hide out in. A good Jane Austen novel had been my refuge, but in this classroom all I could think about was the fact that I had been reading an Austen re-hash the night Jake attacked me.

I barely held it together, but when class ended my professor asked me to stay behind. "I just wanted to give you back all of your assignments. I was impressed that you were actually able to get ahead of the class with your work, I look forward to your final paper."

I smiled, sticking the pile of papers into my bag and heading for the parking lot. The rain was falling just hard enough to be an annoyance and when I got to my truck I turned on the heat, letting the safety of my big truck keep me from going to pieces. Getting home, I threw my bag into my room and started cleaning, needing something to pass the time until Edward came home.

Working my way through the apartment, I was scrubbing the bathroom floor when Edward called out, "Bells?"

Finishing, I stood up and removed my gloves as I reached him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him close. His arms encircled me as the tears slowly came. "Bella, what happened? Did someone-"

"Nothing really, no one _did_ anything there was just a lot of stares and whispers."

He pulled me closer. "I'm sorry Bella, it'll get better, I promise."

"Are you hungry, I could throw something in the oven?"

Edward shook his head as his nose burrowed into my hair. "I'll do it, you've been busy."

I felt his arms move lower and although it was a subtle change, it set something off. "Edward…can you loosen your arms?"

He shifted and then dropped his arms, running his hands over my biceps. "Was that too tight?"

"A little." My eyes fell to the floor and Edward bent down to enter my field of vision.

"This isn't our fault, and you'll get there."

"Hopefully you won't die from blue balls first." I chuckled and Edward shook his head.

"Don't even joke about shit like that." He laughed and then headed to the kitchen to throw something in the oven as I went to get my books.

Heading off to classes today, I was a little more at ease because I had survived yesterday.

Poetry class could have been a disaster, but Ms. Courtney barely acknowledged my presence as one of my classmates read his work. When class ended Ms. Courtney signaled for me to stay behind so I packed my things slowly and walked up to her desk. "Bella I want to tell you how proud I am of you. Most people who have been through something like you would have shut down. But the poetry your friend dropped off was so powerful, and honest…it blew me away. I would never dream of asking you to present those poems for the class, but I have assigned you the second last day class, so you have plenty of time to write something you'd be comfortable with the class critiquing. But keep writing like that, because it was truly inspiring."

I was nearly in tears by the time she finished. "Thank you Ms. Courtney-"

She shook her head at me. "Please call me Erin, Bella. Now are you done for the day?"

I sighed. "No I have class later, but my boyfriend is coming to get me."

She looked at me with a worried expression when Edward popped his head in and knocked. "You ready to…oh, I'm sorry, I'll just-"

I waved him in. "No Edward, it's alright. This is my poetry teacher Erin Courtney, Erin this is my boyfriend Edward."

The recognition of his name from my earlier poems came quickly and she smiled. "It's nice to meet you. Bella if you ever need anything, my door is always open."

Walking out after her Edward led me down the stairs. Heading to where I parked, he held out his hand as he opened the passenger side door. "Bella, why don't you let me drive."? I shook my head and tried to walk around him, but he shot me that helpless puppy look and then motioned to the truck cab with his head, where sitting in his shoebox, was Fitz. "I scheduled his check-up today, I hope you don't mind?"

My face melted when I looked at my furball and I handed over the keys happily to climb in and cuddle with my boy. Driving to the vet, I noticed Edward's eyes flash to me more than once, but I stayed focused on Fitz, letting him bring up whatever he was contemplating in his own time.

Pulling into one of the parking spaces, we were quickly shown into one of the exam rooms, where Fitz set off to explore the exam table as best he could. When the vet came in she checked out his eye, which was thankfully better, and then started checking out his weight and other vitals before watching him try to walk. I got really upset having to watch him struggle like that, but I knew that eventually he would be strong enough to do it on his own, and that's when it clicked. Edward's cautious eyes in the car were his own version of my angst over Fitz. He wished more than anything that he could take this away, but knowing that was impossible he was determined to wait for the day I could "walk" again, and he would be there for me until that day. I reached over and took his hand, squeezing it as he smiled over at me.

After the vet's appointment, we went to McDonalds and ate in the truck as our little dysfunctional family and then Edward drove me to class before promising to pick me up. Shakespeare was one of the largest classes offered by the English department, so I sat back and was pleasantly surprised when the Mel Gibson version of _Hamlet _was going to be taking up this week's classes. When class let out I exited without incident and sitting at the corner was Edward's Volvo. Climbing into the car with him, I leaned over and kissed him with a little more enthusiasm than he had expected, because honestly, I didn't care who saw it.

Getting home, there was a message from the DA on our machine asking for me to set up a preliminary meeting to discuss the case against Jake. My stomach tightened and Edward was right there to try and calm me, but there was no use. I wasn't any more ready to sit in front of the prosecutor than I was ready to think about having to testify in court with Jake sitting in the room. With no appetite, I brought Fitz into my room and went to bed early.

Classes Wednesday were fine, and after sitting down with Dr. G, I felt a little better about meeting with the prosecutor, so I called and made an appointment for Friday. Thursday was another uneventful day, but at 3am on Friday morning I woke up with a terrible anxiety attack, getting sick before I spent the better part of an hour trembling in bed before Edward woke up to go to the bathroom and heard me.

Wordlessly, he climbed into bed with me and pulled me into the security of his arms. I took in a stilted breath and tried to breathe in as much of his scent as I could before I fell asleep. When I woke up, Edward was sleeping in what couldn't be a comfortable position, but there was still a smile on his face. I couldn't understand the love there, but I wasn't stupid enough to question it, so I just woke him up so that we could get ready for our day.

Once again, poetry class with Erin was easy enough, but driving over to the meeting with the prosecutor was where my nerves got going. By the time I walked into his office, I was completely on edge. One of the paralegals showed me into his office and got me a bottled water while I waited for him to arrive. After a few minutes the door opened and a young man carrying a box of files came through the doorway, before kicking it closed and dropping the box on the floor next to the desk he sat down at. "Hi, you must be Isabella Swan, I'm Alec Canon, and I'm the prosecutor in charge of your case." He reached his hand across the desk and I shook it, noticing how young he looked, how many cases had he tried?

"Call me Bella, it's nice to meet you Mr. Canon." His eyebrow curled up and he laughed.

"Bella, call me Alec, Mr. Canon is my dad. Now, let me get some basic information from you, if you don't mind?" I nodded and he pulled out a tape recorder. "This is the preliminary interview of witness Isabella Swan for case number 16843-4, The People of the State of Washington versus Jacob Black. Now Bella, first I want to get some background information. With the injuries you sustained during the attack on October 3rd you were put on a temporary medical leave from school, have you returned to classes yet?"

Letting out a deep breath I nodded, and then realized that the recorder wouldn't acknowledge that. "Yes, I started back to classes this Monday."

"And you intend to complete your semester?"

"Yes." My confusion was plain on my face and he motioned that it would be explained later, moving on to the next question.

"Alright Bella, how about we move onto the events that lead up to the night in question. Can you tell me how you met the defendant?"

Taking another deep breath and shaking my hands, willing away the trembling that had begun a few minutes earlier. "I met him at a party at the Med House."

Alec looked up. "Excuse me?"

"Sorry, the Med House is a form of off-campus housing, it was an alumni gift to the Med School at the University, they have a huge party at the beginning of every semester and my roommate is pre-med, so he invited me to go with him."

Understanding now, Alec continued to take notes. "And what happened that night?"

My heart raced, as I knew that I couldn't really answer that question properly. "I can't really remember. I was there with Edward, my roommate, and we got separated and I found him making out with a girl he ended up dating for a while, and I got annoyed and that's when I met Jake. He brought me inside and got me a drink…a couple of drinks actually. I remember him making a move, but nothing happened that night, and then the next thing I remember is waking up at like 3am when Edward's sister Alice found me asleep on the porch."

Alec looked as though he may have stumbled upon something as he asked his next question. "Have you ever lost whole portions of a night like that?"

"I'm on an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medicine that you aren't supposed to mix with alcohol really, I normally only really have beer, but sometimes it makes me sleepy, and the time I lost had been because I was asleep, but I never really forgot things that happened while I was awake."

"And you left the area where you had been hanging out with your friends because your roommate was making out with another girl?"

"Yes, Tanya Denali."

Alec grimaced. "And what is the current status of your relationship with Edward Cullen?"

"We just started dating."

"Bella, I know this is going to be a hard topic to talk about, but the defense is going to go there. Was Edward the reason you changed your opinion on your relationship with Jacob Black?"

I shook my head violently. "No. I didn't find out that Edward had feelings for me until the day we started dating; I had tried to break up with Jake on more than one occasion. I had started drinking and hiding out in my room to escape what was happening because he would be so sweet one minute and then he would flip on a dime. I'd go to talk to him and he would always be in his room and he'd end up…forcing himself on me. Then I stopped going over there for a while, but finally I went back that Friday to break up with him, because I couldn't take it anymore. And then when I walked in there he was snorting coke and then he saw me he offered me some, and when I went to leave he grabbed me and raped me again. It was the most violent he had been up until that point, and when he left to go camping I knew it was my only chance to go to the hospital without it getting back to him from someone on the Peace Officers. When I went to the hospital I needed to have them check me out, but even then I couldn't' give the officer his name. It took what happened the night he broke into my apartment for me to finally tell the police everything. I still wanted to believe there was a reason behind it. But he was so crazed that night, there's no excusing what he did."

Looking out the window, it was the beep of the tape recorder that brought me back out of it. "Thank you Bella, that will be all for today. I want to give you fair warning, over the course of the meetings we have leading up to the court date, I will be asking you about these events over and over in preparation for when you testify, I'm going to need you to be prepared for that."

"I will. Can I ask what you meant when you asked if I was planning on completing the semester?" I waited as he put some of his papers in order and then met my eyes.

"Just that some victims don't go back to class that quickly, I was wondering if you were still undecided, that's all."

I shook my head. "No, I plan to finish my semester; I won't let him take that too."

Alec nodded and then stood up to walk me out. "It should be a little while until I need to see you again, right now we're looking at an early February court date. So unless something else comes up, you'll hear from me when a trial date is set. Thank you for your time Bella."

"Thank you Alec." I managed to utter at slightly more than a whisper before I exited his office and went back to my truck. On the way home the panic attack was threatening to break through when something in one of the store windows caught my eye and I pulled over.

**EPOV**

Bella should have been home by now. I knew she had the meeting with the prosecutor, but there's no way it was taking this long, so naturally my mind began to go to places my mind didn't need to be going. Then I remembered the menacing look on that guys face, Jake's friend, at the grocery store and I started pacing.

The sound of keys in the door had me running to throw it open and envelop her in my arms. The gasp that echoed in my ears was like an answered prayer, as her arms wrapped around my neck. "Where were you?"

Pulling back Bella saw the expression on my face and kissed my temple. "I'm sorry I worried you, but I was on my way home when I drove past that hardware store so I stopped in."

I looked past her to the cans of paint and bags of supplies on the hallway floor. "You were serious about the room makeover?"

She nodded and then looked into my eyes with an intensity I had come to know all too well. "When I'm in that room all I think about is how that was where I hid away, that was the place where the nightmares would find me, and I can't live like that. I need a change and short of moving, painting is the next best thing."

"Well we won't be able to finish it tonight, so are you going to just wait and start it tomorrow?"

Bella's face fell slightly and I tried to think what I had just said that could have upset her like that. "I was hoping we could start tonight and I could spend the night in your room…but if you'd rather…"

Oh shit! She was reaching out and she thought I was pushing her away. Pulling her lips to mine I kissed her tenderly and then let her go. "Let's start moving stuff out of your room, that way we can eat before we start painting."

We changed into sweats and moved everything outside into the living room with the exception of her dresser and bed, which we pushed into the center of the room and covered with a drop cloth. After eating some pizza, we started trimming out the wall behind her bed.

Bella was very determined as she rolled the paint on the wall. I wanted to loosen her up so I took my thumb and ran it along the roller and then turned her face and caressed her cheek with the paint-covered thumb. The look of shock on her face was so worth it as she rolled her roller across my face. The paint fight went on for a few moments until she ran her paint filled hand through my hair.

"No fair!" I only half faked horror as she giggled. "How was your meeting?"

She exhaled loudly and then went back to painting. "He knows we're dating, and we focused on that because the defense will, but now he just wants me to work up to telling him everything without panicking, he wants me to be ready to hold my own during cross-examination. I don't know how I'm going to get through it."

"We'll get through it together." I whispered as I kissed her hair and we moved on to the next wall.

An hour later the first coat was on the walls and we were getting ready for bed, being sure to wash all the paint out of our hair. Bella climbed into bed and when I joined her, she snuggled in lightly and quickly fell asleep. I, however, was the one haunted by what had happened to her that night. It wasn't even the night he beat her so much as it was remembering all the nights and days she spent locked in her room, all the sweatshirts and long-sleeved shirts she had worn, and all the times I ignored my better judgment about the fact that something was wrong.

Around 2am it was too much and as Bella had rolled over and was snuggling with one of my pillows, I got up and went into the kitchen. Sitting there at the table with my glass of OJ, I stared at her furniture and clothes and other possessions and walked straight into her room.

Opening the can of white paint, I carefully began to paint the trim around her light blue walls and then moved onto the ceiling. It took a while, but finally I was done. Stepping back to admire my handy work, that's when I heard her voice. "You weren't there."

I turned to smile at her but the pure panic on her face stopped my heart. "Bella?"

I walked over to her and she pushed me away. "Don't touch me. We went to sleep and then I woke up alone…in your room…in your _bed_…what was so important…did you have to finish painting in the middle of the night…or am I so…_repulsive_…that even you can't stand to spend the night with me."

The combination of the sea of self-loathing I had been swimming in since I tried to fall asleep and her words brought the bitch out of me as I started crying to keep from yelling too loud at the absurdity of her thought process, or the fact that she had just compared me to Jake. "How can you think I don't want you? Jesus Bella, I've willingly jumped through more hoops for this relationship than most guys would even think about, so don't do that! Don't try to lump me in with _him_. The reason I came in here was all I could think about was how long you hid out in here because I had been too fucking clueless to see it, and when I did I didn't man up and ask you what was going on. So I came in here so that tomorrow night you could go to sleep in your own bed without any of that haunting you, that way one of us can sleep at night. Because I don't. I spend every waking moment studying you, trying to see what sets you off so I don't ever do it again, and every night I get a crappy night's sleep trying to come up with ways to make things easier on you. Bella, everything I do right now is about you. I'm busting my ass in school so that I'm worthy of you, I sit on the floor in the living room trying to teach Fitz to walk right so that you can stop worrying about how his life will be if he can't walk, shit I even know how to defrost food in the microwave now so that I can help out in the kitchen so you don't have to do it every night. You have domesticated the fuck out of me, and the only thing I can think is 'Thank God!' Because I don't want to be the guy I was, the guy who hooked up with girls at parties, and drank just to see how much I could stomach, or put my clothes in a trash bag, but moved my porn in a suitcase. That guy was out to have fun, and from the moment you stood in front of me in that skimpy outfit with the yellow gloves on and the scrub brush in hand I wanted to be someone you could love. It took me way too long to figure it out, and evidently I'm still not getting it right, but don't doubt that I'm trying."

I stood there panting as I finished my diatribe, which I was already regretting parts of, mainly because the tears hadn't stopped flowing for either of us since I started. Then Bella opened her mouth.

**BPOV**

Well, that definitely wasn't what I expected. When I woke up to find him gone I thoroughly freaked out. I knew he had probably just gone to the bathroom, but when I found him in my room, having just finished painting the first coat of white, I was pissed. Then came that spectacular rant. I know it should have made me angry that he was yelling at me, even though I could tell the volume was more frustration than anger, but all I could do was focus on what he was saying. He was telling me how much he loved me, and how it had changed him in wonderful and frightening ways. In being there for me he had taken on my neuroses and even if he thought he was becoming a better man by standing by me, I wouldn't let it destroy the reasons I loved him.

Opening my mouth, I didn't know how to say what I felt so I decided to show him. Walking over to him, I tugged on his arm and sat on the bed. When he joined me on the plastic covered mattress I pulled his head to rest on my chest and I tucked his glorious hair under my chin, rubbing his back with one hand while I held his face there with the other. We sat there for a few minutes before I found my strength. "Edward, I don't want you to become another victim of everything that's happening to me. You couldn't have saved me, and you can't blame yourself for it. I'm getting better, but you seem to be taking on what I cast off. You need to tell me how you're feeling. And I should be more open with you. If we're sleeping in the same bed, wake me if you're getting up, that way I don't panic. And don't try to change too much; I fell in love with the guy who took better care of his porn than his clothes." I laughed, remembering to file that away if I ever needed to deflect Alice's rage. "Please come back to bed with me."

Edward looked up at me and took my hand, leading me back to his room.

After the rough night that was our first real fight, Edward and I spent a quiet weekend finishing my room and studying. The following week went surprisingly quickly, with all the midterm madness over, everyone was now pushing towards the Thanksgiving Break in two weeks. There wasn't much to deal with until my meeting with Professor O'Hara. Sitting in the seat opposite her, I quickly felt the acid rise in my throat.

"I'm not going to waste time and baby you Isabella, because I know you better than that, so just tell me, are you going to teach those classes or will I have to find someone else?"

Looking across at her, I cocked my head to the side. "I already told you that I'm fine to teach for you while you're at the conference."

"Isabella, do you remember what the companion reading to _The Virgin Suicides_ is?" She wasn't making eye contact as she shuffled through the folders on her desk.

"Yes, I do, and although it's not my favorite story at the moment, I have no problem teaching it. And I decided that I want to combine the classes, get them done in one shot."

Nodding, she handed me the papers she had been looking for. "Good, I'm glad to hear it. I'll make the arrangements; you just get ready to teach those uncultured brutes. I'll speak to you again between now and then, have a good weekend."

Walking out of the office I went straight back to the apartment where and exhausted looking Edward was passed out on the couch. I went into my room and pulled out the papers O'Hara had given me.

When Edward opened my door, he looked so sad and I got up to give him a hug. "What's wrong?"

Resting his forehead on mine he looked over towards my desk. "I had a bad day. My damn history professor, he's riding me about this paper and-"

I looked up at him. "Did you do it?"

"Yeah, but I half-assed it and he knows it, he keeps telling me to rewrite it."

"So do it. Why stress when you can fix it up this weekend and get him off your back."

"You're right, I'm just being stubborn." Stepping back, Edward's hand grazed my breast and I gasped, because even though it was a split-second, it felt amazing. Catching his hand, I brought it back to my chest and he froze as I held it there. "Bella…what are you…?"

"It's okay, just move slowly."

That was all the encouragement he needed. Leading me into the living room, we sat on the couch as he began to caress my upper body through my shirt. This was something completely new and kind of junior high, but I think that's why I responded to it the way I did. Jake had never touched me, not like this at least. So this wasn't something I could link back to him. Edward's talented fingers worked their magic and without ever making contact with my skin, he already had me feeling like a new me.

**EPOV**

I damn near lost my mind in the last ten minutes. I went from bitching about a paper that I really should have revised already, to having Bella grab my hand and press it up against her breast. I've dreamed about touching Bella for so long that once I actually had her on the couch, which I knew would be a more comfortable place for her; I had to concentrate really hard in those first few minutes not to move too fast. The sounds escaping her were not helping either. I was doing everything right from the sound of it as she pulled my face to hers and kissed me.

Sliding my hand along the fabric covering her side, I slid my hand across her ribs and moved them across her hip and down her thigh. Running my hand up and down her thigh, Bella moaned, but the moan soon ended in a whine as she ended the kiss. "Edward…"

"Too much?" I looked into her dark brown eyes and saw the confusion there.

"No, but if we keep going…it will be. And I can't handle that." She looked down shamefully and I placed a finger under her chin, pulling it back up.

"Don't…don't feel bad. I knew it was going to end; so don't worry about my expectations, because they weren't anything more than what you just gave me…which was pretty fucking awesome. Now, I'm going to…"

"Take an ice bath because your girlfriend is a tease?" She smirked up at me, although it didn't reach her eyes.

"No, I'm taking a shower because I have an overactive imagination and a ridiculously hot girlfriend." I went to my room to grab my clothes and Bella called out after me.

"Fine, but forget about picking out a shirt, because one of us is going topless tonight."

I heard her giggle a second before I let out a short chortle and made my way into the bathroom.


	12. Strength in Numbers

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**This chapter is shorter, and I know you've waited a while, but next chapter couldn't be lumped together with this so I had to break it up. Bella is all emotional this chapter, but mainly that's art taking creative license. Because I'd do the same thing if my papa pulled that mess! Okay I've kept you waiting long enough; so on with it. This is the last chapter I have written, so I have one more to post of another story and then I'm back to writing…YAY!**

**BPOV**

Emmett was sitting on my couch staring up at me when I emerged with my bag. "Bells, thank you! I never would have made it through this trip alone." He swept me into a bear hug, but I had to piss on his parade.

"Emmett, I'm staying with the Cullen's because they close the dorm, I'm not going to Phoenix."

His face fell as Edward came out and took my bag. "Sorry Emmett, I tried."

Emmett heaved off the couch. "Bella it's only going to be worse at Christmas."

"That may be true, but I'll be better at Christmas and that's why I'm waiting. Now have some faux-turkey for me okay?" I hugged him and we all left the apartment together, driving Emmett to the airport before heading to Edward's parents for the next five days.

Watching him walk through the sliding doors I turned to Edward. "So, is there anything you want to warn me about before we go to your house?" Edward smiled and then turned red.

"My mom's talked my dad into letting you crash in my room."

"What?" I now matched his coloring as he rolled his eyes.

"Normally they make girlfriends or boyfriends stay in separate rooms, but my mom told him that if we're going to then why make us sneak around, which I agree with, I'm 21 for fucks sake, if I want to be with my girlfriend they can't possibly not understand that. I'm only a year younger than my dad was when my mom got pregnant."

I looked down and then decided to change the subject. "You said you've started working on your final paper?"

"Yup, we only have _The Virgin Suicides_ left now, so I figured I'd start pulling it together and then see what I can add from it, and if it doesn't fit then I'll leave out that book, although I want the extra credit from using all the books and companion material."

I laughed. "It'll work with your topic, don't worry. Would you mind taking a break from it on Friday?"

"Shopping?" He looked wary.

"In the morning, but I have a meeting at 2pm and I wanted you to drive me and then pick me up at 3pm."

"I thought your doctor's appointment was next week?" Edward looked over at me from the driver's seat as he merged in with the traffic.

"It is, I'm going to try out the group that Dr. G thought I should go to, it'll help me get ready for the trial." Edward reached across and took my hand.

"Sure, I'll take you."

We drove the rest of the way to his parents in silence and when we got there he grabbed the bags so I could carry Fitz's carrier.

"Hello Bella, it's so good to see you. How have you been?" Esme pulled me into a hug and I laughed at her enthusiasm at my arrival.

"I'm good Esme, thank you for having me this weekend."

"No problem dear, now I have to run…meeting with one of my clients. See you for dinner." Esme was out the door and Edward decided to roll his eyes at Esme's obvious attempt to give us privacy.

"Does she think we're having sex?" I asked him.

"No, but she knows we're not darning socks all night and my dad is at work so she's trying to give us a little privacy while we can get it. Want a tour?"

"Sure."

Edward walked me around the beautiful Cullen home and I couldn't get over the fact that he had grown up like that. When we got to his room he paused. "Here we are…"

I laughed and opened the door, walking over to the window while Edward went to get our stuff. When he came back I turned and let Fitz out, knowing he wasn't going to go anywhere, when he lifted himself up and took his first shaky steps. As he kept moving he picked up momentum and I couldn't help but cry. "Edward look, he's doing it!"

"I know love, he's walking." He wrapped his arms around my waist and I collapsed into his chest. It felt heavenly in this simple moment and I turned to him.

"I love you." I kissed him and he immediately melted into the kiss and then laughed when Fitz began rubbing against his leg.

"You've been walking for three minutes and you're already cock-blocking." He scowled down at the cat before we all went back down to the living room.

Watching TV with Edward was always calming, there was something in the utter normalcy of it that I loved. When Carlisle came home around 7:00 he was armed with pizzas. I looked at Edward confused, but he just laughed. "Yes, dad's cooking!"

Pulling me to the dining room the three of us sat around eating pizza and talking about school, which of course led to a discussion of the week I was teaching, which Edward was _way_ too excited about. "Edward, you realize that my student teaching won't guarantee you an A, right?"

Carlisle laughed and smiled at us from across the table. "Bella I've never been happier about one of my son's decisions than I am about the day he went to the housing office and got assigned to your room. I'm glad that you two found each other. Now, I'm off to do some work, don't stay up too late Edward, we're going to be in the basement all morning tomorrow."

I looked at Edward and he laughed. "My mom makes us dig out all the holiday decorations to keep us occupied while she cooks and then by the time we've got the decorations taken care of outside dinner's ready. It's all part of her master plan to keep us from sneaking food all morning."

"So where will I land in this scenario?" I asked, not knowing if Esme would want me cooking with her.

"You'll be in the kitchen, though you'll be more help than Alice, she hates cooking and usually comes out to bark orders at us outside once she gets bored in the kitchen."

I shook my head at the sweetness of the tradition, because I knew Emmett was going to be having a very different holiday. Sticking around in the living room until Esme got home, she told me that I'd be expected in the kitchen by 9am tomorrow and then went upstairs with us following behind her.

**EPOV**

I woke up to a quiet meow. Opening my eyes, I grabbed one of his cans and put a small amount on his little plate inside his carrier and then brought the whole thing down to the kitchen. When I stepped into the doorway I saw Bella and my mom working side by side as Alice sat on a barstool, turning to see me first. "There's my nephew."

Alice bounded and took the carrier from me as I walked over to my mom placing a kiss on her cheek before doing the same to Bella. "Before you say anything, I was just dropping off my alarm clock. I'm off to find dad and Jasper."

Bella laughed and shook her head as I ran down to the safety of the basement. "Well, look who just woke up." Jasper snarked as I swatted him. "This would be so much easier if Em was here."

"Bella's brother, where is he today?"

"Running interference with the fam, same as Rosie's doing for me."

I nodded, "Yeah, Bella wasn't ready to deal with telling her parents."

"They don't know?" My dad was more than a little surprised.

"Her parents aren't good at handling things like this. Her friend committed suicide in high school and instead of dealing with their daughter's depression her dad shipped her off and her mother never talked about it, when they find out they're going to react badly and she doesn't want to deal with it." I huffed, annoyed at how infuriating they were.

"Edward not every family is as emotionally open as we are, it's just their way."

"Their way sucks." I muttered under my breath.

For the next few hours we dug up the ornaments for this year's tree as well as the garlands and wreaths for outside. We started lugging things up the stairs as Alice bounded in from the kitchen. "Mom I have to help the guys or they'll hang the upstairs wreaths on the downstairs windows." Alice stopped right in front of me and I sat the box in front of her. She opened it and grabbed three wreaths and their hangers. "Your window, the hall window, and my window." Pulling out the next two she handed them to my dad and he followed me up the stairs.

With the demon pixie's help we had the front of the house decorated by 2:15 and were sitting in the living room for about three minutes before she placed a stack of plates in my lap. "Dinner's almost ready; you boys have to set the table."

"Are your arms broken Ali?" I sneered and she rolled her eyes.

"No but that's peon work and I'm a supervisor." Her tinkling laugh was echoed by Bella's from the kitchen.

"Baby, be a good little peon and listen to Alice, its tradition." Bella laughed again, barely finishing her sentence.

So we got up and set the table just in time for the food to come out and boy did it smell great. Sitting down next to Bella on one side of the table, Alice and Jasper grabbed the other side and my parents each took one end. After saying grace we started passing the food. As traditional as we may seem, we were never the 'say what you're grateful' type of family. So we all started eating, thoroughly enjoying the food as I noticed the turnips weren't quite as bitter as they normally were. Obviously my mom noticed my face, because she answered the question I hadn't asked. "Bella added some of the sweet potatoes to the turnips; she said that was how she gets Emmett to eat them."

I laughed at the idea of a twelve year-old Bella standing in the kitchen trying to find a way to get her big brother to eat his vegetables.

When dinner was over and the dishwasher was going, we all went to sit and watch some TV in the living room, when the news came back from commercial. The reporter turned to the camera and used her 'serious voice'.

"In other news, the trial date was set in the case of Jacob Black, the University Peace Officer accused of raping and beating his girlfriend. Having pled guilty to the drug charges against him, the DA has said the trial will start in the last week of January."

Bella flew off the couch and up the stairs as I stared at the TV. "Don't they have to notify us before that shit is released?"

"I got a call from Mr. Canon yesterday; he said he had spoken to Bella." My dad looked confused, but my eyes drifted to the stairs.

"I'm going to see how she is." I ran upstairs and found Bella on my floor. "Bella?"

"Everyone finally stopped staring at me like a pariah and now it's going to be splashed all over the news until February when the trial ends."

I took a deep breath, trying not to sound angry. "Bella, did Alec call you about this?"

She looked back at the carpet. "Yesterday when I was in my room, I didn't want it to ruin your holiday, I was going to tell you tomorrow, let you know that the reason I chose now to start going to the rape support group was because they set the date. It's January 26th by the way."

"First day of classes?" I asked, knowing that the timing would suck.

"Yup, but Alec assured me that it should be wrapped up by Valentine's Day, unless the jury takes a while to deliberate."

"We're going to get through this…we made it this far, we'll make it the rest of the way."

Bella smiled and rolled to face me. "Kiss me like you would if I wasn't so messed up."

I would have argued with her, but the look in her eyes warned me against it, so instead I pulled her into a seated position and grabbed two handfuls of hair as gently as I could and kissed her with all the fervor and passion I felt but still couldn't let out. It didn't matter that I jerked off more now than I did when I was 13, I needed her and I still couldn't have her and that was because of _him_. I was the dominant force in the kiss as she moaned softly into my mouth, giving me a problem that I'd have to deal with in a few minutes. Breaking the kiss, I looked at her and she had the most inexplicable look on her face.

"Thank you." She whispered up at me.

I held her close as she tried to calm back down, having avoided the news the past few months for exactly that reason.

**BPOV**

Thanksgiving with Edward's family was great, but the next morning I woke up in a cold sweat, Edward's hands rubbing circles on my back as he tried to calm me. "You're safe Bella, I'm here. He can't get you."

I opened my eyes just to bury my face in Edward's chest. I couldn't handle this yet…I needed more time, but it seemed that time was the only thing I didn't have.

Edward let me shower first, following shortly behind so that we could start our holiday shopping. I honestly didn't know what to get anyone and knowing that Edward was bound to go overboard on me didn't help things much. As we got in the car, Emmett texted me.

_The 'rents are in a fucky mood, check your bank account._

Calling up my bank I heard my account balance and the most recent deposit and shook my head. "Fucking prick!" I slammed the phone closed and Edward shot me a look. "My dad is punishing me for not coming home by only giving me half of my monthly allowance. How in the hell am I supposed to make it until Christmas Break on half the money?"

"You could always-"

I cut him off before he could finish the thought. "Don't you dare offer to give me money, even if it is a loan."

"I was just offering. Do you want to go shopping or should we just head back?"

"Oh no, we're shopping. I'm just doing it on the emergency card. One way or the other, I'm getting the other half of my allowance."

"Bella, do you really want to antagonize your father?" I knew he was asking out of concern, but he really didn't get the family dynamic.

"This is how we interact, he does something dickish, I retaliate and then we don't talk for a month. We haven't had a normal conversation since he remarried my mom."

I was thoroughly pissed about a whole number of things, but it was easier to be pissed at my dad, so I went that way.

We walked through a few stores and I found a cute necklace for Alice and a purse for Rosalie. I got my mom some incense and a color changing burner from this funky little store that I loved, picking up a few shirts for myself as well. The boys would be hard, but Edward showed me this store that had some really awesome sports stuff where I found Jasper a book on Mickey Mantle and found Emmett a One-Page wall hanging version of the NCAA college football rulebook, because he loved college ball. I only had to get Edward, which would be impossible and something for my dad. But if I did that now I'd either spend an obscene amount of money because he'd be paying, or I'd spend practically nothing and say I didn't want him buying his own gift.

When it was time for my meeting, Edward brought me to the YMCA that it was being held in and promised to be waiting right outside when it was over. Walking into the room the seven women sitting there chatting turned and opened the circle a little wider, one of them getting another chair so I could sit.

"Well, I guess we could begin. As many of you know, my name is Cynthia and I'm a psychotherapist, I was raped 27 years ago, that's why I got into this line of therapy. I want to remind you that anything that is said here, stays here, so please speak freely." I stared blankly at the gray haired woman who so openly admitted what had happened to her. "Would anyone like to start us off today?"

The woman two seats down from me straightened in her chair and then started speaking. "I'm Whitney. His execution date is coming up, and I'm not sure if I should go or not. Part of me is afraid that if I go then I'll never get rid of that image, but the other part of me would love to have that level of certainty back. To know when the nightmares wake me that I'll know they aren't real, because I saw him die with my own eyes."

Cynthia motioned to one of the other women. "Terry, is there something you want to say?"

Terry nodded and then began speaking. "Don't go. You'll only have a new nightmare to replace the old. I regret that more than I do cutting through the park that night. Because I can't blame him for that, I can only blame myself."

"What about you, what do you think?" I looked up to see Cynthia gesturing to me.

"Should I say my name or something?"

"You can say as little or as much as you want."

"Well…I'm Bella and I don't know what to tell you. My case is going to trial soon and I have no idea how I'm going to get through that…let alone thinking about the possibility of his execution."

"Do you feel up to sharing Bella?" Whitney, the woman who had opened up this discussion, looked at me with kind eyes.

"I'm sure you'll find out as soon as one of the news channels gets a hold of my name and scrounges up a picture. I was Jacob Black's girlfriend. We had dated for a few weeks and every time I saw him he forced himself on me. It wasn't really a relationship after the first few dates. He wouldn't take me places, I'd show up to his place to see what was wrong with him and try to end it and he'd overpower me and…when he finished he'd either leave or fall asleep and I'd get out as soon as I could. Then I realized that there was no talking to him, so I used a trip he took to go to the hospital without him finding out…but I couldn't give them a name. When he came home I ignored him, he showed up to one of my classes, called my dorm and my cell phone, then one day I was home alone and ran down to the floor below me for a few minutes and he was in my apartment when I got back. He accused me of trying to break up with him because I had slept with my roommate, which wasn't true, and then he started beating me. If Edward, that's my roommate, hadn't come home when he did and gotten him out of the apartment I'd be dead now." I let out a deep breath, having just bore my soul for a bunch of women who I didn't know.

"How did your roommate handle everything?" Cynthia asked.

"Well, he blamed himself for not seeing that I had been going through things. We liked each other and didn't figure it out until after the whole thing happened, but we're dating now…he's been my rock. I'd have lost it ages ago if it wasn't for him."

"That's the defense's angle isn't it…they're going to use him against you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, that's why he pled guilty to the drug charges, he wants to make it seem like he was a boyfriend who overreacted to me dumping him and he's going to claim that it wasn't rape…that I changed my tune. He said it that night and he's going to say it at the trial, I'm sure of it."

"How did your family react?" One of the other women asked next.

"My brother freaked and then tried to ignore it like my family always does with anything like this…and I haven't told my parents yet."

The room buzzed at that revelation and I spent a few more minutes going over my family and everything that happened before one of the other women took over the conversation for a bit. 3pm rolled around and I stood up, walking out with Whitney. Stepping out onto the street, I saw Edward's Volvo almost immediately, leading me to say good-bye to Whitney as I got in his car.

He drove away, not asking how it was, but about halfway back to his house I broke the silence. "I hope to God that one day I have the strength those women do."


	13. Center of Attention

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**I know this chapter is a little short, especially after the wait, but it was its own little world so I had to break it apart from the end of the semester chapter…which is coming next. Soon we'll be having Christmas in Phoenix, which also means the trial is coming up quick!**

**On the info mentioned in Bella's lessons, I studied both of these stories and have grown to love them in an odd sort of way and when I was thinking in the beginning of the story I couldn't help think about how relevant it was for Bella at this moment and how eye opening it would be for her to discuss what's happened to her in a way without it being about her, but also for Edward to get another window into her and see her shine after so many months of hiding. The authors of these books, just like SM are in no way affiliated with me, but the symbolism is too perfect to pass up. I hope you enjoy the English lesson!**

**Thank you to A Cullen Wannabe for being an awesome beta and friend!**

**BPOV**

I was up at 3:15 having the panic attack to end all panic attacks thinking about getting in front of about 120 college students who weren't going to ditch this week because they were getting front row seats to the girl they'd all heard about on the news.

I had slept in my room for exactly this reason, because I knew Edward would be protective of me today in class. If he knew I was freaking out like this, he'd yell at anyone who looked at me strange.

Pulling out my notes, I decided to go over my lesson. I only had to make it seventy-five minutes with these kids today, and then I'd know how I could approach my second lesson, which would be a little harder with the supplementary material. Joyce Carol Oates would be the death of me on Wednesday.

This discussion was well prepared because I loved this book. I could talk about _The Virgin Suicides_ in my sleep, but it wouldn't work if the classes fought against me at every turn. It didn't help that I was teaching in the one large lecture hall the English Department had, but the idea of teaching these lessons twice was even scarier.

I continued to review my notes. When I looked over and saw that it was 7am, I got up to get in the shower. Getting dressed quickly, I scooped up my notes and put them in my bag. Running out to the kitchen, I made myself a quick breakfast and placed Edward's on the table with a note about the fruit in the fridge for him next to his muffin.

I was partially grateful for the fact that I had Biology before going to teach, because it gave me something to pass the time and take my mind off things. Biology was a lot easier now that Edward was helping me understand the things that were glossed over too much in the course of class. Continuing on to my Austen class, I was now just waiting for noon.

When I looked up and saw that the class was already over, I took a steadying breath and then headed to the café to grab a salad and something to drink before barricading myself in O'Hara's office until class.

Sitting down with my salad, I cultivated my final plan, setting up the themes that resonated with the companion piece the best while still testing the classes' knowledge of the events of the book. The nerves began to abate as I headed over at 12:45, hoping to spend a little time in the room before the class began to trickle in around 1.

I was lucky to find the room empty and went about setting up my notes and walking the little platform I would be teaching on. I heard the door open and turned to see Edward walking in, a huge smile on his face. "Where do you want me to sit? I don't want to be anywhere that might distract you, but I want to be close enough so you know there's a friendly face around."

"Sit around the tenth row. That way we're on the same eye level and I can look out and see you, but sit a little off to the right."

"Mine or yours?" He asked with a smile.

"Mine." Edward dropped his bag in one of the chairs and ran out the side door without explanation, but returned a few minutes later as the first of the other students began to trickle in.

He made no motion towards me, which I was grateful for, instead sitting down and pulling out the book, flipping through it as though he were looking for something he had marked down. I smiled at the pantomime; my boyfriend, the actor.

As the class continued to fill, I saw Tanya enter and look between Edward and I before sitting in his line of sight. Alec had told me that the defense was calling Tanya as a witness, and I knew she blamed me for things not working out with her and Edward, so I was worried about how everything would go today. I hadn't told Edward that fact yet, mainly because I was afraid of his reaction, but I was sure it would come out soon.

As 1:15 rolled around, I cleared my throat and brought the class to order. "This is a joint meeting of O'Hara's Women in Lit and Teen Lit classes for the discussion of _The Virgin Suicides_, if you are not in either of these classes I suggest you leave now."

I waited for a few of the people hiding out in the back to clear out before I continued. "All right, I'm sending around the attendance sheets, so please sign-in and keep them going as we start our discussion. Now, before we begin with the discussion points, were there any questions?"

Class moved through the first twenty minutes easily as I fielded questions about the story structure and the lack of specific details, which blended into my topics beautifully.

"The biggest issue with the media is the move from active participation to passive absorption. This took place in a time in the seventies when TV news was more popular than reading the paper and the need to sensationalize stories took over. Ms. Perl tried to create an overdone documentary on the girls' suicides and ultimately failed because there wasn't anything remarkable about these girls but the fact that they died in such a tragic way. They weren't practicing witchcraft, or trying to be human sacrifices in a cult, they were girls who killed themselves for reasons we'll never know. That's what makes our narrators both so noble and tragic. These boys knew the girls. They saw that something was wrong, but didn't know what it was, so they couldn't make it better. They did what they could for the Lisbon girls, but without all the information, they were helpless, and that helplessness carries on into their adult lives. They are haunted by the girls they were unable to save, still trying to piece together the puzzle in hope that answers as to what caused it would finally give them peace. That maybe by knowing the girls' story, they would earn a small victory for the objects of their obsession, because they would no longer be without a voice. Time has not only attacked the physical artifacts, but the memories the boys have of the girls, making the search for answers more futile with time, yet they continue to search."

The class continued to feed off my prompts and the discussion flowed beautifully, I'd open up a topic and they would run with it. We discussed all the symbolism and the issues of time and religion in the story, leaving one topic for Wednesday's class as I moved on to the final topic of the day.

"There is an overwhelming presence of the need to project happiness, even if it is nowhere to be found. The very idea of suburbs is projected and manufactured happiness. The social norms and requirements are what indicate a person's actions. Anyone who goes against the grain or does something to upset the status quo becomes a target."

"Then why does the neighborhood go against the Lisbon parents after the suicides?" One of the guys in the back called out.

"Because Mr. and Mrs. Lisbon continue on as if the last four of their five children hadn't committed suicide on the same night. They want happiness, but they also expect normal reactions, because that is what allows them to carry on and get back to the happiness they've created for themselves sooner. The Lisbon's act as if nothing happens, which is what bothers the community. They didn't respect the way the parents handled Cecilia's suicide, especially with respect to the lockdown enforced on the girls by their mother. When Mr. Lisbon is seen stringing Christmas lights like he hadn't just buried his daughters, it was seen as insensitive."

"But the school held that vigil for Cecilia and the other girls hide out in the bathroom, how was that helping?"

"It was easing the school's conscience and allowing them to absolve themselves. The attendance of the people who needed support the most was irrelevant to that goal. They lived up to the idea of how it should be handled. Just like the community took out the fence that Cecilia had committed suicide on, but never thought to get rid of similar fences around the neighborhood."

I looked up and saw that it was 2:28 so I decided to end the discussion for the day. "Okay everyone, that's it for today. On Wednesday, we'll finish the discussion on the mundane and how it played into the story and work that into 'Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?' Class dismissed."

The class slowly filed out and Edward took his time packing up his shit so that when the class had emptied we were the only two left. He walked up to the platform and wrapped his arms around my waist. "You were amazing, Bella."

"I'm sure I wasn't _that_ great."

"The entire class was paying attention, you had the discussion going, and the time flew by. You didn't even look nervous."

"I was at first, but once they started participating, I just kept it going. I'm actually excited to move on to the Oates story. I was afraid people would focus on the fact that my name is on the news every night, but they just let it go."

"You ready to head home?" Edward smiled and I nodded, grabbing my bag and walking out with him.

We got home and Edward insisted on ordering in while I started to work on my final papers, I only had the one final in Biology, as everything else was papers and my terrifying poetry discussion. That scared the hell out of me too, mainly because I didn't know what to write about. Working on my Shakespeare essay, Edward and I broke for dinner and then continued on until bedtime.

Tuesday passed by far too quickly for my liking, as I wasn't stupid enough to think that just because nothing happened on Monday meant that Wednesday would be the same.

**EPOV**

I woke up Wednesday morning to an empty apartment, which wasn't new, but I had wished that I could have gotten up in time to wish Bella luck before class. I knew I'd be cutting it close today and wouldn't get to have the little pep talk before people showed up.

Making it through my other class with no retention, I ran across campus to see Bella standing in front of the room, which was more than half full. Tanya sat a few rows in front of where I took my seat, the same one I had taken last class to offer Bella some silent moral support.

As she started up class again, she was once again in her element. She started by talking about how much more horrific the suicides were because of the mundane circumstances of everything. They killed themselves in typical ways with ordinary objects in response to normal hypocrisies and I was blown away by what she was pointing out that I had never thought of while reading. She finished about the book and began her discussion of the Joyce Carol Oates story with how the idea of the mundane life that Connie had been trying to escape had lead to her chance meeting with Arnold Friend and her eventual death. It was about that time that the fireworks started.

"Why do you assume she died? The ending was completely ambiguous." Tanya commented and I groaned at her attempt to trip Bella up.

"The ending may be ambiguous, but her intention wasn't." Bella counted as she tried to steer the discussion into how Oates proved her theory when Tanya interrupted.

"Look, just because you were a _supposed_ victim of rape and had your boyfriend beat the shit out of you doesn't mean that the entire world has such a shitty outlook."

I almost snapped, but one of the other guys in the class beat me too it. "No, but maybe if you actually read the story and the blurb at the top of the story, you wouldn't have spent all of this time talking out of your ass!"

Regaining control of the class, Bella started proving her point. "If you look over the end of the story, Connie's in a car driving off with Arnold Friend to a place she didn't recognize. All she knew about it was that it was where she would end up. Not where they were going, she knew that she would never come back from there. But more importantly, look at the first sentence. 'Her name was Connie.' What author do you know that starts her story by describing her main character in the past tense? _Unless_ she's attempting to hint at the fact that she's telling us about Connie after she's already gone. But what proves my hypothesis most conclusively isn't an element of the story, but instead a part of the required background reading, which you obviously skipped past. Luke, you seem to have read it as you already mentioned it, so how about you read the first sentence of the second to the last paragraph."

Luke, the guy who had defended Bella, cleared his throat and read the sentence. "'Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?' is based on a Life magazine story about the serial rapist and murderer known as 'The Pied Piper of Tucson.'"

"If you had taken the time to read this, you would have known that Arnold Friend was Oates' version of this man. A man who brutally attacked and killed his victims, leaving little doubt in the informed readers mind as to what happened to her."

Bella went to answer another question and was smiling to herself that she had handled Tanya professionally, while still sticking it to her.

"Bella, what was with the numbers on his car and all the sayings?"

Bella smiled and went back to the dry erase board. "Most of the sayings were mentioned as being what might have been in a year ago, showing he was trying to be hip, but not completely succeeding, but as for numbers, why don't you read them off to me."

Bella wrote each one as the girl spoke them. "33, 19, and 17."

Bella turned to the class and took a deep breath before continuing. "How about we add another? Go to the first page and read the first three words of the second sentence."

The girl flipped her printout to the beginning and the words died in her mouth the moment Bella began writing again. "'She was fifteen…'"

Bella turned back to the class as the collective gasp gave her the floor. "For anyone who has watched an episode of Forensic Files or Criminal Minds, you know that killers and rapists become better and smarter with each attack. So Arnold probably attacked the first woman who was closer to his own age, but realized she was harder to control than he liked. So as he continued to pick younger victims, they continued to put up less of a struggle. In the end, although it takes a long time for him to get her out of the house, but once she's on the ground after trying to make that call, she's already gone. His car is his trophy, and he's parading around town, gloating over his kills."

I sat there stunned as Bella continued drawing parallels between the girls from the love of music, to the inability to live up to maternal expectations and how it drove them to tragic ends.

Class ended and I sat there as the class emptied. Bella's hand on my shoulder woke me from my stupor. I looked up to see her smiling. "Hey Rip, how about we get you back home before the next class starts?"

"Bella-"

She shook her head and walked out the side door. "At home."

Driving back to the dorm, I couldn't hold it in anymore. "What the hell was that? She went all psycho bitch on you for a reason."

"Promise not to scream?" I knew this was going to be bad, but I took a deep breath and nodded.

"She's probably pissed that her five minute relationship with you got her sucked into Jake's trial."

"What?"

"Witness for the defense."

In that moment, I wanted two minutes alone with Jake, because Bella was finally doing better, and from his jail cell he was still managing to cause her problems. "When'd you find out?"

"Few days ago, I was waiting until after this week to tell you, because if she did start something, which I thought she was going to, I didn't want you to flip out on her and make it worse. She could have a huge part in how this swings…she's the outside observer."

I nodded and looked out the window. "Are you always going to hold back things until you think it's the right time to tell me?"

Bella shrugged. "I did it because I needed this week to go well. You can't always be my knight in shining armor. Sometimes you have to let me sink or swim on my own."

"I may watch you sink, but I'll never let you drown."

Bella squeezed my hand and smiled as she pulled up to the stop light. "I know."

When we got home, Bella and I had a long talk about the trial and what she was hoping for after it ended. She was nervous that it'd screw with her next semester just as badly as it did this last one.

After dinner, we settled back in to study with the last day of classes only a week away.


	14. Confidence Found

**Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thank you so much for sticking with this story during the very long drought. I really do have some of the most understanding and loving readers. I promise that the chapters will be coming more often as I get back into the flow after a crazy summer. There is some long-awaited poetry in here, so I hope you enjoy that. Thanks as always to my beta and bestie ACullenWannabe, for getting this back to me in an hour so I could post tonight, and my new beta mizzdee who has taken on some of my other stories so ACW wouldn't get overwhelmed by everything as she's working on her own writing. Much love to the twitter nation who has kept me sane and helped with all my writing as the WC's never seemed to end! Love you ladies.**

**EPOV**

Finals had begun, which meant that within a week the semester would be over and everyone would be heading off to their various break plans…except me. Alice, Jasper and Rosalie would be going to the Hale's as Jasper had spent Thanksgiving with us. Bella and Emmett would be going home to Phoenix, and even my parents were going on a cruise on the 27th, leaving me home alone with Fitz. That was a request Bella had made since her mom was allergic to cats and it was either that or a month at the vets, which neither one of us wanted, so he was chilling with me in my big empty house.

Bella would be coming back a few weeks early to start trial prep, but I knew she was starting to get edgier about it. That Paul asshole had started popping up in completely legitimate, but highly coincidental places, so we were tending to stick close to Bella again as it had come out that he was Jake's coke dealer, among other things. I wasn't about to let his drug-induced rage at being kicked off the Peace Officers be directed at my girl.

There had been a scare with Bella right before finals when something, a thing I still couldn't get her to talk about, had freaked her out to the point where she ran off, and it took us hours to find her. That had been rough for me. When I got her home, I made her promise never to do anything like that again, and that when something frightened her, she should run to me, not from everything.

The fact that her family still didn't know what had happened worried me for her trip home, but she told me that she was better prepared for it, that she had discussed it with her support group and with Dr. G and she was ready to face it. It didn't hurt that after the trial she'd be working as my mom's assistant so that she'd be making her own money, that way if Charlie cut her off again, she'd be able to provide for herself.

I'd been spending the week helping Bella study for her Bio final. After that, she had her poetry reading, while I was going to my last final this afternoon. The night of Bella's poetry final, she was going with me to the Medical Honor Society Dinner, so Alice would be coming over to help her get ready.

Her poems were something she was keeping pretty close to her chest, but I was sure that she'd show them to me when she was ready. She always did.

I hustled through my final and then went to the local sports bar to get wings and potato skins for us to eat while we studied. I walked in the door to see Bella packing. She cracked me up, packing one for her trip home, and a second bag for her stay with us, but I wasn't about to question it…after all, I was the guy who packed his porn better than his clothes.

When Bella noticed that I was home, she went into the kitchen and grabbed a few drinks before we settled in to eat and then study. I didn't see the need to continue on with these study sessions as she knew the information as well as I did, but it was something she insisted on, and I wasn't about to deny her my help. Hell, maybe it was one thing she felt control over when everything else was about to be taken out of her control, and if that was the case, then we'd cram until she told me to stop.

**BPOV**

My biology final was behind me and my bags were packed…sort of, but the biggest problem still lay ahead as tomorrow I had my poetry final reading and then Edward's party. I still hadn't gotten a dress and Alice was coming to get me in a little while. Edward was shopping for Christmas, which we both decided we would celebrate after I got back from Phoenix.

"Bella?" I looked up to see Alice staring at me where I sat in front of my suitcase.

"Sorry, I was daydreaming…you ready to go shopping?" As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew the stupidity of that question. "Never mind, let's just go."

"You aren't excited to be going to the party? I went last year; it's all polite conversation and good food, nothing too bad."

"It isn't that, I just know there are people who will have known Jake there. Paul might be there."

Alice walked over and held me by my shoulders. "Bella, nothing bad will happen to you there."

"You don't know that."

I shook off the feeling of dread I got whenever I think about the day I ran away after Jake called my cellphone. I had changed the number after I was released from the hospital, so the fact that he got it from someone else was disturbing. I still felt bad for how I worried everyone, but in that moment, I needed to be somewhere where no one could find me. Sighing, I got up and grabbed my purse, walking with Alice out to her car. Within twenty minutes we were outside of Macy's and Alice was pulling me over to the formalwear department.

I wasn't going to fight her as I was pushed into the dressing room, waiting for her to begin handing me what she deemed as acceptable. For the next hour Alice watched as I paraded out in a rainbow of dresses that I didn't like. I knew she was getting annoyed with my blatant refusal of some of them, but if I was going to be self-conscious, I wanted to be comfortable in the dress I was wearing. She had practically given me every dress in my size when she got frustrated and told me we'd try another store. I wasn't sure we'd find anything, but I knew that I had to play nice because the night was important to Edward.

Pulling into Nordstrom, I wondered if she'd let me do some other shopping first, but Alice being Alice, brought me straight to the center of the myriad of dress racks and told me to find some that I liked. I knew she was trying to be good, but her patience seemed to be thin today, and I couldn't figure out why.

I picked out a few dresses in black and then a few more in darker, jewel toned colors, all with a less restricting fit than the ones I'd been given earlier. Walking into the dressing room wasn't as bad this time. The first few dresses still didn't make me want to leave the dressing room, but when I tried on the blue asymmetrical dress I almost died right there. It wasn't tight but managed to hold the girls in, only my left shoulder was covered, so it still felt young and flirty, and it was full-length, so I felt like it was formal enough for the event. Walking out of the dressing room, Alice looked up from her book and ran to me.

"It's perfect! How do you like it?"

"I love it. But do you think it's right for the event?" Alice had gone the year before, so her opinion mattered a lot here.

"Absolutely, now please go change so we can accessorize." The spring was back in Alice's step as we headed over to the shoe department and found a nice pair of gold heels and then continued with long dangling antique looking earrings and two large bangles.

Once those purchases were made, I asked Alice to help me get Edward a Christmas present. She shook her head at the fact that we weren't doing our exchange until after break to give us a few weeks to shop. "Bella, you could buy him a box of rocks and he'd lay them out on a shelf in his room."

I thought about what she said and then remembered an errant thought that had crossed my mind and smiled as I found my answer.

Alice dropped me off and I hid my clothes for tomorrow in the closet, determined to finish my packing tonight.

Within the next two hours, my bag for Edward's parents was packed and I was finishing up with my bag for Phoenix. From there, I cleaned out the fridge, leaving the last of the items for Saturday morning when we left for the airport.

The gentle meow from my room made me smile as my now eleven week old Fitz wandered out of my bedroom. I was going to miss him so much over the break. With me being gone for the three and a half weeks, I was afraid he wouldn't remember me when I got back. Edward had taken to him so much, but I was sure that would end the first time Fitz was able to jump on the bed and interrupt us…if we ever got there. It wasn't like I couldn't hear him jerking off in his bedroom…and the shower.

With that done, I set out to have his present delivered…gotta love , and then went into the kitchen to start dinner.

Later that night, I was lying in Edward's arms as he stroked his hand up and down my back. "Bella, you're happy, right? With me, I mean."

I sat up and looked at him as his eyes scanned the ceiling. "Yes, Edward. I have more reason to worry than you do."

"Bella, don't start that, please."

I sighed and looked down. "Edward, I know you're a guy, believe me, I think I've heard you orgasm more than I have anyone else, ever-"

I saw the look of shock on his face and I blushed, shrugging as I continued. "Sorry, babe, thin walls. But anyway, I wanted to tell you that I think I'm getting closer. Now I have no idea what the trial will do to any of this. But there's a light at the end of this. I'm not terrified of the idea of sex like I used to be."

Edward smiled and kissed my temple. "That's good. And believe me, you let me know when you're ready and I'll show you how good it can be."

"I don't doubt it."

{}{}{}{}{}{}

I woke up the next morning and got out of bed feeling weird about my final. My class had 25 students and we were each being given 7 minutes to read, which meant I had to sit through three hours of poetry.

Getting into the shower, I knew Alice would want my hair to be as dirty as it could be so the updo would hold. Throwing on jeans and a t-shirt, I grabbed my notebook and my bag and ran out the door.

Driving to the English building, I went up to the classroom and took my seat in the circle. As the rest of my classmates trickled in, we all looked around waiting for this to start. Not many of my classmates were writers, but were taking this class to fill the Lit Majors requirement for creative writing, so we were all a little nervous to be reading our final three poems. Just then, Erin came in and started the final. For two hours I fidgeted while others read, until it was my turn to go. Taking a deep breath, I walked to the podium at the front of the circle and sat my notebook down on it. I turned to the page with the first poem on it and took one last breath before I began.

_How does he know?  
What does he see?  
From the first time I saw him  
He was my everything.  
With his fragile cries for help  
And no ability to walk  
Yet he bounded into my life  
Curling up inside my heart.  
His every meow  
Makes me feel wanted  
His every step  
Now gives me hope  
If he could fight  
the odds against him  
Then who am I  
to sit and mope?  
We were fated to each other  
From the very start  
Two peas in a broken pod  
The furry son who holds my heart._

There are a few chuckles and a round of applause as my ode to Fitz eases me into my reading. Finding the next poem, I look up and then continue into the darker territory.

_I'm supposed to be quiet  
But I scream in my sleep  
I'm supposed to be good  
But I caused this pain  
I'm supposed to be happy  
But tears stain my face  
I'm supposed to go home  
But I can't find the place_

_I don't fit in the box  
They've devised for me  
I'll never be the daughter  
They wish I would be  
So I suffer in the knowledge  
That I'm not chipper enough  
And I'll be forced to face it  
To see how I hold up_

_My pain is inconvenient  
The backstory unknown  
The angst is too difficult  
To put up with at home  
Brush it under the rug  
Sweep it out the back door  
Ugliness is unwanted  
But it's all that I know_

_Will I still be their girl  
When they're forced to face facts  
I wasn't strong enough  
To fend off his might  
I made the wrong choice  
I was stupid and young  
Now the image is shattered  
Their sweet angel is gone_

There is another light round of applause and some somber looks as I steel myself for the final poem, the closest I will come to discussing anything related to Jake and the trial, sits open in front of me.

_Strength…  
Fighting the memories you can't turn off.  
Pulling yourself out of bed when all you want is to sleep.  
Thinking of before and feeling hope, not despair.  
Finding the courage to keep going._

_Courage…  
Walking into a room where everyone knows.  
Looking into his eyes when he sits before you.  
Telling those closest what you've been through.  
Giving love a chance again._

_Love…  
Arms that carry me and hands that soothe.  
Lips that whisper oaths and kiss away tears.  
The one who doesn't need words to know me.  
But when he speaks, honesty is the result._

_Honesty…  
The harsh words that you need but don't want.  
The look in his eyes when he talks to me.  
An opinion of a friend who never backs down.  
The way I speak as the truth comes out._

_Truth…  
The thing I live with, but so few know.  
An abstract term, so hard to find.  
Details they do not want to hear.  
What must come out to set me free._

The room was quiet, except for the polite clapping. I don't know if I freaked them out, or if they were impressed, but there wasn't any chatter so I took the opportunity to sit down and be good. The rest of the time passed quickly, and soon I was picking up Alice. Edward was going to be around, as I refused to kick him out of our dorm, so he simply hung out in his room while we were still running around the apartment.

Finally, Alice had me secured in my desk chair, my hair in rollers and my makeup on. As she started to pin my hair up into a slightly messy French twist, I looked into the mirror and for the first time in a while I saw my old self. I was sassy and excited about tonight, something I wasn't sure I would have been a few weeks ago, but I knew that Edward was worth it and that I'd be safe in a room filled with teachers and alumni.

That steadied my nerves as I slipped on my dress, jewelry and shoes and took the clutch that Alice had filled for me as she scurried out of the apartment. Edward knocked on the door as I went to open it and I smiled, always the gentleman.

Pulling it open, I saw his eyes bulge a little as he looked me up and down. We'd plateaued recently in our intimacy, but I planned on making sure he knew how things had changed for me. I finally felt ready. Paul and his creeping and Jake's idle threats from his jail cell weren't going to keep me from living, especially when someone as wonderful, and fuckhot in a suit as Edward looked, was in my life.

We headed out to the car, Edward driving over to the Alumni House where the party was being held. When we got out, I waited for Edward to give the keys to the valet they had there for the evening and then took his hand.

"You look spectacular, Bella."

"You look pretty amazing yourself, Edward." I smiled and he squeezed my hand a little tighter as we walked in and checked our coats. It all seemed a little overdone for a college society, but I guess the doctors that were hosting it wanted it to feel important.

We walked around as Edward made small talk with some of his classmates. The people we spoke to were polite and all included me in the conversation, even if I wasn't always sure what it was they were talking about.

Soon they called us into the dining room where the food was about to be served. Edward and I took our seats at one of the round tables and began eating the delicious meal. Conversation continued as one of the guys across the table broke into the conversation.

"Hey, you're Bella Swan. I knew I remembered you from somewhere."

Edward bristled next to me as he took my hand and leveled a glare at him. "Watch it."

But the guy didn't seem upset as he shook off the veiled threat. "Yeah…you student taught for my lit class a few weeks ago. I knew you looked familiar, but when you mentioned your major, it all clicked. You did a great job."

I squeezed Edward's hand as I smiled at the idea of being recognized for something else for once. "Thanks, it was a little daunting, but it was a great class to teach."

Dinner continued on and as the music started, some of the couples got up to dance. I was more than a little surprised when Edward offered me his hand, but I took it willingly. Walking with him to the dance floor, he pulled me to him and I melted into his body. It felt so right to be with him, and I wanted him to know it.

"Are you having a good time?"

"Of course, you're here." I smiled up at him and his blinding smile dazzled me again. "Edward, I wanted to talk to you about something that is probably highly inappropriate considering we have to stay through dessert, but…I'm ready."

Edward's brow furrowed, as I knew it would, his mind working to understand what I had meant. "You're ready…ready to, _ready_?"

I nodded and his eyes were wide again. "I'm not saying we have to rush off, but before you try and tell me it's a reaction to the trial, I wanted you to know that I felt that way. I'm ready to really feel what it's like to be loved. Because I know you do."

Edward's face glowed as he kissed me. "God, I wish you weren't getting on a plane tomorrow, because I'd love a few more days with you."

I sighed, wishing I could stay with him, but knowing I had to go home and face my parents. "I have to go home, but I promise, I'll be back by January 9th, that's not that long…three weeks."

"It'll be the longest three weeks of my life."

We sat back down for dessert and by 10:30 we were in the elevator on our way to our dorm room.

**EPOV**

Entering the apartment, I wanted nothing more than to show Bella just how proud I was of her, and for once, I wasn't afraid of her reaction. Walking into her bedroom with her, I kicked off my shoes and undid my tie as she sat down to slip her shoes off and put them in her closet. Her jewelry followed at the same time as my coat and when she was ready, I stood behind her. "Do you need me to unzip it for you?"

"Yes, please." She breathed out, lifting her arm to reveal the one thing standing between us.

The teeth clicked down as our breathing increased and I felt like I might explode from the anticipation. Finally, the dress was undone and Bella held it to her as she turned to face me. Our eyes met and her hand loosened its grip on the dress allowing it to fall off her left shoulder and pooled at her feet. I unbuttoned my shirt as she hung up the gown, showing me what she said earlier in the evening was true, I was the one she wanted and she trusted me enough to let me see her naked again.

But this wasn't like the last time.

Last time, it had been out of necessity. She was too bruised and battered to change, so I played doctor and helped her with the professional demeanor I would someday need to use with my patients…now I was dreaming of "playing doctor" with her. That would have to come later, though.

I dropped my pants, and now we were both in our underwear and I was ready to earn the trust she put in me. She'd made a man out of the drunken college student I had been and that man was going to worship her.

Walking over to her, leading her to the bed and sat down as she did the same. I watched as she scooted up the bed. I crawled up to follow her, hooking my fingers into the sides of her underwear and holding her eyes with mine as I pulled them down. Dropping them off the side of the bed, Bella's legs fell open slightly and I took a deep breath. This was it.

Hovering over her, I kissed her sexy, pink lips, allowing my tongue to massage hers before I broke the kiss, trailing pecks down her neck and collarbone. Making my way to the valley between her breasts, I licked up her left peak and took her nipple into my mouth, sucking and licking, all while trying to be gentle with her, knowing that one false move could bring back a tidal wave of terrifying memories.

Using my nose to tickle down her left breast and up her right, I repeated my attention as a stuttered breath shook her chest. My eyes flashed up to hers and I was pleased to see the smile on her lips and the serene look on her face as she lie there with her eyes closed. Once again, I continued my journey south, peppering kisses down to her belly button and then travelling to her hip, placing an open-mouth kiss on her Eeyore tattoo, remembering the last time I saw him.

With one last check on her, I settled between Bella's legs and blew a breath against her sensitive flesh. She responded by shifting before me and I smiled as I moved forward, placing one long lick along her center. The buck of her hips made me proud as I became a little bolder with my actions. My tongue moved more deliberately as my lips latched onto her clit. Sliding my fingers along her opening, I dipped inside her and she moaned the most delicious sound I'd ever heard.

Adjusting my position, I worked with both my fingers and my mouth, taking in each reaction of Bella's and using it to tease her further. As she reached down and grabbed my hair, holding me in place, I went to work more vigorously, desperate to bring her pleasure.

With one more buck and a long keening noise, Bella's legs clamped around my head, holding me in place.

As I rested on her thigh for a moment, I heard a soft sniffle, instantly making me alert. "Bella?"

"I'm fine."

I looked up and saw that she was crying. Guilt and fear overtook me as I realized that something I'd done had upset her and I hadn't even noticed. "Bella, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

Her head shook rapidly as she reached for me. "Edward, don't you dare think that there's something wrong here…that's the first time I've felt anything like that in a long time."

"Then why are you crying?" I hated seeing her upset for any reason, especially one I wasn't following.

"Because I've wasted so much time, and now I know what I've been looking for, and you're right here with me."

"We have plenty of time for that, I'm not going anywhere for a long time."

Bella's hand ghosted down my waist and I hissed as her fingers came in contact with my erection.

"Bella…"

"Please. It's okay." I nodded my consent and she gripped it a little tighter.

Her hand began to move and I had to stop my inner 13 year old boy from freaking out about the fact that Bella was finally touching me. Bella nuzzled into my side as she gripped me in a firmer hold and began stroking my cock. I know it shouldn't be so different to how I got off the last few months, but her hand gliding down the shaft, her thumb sliding up to catch some of the pre-cum to use as lubrication, made it better, made it sexier.

She continued to work me as she let out little sighs and whispered my name, almost as if she was getting worked up again just seeing me start to unravel. As she increased her pace I was feeling the buildup and part of me wanted to hold out a little so I wouldn't cum that quickly, but the other part of me wanted to show her the effect she had on me.

With all my inner musing I didn't notice her shift slightly, brushing her hand along my shoulder and neck as she kissed my chest. The change in sensations sent me over the edge, shuddering and moaning her name.

I was still lying there when Bella leaned over me and grabbed something from her nightstand. Looking up, she had a pack of Wet Ones. I chuckled and took one as she did the same, cleaning ourselves up and then snuggling back together, both of us passing out quickly.

I woke up the next morning and could smell the bacon cooking, which surprised me because I didn't know we had any more food in there. I grabbed my boxers and stumbled into the kitchen to see Bella buzzing around as she finished our breakfast. She turned and smiled at me, her eyes trailing up and down my body. "Go pick-up your suit that way it can be dry cleaned while we're at home and I'll finish the eggs. Then we can get everything in the car and Fitz packed before we head to the airport."

I heard her sigh and walked over to kiss her cheek before picking up the suit. Jumping in for a quick shower, I went back to the kitchen and poured us both some coffee. We sat down to a quiet breakfast, both pondering the coming separation, from the few words we spoke during the meal. When it was done, Bella went to shower while I grabbed our bags and ran to the car, getting the cart from the crap closet for the rest of our things.

After I finished getting everything in the car and coming back to see Bella finishing up with the last minute things like unplugging everything that was still running and tying up the garbage. She got her purse and Fitz, while I got the garbage and locked up, as I was heading to my parents after everyone left.

I parked the car and walked in with Bella, holding her hand as I carried her bag over to the line. We hadn't spoken much about what was about to happen and that worried me a little, but in the end, I knew Bella would probably handle it better than I would. She was so much stronger than I am.

With her ticket in hand and her bag on its way, we walked over to the security line to see my mom standing off in the corner while the gang was on the line for security. Bella and I walked over to them and we stayed together as we weaved through the long line, breaking apart when she had to go up front to walk through the metal detector. With one last kiss, I whispered, "Call me when you land," and then ducked under the rope and watched with my mom as they all went through security. Bella turned back one more time, blowing me a kiss with misty eyes before ducking under Emmett's arm and walking out of view.

My mom didn't say anything until we got to the parking lot. "I have some errands to run, is there anything you need?"

"Can you bring my suit to the cleaners?"

"Sure let's go get it."

We walked to my car and then I handed her the hanger before moving the carrier Fitz was in to the front seat and driving off. It was a quiet ride home, but when I finally pulled up to the house, I unloaded the car and brought Fitz into the living room. His litter box was in the laundry room, so after a quick look around, he found me on the couch and rubbed against my socked feet, cooing his request to be picked up.

With him on my lap, he burrowed into me and let out that mournful cry he does when he's calling Bella and she can't hear him or is at class. Running my hand over his soft fur, I sighed and quietly said, "I know Fitz, I miss her too."


	15. Going 'Home'

Here's the latest from College B&E. A quick note, this story was started in 2009, so it is going into 2010 when the ball drops on these two. Thank you for the continued support and I'm working on the new "Love at 1st Bite" chapter as we speak. Hope you enjoy this! A major event *cough* lemon *cough* happens this chapter, so be warned.

**Also, I'm hosting a contest, called the "Share Your Inspiration Anon One-Shot Contest," for more info check out: **http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2580394/

Chapter 15 – Going "Home"

**BPOV**

I was hoping for a plane crash, or a blizzard in Phoenix to keep us from landing, but unfortunately, we arrived on time. When Emmett nudged me at the escalator, I knew it was his silent way of telling me he had my back. Coming through the security line, my mother's high-pitched voice got my attention as she called me over. "Bella, I feel like it has been forever! Look at you, you've lost weight."

Leave it to my mother to find the positive in my last four months of hell. We were led to the car and from there went back to the house with the fake tree that I'd known since childhood. My father was at work so we went upstairs and to my shock, my room was empty. "Mom? What the fuck happened in my room?"

"Bella, language!" She yelled before coming up into my room. "You and Emmett both made it clear that you were staying in Seattle after graduation, so your father and I are moving into a smaller house. We got a storage space for both of you and as soon as you want the stuff, we'll ship it up to you. It felt silly to live in a three bedroom when our children are 1000 miles away. You understand, right?"

I nodded, not about to pick a fight with her over the fact that my entire room had been packed up without my consent. If I was lucky, I could avoid a fight today, but even with Christmas a few days away, I knew I couldn't hide from it forever. It was, after all, why I came back.

When we were settled, I opted to take a nap. My mom insisted we go shopping tomorrow; she hadn't bought us much because she likes to have us there to tell her what we like. It's a bit of a jip, but I actually get what I want, so I'm not about to bitch.

My nap lasted until dinner when Emmett woke me up and we made our way downstairs. My father was sitting at the head of the table, a pinched look on his face. No sooner had my butt hit the seat than he started. "I saw your credit card bill. You charged an awful lot this past month."

"It wouldn't have been necessary if you hadn't cut my allowance in half as punishment for me staying in Seattle over Thanksgiving." I stared him down, but he wasn't about to give in.

"I want the card back. If you can't be responsible, then I don't want you having it." He held out his hand and I went upstairs, digging it out of my purse and handed it over to him easily.

"There, now are you going to give me my normal allowance when I go back, or will I have to find a job to pay my way?" I knew this would get a reaction out of my mother and sure enough, she was shushing me.

"We'll work it out later. This is the first time we've been here as a family since the summer, can we please try to act like we're happy to be together?"

I barely held in my laughter at the stupidity of that comment, because we didn't act like we were happy to be together. Ever since Nila committed suicide and my father shipped me off to Phoenix, we'd been estranged. By the time Emmett and I got into college and he moved to Phoenix to remarry my mom after we were out of the house and no longer in need of two parents there on a daily basis, we basically became strangers.

I'd been smart, I got scholarships and student loans and my dad only sent me money to get me through the year because he and my mom didn't want a job getting in the way of school. I'd been preparing myself for the possibility that soon, that form of cash flow would end. I had two credit cards in my own name, and I used them during the month and then paid them off using my allowance, but they were mainly to build credit.

I was terrified of my parents reaction, my father was a cop, so for his daughter to be a victim of a violent crime would be hard and the fact that I was back in therapy and on the medications that they had gotten me off of years ago would not make either he, or my mom happy. They weren't the type of people to air their dirty laundry, and they certainly seemed to want to forget everything I had gone through, the trial would only be another painful reminder of just how broken I was.

When dinner ended, I went upstairs and crawled into bed, only to have my mammoth brother climb in next to me. "Bella, this isn't going to go well, I think we both know that. I just wanted to say that if you need to make a quick run for it, just let me know what you want me to bring back with me and I'll take care of it. I may not have been that great in the beginning of all this, but I'll make it up to you. I'm gonna be there for you and I'll see you through this. You're not alone, Eeyore."

"Thanks Tigger." We both laughed at my old response to his nickname and soon I felt the mattress shift as he got up to go into his own room.

The next morning, we were in the car early and off to the mall for some last minute shopping. My mom was insistent on getting me some new clothes and a few extra gifts. I wasn't enjoying this trip like I normally would have because my stomach was still in knots and I couldn't figure out why. I mean I knew why it should be, but that wasn't it. I had a sinking suspicion that something else was going on and I was missing it.

We sat down at the food court tables and ate some lunch before my mom asked Emmett to pick us up at 5pm. I looked at her a little worried when she took my hand and said. "We're getting pampered!"

Soon Emmett was pulling away from the salon and spa and we were signing in for our afternoon of appointments. It started with a mani/pedi and within an hour, we were being whisked away for our facials. My mom sat there chattering about life and how I was a year and a half away from being free and how exciting that was, and how proud she was. It freaked me out because she sounded like she was saying goodbye.

From the facial room, they split us up for our massages and I was finally able to get some peace and quiet. The hour massage soothed my aching muscles and my weary mind, so that by the time I moved onto my hair appointment in the salon, I was feeling better. "Can you give me something, sassy, but it has to stay long, I need to be able to put it up for work." The stylist nodded and then began working on my hair. I have a lot of hair, so it took a while, but when he turned me around in the chair, I was so happy with what I saw. "It's perfect!"

Walking out into the lobby to meet my mom, she fawned over my new haircut as we walked out to where Emmett was waiting for us. We headed home, only to find a note from my dad saying he was pulling a double and would be home Christmas Eve. I could see that my mom was upset, but I just wanted to enjoy the peace for a little while longer.

**EPOV**

It was a weird feeling to have everyone gone, especially with my dad working to cover extra shifts before the trip and my mom fluttering around packing and letting me know specific things I'd have to do while they were away for the two weeks. I couldn't help but have my mind drift to Bella and how she was doing. She had been so nervous about telling her parents, her father in particular. I just hoped that it went well for them.

Christmas Eve came and we called Alice at the Whitlock's so we could do our traditional opening of one gift, except this year, Alice opened all her gifts from us while we opened ours from her, that way we could hear each other's reactions. I missed Ali, but I knew she was having a fun trip, talking about how she was enjoying a warm Christmas for a change.

We went to sleep that night, but I couldn't fall asleep, because I was missing the warmth I'd grown used to from having Bella sleeping next to me.

Christmas morning was pretty low-key. My mom made breakfast and we ate, then we opened our gifts. I got some really nice clothes and the standard of movies and gift cards for I-Tunes, but what I hadn't been expecting was the watch that my dad got me. "Dad, this is a Rolex, this is way too much!"

"Nonsense, you're older now and you deserve a nice watch. I was going to wait until you graduated next year, but I think you've shown us just how much you've grown in the last few months. Merry Christmas, son."

"Merry Christmas, Dad, Mom. You don't know how much it means that I can come to you about things."

"Thinking about Bella?" My mom knew exactly where my mind went and I nodded, there really was no reason to try and deny it.

"Yeah, I miss her."

"Well isn't she calling later, you'll get to hear how her Christmas was and she'll be back in a few weeks. She needs this time away from everything."

I wasn't sure home was where to go to get away from it, but they were right, she'd be calling later.

I put away my presents and then went for a drive, hoping to clear my mind. I went down to the shopping district and drove past the holiday windows, everything was closed, of course, but it was still beautiful.

When I arrived home, my mom was trying to lug suitcases down the stairs so I offered to help her, knowing my dad had likely been called to the hospital. That night, my mom decided we'd watch some old Christmas movies on TV and relax, because tomorrow we had to go shopping for food for while she was away, because she's still worried that if left to my own devices, I'll buy junk food and booze, which is only half-true.

Around 6pm, my phone rang and I jumped up to answer it. "Bella?"

"Hey." She sounded sad, which worried me. She would have called if they'd had the conversation and it had gone bad, right?

"Is everything okay, did you talk to them?"

"No, my dad is just being his usual charming self. He isn't even home tonight; he's covering at the station. I'm cooking Christmas dinner. My mom is upset, but won't talk about it, and Emmett wants to hit everyone for being this stupid. I haven't even tried to tell them, and I'm afraid of how he'll react when I do."

Now fully hidden in the kitchen, I tried to soothe her. "Bella, it will be okay in the end, it is going to be hard for them to hear, but they're your parents, they'll support you."

"Edward, I'm not so sure. He's acting so distant. It's like he was when I was younger, after Nila."

"Baby, you have Emmett there with you. And I'm here for you, whenever you need. I'll see you soon."

"Okay, I have to go. Don't want to burn dinner. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Alright baby, I'll talk to you then. I love you." It was killing me how upset she sounded and I really hoped to reassure her.

"Love you too, bye."

Going back into the living room to watch the end of the movie with my mom, I couldn't help shake the uneasy feeling that Bella's fear gave me. Part of me wanted to go down there to her, but it would have only made it worse, she had to do this on her own.

When the movie ended, my mom went to bed and I moved up to my room where Fitz was passed out on my bed. He'd spent most of the last several days asleep and if it hadn't been for the empty food bowl and the full litter box, I would have thought he hadn't moved since I came home from dropping off Bella.

Picking him up, I got into bed and then sat him back onto the bed and he waited for me to get settled before prancing down by my feet and curling up.

The next morning, I went shopping with my mom and then around noon my dad came home, all of us having lunch together before I drove them to the pier where their cruise ship was departing and then got back home and called Bella. I knew it was still early what with the time difference, but I wanted to know how the rest of her Christmas went.

The conversation was brief, Charlie still wasn't home and she didn't know if he'd ever be there long enough for her to tell him about the trial. When she got off the phone, it left me with a lot of time to sit around. The one thing I knew was that as soon as her plane landed in January, I'd make sure she knew just how many people supported and loved her.

**BPOV**

In the day and a half since Christmas, I spent most of my time with Emmett. We were both missing our lives in Seattle and seriously debating why we come home anymore. "Bells, I never saw it before this trip, but our parents are pretty fucking selfish. Dad runs to the station every chance he gets, mom's in the den letting you cook every meal and planning the move that they told us about when we got here, I mean seriously, who does that?"

I shrugged because it wasn't new to me. "I'm used to it, they pretty much wrote me off when I was in high school. Now I just need to get a job, because they aren't reliable sources of funds anymore. Crap, how am I going to hold down a job, go to class and deal with the trial?"

"Maybe you should take Edward up on his offer to lend you some money?" I glared at my brother and he held up his hands in surrender as he continued. "I'm not saying let him pay for you. I'm saying let him lend you the money, focus on the trial and afterwards find a job and pay him back. I'm sure he'd give to you, but he'll also recognize your need to pay him back. Edward knows you like that, just don't rule it out."

I nodded, knowing my brother was right and not really wanting to admit it. "Okay. Hey I have to start dinner, you want to hand in the kitchen with me?"

"Smell your food for hours and not be able to eat it? Don't think so. But dad said he might be off tonight, so hopefully you can tell him already, because the tension is getting redonkuluous!"

I had to laugh at his word choice before he mussed up my hair and ran out of my room. Dinner tonight was chili, one of my favorite meals to cook. It also took a long time to prepare, which was why I liked it so much, it kept me in the kitchen long enough to settle my thoughts. I had heard my father say that he was not going in tonight, but I wasn't sure. In all honesty, I'd believe it when I saw it. When the chili and the cornbread were done, I put some in the Rubbermaid containers to cool so it would be around to reheat another day, then filled the large serving bowl and made my way to the table.

I walked out of the kitchen to see my father actually sitting in his seat at the head of the table. It was a bit of a surprise, but I schooled my expression and decided that I'd try and brooch the subject if dinner went well. Emmett helped me with the food and we ate in a tense silence, it seemed that everyone was afraid that if they spoke, this family moment would disintegrate.

Finally, as dinner was coming to an end, I looked down the table at my father and spoke, "Dad, do you work tonight?"

"Nope." He looked at me with the same pinched expression he'd had the night I got home, but I decided that it was now or never with this.

"Okay, then if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to talk to you and mom about something."

"Of course, honey, we're here."

I took a deep breath and looked at the table. "Something happened this past semester. I met a guy, and I thought he was nice. We started dating and he, well he did some terrible things to me."

"I should hope so, if there's going to be a trial." My father spat and my head flew up.

"What?" My mother asked at the same time I stuttered out my question.

"You knew?"

"Of course I knew! I found out from the guys at the station in Forks. They wanted to know if I needed help getting you security, or if you were looking for a place to hide out during the trial. Let's just say it was a surprise to hear from them that my daughter was shacking up with one guy while she was dating a guy who beat and raped her!"

I was dumbfounded. He knew. He knew and he'd sat there for a week and said nothing, avoiding me every chance he got. What kind of a father did that?

"You've been sitting at this table with me, when you've deigned to be home, and never spoke a word. I was struggling with how to tell you, like I've been doing for months, and you didn't tell me that you knew so it was okay-"

He stood up and threw off his napkin. "Because it isn't okay! I taught you better! You used to be smarter and for you to let this happen to you…you are not the daughter I raised."

"Charlie?" I turned to see my mother crying, we'd been so busy yelling that we'd forgotten that she and Emmett were still in the room.

"Don't reprimand me for speaking my mind, Renee. Are you okay with the fact that this happened to her? That her name and face are going to be in the news everyday as they rip her to shreds? You thought she was a mess when I sent her to you before, but she's going to be a wreck when this is over. Are you going to pick up the pieces?" He was fuming and I was too pissed to hold it in anymore.

"You two won't have to! I'm not coming back this summer. I'm going to stay in Seattle."

"I'm heading to the station." My father walked into the living room and my mother followed him.

"I thought you said that you were off tonight?" My mom asked as he got his gear out of the closet under the stairs.

"I can't stay in this house. I'm going to go take care of some of the paperwork."

Without another word, my father was out the door. Emmett came to offer me some comfort, but I was over it. "I'm going upstairs."

Running up into my bedroom I grabbed my suitcase and started grabbing my clothes, rolling them so that it would make more room in the suitcase, that way I could get my new clothes and the few quirky new age type things my mother had bought me, like incense and some really cute jewelry into the one bag as well. I was about halfway done when my mom pushed open the door.

"Please, don't go." I turned to her, wiping at the tears in my eyes and shaking my head.

"I can't stay Mom. You heard him. I'm sorry that this ruined Christmas."

"You stop that. You didn't ruin anything, your father did. He's never been able to handle anything tough when it came to his family. On the job, sure, but at home things were supposed to go right. I'm not making excuses for him, and I had no idea what was going on, because that wouldn't have flown with me, but…" She took a deep breath and started again. "I think it has to do with his parents dying when he was young and then me leaving when you were little, he'd rather push people away first before they get the chance to hurt him."

I shook my head, grabbed the few presents, and stuck them in amongst the clothes before going back to rolling clothes and filling the bag. Emmett came up and checked on us. "Do you need a ride to the airport?"

My mom looked between the two of us and sighed in resignation. "I'll send you some money, it won't be as much as your allowance, but it'll help. Be safe and I'm here for you, sweetie. All you have to do is call. I love you."

I hugged my mom and whispered to her, "I love you too, Mom. I'll call you when I can."

I zipped up my bag and grabbed my winter coat, checking to see that my gloves, scarf, and hat were in the pockets and then grabbed my backpack and purse. Emmett and I got into the car and he pulled off to the airport. "I called the airline and got your ticket switched from the beginning of January to tonight. You'll get in really early, like 1am. You're flying out at 11pm, but it's going to be crazy at the airport, so I'd rather get you there early."

"I understand. Hey, Em?"

He looked over at me with a somber expression I wasn't used to seeing on his face. "Yeah, Bells?"

"Thank you, for everything."

"I had to step up. You're going through hell and someone in this family has to be there to for you. I love Mom, but she won't be able to hold your hand through this. I barely can. It's moments like this that I love Edward, because I know he'll take care of you like I can't."

I reached over and took his hand as we pulled off at the exit for the airport. "Emmett, you've done your best. And in the past few months you've been amazing."

He took a deep breath and smiled over as we pulled up to the curb. "Call me when you get home?"

"Sure."

We got out and he helped me with my bags as I handed it over to the skycap and then had him print out my ticket. Going through the security, with the huge lines and the annoyed people, I tried to keep my calm, but it was hard.

By the time I was getting ready to board the plane, I'd left Edward three messages and he hadn't answered. I was starting to get worried that he wasn't answering it. I knew it was his first day home alone, but I wanted him to know that I was coming back.

They announced my plane, so I got up and boarded, taking out my iPod as soon as we were cleared to use them after takeoff. It was a three hour flight and I spent the entire time trying not to cry because the last thing I needed was to be the crazy person crying on the plane and having people wonder if I was going to snap and start stabbing people with a plastic knife.

When the plane arrived in Seattle, we had to circle the runway as they had slight delays due to all the snow that had fallen, backing up flights that were departing. Thirty minutes later, we landed and I made my way down to baggage claim. After fighting to get my heavy bag off the conveyer belt, I put on my coat and the rest of my winter gear and headed out into the bitter and wet night to get a cab.

After giving the driver Edward's address, I pulled out my phone and tried him again. When it went straight to voicemail for the fourth time, I snapped it shut and decided that I'd just have to hope he was home; otherwise, the $80 cab ride would get even worse.

It took almost an hour in the snow, but finally we pulled down the driveway. As I saw the big house come into view, my chest tightened. I paid the cabbie, took my luggage up the stairs onto the porch, and started knocking, but no one came. I called out his name and still heard nothing coming back in response. I slumped to the ground and broke down, no longer able to hold it in. The snow started seeping into my jacket and coating my skin and hair.

I don't know when it happened, but Edward's arm wrapped around me as he kissed my forehead. "Bella, what are you doing here?"

My voice came out in hiccups and gasps, "My dad…he…we fought…it was…"

Edward ran to pick up my bags, brought them in, and then came back to scoop me up in his arms. As he carried me into the house, kicking the door closed and pressing the button on the alarm, he continued right to the living room, where he sat me on the couch.

"Tell me."

I took a breath and leaned into him, looking past us to the windows, needed to feel him close. "You know how I told you he wasn't talking; how he was barely home…it was because he knew."

"What?" Edward's voice was filled with disbelief as he lifted my chin to meet his eyes with my own.

"Some of his old officers from Forks called him to ask if I needed any assistance for during the trial. He knew the whole time. When I started to tell him tonight, he lost it. He told me it was my fault, that I let it happen and he raised me better. He's ashamed of me."

Edward's right hand still had a hold of my face as his left tightened around my back, pulling me to him and leaning his forehead to mine. "Bella, I know he's your father, and you love him, but I want to hurt him for what he said to you. You know he's wrong, right? You aren't to blame. Jake did this to you."

I gasped and let out my breath slowly. "I know. I just feel so…alone."

Edward's hands tightened slightly as he pulled back to look at me. "I'm here." He looked so hurt and it was the last thing I wanted to do.

"I know. I wasn't referring to you, it's just once I'd like my family to look at me like they used to. Emmett's starting to, but I think for a parent, once they see their child as _broken_, they can never see them whole again. I'm just going to have to get used to that."

Edward looked up and smiled to himself before calling out. "Mommy's home!" The clamor of paws flying down the wooden steps and then the blur of fur as it landed between us had me laughing in no time. "You know, you would have been outside all night if it wasn't for him. He came up to me, tapped me in the face, and then started meowing. I followed him to the stairs and I heard the cab in the distance. It sounded too close to be the main road so I came down to check and found you."

"Your phone kept going to voicemail. I left you a bunch of messages."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

Pulling on his shirt, I whispered. "You're here now, that's all that matters."

"Let's go to bed." I looked into Edward's eyes as he grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs to his room.

**EPOV**

I woke up the next morning to smell breakfast cooking and went into the kitchen to see Bella plating food like it was the most normal thing in the world for us, and in truth, it was for us.

Sneaking up behind her, I pulled her into my arms and she hummed at the contact. "Morning."

"Good morning. You're doing better today."

She smiled and gave me a quick peck on the lips. "I am. I'm doing what Dr. G told me. I'm living for me and _I'm_ standing in the kitchen of my boyfriend's parents' house where we'll be alone until the second week of January. I'm in love and loved in return, and I have some time to enjoy myself before going through the hell that will be trial prep. That's all I can think about right now."

"Well, I am loving this attitude. What do you say we go out and do something fun today?"

Bella wrinkled her nose and handed me my breakfast. "I'd rather stay in. You don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all."

That day we hung out and played in the snow that had fallen last night. Acting like a couple of kids, throwing snowballs and rolling around in the snow after Bella knocked me on the ground. Dinner that night was nice as we sat in the kitchen again and Bella told me about the happier moments of her trip back home. Being the girl that always worried about others more than herself, she told me about how her mother was getting hurt by her father's actions and was afraid that their marriage wouldn't survive the hostility. All I could do was remind her that whether or not they survived it, it wasn't her fault.

The next few days were similar, lazy days, until the morning of New Year's Eve. I knew we'd be staying in, but I still wanted to get something special, so while she was calling to check in with Alec and see when he'd want to meet with her and begin the prep, I went shopping.

I was at the supermarket getting things for that night, remembering that Bella had mentioned something about grapes, so I quickly grabbed them and then continued with my shopping. I wasn't going the cliché and get strawberries and whipped cream or chocolate, but I was picking up cheese, crackers, and some other fruit along with a few bottles of sparkling cider for Bella. There would be no champagne for us tonight; we were going to ring in the New Year sober.

It was about 2pm when I got home and Bella had some food in my mom's slow cooker so I hunted her down in the den. "Hey, what are you doing in here?"

She turned and smiled at me. "Can we watch the New Year's celebration in here, I'd love to cuddle in front of the fire and watch the country ring in 2010."

"That sounds perfect. Why don't you go on and take a bath and then we can eat dinner before New Year's in New York starts?"

"Okay, see you in a bit."

Bella went off to relax in my parent's whirlpool tub while I showered and threw on some lounge pants and a long-sleeved shirt. Heading into the kitchen, I cut up the cheese and cleaned the fruit. Then I made sure we had wood in the fireplace and that the flue was open.

When Bella came down in a red velour tank and pants pajama set, I nearly lost it, but soon we were eating her delicious stew and laughing about the upcoming year. I was so happy to see her so carefree and I wasn't about to ask about her call to the DA's office, it could all wait for tomorrow.

Moving into the den after the dishes were done, Bella curled up on the floor in front of the giant sectional sofa, facing the TV with Ryan Seacrest on in New York. It was 10:30 there and the musical acts were freezing their asses off in Times Square.

"I never understood going out there and trapping yourselves there with no ability to escape just to watch the ball drop. You can't even hear the artists from back there."

"I don't know, it's about the experience. I'd like to go one year."

I grinned at the hint of her adventurous nature and pulled her closer. "Maybe we can go together?"

She laughed at the complete turn around and then we settled in deeper. As we snacked and joked, it neared midnight in New York, so Bella got ready with her grapes, telling me the story about how her mother had learned that in Mexico they try to eat a grape with each toll of the clock at midnight, making a wish for each one.

Bella sat as they counted down from thirty, the grape poised at her lips and as they started the final countdown, I leaned in and kissed her shoulder, moving slowly up to where her neck met her shoulders as the first toll came. I traveled up her neck with each chime as she made it to five grapes before her hand dropped the rest of them in the bowl and she turned to me with a sour expression. I kissed her lips and she smiled against mine before pulling away again. "You messed up my wishes."

I kissed her again and pulled her to the blanket we were sitting on. "We'll try again in an hour with Chicago."

We never made it to Chicago's countdown though.

As my hands ran along the soft velour of Bella's pajamas, my own pants tightened and a groan escaped my lips. When I found her breasts, her nipples were already straining against the thin top. We were laying side by side, our bodies intertwined and I knew that she was fully aware of exactly how she was affecting me. "Bella, if you want to stop…we'll stop. Nothing has to happen tonight."

"Edward, I'm ready. I want this to be how we celebrate the New Year. Please, Edward, make love to me?" The seriousness of her expression and the sound of her voice as she asked me to make love to her broke any resolve I had left.

Rolling us over, I partially covered my body with hers as her hand reached for the remote to turn off the TV. When that task was complete, her fingers were woven into my hair as we kissed and touched as we have in the months of building intimacy. I thought back to the night before she flew home and the giant leap we had taken that night, one that was overshadowed by our actions tonight.

Bella's hands were the first to find the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head, her fingers now tracing my muscles in the reverent way I'd grown to love from her. Next, her top was disposed of and I moved to kiss every inch of skin that it revealed. It was more than making our first time special; it was working to erase every bad memory of sex with a good one, with the promise of what it could be.

It was about that time that I realized I didn't have a condom. I never thought that we'd move this far and I hadn't planned for it. I didn't want Bella to open a drawer in my room and find them sitting there, like an expectation of what I wanted and what she may not be able to give yet. Her voice broke into my inner freak out as she whispered. "I hid one under the couch."

Looking at her confused, her hand left my back to reach under the couch and pull out a condom. "God, I love you."

"There's the smartass I know and love." Bella winked and I sat up, slowly pulling down her pajama pants and underwear to reveal her to me for the second time in as many weeks. Standing up and discarding my own bottoms, I sunk to the floor to have Bella sit up slightly. "Edward. It's been…a while…and I know you know that, but you're also…_larger_ than…"

I hated that my inner man did a tiny backflip over having a bigger cock than that bastard, but I hid it well as I brushed the hair from the side of her face. "We'll take it as slow as you need to."

I didn't know if anything had left permanent physical scars on her or if she'd be able to enjoy it, but dammit, I was going to do everything I could to make it happen. I rolled on the condom and positioned myself above her, waiting for her to let me know it was okay to move.

In the beginning, it was painful for both of us. Painful for Bella because of the memories and it was painful for me because of how slow I had to move, but I sucked it up and did what she needed. When me being on top brought on her anxiety, we moved so that she was on top and then continued until finally I was completely inside her.

There were a few minutes where she just stayed still and listened to my heart as her hair fanned out over her back, covering us both and I just lay there, not wanting to disturb her by touching her until finally, she looked at me and began to move.

The feeling of being with her after everything we've endured, the pain, the fear, the anger, it was enough to push you over the edge before we'd really begun, but I simply focused on Bella and the moment we were in.

It was the slow up and down of her movement over me, the gentle touches that we shared, and the sweet kisses as we moved towards our completion. When it happened, it was almost a surprise because of how consumed we were in each other, but as Bella arched her back and cried out my name, I'd never felt more important. I followed soon after her, and as she clung to me, all she kept saying was 'thank you.'

It almost broke my heart to hear her saying thank you to me for making love to her like I'd wanted to since we first met, but it meant so much more now, because it was one more step towards her being whole again, as she put it.

We missed the countdown in Chicago in our moments of passion and we missed the countdown here on the west coast to the sleep that followed it as we slept curled up on the blanket by the slowly dying fire.


	16. Standing on the Edge

**We're getting to the trial, which will mark the beginning of the end of this fic. After this chapter, I have another five regular chapters and two epilogues planned. (The second was the future-take I donated to FADV)**

**My own fundraiser still has a few weeks left, so to make a difference and join Finding Your Voice: Fandom Fights Mental Illness, go to findingyourvoice-ffmi(dot)blogspot(dot)com for info on donating to get the compilation and to learn more about the pieces offered.**

**My WC girls made this chapter possible, helping me get through this. I'm working to complete this and 'Love at 1st Bite' in the coming several weeks, so thanks for the support of my older fics. A Cullen Wannabe betad this while she was working on her own writing, for which I'm grateful. Let me know what you think.**

Chapter 16 – Standing on the Edge

**BPOV**

In the days following New Year's Eve, Edward and I worked together like a well-oiled machine. I cooked most of the meals and Edward washed the dishes. It was like the beginning of the Fall Semester, but now we were so much closer and I was happy for it with the upcoming weeks. I called Alec to let him know that I was home early and he suggested we do some early trial prep that way we could ease into it. Edward's prep was beginning soon too, but since he hasn't met with Alec much, I was worried about his reaction.

We were sitting at the table the night before my first meeting with Alec eating dinner, when Edward started to ask me questions. "What's going to happen tomorrow?"

I took a deep breath and set down my fork. "Alec will go over my testimony; he'll walk me through his questions and then work on me so that I'm prepared for whatever the defense attorney may come up with. I'm just ready for March to come and all of this to be over and done."

"It's going to get tough for a while, but we'll be okay." His words were sweet, but I'd feel better when we had some back up. Edward's parents were due back in two days, with Jasper, Rose and Alice coming back a few days after them.

I'd been using my early arrival to try to get work, but the problem was that I couldn't really work until after the trial, which gave a lot of the places an easy excuse for not hiring me. I had no idea how I was going to survive without my father's support. School was taken care of for the most part. My mom promised that they'd continue to pay for my schooling even if she had to do it from her own salary, as a majority of my tuition was aid and loans, but spending money was a different story. Edward kept telling me that he'd take care of it and I could pay him back once I found work, but I didn't want to have to ask him for money. I, it was the only thing left that he hadn't given me yet, and I was hoping to keep it that way.

We went to bed that night in his room, snuggled together as I tried to forget about what tomorrow would bring.

I woke up without an appetite, and when Edward tried to push it, I promised to eat something after my meeting. He drove me down there and went to take care of a few things because his first appointment with the DA wasn't until tomorrow. It was a long morning, with us focusing on my initial testimony so that I could get through the story. Alec kept telling me that it was a fine line because he didn't want to completely desensitize me, but needed me to be prepared for telling it in front of Jake. I had to evoke sympathy but not fall to pieces because Jake's lawyer was a shark and he'd go in for the kill if it meant a chance at winning. I still didn't feel much better when I left the DA's office and Edward was fine with us having some soup and watching a movie.

The next day started with a call from the college housing office, so I agreed to drop Edward off at the DA's and head to school and see what they needed to discuss before school started up again. I walked into the office to see the head of the office waiting to bring me back into his office. I sat down in front of him, waiting to find out what was so important.

"Miss Swan, I'm so glad you could make it in here. I have something very important to discuss with you." I nodded for him continue, anxious now about what was coming. "In the building you currently reside in, or any of the on-campus housing we can offer, there is no way to offer the type of security you'll require during the trial. As is evident by how easy it was for Mr. Black to get into the building. T, the press will be looking for a way to get a unique story and there's a chance they will go through some of your neighbor's to gain information."

"You're kicking me out of my apartment? What about Edward?"

"No, we are not kicking you out. Y, you can make the decision for yourself, but I wanted to let you know that we will not be able to look out for you in the way you may require. If you wished to hire security, then living in the building would still be an option, or you could temporarily live elsewhere and return when the trial is over. If you did, however, decide to move out, we'd refund both of you your room and board and make a note so that you could still be in the same position for housing next year as you would if you remained in your apartment. The decision is yours."

My stomach dropped and I started to feel sick. "I'd have to discuss this with Edward and his parents may have some questions when they return tomorrow, but we'll try to give you an answer as soon as we can."

"Thank you, Miss Swan; I appreciate the maturity with which you're handling this situation. I know the timing is poor."

I shook his hand and let him walk me out. "What's best for your office is also what is best for us, so we're lucky this time. But if I can make a suggestion, I'd beef up the security on those off-campus buildings; require something more than an ID card that 1000's of people have."

He nodded as I walked out of the office and made my way down to the car. I had an appointment with Dr. G today and Edward was still in his meeting, so I would pick him up after I was done. I had a lot to discuss with my doctor, so as soon as I was settled in her office I started.

"My trip home was horrible. My father knew what had happened and stayed silent, my mother cried a lot," I paused, letting a breath escape before I continued. "The person who really surprised me was Emmett. He stepped up to take care of me, he was running interference with my parents…I've never felt like he understood me like that before. Seeing my family fall apart had him jumping in to make sure I survived it. I feel ashamed to say that it surprised me as much as it did." My hands twisted around in my lap, fidgeting as I thought about brother. "He's probably going to be one of the main people to get me through this, if he ever speaks to me again after being put on the stand."

"Is he a witness for the prosecution or the defense?"

"Prosecution, Alec knew they'd call him if he didn't so he wanted him on our side." My eyes travelled the room again, not wanting to make eye contact with her yet.

"Your brother's a strong man., I'm sure he'll do just fine."

"He's not the only one I'm worried about," I whispered.

"Edward?" We both knew she didn't have to ask, I always worried about him.

"Today's his first real day of trial prep. He's been so supportive, but what if this is too much for him? He's had to save me, nurse me back to health, put me back together, and now he's going to get shredded on the stand. What if he finally decides I'm not worth it?"

Dr. Gonzales moved over to sit next to me on the couch, taking my hands in hers. "That's a question only he can answer. You just have to ask it."

The rest of my session was spent talking about how to combat dreams that I knew would come creeping back into the forefront with the weeks to come. The trial would bring a lot of things to light; things I didn't want put on display, but there wasn't much changing that.

I drove over to get Edward from the DA's office and we went back to his parents, both of us quiet until we were back at his house. He wasn't talking to me about his meeting and I hadn't mentioned my therapy, but just having him close was enough.

Dinner passed in more silence and Fitz was pawing at my side, hoping for a little attention. I reached down to cuddle him to my chest and Edward stood, clearing our plates and loading the dishwasher. When the silence was finally too much for me to deal with, I walked into the kitchen and leaned on the counter.

"Are you just going act like I'm not here all night? Because if so, I'll check into a hotel until you have a chance to figure everything out."

Edward stopped mid-movement and turned to face me. "What are you talking about?"

"Trial Prep is rough, I understand that. If you need some time to yourself just tell me, but I can't take the silence."

He closed the dishwasher and turned it on before he rounded the island to stand behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist. "I'm sorry, I know I've been a little distant, but the thing that killed me was that he spent the day asking me about the time you were with Jake. Pushing and antagonizing me towards the end so that I wouldn't slip up. He's trying to push me hard because of how little time we have left, and all I kept thinking about was how involved I was in my own shit." He shook his head, a deep furrow forming in his brow. "You were wasting away, completely withdrawing from everything and I didn't see it. Then he started asking questions about Tanya, which was not how I wanted to end the session. I get that we're going to hash the shit out of this before it actually begins, but I wasn't prepared. I have no idea how you can do it."

"I have to see Jake in jail for this. It is the only thing that keeps me going. By the way, we have to talk about what the director of housing wanted to meet with me about." I wasn't looking forward to the conniption he would have over this.

"Can we talk about it tomorrow? I really just want to put on some senseless comedy and forget about the fact that I have to go back tomorrow afternoon." He looked so tired, and curling up in bed sounded so peaceful, so I happily agreed.

I'm not sure what registered in my mind first, but if I had to guess, it would have been the slamming of the door. I was too sleepy and far too comfortable curled into Edward's side to realize what that meant until the footsteps sounded on the stairs. That was when I began to panic.

"Edward, someone's here," I whisper-shouted to him, but all he did was stretch, his yawn and movement of the blankets enough to send Fitz jumping off the bed to take care of his morning business.

"Bella, no one broke into the house, you're-"

"Edward, where," I registered the shocked look on Carlisle's face as the door opened and then slammed shut, his voice calling from the hall. "Sorry, I didn't know we had company. I'll see you both downstairs."

I smacked Edward in the chest as his laughter shook the bed. "I was just hearing stuff, huh? Thanks to that big yawn of yours, Carlisle just saw my boobs."

Edward's hand scrubbed his face as he got out of bed to throw on some pants and a shirt. "Bella he's a doctor, it doesn't mean the same thing. Plus, he was your doctor in the ER, so it isn't the first time."

His eyes met mine and he held up his hands. "Bad joke, babe, I'm sorry."

"Just put a shirt on so we can talk to your parents. We might as well all have this discussion together."

A few minutes later, we're dressed and walking downstairs hand in hand to find Esme walking into the living room with a tray and four cups of coffee. Edward and I settle into the couch and I lean in to fix both Edward and my coffee before I sit back and hand him his mug.

"I was under the impression that you wouldn't be back for a few days, Bella." Carlisle began, looking up with a slightly pink tint to his cheeks.

"Things didn't go well in Phoenix, so I was back before New Year's Eve." I wasn't in the mood to rehash it right now, but I knew I'd be forced to with my current situation.

"I'm sorry things went so bad for you, but I'm sure your parents will come around by the time the trial starts." Esme was quick to try and sooth me, but I was a little too much of a realist for that.

"I doubt it, Esme, but thank you for being supportive. The only money I have is my scholarships and loans now that my father cut me off., I can't find a job until after the trial, and I'm homeless, so I think I'm kind of screwed."

"Bella, my parents aren't going to kick you out, so we'll be fine until school starts up." Edward didn't know that school wasn't going to help me with the situation.

"Edward, I haven't told you about the meeting with housing yet. It was hinted that there's no way to secure the building and that continuing to live in the dorm will give the reporters a place to flock to. They'll interview our neighbors, besides the fact that it will mean that we'll be closer to Tanya and we've been warned to stay away from her and Paul."

"They kicked us out? Can they even do that?" Edward was pissed but it was Carlisle's voice that jumped in before I could calm him.

"It doesn't matter, because neither of you were going back there. It would have been too hard to have security watch the building as well as the team I've hired for the both of you."

"What?" I squeaked out, completely stunned that he'd already planned to pull us out of the dorm.

"That school didn't do right by either of you, and if you'd like to take legal action, I'd be happy to help you find representation, but for the time being I'm concerned about the two of you. This house is secluded so having this place watched is easier. I've hired a company that will monitor the house as well as three bodyguards for you two. They'll be with you from the time you leave for court or classes until you're home for the night. If we need to continue it into the school year, we will, but for right now, the trial is my main concern. This Paul character makes me nervous and I'm not about to risk my family's well-being on some druggie."

I was quick to agree with Carlisle, I couldn't let anything happen to Esme or Edward because of me. "Carlisle, I would never ask you to put your family in jeopardy for me."

"Bella," Carlisle shook his head at me, "You're a part of this family too."

I felt the tears falling as both Edward and Fitz rushed to me; my boys were quick to respond to my distress. "Thank you, Carlisle. You can't possibly know how much that means to me."

"I'm only speaking the truth, dear," Carlisle smiled as Esme produced a box of tissues. "Now, I'm going to have the security team come over tomorrow so you can get to know them and also so we can move you out of the apartment now, before school gets any closer. You two both have meetings with the DA today, correct?"

"Yes, I go first and then Edward's meeting is after mine."

"Where are you going after the meeting, dear?" Esme asked from the opposite couch.

"I have a meeting with my support group, and everyone is flying home tomorrow, so I promised Emmett I'd pick them up at the airport."

"Well, it seems we have a hectic few weeks ahead of us. Let's get started."

As if willing it to go well, Carlisle stood up and went into his office upstairs. Edward and I went back upstairs to get ready and I spent a few extra minutes in the shower, hoping to relieve the tension.

My two hours with Alec were pure hell, but he was trying to goad a response out of me, knowing Jake's attorney would try to do the same. By the end of the session, I was ready to lose it, so without even waiting to see Edward, I drove right to the support group meeting.

These women knew better than anyone what I was feeling and they were offering the wisdom of people who had been there before. I knew that I'd be able to survive it, but my concern was Edward, Emmett and Carlisle. They would have to relive it and deal with the pain right in front of Jake, something I wasn't sure I would handle well. Out of all the experiences this trial would bring, being in the same room as Jake wasn't one I even wanted to think about.

I wasn't much in a mood for talking when I got home and an hour later. Edward came home and went into the basement, apparently, Carlisle had a mini gym down there for him to vent his frustrations in.

Esme and Carlisle didn't prod us when we were silent at dinner and for that, I was grateful.

The next day, Carlisle had his first day of trial prep and I wasn't too excited for dinner tonight. Esme caught my unease as I sat in the kitchen and tried to soothe me.

"This isn't the first time he's had to testify, dear. He knows what to expect."

I looked at her, knowing there was doubt lingering in my eyes. "He's had to testify to the conditions of a patient, but he's never had to testify about his son's girlfriend. It's going to be brought up."

"My Carlisle is smart, he'll handle whatever the defense attorney throws at him."

"Wish he didn't have to," I muttered and soon found Esme pulling me into a hug.

"We all do, but there's no way to stop that. Now I've got a proposition for you, and I want you to really consider it before you head to the airport."

"What is it?" I was leery of what she might offer, but she simply smiled and placed her hand on my shoulder as she looked down at me.

"I need an assistant to help me keep things organized and I will also be moving the office from upstairs to a smaller building I had built on the property last year. I've been too busy to finish it, but I thought with you needing a little financial assistance, that I could hire you. Working here with me is easier than being at some bookstore or coffee shop and you can do it as you are able to."

"You really want me working for you?"

"Of course, dear. You're intelligent, a hard worker, plus having someone I can trust is vital, and whom better than the young woman I trust with my son's heart. I'll pay you a fair wage for what you'll be doing and if it doesn't work out, then no hard feelings, you can find something else and we'll go back to just go back to the way things are now. Will you consider it?"

"I will do more than consider it, Esme. I'll take the job." I knew it was a touch of nepotism, but I needed the job and I felt better working for Esme and knowing that I'd have an understanding boss than trying to get a job with my face in the paper every day.

After a little more talk about the job, I got in my car to pick up everyone. None of them knew I was already home, so it was going to make for an interesting ride back to the Cullen's house, which is where Carlisle asked that I bring them first.

I pulled into the airport and parked Esme's SUV just as my phone beeped. I opened it to see a text from Alice letting me know they'd all landed and were headed to baggage claim, and that they'd meet us there.

I walked over to the moving walkway and stepped on, letting it take me inside where I headed over to the baggage claim area. Luckily, I picked the right parking area, so it wasn't a long walk. I got there and looked over to the arrivals board to see and saw that Emmett's plane had been delayed so he should be landing any minute, which explained why I hadn't heard from him yet.

Alice's laughter caught my attention before she flew at me, pulling me into a tight hug.

"I missed you so much! How was the trip home? Did Edward and Emmett head to the car with your bags?"

"Breath, Alice. I'm sure Bella's as tired from her morning of travel as we are, so hold the questions until we get home."

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. Emmett hasn't landed yet, and we have to make a slight detour before you guys can go home and relax. Some things have happened while you were enjoying your break."

"Wait, you didn't come home with Emmett?" Rose asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, I've been home since the end of December. Things didn't go well at home. But we'll talk about that as soon as-"

"Hey, Eeyore," Emmett said from right behind me, scaring the crap out of me.

"Hey Em, how was the rest of the trip? Now that you can actually talk."

"Our rooms are packed and the pods are being transported to Seattle as we speak. Mom gave me something to give you, but other than that…Dad was Dad."

I nodded, knowing I'd get more details from him later. "Okay, I have Esme's SUV, so we'll be fine. Em, you want to go get your stuff so we can head back to the Cullen's and talk about everything."

"Will do," he said as the conveyer belt started up. In true Emmett Swan fashion, his bag was the first one to come out because he wanted to get out of there, so soon we were piled into the car and drove off.

The ride was quiet, which was driving me crazy, but it seemed that everyone was wondering what was happening and decided it was best to wait and have it explained to them.

Esme was waiting when we got home, ushering us into the living room where there were several men waiting for us. At first, I was a little nervous, but Carlisle was shaking hands and chatting with one of the men, so they couldn't be that bad.

"Oh good, you're here. Come in and sit down." We all arranged ourselves on the couches, Edward pulling me into my side as he began. "Everyone, this is Aro. H, he runs the security company I've hired to help us get through the trial. Now before he begins, I'm offering this to any of you who are interested. Bella and Edward will be living here for the extent of the trial and through the remainder of the semester, as they no longer have their dorm room as an option. Alice, you'll be staying here until the trial is over," Alice looked as though she was going to fight him on this, but he raised his hands. "That is not negotiable. Now, I understand that leaves Rosalie alone and I wouldn't want her to feel unsafe, so Rosalie, there's a spare room with your name on it if you'd like. Emmett, you're going to be in the center of this circus as well, so if you'd like to stay with your girlfriend, you're more than welcome too. I'm aware that leaves Jasper as the odd man out, so if you'd like to stay here, then," he paused as if it was painful to say, "I'm sure Alice could find space for you in her room."

"Who are you and what have you done with the man that forbade me from moving in with my boyfriend in the Fall?" Alice snarked and Carlisle rubbed his forehead.

"He watched his son almost lose the most important person in his life. You're adults, I can't preach to you forever. I will lay down this rule, I don't want to hear anything coming out of these rooms, do you understand me?"

"Yes, Mr. Cullen," everyone echoed as Alice and Edward both nodded their agreement.

"Good, since that's out of the way, I will let Aro explain how things will be working for the next several weeks."

"Thank you, Carlisle," Aro, a man who looked like he belonged in a smoke filled backroom in a mob movie instead of the Cullen living room stepped forward to address us. "It is unfortunate, the reason behind your need for our services, but I want to assure you that we have everything taken care of. We have three of our security guards assigned to you, one for Edward and two for Isabella. We've also set up a series of motion detectors and cameras around the property. The only open way to enter is along the road, but the area is heavily monitored. If we catch any movement that isn't one of you, we'll contact the police immediately. You will be escorted wherever you need to be and will be under our supervision from 8am until 10pm. Do you have any questions?"

"Do I really need a bodyguard?" Edward asked but a chorus of 'yes' from his parents and me swiftly cut him off. There was no way he was going to be coming and going without someone to at least keep the press away.

"It is what's best. Caius, Marcus and Ren will be rotating between you at all times. They will be driving you using the company cars so that may take some getting used to, but we feel the situation calls for it. If anything changes we can make adjustments, but for the time this is how we will work."

He had a slightly self-satisfied expression, which irked me, but beyond that I was happy to have this all begin. The sooner it started, the sooner it was done.

Once the meeting was over, everyone went outside to bring in their bags, and then Alice drove them to their apartments so they could pack what they would need for the next several weeks. Meanwhile, two of our bodyguards got in their SUV, complete with heavily tinted windows, Edward and I secure in the back seat. While the third guard climbed into the small rental truck I hadn't noticed parked outside when we got home.

The drive to the dorm was silent and not even knowing which guards were which was making me uneasy.

We all filed into the elevator, packing boxes in tow. I tensed a bit as we arrived at our floor, all the trial prep bringing back the memories. Edward squeezed my hand and whispered to me.

"If this is too much for you, we can have one of them drop you back home and I will pack it up."

I smiled weakly at him and shook my head at him. "No, I'll be fine. Just give me a few minutes."

Edward unlocked the door and we all walked in, trying to decide where to go first. "The living room is the easiest," I told him. "All of the furniture stays in the apartment, we just need to take the slipcovers and empty the bookshelf and entertainment center."

"Okay, do you want me to take care of this and you can start in the kitchen? I know you're particular about your pots and stuff."

"Thanks," I said as I grabbed a few boxes and headed to kitchen. I was surprised when one of the guys followed me and started taking the plates out of the top shelves while I built the box and grabbed some newspaper. I wrapped the plates and then started with the bowls, all the while my shadow continued to place things on the counter for me to pack up next.

"You really can go and relax inside, if you want." I offered, seeing the other two men on the couch, which was now free of the slipcover.

"I prefer to be useful," he smiled and went to hand me a box to pack up the pots and pans.

"I don't mean to be rude but none of you were introduced by names, so I have no ideas what to call you."

The laugh that escaped him shook his whole frame, "I'm Ren, the guy with the blonde hair is Caius, and Marcus is the dark haired lump next to him. They're not much in the personality department, but they're two of our best guards. Aro was very serious when we met with Carlisle about this case. He has a certain level of hatred for people who hurt women and children."

I just nodded, not really knowing what to say to that but to formally introduce myself. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Ren."

"Likewise."

The kitchen was soon packed and Ren made Caius and Marcus run a few trips while I cleaned the kitchen. Edward had already moved into his room, so I did the same. It was sad to be packing up the room he helped me paint, but I was glad to be getting out of a place that held such bad memories for us. I started with my clothes, knowing I needed to have more to wear than what was in Edward's closet.

I took out my suitcase just as I heard the bang of them trying to get Edward's queen-sized bed out of his room. "Don't forget to bring back the twin from storage at the end of the hall."

"Already got it, babe," he called back.

Grabbing one of the garbage bags, I started digging through my dresser. I didn't have many pants that fit, as I'd lost weight with my nerves making me eat a lot less junk food as meals were hard enough to stomach some days. Many of my shirts were long sleeve and well-worn after a semester of living in them to hide the bruises. I continued working through the dresser until I had two suitcases packed.

Turning to the closet, almost half of it went into a new garbage bag as I got rid of every sweatshirt I owned. The only one I still had was the one in Edward's closet, but it was one I'd stolen from him over the break. My coats and the few dresses I still had went into the large garment bag and then I tried to carry them out into the living room.

"What's all this?" Edward asked as he helped me with the bags.

"Clothes for goodwill. I need to go shopping." I frowned at the thought, which had him laughing.

"I'll tell Alice to go easy on you."

We kept working through the early evening, my important books going in the two boxes of stuff that were going in the SUV headed back to Edward's parents' house, while the rest of my boxes went into the moving van.

It was 6:30 when we had everything packed up and swung around to my storage space, where Edward and I would keep our things for the time being. He insisted on paying for half of it, and I didn't fight him. He also told me that he didn't see his stuff being in there for long; he didn't like living with his parents' long term.

After the rental truck was returned, Ren got in the backseat with us and we drove to the house to have a late dinner.

Esme had food waiting for us and then we moved the rest of our things up into his room. Alice came up and dragged us down to watch a movie and when we settled in., I decided now was as good a time as any to talk to her.

"Alice do you have any plans for Thursday afternoon?"

"No, what'd you want to do?" She asked, still looking at her phone.

"I need to do some clothes shopping; I donated more than I kept when we moved earlier."

Alice's face lit up, but it was Emmett who spoke up first. "You'll need this, then."

He flung a card at me and as I took it out of the envelope, a bunch of money fell out of it. "Holy shit, there's $1000 in here."

"Mom wanted you to get some nice clothing. S, she knew you'd need something to wear for court and then anything else you wanted to get."

"Oh, Bella, we'll get you set up so well, I promise." Alice was bouncing with excitement, but Edward wrapped his arm around me as he began to speak.

"Alice, you have to be easy with Bella, no heavy-duty, marathon shopping sprees. Or I'll have to take her myself."

Alice leveled a disbelieving look at her brother. "You take her shopping? I'd like to see that."

"Why not? My baby modeling a bunch of clothes for me...that'd be hot."

"Dude, that's my Eeyore you're talking about." We all laughed at Emmett, but Alice finally raised her hands in surrender.

"Fine, we'll play nice. Rose, you're in, right?"

"Definitely," she nodded to me and then I leaned into Edward so I could whisper to him.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll still model some of my purchases for you."

Edward groaned and pulled me even closer to him, "How about we ditch movie night and stay quiet upstairs?"

"There will be no staying quiet upstairs, do you hear me?" Emmett growled, causing another round of hysterics. With the discussion finally over, we started the movie and settled in to enjoy the rest of the night.

We went upstairs around midnight, and Edward and I changed and climbed into bed together ready to get through the next couple of week.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I was suddenly aware of Edward shaking me, his hands desperately trying to draw me out of the fog. It wasn't until I heard the hazy screams that I opened my eyes to see several sets of worried eyes.

"Baby, are you okay?" Edward looked near tears as he hovered over me.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry! I woke you all up?"

"Bella, it's okay. What were you dreaming about?" Emmett tried to sit next to me, but I pulled back into Edward.

"I don't want to talk about it; can we just go back to bed? I'm sorry that I woke you."

"Its fine, Bella. We'll see you in the morning."

Everyone left to go back to their respective rooms while Edward pulled me to lay back down with him. "You're safe, baby. Don't worry."

"What if he gets off? He'll come after me." The thought of ever seeing him had me trembling.

"He'll never touch you again," there was venom in his voice, but his words held little comfort for me.

"You can't promise that."

"Is that what you were dreaming about?" I nodded, my tears trailing down my face. "Oh, baby. He will never be able to hurt you as long as there's breath in my lungs-"

I gasped and he realized his error. "Shit, I'm sorry. I know that's another one of your fears."

"I can't imagine him hurting you, but I know he would to get to me. I want to be with you, but if it meant your safety-"

"Bella, don't do that," Edward cupped my cheek as he spoke, "don't let him beat us. He told you all these things to keep you isolated, but you're not alone, love. We're together."

I sighed and rested back into his chest. "Yes, we are."

The following two days were long with therapy and trial prep taking up decent portions of my day. Classes were starting up next Wednesday, as was the trial and Alec was intent on having me ready to go against James Chasseur, the notoriously underhanded attorney that Jake had somehow hired.

Emmett had his first day of trial prep today, as well as Edward, so it was perfect for Ren and Marcus to take Alice, Rosalie and I shopping. Ren stuck closer, seeming to enjoy the job more than Marcus, who would watch the front of the stores.

We'd spent almost an hour looking at suit options that were more than I could afford when finally we found what I needed in JCPenny. It wasn't going to land me on the cover of a fashion magazine, but my navy suit with the white pinstripe and black skirt suit, with an additional pair of pants to allow me a little variety, were exactly what I needed. Now that we had the most important thing I'd come shopping for, Alice brought me to what my Renee called a 'mom' store, also known as The Loft, to get some blouses that would work with the suit. After picking out a rainbow of shirts, we went into the dressing room and she split the shirts up, trying a few with my suits so we could decide which colors I would buy.

I was happy leaving that store, knowing I had what I needed and decided that it was time to get things I could wear day to day. I knew that over time, I'd start putting back on the weight I'd lost in the stress of the past few months, so I bought enough to last me until I bought things in a new size. This disappointed Alice, but when I mentioned that I needed shoes and undergarments, she perked up.

The entire time, Rosalie stayed close, joking with me about the monster running around holding up clothing choices, which was the only way we could find her otherwise. I forced Alice into the sporting goods store to get two pairs of sneakers, but when I also got two pairs of dress shoes, she calmed down.

The trip to Victoria Secret was fun, with Alice once again being way too involved with helping me pick out clothes to get 'Eddie's blood pumping,' but by the end of the day, I had everything I needed without a dime to spare. Alice had managed to sneak in a few dresses, but I made sure they were more casual, so it all worked out. I knew that Edward had been worried about her dragging me to every store in the Northgate Mall, but we'd had a blast.

Ren kept us at the little stand where I spent the last few dollars my mom had given me on some flip-flops while Marcus got the car, a quick text letting him know that the car was pulled to the side entrance just past us. He ushered us out without it looking like anything out of the ordinary, their street clothes helping us blend in. W, as we threw our bags in the bags in the back and then loaded into the truck. The drive was filled with Alice's need to relieve any bit of tension in the area, and when we pulled up; my shadows helped us with our purchases and then settled into the couch downstairs while I went about the job of putting my clothes away.

I had just finished and was in the middle of changing when I heard the door slam downstairs, letting me know that the guys were home. I slipped into one of my purchases and threw on my robe as Edward knocked, not waiting for me to answer before he opened the door.

"How was shopping?" He asked as he locked the door and turned towards me.

"Very successful."

"Oh yeah, anything interesting happen?" He stood in the center of the room staring at my robe.

"Besides Alice only being visible when she started picking out clothes, not much. But I did have a few things I thought you might enjoy."

His smile widened, "Oh yeah."

"Yup, I've got one of them on right now." I said as I dropped my robe. I'd never done things like that with my previous boyfriends, but Edward inspires it in me. He crossed the rest of the space between us and grabbed my waist, throwing me on the bed behind him and climbing on top of me.

It was a split second, but it was enough to set me off. A buried memory, a vaguely familiar situation, and I was fighting for breath. I pushed Edward away and he moved off of me, watching as I grabbed my robe and stood in the corner.

"Baby, what's the-" he started walking towards me and I held up my hand to stop him, his expression half as panicked as mine.

"Just…stay over there."

"Okay, but please talk to me. You're scaring me." He looked so broken and I hated to be the cause of it.

"It's just…_he_…when he…there were times that he'd just…throw me like it was nothing and then by the time I'd start fighting back he'd have the upper hand and it was too late."

Edward kept his hands raised as he approached me. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Please, you have to believe that I would never-"

"I know," I confirmed. "It's not about envisioning you capable of that, just the connection between the two. All the talking about it is making the reactions worse."

"It's okay. Come here, I promise we'll just sit and relax."

I hated watching him question his actions, but I wouldn't be able to put everything behind me until I was done with everything. Sitting on the bed with Edward, leaning against the wall, we talked about our days. I knew I'd have to get dressed soon, but for the moment, I was fine.

After a little conversation, Edward got quiet, so I pushed. "Did something happen to make you get all quiet?"

"Alec warned me that we should stay away from Paul and Tanya. When I told him about our bodyguards, he relaxed, but it brought up the 'us vs. them' mentality, and I just thought about it for the first time. I dated her and she's going to be on the opposite side of this. She was the one that told me I liked you and she's just…it pisses me off."

"She doesn't have a choice; if she's called she has to appear. Jake's just trying to make us both look bad."

He nodded, but didn't say anymore and I settled into him. With six days left before my world was turned upside-down, I needed the silent reassurance.


	17. Lest Terror Be Forgotten

_THIS CHAPTER IS THE TRIAL, WHICH MEANS SOME OF THE DETAILS OF JAKE'S ATTACK WILL BE DISCUSSED, ITS NOT AS DETAILED AS THE EARLIER CHAPTERS, BUT THIS IS YOUR FAIR WARNING_**.**

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**This chapter saw a lot of WC time with several ladies, new and old, thank you for telling me that I was doing a good job and drying my tears...and there were a lot of tears. I'm working to complete this and 'Love at 1****st**** Bite' in the coming several weeks, so thanks for the support of my older fics. A Cullen Wannabe shot this back to me lightning fast, love you babe.**

I've never been a part of a legal proceeding. I know there are things I'm getting wrong, but I ask that you suspend your disbelief for me. Thank you.

Chapter 17 – Lest Terror Be Forgotten

**EPOV**

Today was going to be hell, I could just tell. I had a class this afternoon, but it wasn't even on my radar. This morning was opening statements for the trial and I was going to be there until the break for lunch.

Alec had spent much of the last week either working with the various witnesses or in jury selection. The District Attorney had cleared his docket because he didn't want anything to be missed, so we were his sole focus. That made me feel better because Bella was so freaked out right now.

The day last week when she surprised me with her sexy new purchases and I'd scared her by being too overzealous had really bothered me. I didn't know what I could do, or not do in order to keep from upsetting her, so I was resigned to not make any moves. Bella would dictate our physical relationship, just like she had before we had one.

Finally turning off the shower, I got out and dried off, dressing in slacks and a dress shirt. I wasn't going to wear a tie, but the blazer made me look a little more put together. I fought with my hair until Bella knocked on the door.

"You almost done in there? We have to leave soon."

"Be out in a second," I called back, grabbing my dress socks and shoes and slipping them on before I went to meet her in the bedroom. She was standing there in a black suit, her hair up in a simple bun, and an aqua dress shirt. With only a tiny amount of makeup, she looked perfect, except for the troubled look on her angel's face. "You look beautiful."

"You're looking very handsome yourself." Her smile was forced, but I wasn't going to mention it. I was happy that she was holding it together this well.

She grabbed her purse and we went downstairs to find our security guards waiting with my parents. Ren smiled at Bella and she returned it, which made me happy. I liked that at least one of our guards was showing some sign of a pulse. Caius got into one of the cars with my parents while Ren and Marcus drove us to the courthouse.

We parked the cars around the corner and then my parents walked hand in hand in front of Bella and I, effectively shielding us. Ren was on Bella's left, Caius was on my right, and Marcus was behind us as we pushed through the crowd of reporters trying to get a picture or ask a question.

Our group made it inside without incident, and then went in search of the courtroom we were in. We knew which one it was as soon as we saw Alec looking around, no doubt wondering where we were.

"Good morning. Were there any problems with the press downstairs? I was planning on meeting you, but the DA just paid me a little visit."

"Is everything okay?" Bella asked.

"Fine, he just wanted to make sure I got something he sent me last night, but I'd already prepared for it so there was no problem." He turned to our bodyguards and addressed them. "I think it is best if you don't sit with her. The jury will notice you in the room, and we don't want it to feel like she has a posse on her side. Some people will feel its overkill, but we know otherwise. She'll be safe in the courtroom."

Everyone agreed and then we entered, it was a few minutes before 9:00, so we settled into the wooden benches, Bella and I sitting right behind Alec, with my parents behind us. My mom was going to be with her this afternoon when they started testimony, promising to be by her side when I couldn't. I hated that I wasn't able to be there for her every day, but I couldn't afford to miss that many classes. I only had been able to clear the time for my testimony and Bella's, because I wouldn't allow her to face that alone.

The back door of the court opened and an ugly man walked into the courtroom in an expensive suit. He had dirty blonde hair that was shaggy, but slicked back. He sneered in our direction and I squeezed Bella's hand slightly as he settled into the defense attorney's seat. So, this was James Chasseur.

A moment after he was settled in, the side door to the courtroom opened and Jake walked in, uncuffed, in a nice suit. His hair was cut short, shorter than it had been the last time I saw him. I was annoyed that he looked as good as he did. Weren't rapists supposed to be harassed on the inside?

I leaned into Bella and whispered, "Why isn't he cuffed?"

"His lawyer said it would sway the jury, but if he does something wrong, the judge will order them to be put back on." Just as she finished answering me, she tensed and I looked up to see Jake smile as he turned and sat down.

"What did he do?" I asked, pissed that he was finding a way to get to her.

"Not now," she whispered back as the door on the opposite side of the judge's bench opened and the jury entered. Their eyes danced between Bella and Jake as they settled into the jury box.

It was a moment later that yet another door opened and a middle-aged man stepped in as the bailiff called out. "All rise, for the honorable Judge Raul Santiago."

The Hispanic man climbed to his perch as the room stood and then found their seats again when we were told. The bailiff brought the court to order, announcing the case of the People of the State of Washington verses Jacob Black. It was at that moment that Judge Santiago turned to Jake and began the proceedings.

"Mr. Black, you've been charged with two counts of assault and battery, one count of sexual assault and battery, and rape, how do you plead?"

"Not guilty, your honor." Jake said in a clear voice before he returned to his seat.

"Very well, Mr. Cannon, you may begin your opening remarks."

Alec stood and turned to us quickly before he addressed the jury. "Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we are here today under the most unfortunate circumstances. As humans, we spend our lives searching for necessities, both physical and emotional. We all need food, shelter, and clothing. We all strive for independence, security, and love. We put our trust into people that we believe are worthy of it and it's a sad moment when our trust is broken." Alec turned and pointed to Bella as he continued, "Miss Bella Swan put her trust in Jacob Black. They met at a party and soon began dating. She spent her time with him, defended him when her friends questioned his behavior, and what did Jacob Black give her in return for that trust? He hit her until she had no choice but to bundle up in sweatshirts and long sleeves, he isolated her further from her loved ones with his threats, and he raped her, repeatedly, when she tried to discuss how things were no longer working. We have medical evidence of the trauma inflicted on her as well as the victims of his attack that fateful October evening. Jacob Black is a criminal, by his own admission, who was using cocaine at the time of these attacks. What happened to Miss Swan is a horrendous crime, and the evidence will show that Jacob Black is guilty of committing them."

With a final glance at us, Alec sat down and the judge instructed Mr. Chasseur to begin his statement. "Mr. Cannon is correct in regards to his comments on the pain of having your trust broken, but there is one flaw in his story. The faith that was broken here was Jacob's. Jacob has been a Peace Officer with the University since he enrolled and in his entire time with his team, has never had any problems until the night he met Isabella Swan. Isabella had just received a new roommate prior to the school year, and he's in the court today, sitting right beside her." It was my turn to be pointed at, as the defense attorney went on. "Edward Cullen had repressed feelings for his roommate, and never took a liking to the man in her life. He used her confidence to plant seeds of doubt into Isabella's mind that had her questioning her devoted boyfriend and when he took a weekend away with his friends, Edward Cullen used it to his advantage. The medical expert in this case is his own father, and on the night of the alleged assaults, it was a two against one fight, which left Jacob no choice to defend himself. Now it is true that there was a period of youthful indiscretion. Jacob has owned up to that, but to try and sentence him to years in jail for a crime that never occurred is simply proof of how far Miss Swan, who has a history of mental illness, and Edward Cullen, a young man used to getting what he wants, will go to save face. The evidence is circumstantial at best and the defense will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the only crime that occurred was the one against the defendant."

I was so focused on the venom flowing from that jackass attorney that I wasn't aware at first of the shallow breathing coming from Bella. When I did, however, I turned my full attention towards her.

"Bella, baby, you have to breathe. It's okay, you're okay." I pulled her into my side and she melted into me a trembling mess of sobs.

"Mr. Cannon, do you need a moment so that your client can collect herself?" The judge asked, though it didn't sound as though there was any malice or annoyance behind it.

Alec turned and Bella nodded, resulting in a five minute recess, with Bella and I quickly leaving the courtroom with our security detail in tow. Bella ran for the bathroom, cleaning herself up and coming out a few minutes later looking thoroughly upset.

"I could-"

"Don't finish that sentence," Alec said as he approached. "That's the last thing we need after that opening statement."

He turned to Bella and made eye contact. "I'm sorry he started in that quickly, but we discussed this, I need you to stay strong. Emotions are allowed, but I need you to be able to make it through the next few weeks."

"I'll be fine; it was just a lot all at once." She wiped her face with the wet cloth and then threw it out, walking with us back into the courtroom where we all settled in for court to resume.

"Now that we've finished the opening statements, Mr. Cannon, it is time for you to call your first witness." The judge spoke, looking back to the jury as Alec stood.

"The State would like to call Dr. Carlisle Cullen as our first witness."

My dad stood from his seat behind us, walked up the front of the courtroom, placed his hand on the Bible, and waited for the bailiff to swear him in. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

"I do," my father spoke clearly as he stepped up onto the witness stand.

"Would you please state your full name for the record?" Alec asked and my father responded promptly.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen. Would you mind taking a moment to tell us your qualifications as a doctor?" Alec proceeded, no doubt setting up just how well qualified my father was.

"I did my undergraduate work at the University of Washington, received my medical degree from John Hopkins University and did my Residency at the University Hospital. When I completed my training, I was offered an attending position in the ER where I've remained to this day."

Alec nodded and moved on to his next question, "On the day that Miss Swan came to the clinic at the University Hospital, can you tell me what happened?"

My father took a deep breath and began his story. "I was one of two attending physicians in the ER, usually interns and residents work the clinic, and they only come to us for more difficult cases. That was the case that afternoon." He shot a glance at Bella and I squeezed her hand, offering some small piece of comfort. "One of our interns found me and said she had what was most likely a victim of domestic violence or an assault in the clinic and wanted me to handle it as she'd never processed a patient for police evidence. I went with her and found Miss Swan sitting behind the curtain."

"Did you know Miss Swan at the time?" The prosecutor asked next.

"No," my father responded, "I knew that my son had a roommate named Isabella Swan, but I hadn't met her yet. It was during our introductions that I recognized the name, but she didn't ask for a different doctor when I offered so I continued on, bringing in the female officer that had been contacted once the intern saw Isabella's condition."

"Will you describe what you found during the exam?"

"A sexual assault is an unspeakable crime, but what makes it worse is that so soon after it is committed, a woman must submit to a sexual assault examination, where what is commonly called a 'rape kit' is collected. The process takes hours and involves both samples and photographic evidence collected along with a statement. During the time of her exam, Isabella would not give the name of her attacker, but it was evident she knew him. I urged her to speak to someone she could trust, or call the officer if she decided that she was ready to give his identity to the authorities."

"Were the results of the rape kit conclusive with a rape?" Alec asked and my father took another deep breath.

My father nodded, "Yes, they were."

Alec moved back to the table and jotted something down as he asked his next question. "Moving forward to the evening of October 4th, could you describe the events of that day?"

"I was scheduled to work a double shift, so we moved our normal Sunday night family dinner to Saturday evening. The night was uneventful and I went off to work. About an hour later, I received a phone call from my son telling me that his roommate had been attacked by her boyfriend and that they were being brought to the University Hospital. He asked me to treat her. I had been her doctor on record for her first visit, so I would have been called over anyway, so I told him to get any medications she might be on in case of a drug interaction and then prepared for her arrival."

"What was her condition upon her arrival, Dr. Cullen?"

"She was unconscious and very badly beaten. She had broken bones, injuries to her ribs and face as well as her extremities. It was very serious; she could have easily died from her injuries."

"Your son, Edward, was injured as well, am I correct?"

"Yes, he had an injury to his face, which luckily, didn't require surgery. He instead waited for Isabella's prognosis."

"I have one final question for you. During both of her hospital visits, did you test Miss Swan for the presence of any drugs?"

"Yes we looked for the presence of both medications that could be used to incapacitate someone as well as illegal drugs as part of her blood tests. There was no traces of anything in her system."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen. I have no further questions for you."

Judge Santiago looked to his bailiff and then addressed the court. "We'll take a one hour recess for lunch. Please return at 1:30pm, at which time, the defense can begin their cross examination."

The jury exited first and then Jake was taken away, leaving us free to leave. Caius and Marcus each went to get their cars and Mr. Canon walked us out, helping deal with the crowds. We went to a nearby restaurant, but Bella wasn't eating anything, which upset me.

"Bella, you have to eat."

She shook her head and whispered, "Edward, my stomach is in knots. Anything I eat will be gone just as quickly. I promise I'll eat a good dinner tonight."

I grumbled, but knew that if I fought it then I'd just make her more anxious and this afternoon she'd be there without me. I knew when to back down. Lunch was pretty quiet and when the hour was almost up, I got in the car with Caius while everyone else headed back to court.

**BPOV**

I hated that I fell apart like that after opening statements, but actually hearing Jake's lawyer try to pin this on us had me sick to my stomach, literally. I knew Edward was concerned, but I was able to quiet him down and convince him that I'd be okay and that he could go back to class. This afternoon would be difficult, but I'd have Esme there, and Emmett wasn't scheduled until tomorrow, so we'd be ending early.

The court was called to order and Jake looked smug to see Edward wasn't with me this afternoon, but I couldn't focus on him. I had to pay attention to his lawyer, that way I'd know how to anticipate him when it was my turn.

Carlisle was reminded of his oath and then James stepped up and began his cross-examination.

"So, Dr. Cullen, you say that you didn't know Miss Swan at the time of her exam, but you had to have had some suspicion?"

"I did, but I wasn't about to make an issue out of it and put her on edge. I gave her my full name and she requested that I continue the exam, so that was what I did."

Sneering, he moved on as if the previous question didn't happen. "Now you testified earlier that you were sure that Miss Swan was a victim of rape. How do you know it wasn't rough sex?"

"Because, there are injuries, types of tearing that don't happen in consensual sex, no matter how rough. The act of fighting back causes unique injuries, and it was evident that it had happened multiple times, without time between for proper healing. It would have been painful even if it were a much gentler experience. In addition, the bruising was layered. That comes from multiple attacks over a series of weeks. There was nothing consensual about those injuries."

"You're rich, aren't you, Dr. Cullen?"

"I don't see how that's relevant."

"Objection," Alec called out and after a brief conference, it was overruled for the moment.

"My family is well off."

"So well off, that your son spent a year between high school and college travelling. That is how he's in the same year of school as Miss Swan, is it not?" I didn't like where Mr. Chasseur was going, but there was little I could do to stop him.

"Yes, he was about to enter more than ten years of schooling, I wanted him to see the world while he still had the opportunity."

"So then, your son is used to getting what he wants since he's from money?"

"No," Carlisle said clearly, "Edward was raised to work hard, which he has in the last few years and he's on his way to a promising career. My wife and I raised our children to use their brains to make their way, not their bank account."

"If we could all be so noble at twenty-one. On the night of October 4th, you treated Miss Swan. As part of her care you contacted a psycho-therapist, is that correct?"

"Yes, it's standard procedure for victims of crimes like these." Carlisle's eyes darted to Esme and I where we held tightly to each other.

"Especially ones with a history of mental illness. Did you know that after a friend's suicide that Miss Swan was relocated to Phoenix and sought treatment for depression?"

"I wasn't aware of it at the time."

"You weren't aware of it at the time," Mr. Chasseur repeated, "But you are aware of her illness now that she's living with you?"

"I've learned a great deal about Isabella since she's come into my house."

"And you would do anything to protect her, including misleading the court-"

"Objection," Alec yelled, "not only is he badgering the witness, but he's accusing the witness of something that isn't true."

Judge Santiago stared at James and leveled an angry glare, "No more digging, Mr. Chasseur. If you don't have any more relevant questions for the witness, then let him step down. I will not allow you to attack witnesses for your own benefit."

"No further questions, your honor," Mr. Chasseur relented and returned to his seat.

"Very well, Dr. Cullen you may step down. The court is in recess and will resume testimony tomorrow morning at 9:00 with the next witness. Court is adjourned."

With a long breath, we exited and braved the crowd once more in an effort to get me out of the courthouse as quickly as possible. Esme had a tight hold on me and I knew Carlisle was speaking to me, but I couldn't tell you what he was saying. As we pulled up, Carlisle pulled me into his arms and carried me into the house and straight to Edward's bedroom.

My panic attack was still going full throttle and it wasn't until he held out his hand, a glass of water in the other that I understood why he'd been moving around so much. He'd found my sedatives and my anxiety medication. I took them both and drank the water he offered. It wasn't long before my eyelids began to feel heavy and I gave into the feeling.

**EPOV**

With class over, I couldn't get back home soon enough. I knew that court was out, but what I didn't know was how Bella had handled it. She was so fragile when I left her, I was afraid of what I'd find.

As soon as I was in front of the house, I jumped out of the car and ran up the steps and inside. Everyone was gathered in the living room, everyone but Bella.

"What happened?"

"Today was a very rough day," my father said, motioning for me to sit. "Mr. Chasseur is much more aggressive than we had anticipated. Even with the prep Mr. Cannon had provided, we weren't prepared for his cross-examination. Luckily, I've had to testify in a trial before, but you have not, which is why I wanted to give you an idea of what to expect."

"Where is Bella now?" I wanted to know that she was okay before we sat down and had this conversation.

"She's resting upstairs. Now, this _man_ is going to push you, try to force a reaction out of you. His mission is to make Bella look unstable, make Edward look possessive, and he will twist you around until your words don't even make sense to you anymore." He looked at me and sighed. "The judge is granting a small bit of leeway, but is also quick to shut him down when he goes too far. Just try and stay calm up there, especially you, son. If he makes you look violent, he makes you look capable of attacking Jacob to get Bella for yourself. You should all relax tonight and you two get some rest, you'll need it."

My mother was standing now, her expression was so heartbroken, "Did you eat, sweetheart?"

"We grabbed something on the way home, I'm fine." I stood up and noticed my dad following me.

"She's sedated and took her anxiety medication, so she should be fine. But if she wakes up disoriented, try and reassure her."

"Thanks, Dad," I gave him a quick hug and ran to my room.

Bella was sound asleep on my bed, her face pressed into my pillow and her hair in a messy knot. Without moving too much, I settled into bed behind her and pulled her to me. I was awake for a long time before sleep claimed me, my mind racing as I looked at my beautiful girlfriend. It was the perfect way to spend the night.

The next morning began much like yesterday, but today was supposed to be a busy day. They broke early, but today was a full day, which meant that it would be harder on Bella. Thankfully, I was scheduled to testify this afternoon, so it was one of the days that classes had been cleared for me. My teachers were understanding, first because of the circumstances surrounding the case, but secondly because they felt it would be a learning experience if I ever had to appear in court as a physician.

I didn't care about their rationalizations; it let me be there for her. Bella was still asleep, so I gently tried to wake her. When she finally opened her eyes, she was smiling up at me.

"Hey beautiful, you should head into the bathroom."

"I slept through the night?"

I nodded to her, "You did, good thing too, today will be a long day."

"Okay, I'll see you downstairs in a while," she murmured as she got up and went to use the bathroom down the hall.

I got ready and went downstairs where there was a full house looking mighty nervous. "She's getting dressed about now. We can head out in a little while."

My mom smiled as she wrapped her arms around me, careful not to wrinkle my suit. "I'm making something for her to eat. I thought a bagel would be good, something solid, but a bread, so it won't bother her stomach."

"Thanks, Mom. I'm sure she'll be grateful."

Just then, there was a noise on the stairs and we all turned to see Bella, wearing the skirt and black jacket today.

"A bagel sounds good Esme; could you wrap it up so I can eat it in the car? I don't want us to be late."

A few minutes later, we were all piled into the cars. My dad was working, so Emmett took his seat in the SUV with my mom and we were once again on our way to the courthouse.

There was more press around today, but there were also plenty of cops outside on crowd control. The morning started just like yesterday, and soon, Emmett was on the stand.

"Mr. Swan, your parents are divorced, correct?"

"Yes, we bounced around between both of our parents while we were growing up."

"That must have been hard on you both?"

"We had each other, and Bella was always good at making friends."

Alec smiled and moved onto the more relevant questions. "You and your sister both chose to go to the same school; you must have hung out pretty often?"

"We were both busy, but we made time for each other. Until Jake," Emmett growled.

"What happened when she started dating him?"

"At first it was just the normal, 'new couple' bubble, but then she started withdrawing. I thought it was just Bella being Bella. Sometimes she'd close herself off and I didn't think anything was different. I wasn't supportive when we were younger, so when something was bothering her, she wouldn't hang around as much."

"What was your impression of Jake?" Alec asked.

"I only saw him the one time, at her birthday party. He was too handsy for my liking. He showed up and was there for two minutes before they left. That was the last time I saw my sister. The woman he turned her into, that wasn't my Bella."

Alec nodded and walked back to his seat. "No further questions, your honor."

The judge looked to Mr. Chasseur, "Your witness, counselor."

James stood up and sat on the corner of his table as he began, "Mr. Swan, I'd like to talk to you about your sister's history."

"Objection. Miss Swan isn't on trial here. Her history should not matter." Alec stood as he called out his objection.

"Your honor, he talked about how his sister changed after knowing my client. I think it only fair that we hear more about this transformation."

"Overruled, Mr. Cannon," Judge Santiago spoke, motioning for Emmett to answer the question.

"Mr. Swan, who is Nila Bedi?"

Emmett took a deep breath as Bella's began to shallow. "She was Bella's best friend. They met when we moved back to Forks."

"And what happened to Nila?"

"She died," Emmett spoke softly, his eyes finding Bella's.

"How did she die?" James was going in for the kill.

"She committed suicide the summer before Bella's junior year in high school."

Mr. Chasseur pushed off the desk and walked towards the witness stand. "And what happened after Nila's suicide?"

"My father had us move back with our Mom."

"You had to move to a brand new school in your senior year because your sister's friend killed herself? That seems a little extreme, unless there's more that you haven't told us. Mr. Swan, who is Eeyore?"

"It's a nickname I have for my sister," Emmett's eyes were dancing around the courtroom.

"That's unusual nickname, was there a reason for naming her after the depressed donkey from a children's book?"

"He's leading the witness!" Alec was out of his chair, but the damage had been done.

"Sustained, ask a question, or move on." The judge eyed the defense attorney, who faked his remorse.

"When did this nickname develop?"

"After Nila died," Emmett shook his head and refused to look our way.

"So your sister began to withdraw after her loss. I believe there was also an incident after your graduation. Would you tell us about Bella's actions the night after your prom?"

Emmett didn't look our way once as he spoke. "Bella came to party with us, she was tiny so it didn't take too much for her to get drunk and it caused an interaction with her anti-depressants."

"So your sister, who was well underage, drank while on a medication that you are never supposed to drink with? Have there been other instances where she's drank that you're aware of?"

"Her birthday this past September, Edward's girlfriend Tanya was the bartender so she got Bella in and didn't card her."

"Now, this was the only night you met her boyfriend?"

"Yes," Emmett hissed.

"And your main complaint was his attempts to get her away from you and her roommate, two men who helped her drink, the brother that belittled her mental illness with a cute nickname?"

"What he did to her was criminal."

"Well, so were your actions. I would like to ask you, you weren't a fan of Jake's, but how did you feel about Edward?"

"He was okay; I didn't really know him back then."

"But you two fought the night Bella was in the hospital, so much so that you got thrown out of the hospital. How did you feel about him then?"

"He was there for her when I wasn't. I was mad at myself for not seeing it. I should have seen it."

"But you didn't. You're her only sibling and you stood idly by while she spiraled out of control. I have no more questions for Mr. Swan." Mr. Chasseur strode over to his seat and settled in as Dr. Gonzales took the stand.

"Dr. Gonzales, you were brought in to treat Bella after the attack, and have since been treating her for the resulting trauma. What was your first impression of Miss Swan?"

"She was highly traumatized. Anything and everything set her off. The only thing that seemed to calm her was Mr. Cullen's presence. He sat with her while she told the detective her story and continued to take care of her the entire time she was on bed rest."

Alec smiled and turned towards us. "How would you describe the relationship between Edward Cullen and Miss Swan?"

"She's found something in him that she's been searching for most of her life. The males in her life have kept her at an arm's length, unable to deal with the things she's been forced to deal with. People come and go from her life and she's only ever wanted to be understood and loved, flaws and all. Edward had a front row to the most horrific moment of her life and he has been attentive and loving. I've never seen someone his age resign so much control over to their significant other, but everything is about what Bella's ready for."

"Without breaking the patient/doctor confidentiality, can you describe Bella's relationship with Jacob Black?" Alec stood in front of us, obscuring our view.

"He was controlling and abusive. That much was evident from her physical appearance, but she would jump at anything, always worried about upsetting those around her. That's a learned behavior that comes from fearing the outcome of others reactions to you."

"Thank you, Dr. Gonzales, nothing further," Alec returned to his seat.

"Dr. Gonzales," James was quick to begin his cross-examination, "would you say that Bella's condition was solely from the events of the past year?"

"No, but it was the most significant. Her insecurities were played upon." Dr. Gonzales was unfazed by his attacks.

"Miss Swan was drinking, is it not possible that it was the drunken misunderstandings of a girl whose boyfriend was worried for her?"

"I would be willing to put my license on the line. This was mental and physical abuse in the truest sense of the term."

"I have no further questions," James grumbled, obviously seeing the hole he was digging and wanting to get as far away from it as possible.

"We'll take a recess for lunch, court will resume in one hour." Judge Santiago banged his gavel and we were once again off to the café to try to eat.

"Edward, are you okay?" Bella's hand brushed my arm and I shook my head.

"I'm nervous. He tore into Emmett and had him saying things he didn't want to. What if I screw this up?"

"Just be honest. I know you can't be any worse than I will be tomorrow." Bella snuggled into me and I was already hugging her to me.

"We'll be fine and we'll survive this. Now, let's eat a little and get back in there. We're two or so days away from the halfway point. Let's just focus on that."

"25% is pretty good. Can I have your pickle?" And just like that, the tension was temporarily lifted.

All too soon, the intensity of today was back three-fold as I swore my oath and saw Alec approach me.

"Edward, what was your first impression of Miss Swan?"

I smiled, remembering the first time I saw her. "Funny, smart, and attractive."

"So you don't deny thinking she was beautiful?"

I shook my head, "Look at her, how could you deny her beauty?"

"But you didn't try and start a relationship with her?"

I looked to the jury and then back to Alec, "No. I didn't want to mess it up. I had a great roommate and we got along great. I didn't even consider it back in the beginning."

"You were with Bella the night she met Jake, can you tell me about it?" Alec nodded and I took a breath.

"We showed up at the Med House party, but we got separated. She started dancing and I met a girl. I didn't see her until the next morning."

"The girl you met, was she involved with you while Bella saw Jake?"

"Yeah, Tanya. We dated for a little while and broke up right about a week or two before Bella tried to break up with Jake."

"In all the time they were together, did you ever notice something out of place?"

I nodded, "Bella spent a lot of time in her room, and she always wore sweatshirts. I just thought she was focusing on her classes. She's a Literature major so that's a ton of reading. I hadn't noticed just how withdrawn she was until right before they broke up. No one could get her to go out, even to have dinner out of the apartment."

"Can you tell me about a text you got from Bella the day she dumped Jake?"

"She asked me to meet her outside her class," I sighed and looked at the jury, "when I got there, she was locked in the bathroom. Bella was hysterical when she got out and I took her home."

"Was there anything else that occurred before the night he broke into your apartment?"

I chanced a glance at Jake and then met Alec's eyes. "He called the apartment, but she begged me not to put him through. Her phone had been ringing off the hook, so I told him that she wasn't home."

"Now, Edward, I know this is difficult, but I want you to tell me about the night of October 4th."

"I was home with Bella. I tried to get her to have dinner with my family, but she told me she would go another time, so I left. I spent a few hours having a family dinner and then drove back to Masen. At first, I thought one of my neighbors had their music on or a movie, There was this muffled sound I couldn't make out until I got close enough. I dropped the food I'd brought home and ran to unlock the door. When I got inside, he was rearing back to kick her where she was lying on the floor, curled up in a ball." I looked back at the jury then continued. "I knocked him to the ground and when we got back up he hit me, knocking me back down. I kept thinking how bad it hurt, and how it could be possible that Bella survived more than a few blows from Jake. Jake had gotten up and Bella screamed and jumped on his back. He turned his back on me to toss her off, and she was back on the floor so fast. I used the time to get him from behind and threw him into the hall, locking the door. I told him I was calling the cops and then turned to Bella. She was unconscious on the floor so I called for an ambulance and my dad. The cops showed up and then the detective that had been assigned to Bella originally after her hospital visit showed up and told me to get a ride in the ambulance and they'd interview me later. After that I waited for Bella to wake up."

"What did you do when she did?"

"I held her hand and stayed with her almost the entire time she was there. I was so happy to see her awake."

"Over the last few months the friendship has developed into something more, correct?"

"Yes, but that was much later. We were just trying to get Bella healed. I wasn't going to put my own needs ahead of her well-being."

"One last question, for the record, have you and Miss Swan had intercourse?"

I smirked and looked at her. "Yes, the first time was New Year's Eve."

"Thank you very much, Mr. Cullen."

I turned to the judge who picked up his gavel for the last time today. "Mr. Cullen's testimony will continue with the defense's cross-examination first thing tomorrow morning."

I climbed down and took Bella's hand, walking with our posse back to the SUVs that were now pulled up front, waiting to take us home.

Dinner was silent as everyone in the dining room was too worried to speak about what the morning would bring. I would have to face James Chasseur and Bella would have to go through her main testimony. We were told that it was likely that the judge would end before her cross, so she'd have a little more time to prepare. I was just happy it would get done before the week ended because the idea of her festering over the weekend was too much for me to handle. Emmett went straight to the mini-gym that was in the basement and my dad was at work. Our bodyguards were outside, keeping an eye on the perimeter while my mom finished some work she'd been putting off.

That meant that Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper were downstairs watching a movie, and Bella and I were alone upstairs. I stripped out of my suit and turned to see Bella standing on the opposite side of the bed, having gotten undressed much faster than I had.

"Edward, make love to me."

"Bella," I was about to come up with a brilliant reason why I couldn't sleep with my girlfriend, when she cut me off.

"Every time I close my eyes, I'm back in that room, or our old apartment, or the hospital. I want to go to sleep thinking about how you feel, how _love_ feels. Please?"

I was not going to say no again. "We have to be quiet; do you think you can manage?"

"I'll bite the pillow if I have to," she smirked and for the first time, I saw the weight gone from her.

I laid her down and took my time as much as I could, giving her body the attention she deserved. I was also careful not to do anything that would cause her to moan too loudly. The last thing I needed was Emmett to bust through the door because he heard our 'quiet time.'

"What's so funny?" Bella asked as her hand brushed my cheek.

"Nothing you need to be thinking about," I whispered as I moved to the nightstand and rolled on the condom.

We went slowly, savoring every sensation, and when Bella came, she was stunning.

We dressed for bed and I held her close, hoping it would keep some of the nightmares at bay.

**BPOV**

Another day, but today was big. Today was Edward's time with the defense and then I began my testimony. Emmett was beating himself up for the pinhole he gave Chasseur yesterday, and I know Edward was trying hard not to make the same mistake.

I showered down the hall, like every morning and then we went downstairs for meager pickings at whatever breakfast Esme pulled together. No one had much of an appetite.

Time seemed to speed up as soon as we left and before I knew it, Edward was back on the stand and Jake's attorney was preparing to begin his questioning.

"Mr. Cullen, how did you first meet Miss Swan?"

"She was assigned to me. I was looking for a new place to live and her roommate had just left school, so it was the only room available."

"You were lucky then. Yesterday, you testified that your first impression was that Miss Swan was attractive; you made her sound like the perfect girl. Why didn't you pursue her?"

"She was my roommate, I didn't want to make a pass at her and then get stuck with her resenting me for the rest of the year. I was just waiting to see what happened."

"But you didn't wait long. Soon you were dating Tanya Denali. How did that mesh with the feelings you had for Miss Swan?"

"Tanya was my girlfriend, so I was devoting all of that time and energy to her, but it didn't mean that I ignored Bella completely."

"No, in fact, you gave Bella quite an expensive gift for her birthday."

Edward sighed, but didn't pause as he answered the question. "I got a new computer; Mac gives you an I-Pod when you buy a computer. Bella had broken hers right before I moved in and I already had one, so I gave it to her."

"An expensive gift, regardless of how you got it. Were you trying to show up her boyfriend?"

"No," Edward answered immediately. "We'd been just getting to know each other. She acted as if her birthday wasn't a big deal so I called my sister and she helped me get it planned. I talked to my girlfriend and she said she worked at a bar and could get Bella in without any trouble. So that was how everything came together."

"The relationship with Tanya didn't last, why was that?"

"She broke up with me." Edward shrugged, not giving anything away.

"What was the reason she gave you?"

"She told me that I was in love with Bella and that she wouldn't wait for me to decide that I wanted to make a move. I hadn't even thought about it that far at that point, I was just concerned because she was spending all her time in her room."

"Yes, that was when she was drinking as the previous testimony has hinted to. Did you ever notice her drunk in the apartment?"

"No, she'd wake up, make me breakfast, go to class and then go back to her bedroom. Half the time I had to remind her to come out and eat."

James moved quickly, annoyed that he wasn't tripping up Edward. "You were trying to take care of her, that's sweet. At what point did you sleep with her?"

"It wasn't until New Year's Eve-"

"I want the truth-" James started to interrupt him, but Alec jumped in.

"Objection!"

"The question was asked and answered, Mr. Chasseur, move on." Judge Santiago leveled an annoyed glance at Mr. Chasseur, so he conceded and moved on.

"Very well. Moving on to the night of October 4th, you said that you arrived home and found Bella on the floor with Jake beating her, is that correct?"

"Yes," his eyes flashed to mine and I took a deep breath.

"And yet you only sustained the injury to your cheek. How is that possible if my client is the physical powerhouse you describe him as?"

"Bella stopped him and then I was able to throw him out the front door."

"So you double-teamed him," James asked, his saunter back as he approached Edward.

"Bella was so injured that she was barely able to defend herself. The moment she jumped on him and he threw her off, she was unconscious. All I did was get him out. My priority was making Bella safe."

"Because you could always get Jake another time?"

"No, because the police would have to be called and then he'd be made to pay for what he did to Bella."

James smiled again, if the sneer could be called a smile as he leaned closer to Edward. "You're awful protective of her, and it's no secret that you weren't Jake's biggest fan. Is that why you showed up at her classes and didn't put through his phone calls, you were trying to get between them?"

Edward huffed out a breath and looked at the jury one last time. "She was terrified. I went to pick her up from class because she asked me to. I didn't put her on the phone because she told me she was done with him. I cared about Bella and if she didn't want to deal with Jake, I wasn't going to force her. She obviously had her reasons."

I almost expected Mr. Chasseur to growl as he turned from the witness stand, declaring he was through with Edward, who was allowed to step down as the lunch break was announced.

Instead of going out to lunch, Alec brought Edward and I into one of the vacant rooms of the courthouse and sat down some sandwiches. "Edward, you handled him well. He was looking for you to give him something and you didn't give him an inch. Now, Bella," he turned to me with a warm smile, "this afternoon is just you and me. Don't think about tomorrow and don't get yourself worked up or worried. If you need to stop, just give me our signal and I'll ask for a recess. I know neither of you have been eating much, so I brought you some food. I'll collect you a few minutes before we need to return and two of your bodyguards are outside. Just try and relax as much as possible. I need you to stay strong just a little while longer."

With that, Alec exited the room and I moved to where Edward was standing.

"Kiss me," I whispered, and he obliged. Moving softly with me, being gentle, knowing where my mind was. I was about to sit in the room in front of Jake, retelling all the things he did to me, all the pain he caused.

Edward pulled back and reached behind him, handing me a sandwich. "I need you to eat, Bella."

I saw the worry in his eyes and conceded, taking a few bites as he reached for his own. We ate together and when I was done, he just held me, giving me the strength to face _him_.

Alec was back sooner than I would have liked, but I felt better prepared than I had an hour ago, I could do this.

Jake was brought into court in what seemed like slow motion until finally, he was settled and Alec escorted me to the witness stand. The bailiff held out a copy of the Bible and I placed my hand on it.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

"I do." The bailiff moved to his side of the court and then Alec stepped forward.

"Can you please state your full name for the record?"

"Isabella Marie Swan."

Alec smiled and tried to position himself between Jake and I, but for the moment I still needed to see him. "You told the police that your ex-boyfriend attacked you on several occasions, including multiple instances of rape. Is the man who did this to you in the courtroom today?"

"Yes," I nodded, gesturing towards the defense table, "he's the defendant."

"Thank you. Now, would you mind telling the court about the night you met Mr. Black."

"Edward had invited me to the Med House party and we got separated for a little while. I was dancing and when I went to find him, I saw him making out with Tanya Denali. I was upset and headed in towards the house to get a drink, that's when I met Jake. He asked if I was okay and then brought me inside. We had a few drinks from this mixed punch. We started talking, which turned into kissing. He was everywhere, his hands, his lips…he's such a big guy, I had to push back to get a chance to breathe."

"What happened after that?"

I shrugged. "I honestly don't know. There was a lot of alcohol in those drinks he brought us, you could taste it in them, and I woke up on the porch early the next morning when a few of my friends found me. Jake was nowhere to be seen."

Alec nodded, making eye contact with me before he continued. "How did things in your relationship progress from there?"

I began to answer when I chanced a glance at Jake and saw his finger slide across his throat, the gesture happened so quickly, it was easy to miss, but the threat in it was evident; shut up, or I'll make sure you never speak again. Luckily, I wasn't the only one to catch it.

"Bailiff, please escort the jury from the court," Judge Santiago ordered, his eyes never leaving Jake. Once the jury was gone and the bailiff returned, the judge began again. "Mr. Black, don't think that you're so smooth that your actions will go unnoticed in my court. I warned you that if you made any move out of line that you'd be cuffed for the remainder of the trial. Bailiff, replace the handcuffs on the defendant."

"This is outrageous," Mr. Chasseur began to yell, but he was quickly cut off.

"No, Mr. Chasseur, what's outrageous is that your client just made a threat against the witness in plain view of the court. Restrain your client."

The handcuffs were fastened back on and after James whispered something, he hid his hands under the table. The judge turned to me and asked quietly, "Are you okay to continue, Miss Swan?"

"Yes," I nodded and he gestured for the bailiff to bring the jury back in.

When it was all settled, Alec stepped in front of me and I looked behind him to see Edward barely holding in his desire to jump Jake. "Miss Swan, can you tell us how things in your relationship continued after the night you met?"

"Jake was busy with school and the Peace Officers, so he'd call me when he was free. It was never really a request, but I was happy so I didn't mind it. He was a good-looking guy who seemed to really like me, what girl wouldn't want to spend time with him? It didn't last though."

Alec pressed on, "What happened to change it?"

"It started on my birthday. He showed up and told me he was tired and he wanted us to go, so we did, but when we got back to his place there was something different. He was more aggressive and I'd had a few drinks at the bar…I woke up the next morning sore and I had a bruised hip. I didn't think about it at the time, but then I'd go to see him and all he'd be interested in was sex. I'd try to stop him but he was just too strong," my eyes found the jury as the tears began to fall.

"What did you do next?" Alec's voice was so soft, barely audible.

"That was when I started hiding out. I didn't want to chance someone seeing a bruise and asking questions. I'd dress in sweatshirts and I wouldn't leave my room. After a little while of doing nothing, I went to talk to Jake, hoping that if we could discuss it, then we could go back to the way it was at first."

"And what happened when you visited him that day?"

"He threw me on the bed and raped me. I tried to get him to stop but all it did was make him angrier and I was afraid of what he'd do if I pissed him off more."

"Was this the only time this happened?" Alec pushed, knowing this was the hard part.

"I went over one day to break up with him. I was done with him acting the way he was, hurting me over and over again, but when I went into his room, he was snorting coke. He asked me if I wanted some, but when I turned to leave, he grabbed me and raped me. It was the first time that I truly used the term to describe it. In my head I was using less harsh wording, but it was always the same, he was forcing himself on me." I stuttered out a breath as the tears came harder. "When he was done, he told me he was going camping for the weekend, and then he just left. He always left me behind, like I was supposed to stay there until he came back, but I'd always wait for the coast to be clear and then I'd leave. That weekend gave me the perfect opportunity, I went straight to the hospital and that was where I first met Dr. Cullen, when he examined me."

"You didn't give the police his name that day. Why not?"

"I was terrified of how he'd react. He'd threatened me, threatened to kill me. He wasn't going to let me go, so I kept quiet, but I was broken. I went home and besides that night, which was the night that my brother and his girlfriend, and Edward's sister and her boyfriend and Tanya came over, I was alone in my room or in class. Jake was gone a few days and when I'd come close to working up the courage, he called me. I didn't take any of his calls and his messages were anything from worried to threatening."

Alec handed me a box of tissues, which I was now in real need of, and then proceeded. "When was the next time you saw him?"

"He showed up to my class. I was hiding in the bathroom and he beat on the door. I texted Edward and when he showed up Jake was gone. He called me also, it wasn't until later that I realized that I'd never given Jake my dorm phone number, nor had I told him my class schedule. He found a way to get it and he was seeking me out when I told him I didn't want anything to do with him, that we were over."

"Miss Swan, I need you to describe the evening of October 4th for the court." Alec stepped aside and not only gave me an unobstructed view of Edward, but he also blocked my view of Jake.

My eyes drifted to the jury, the solemn looks made me feel a little less self-conscious. "Edward went to dinner with his family and I stayed home alone. I was reading when I realized that it was dinner time and I hadn't eaten. I wasn't really hungry, so I went down to the 18th floor, we lived on the 19th floor," I explained to the jury, "to grab something out of the vending machine and sign up for time in the laundry room. I was gone five minutes, tops, and it was something I'd done a thousand times in the years I'd lived there, but it was all the opening he needed. I got back to the dorm and he was there. He locked the door. I remember looking in his eyes and they were glazed over, but so angry. He threatened me and I tried to get him to leave, then I tried to get away from him. He grabbed me and told him that I was done, he'd been forcing himself on me and I was through. He kept asking what had happened to me, that I'd wanted it. Then he accused me of sleeping with Edward and I denied it. That was when he slapped me. I don't, I can't remember everything that happened, but his fists kept connecting and when I fell to the ground, he added in some kicks. Jake had me by the hair and I thought that he'd kill me and no one would know it was him." I paused, sniffling as my eyes connected with Edward.

"Please, Miss Swan. Can you continue?" Alec's eyes were calm, reminding me that I had to finish this.

"It was right around then that I heard this yell. I didn't know who it was or where it came from; all I knew was that Jake was gone. Then I heard a thud and looked to see Jake screaming at Edward, threatening him, and I couldn't watch him hurt Edward for trying to help me. I pushed off the ground and jumped on him, but he threw me off him as if I was nothing. That gave Edward a chance to grab his arms and throw him out of our apartment. The last thing I remember was Edward asking me to hold on before I passed out. The next thing I knew, I was in the hospital."

Alec gave me a moment to collect myself before he moved onto the last few questions. "How have the last few months been for you?"

"I'm scared all the time. The stupidest things make me jump…I have no peace of mind left. My friends and my brother have been very helpful and understanding, but my physical injuries took over a month to recover from and the emotional ones…I deal with those every day. I had to move because the school couldn't offer proper security. My life has been turned upside down by reporters and I can't do anything alone anymore. I used to love solitude, but until this is over, I have a security detail. Jake took so many things from me, but the worst thing he stole was any sense of normalcy and peace."

Alec smiled and thanked me before I was allowed to go back to my seat. I still had tomorrow to get through, but after that our case would be presented. Every piece of evidence, every moment of testimony would be over and it would be the defense's turn, but I couldn't think about that yet.

As we made our way to the car, the press seemed to have a sense of our exit. They were swarming and far more intrusive than they'd been in previous days. Ren nearly picked me up to run to the car, but it would have left Edward open and with my body pressed into him, it would have been difficult.

The drive was long, but that was only because I wanted to be home and in bed with Edward, but I knew they'd try to feed me dinner first.

It was almost midnight when I felt Edward's hand tracing my spine with feather-light touches.

"Can't sleep?" I asked and I felt his arms constrict around me slightly.

"You broke down during your main testimony, I'm afraid of what Chasseur will do. I'm just glad it is the only thing happening and that they are recessing for the day between the defense makes its case. You need the break."

"What happened at dinner?" I didn't remember eating, but it was the middle of the night and I was really confused.

"You cried yourself to sleep in the car, so we brought you upstairs. You really need to get some more rest, you've been getting so little sleep with the nightmares and the little bit of 'quiet time' we've had."

"You love our QT so much; I think you'll be sad when we can be loud again."

"I'll miss it, but that doesn't mean we can't do both."

I laughed as he waggled his brow, trying to be funny and succeeding. "Promise that no matter what happens, Jake won't rule our lives when this is over. Even if he gets out-"

"He won't," Edward reassured.

"Even if he does, I want to finish out my degree here and I want you to go to a Med School because you want to, not because its 1000 miles away from here and Jake."

Edward leaned down softly and brushed his lips against my temple, "I promise."

With those two simple words, I drifted off to sleep.

My pinstripe skirt suit was waiting for me in Edward's room, with the blue dress shirt. I wanted to find some way to protect myself, so I straightened my hair and left it down, that way I could use it like a curtain if need be.

The morning went by in a blur of toast and pep talks before Edward and Carlisle entered the courtroom with me. Emmett wasn't able to miss his class, so he was on-campus, and my support system consisted of the Cullen's.

Jake was still handcuffed when he came in and as soon as court was in session, I was back on the witness stand.

"Miss Swan," Mr. Chasseur began, "I'd like to begin today by asking you about someone who has already been discussed in this courtroom. Tell me about Nila."

I took a deep breath and began to talk about my best friend. "She was my best friend in Forks. She was Indian and her father was very strict. There were a lot of things that she wasn't able to do that all of her friends could because of culture and religion, and that made it more difficult on her as we grew up."

"How so?"

"There was a history of depression in her family and during high school she tried to fit in, but so often she was told what she couldn't do. She felt everything she did was wrong and it upset her. I was a teenage girl missing my mom, so we bonded over our feelings of what we missed out on."

"But you didn't handle it the same way she did?" James sneered and I looked away, making eye contact with the jury.

"No. She got in trouble for going out with a boy and her father threatened to send her to spend the summer in India with her grandparents so she would learn respect. The idea of spending all that time away, being told that she was wrong for feeling as she did; it pushed her over the edge. She swallowed her bottle of anti-depressants."

"For a young woman, that must have been hard to deal with. Is that the reason you stopped taking anti-depressants and allowed your illness to go untreated?"

"Objection," Alec stood, "the witness isn't on trial here."

"Miss Swan testified that Jacob Black caused a severe trauma resulting in a serious illness, but if she was already diagnosed, but refused to seek treatment for it, then the results of her decision aren't solely the fault of my client. She must share the blame."

"Mr. Chasseur," Judge Santiago scolded, "the Prosecution isn't charging your client with causing Miss Swan any mental anguish; the charges are rape and assault and battery. I suggest you try to focus on clearing your client for the crimes he's being charged with." The Judge turned to me and smiled, "you don't have to answer that question; Mr. Chasseur will be moving on."

James didn't look too pleased, but neither did the Cullen's. I could see where Esme was holding onto Edward's arm, like she was keeping him in his seat. I turned back to Mr. Chasseur as he tried to move forward. "What were you doing at the Med House party when you met my client?"

"Watching Edward and Tanya make out."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't specific enough in my question, I'll have to be more direct. Had you been drinking before you met Jacob?"

"A beer, maybe, I don't remember."

James smiled as he continued. "So you were already participating in underage drinking and only continued to after meeting my client. If you were willing to break that type of law, then why should we believe that you aren't the one to get Jake hooked on the cocaine he was using at the time of his arrest?"

"Objection!" Alec was almost at Judge Santiago's bench before he spoke again. "It was stated in earlier testimony, as well as the medical records that Bella's drug tests on both her hospital visits showed no traces of drugs, that included illegal drugs like cocaine."

"Sustained, Mr. Chasseur, I'm warning you, if you push through one more line of questioning like this and I'll hold you in contempt of court."

James held up his hands and then smiled at the jury, "My apologies, I'll move on. Miss Swan, you said that when you went to see Jake, it was often at his room at that he'd leave you there. If that was the extent of the relationship, why did you go back?"

"I was trying to open up some form of communication, but he wouldn't talk. He'd leave me there and I was so scared. I didn't know how to get him to talk to me. When he wouldn't, I realized I had to end it, but he wouldn't let me go."

"At what point did it become rape?" Mr. Chasseur asked bluntly.

"It was always rape; I just wouldn't admit it at first."

"So it wasn't Edward's newly single status that made you change your mind?" He continued, barely letting me answer the last question before her asked this one.

"No. He was still dating Tanya when I went to the hospital. They broke up that evening, but I didn't find out until days later, after I'd broken up with Jake. I still didn't know about his feelings until Tanya told me, and that was weeks after the attack. I went to the hospital because I couldn't live in fear anymore."

James moved, blocking my view of Edward as I tried to look to him for strength. The tears were flowing again and instead I looked to the jury as he asked the next question. "On the night of the _attack_" he emphasized the disbelieving tone of his voice when he spoke the word 'attack' as he asked, "he just happened to get into your building and up to your apartment, having never been there before, and the door was open at the exact moment he needed it to? That seems a little far-fetched."

"It isn't. He found my room information out to get the phone number, the same way as he found my class schedule. I don't know how he did it, but he did."

"And Edward just happened to arrive in the nick of time?"

"If Edward had been around earlier, he would have interrupted it as soon as he could and I wouldn't have been injured as badly."

"Unless that was part of the plan all along? Lure Jacob out to the apartment and then ambush him so that you and Edward could be together. Perhaps you were using Edward to get rid of Jacob permanently and your injuries were collateral damage?"

The commotion that ensued was chaotic. Alec was objecting, James ended his cross-examination, and the judge held him in contempt of court. Alec ended the prosecution's case, having presented all the evidence and testimony. Court was adjourned, but I didn't register anything until Carlisle was in front of me.

"Bella? Bella, sweetheart?" I could hear him, but was unable to respond. I felt Edward grip my hand and then missed the next moment or two. After that, I made out Carlisle's last statement. "Have Ren pull the car to the side entrance, I want to bring her to the hospital and have Dr. Gonzales see her, she may need to have them alter her medications."


	18. Terror Comes Home

Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated MA for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**THIS CHAPTER IS THE TRIAL, WHICH MEANS SOME OF THE DETAILS OF JAKE'S ATTACK WILL BE DISCUSSED, ITS NOT AS DETAILED AS THE EARLIER CHAPTERS, BUT THIS IS YOUR FAIR WARNING.**

This is the conclusion of the trial and with it the final push in this story. Chapter 19 is with ACW and chapter 20 is nearly done. After that I have one more chapter and the two epi's, only one of which has to be written. Thank you for sticking with this story and I hope you enjoy.

Much love to the WC ladies, especially Mizzdee, and A Cullen Wannabe, my awesome beta!

Chapter 18 – Terror Comes Home

**EPOV**

Bella was brought to the hospital after her testimony and I was honestly more afraid now than I was the day she was attacked. Physical injuries would heal, but reliving the trauma and having to face that despicable man, he drove her to this, and I was afraid of what she would be dealing with when she was taken off the sedative.

Her doctors, my father included, wanted her to rest Saturday, and tomorrow. They planned to wake her up and give her the day to deal with what happened before she would have to return to the courtroom. Alec said that she could take Monday off, but the testimony from Tanya and Paul would be much easier than Jacob's testimony had been. I would just have to wait and see how she was tomorrow.

**BPOV**

I felt the haze of medication wearing off bringing with it the bright lights of the hospital. I hated that they had to medicate me again, but I was in no shape after Friday afternoon to deal with anything. I was more worried about Edward's reaction to all this.

My eyes fluttered open and true to form, Edward was at my side.

"Hey, Beautiful."

"Hi. What happened?"

Edward frowned, "After that bastard went after you? He was arrested and you…my dad was using words like comatose…it had me so scared. You completely went inside yourself."

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize," Edward interrupted, "let's just focus on this week."

I nodded as Carlisle came in, "Good, you're awake. Dr. Gonzales wants to speak you and then we're ready to take you home."

I spent the next hour speaking to Dr. G and then we went home. The night was easy with everyone keeping the topics of conversation light, but as Edward and I went to sleep, I knew tomorrow would be another type of hell.

Morning came far too soon and I was sitting behind Alec as the defense began to make their case. Tanya Denali was dressed like she was in an advertisement in a fashion magazine for a high end boutique instead of testifying in a courtroom.

James Chasseur looked far calmer today as he approached the witness stand. "Miss Denali, can you tell me about the night you met Edward Cullen at the Med House party."

"I was out in the backyard. He was looking for someone at first, but then he found them and went storming over to the tub of beers; I thought he was cute so I walked over and introduced myself. Talking led to kissing, and then kissing led to us spending the night in one of the rooms upstairs."

"What happened the following morning?" James asked rather casually.

"He woke up and was worried about his roommate. I offered to help him look so he gave me a description of what she looked like and we split up. He got a call telling him to get home so he ran off. I had to stop him to get his number."

"So he was fixated on his roommate?"

"Edward was always conscious of her. He knew where she was and what she was doing. In the beginning of our relationship, we went on dates and it was a text to let her know that he was okay for dinner, or a heads up that he was bringing me home afterwards. It was sweet how considerate he was, but then it started to tip in the opposite direction. His focus was on her and I became the afterthought. It was hard to watch him pull away like that, especially because she had a boyfriend. A boyfriend I knew he didn't like."

"Can you tell us about Bella's birthday party?" Mr. Chasseur continued his subdued approach, probably trying to win over the jury after Friday.

"It was a small thing, just the six of them. Bella had a few drinks with the rest of them, even though she probably shouldn't have, and then when the two couples went to dance, Edward took Bella out on the floor. They were out there laughing and talking for a while, at the time, I hadn't seen him start to pull away yet, so I just thought he was a good friend who was taking care of her until her boyfriend showed up. When Jake showed up, she left. Edward acted cool while she was there but he was pissed that Jake hadn't come in to at least meet everyone. That was the first of many times he got weird about Jake."

"It wasn't much longer before you broke up with Edward, what happened to make you end the relationship?"

She straightened in her seat, "Like I'd mentioned earlier, he stopped focusing on me. We'd get together to study or watch TV, but he was more interested in Bella than me. I saw the switch and I wasn't going to sit by and be with someone who was waiting for the chance to be with the person they really wanted."

"Tell us about the break-up?"

"He was so dense that night. He spent the entire night fixated on her and then when I called him on it he acted like I was crazy. I told him it was over and I got out of there."

James smiled and turned back to Jake, "Thank you, Miss Denali, no further questions."

Alec stood and began his cross-examination. "You talk about Edward as if he was a man possessed, but what about the man that sent you flowers and sent you texts during the day?"

"I never said that Edward wasn't loving, just that he loved someone else more." Tanya was precise, which was disconcerting.

"You spoke about Bella's birthday, did Edward coerce you into holding it at your place of work?"

Tanya shook her head, "No, I offered."

"Knowing she was underage?" Alec pushed and she responded quickly.

"Yes."

"And isn't it true that you were fired from the bar in question for multiple instances of serving underage patrons?"

She grimaced, "Yes."

"At her party, did you voice concerns over his closeness with Bella, for instance the dancing, or did you encourage him to?"

"I gave my permission-"

Alec interrupted, "So it wasn't until later that you put the cynical and hurt feelings on top of these events. In fact, you were even polite with her a week later when you were all together for dinner, a few hours before you broke up with Edward."

"She didn't seem to be encouraging it, but his feelings were obvious."

"So you told him that you were breaking up because he was in love with his roommate?"

"I did."

Alec approached Tanya, "And what was his reaction to this news?"

"Shock," Tanya admitted.

"Over the break-up?" Alec pushed.

"No over my reason for it."

"So he was surprised. He hadn't put a name to the feelings you'd seen him exhibit."

"No," Tanya spoke.

"When was the next time you saw either Bella or Edward?" Alec moved to the most important question he could ask her.

"It was late October, Bella was in the laundry room. I'd seen her name on the list, so I went up to speak to her."

"Why?" Alec asked.

"I'd heard about what happened to her, and how Edward and her were holed up in their apartment because of her injuries. I wanted to see how she was doing. I didn't know specifics, but no one deserves to be hurt like that, no matter what caused it. She'd adopted a kitten, I used it as a conversation started."

"Where did that conversation lead?" Alec leaned against the table as Tanya began to speak.

"I started talking to her about Edward, I'd assumed that after Jake was arrested and he was proved right as far as his dislike of him, he would have told her about his feeling for her."

"But he hadn't."

"No, she was confused by my question, and then I saw her connect everything and even then, she couldn't believe it. I kind of ran for it after that."

Alec took a deep breath and moved to the final topic. "That wasn't the last time you saw either Edward or Bella, correct?"

"No, Bella student taught my English class last December."

"And you made a scene during one of her lessons, one that revolved around a story that depicted the last moments of a young girl who was taken by a serial killer. Why would you do something like that?"

"I'd just been subpoenaed, and my boss had found out about all the underage kids we hadn't been carding and fired me and two other employees and I was lashing out. Bella put me in my place though, and she didn't kick me out or tell me off, she used the piece of literature to shut me up. I regret what I did that day."

James was fuming, but there wasn't anything he could do now; he'd taken a gamble on Tanya, and he'd lost.

There was some other testimony, hoping to discount Carlisle and Dr. G, but neither of them made any headway either. The lunch break was quick, but I knew that was because there were only two witnesses left in the defense's case and I didn't know if I could handle them. Paul would be the last witness today and tomorrow would be Jake's turn.

Esme was watching me carefully as I pushed my food around. As the lunch hour drew to a close, I collected myself to return for what would hopefully be a short afternoon session.

I took my place between Edward's parents as the court began showing signs of life, first with Jake's entrance and then the jury's. Paul finally entered, making his way to the stand to take his oath.

"Paul, you are one of Jacob's closest friends, tell the court about the type of man he is."

Paul straightened his back and plastered on a smile for the jury. "Jake's a great guy. I've known him since I joined the Peace Officers and he's one of my closest friends. Sam, our Captain, rules over us with an iron fist, especially those who live in the house and Jake was his second in command before all of this mess started. Jake takes the new guys under his wing and is always willing to switch shifts when we have something important going on." Paul looked directly at me as he continued, "Jacob Black is not a violent guy, he lived by the motto of the Peace Officers and to suggest otherwise isn't fair. Jake's parents were in a car accident when he was younger, out on the reservation where they lived. It took the EMT's too long to get there so his mother died and his father's injuries were left untreated for too long, and he was paralyzed. Jake took care of his father until he went to school and his dream was to get some sort of EMT crew organized on his reservation. That's the man I've known for the last two and a half years. I don't think he's capable of this kind of violence."

James smiled as he walked over and continued his questioning, "You had a unique view of Miss Swan's relationship with Jake, tell me how you observed it."

"Jake was so excited when he came home after that party, he wouldn't stop talking about the girl he'd met. I'd thought that it was the most amazing sex of his life or something, but he got mad when I made the comment. He called Bella special and wouldn't talk to me until I apologized."

"How often did Bella come to the house?"

"At least four or five times that I know of."

James fired off his next question, "What was her mood when she showed up?"

Paul smiled, "She was always really excited, eager to see Jake, and she never spent much time in the main house, they always went straight back into his bedroom."

"Was it possible that she just wanted to have some private time with him in a house full of guys?"

"If they wanted privacy, they should have been quieter," Paul commented, but before Alec of the Judge could say anything, James ended his questioning.

Alec huffed as he stood, walking right up to Paul. "You say that Jake was a model human being and a great Peace Officer, so why isn't your Captain, the man to which he was the second in command, sitting in that chair instead of you?"

"Sam's first priority has to be to the squad, there's no other way to keep it together. Jake knows that, it's also why I stepped up to testify. Someone had to talk about that side of him." Paul looked a little self-satisfied, but I knew that Alec had plans for him.

"So there's no other reason, not even Jake's termination from the squad, that kept him from taking the stand?"

"Jake couldn't complete his hours, but once everything is settled and he can rejoin the Peace Officers, I'm sure he'll the second again the moment he's reinstated."

"You stated a moment ago that you didn't think Jake was capable of violence, but don't you think that the cocaine could have changed that?" Alec contained his smile well as Paul floundered slightly.

"I never noticed a difference in him, no."

"You were completely unaware of his habit?" Alec pushed.

"Yes," Paul answered, a little too quickly.

"If he was able to hide that kind of a thing from you, how well could you really know him?"

Paul stammered as James turned red. It was in that moment that Alec went in for the kill.

"One final question, if you were so sure that your friend was innocent, why not let the truth free him? Why did you feel the need to follow her, stalk her on at least two occasions, the most prominent one being the time you followed her to the grocery store and stared her down in the aisle?"

"I wasn't stalking her. I went out to get ice cream and she was at the same store, it was completely a coincidence. I stopped because I was surprised to see her there and then her boyfriend got all possessive and dragged her off. It was a minute or two, tops." Paul concluded as Alec declared the completion of his questioning and court was adjourned for the afternoon.

Edward was getting out of class in a little while and I was hoping to get a little pick me up before heading home. The coffee shop a few blocks from the courthouse, which we ate at a few times because it was small and easy to keep an eye on with only the two entrances, the front door and the kitchen, was where I asked Marcus and Caius to take me. After Caius did the initial sweep, we walked in and placed our orders.

I knew the drive home would have me dancing like a puppy on crack by the time we got there, so I asked Caius to wait for our drinks while I went to the little ladies' room. Marcus followed me into the hallway, but didn't come all the way to the door, so I had as much privacy as I could manage.

I was in and out in all of two minutes, but when I emerged from the restroom, something very different was waiting for me. I saw where Marcus was standing in the middle of the coffee shop, which was usual for him; he got bored easily.

What I hadn't anticipated was the hand that flew over my mouth as a second grabbed me by the throat, slamming me against the wall. I was face to face with Paul; his eyes were dark with a determination that terrified me.

"You think you're special, but all you are is a stupid little bitch. Rich boy and his hired goons can't keep you safe. It was too easy for me to see you stop here and then just wait for the right moment. He doesn't even realize you're missing." My mind was reeling as my eyes caught sight of a table within reach. Paul was so focused on his rant, he didn't notice my foot slowly seeking out the support bar along the bottom of the tiny table adorned with coffee cups. "But I bet your boyfriend would. What would your precious Edward do if something worse happened to you? We'll just have to see, won't-"

His sentence was cut off by the crash of the table, sending Paul flying out through the kitchen as Marcus ran for the hallway and asked if I was all right. He got on his phone and as the adrenaline continued to pump I realized just how close I came, and how even with Jake in jail, I'd never be free.

The cops arrived, and I told them everything I knew, they then agreed to meet us at the hospital so I could have them take any pictures and make sure I wasn't injured. I knew the worst that might happen would be some bruising on my neck, but in reality, the damage was all emotional and mental.

Any shred of peace I had was gone now.

**EPOV**

Ren was waiting outside my class with great news, court had adjourned for the day and Bella would likely be home by the time we got there. I was thrilled that she'd made it through the day without too much trouble and we could try and relax before Jake's testimony tomorrow.

We were about to make the turn headed north when Ren's phone rang. He reached up, tapping his Bluetooth earpiece and after a quick 'hello' he was cursing at whoever was on the other end.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me! What happened?"

There was a moment or two of silence and then he cut them off again, "Caius, we'll be there in a few minutes, you tell Marcus that he's lucky I'm the one that's going to be showing up and not Aro. I want him waiting outside for us when we get there."

He threw off the earpiece and made a sharp turn, hooking onto a road that didn't lead to much but some industrial buildings and the University Hospital.

Oh God.

"What happened to Bella?"

"Paul found her. She's more scared than hurt, but this shouldn't have been allowed to occur. I'm going to kill that idiot when I see him."

His rage confused me, either he was lying about the severity of things, or there was more to this than what Bella went through. The hospital was outside my window before I knew it and Ren parked, pushing us through the crowd of reporters and to where Marcus was waiting. "Inside," Ren hissed and as we found where Caius was waiting at the nurse's station a few feet from Bella, I saw his obvious annoyance. I didn't know what it was about, and I wasn't about to ask.

"How is she?" Ren asked as Caius looked up from his phone.

"Dr. Cullen's in with her, her therapist was waiting for her, so they scheduled some extra sessions, but she seemed pleased."

"How did he even get near her?" I finally asked.

"From what Marcus told me, she went to the bathroom and he wasn't waiting a respectful distance, like he's supposed to. I had gone to get the car, but when she came out of the bathroom, he was waiting for her. She kicked a table and he ran. The police are already looking for him and the kitchen staff all said they got a decent look at him on the way in, so they'd make a statement if they needed to." Caius looked at Ren and pocketed his phone, "I don't ever want to be partnered with his lazy ass again."

"Don't worry, he won't be working for us in an hour," Ren clarified just as my father led Bella out to us.

"She's fine; there will be a little bruising, but nothing too bad. I have to stay for my shift. Can you get them home safely?"

"Caius and I will take them," Ren responded, turning one last time to acknowledge Marcus. "Drive the other car back to the office and turn in your keys and all your other equipment, Aro is expecting you."

After Bella was discharged, my dad led us to a side entrance and Marcus' exit had confused the press enough to slip past them. Bella was silent the entire ride home, and continued to be during dinner.

When I finally got her upstairs, she locked the bedroom door and changed into her pajamas immediately. I followed suit and soon she was clinging to my chest.

"It isn't going to end. He's going to find ways to get to us, even if he lives the rest of his life in a jail cell." She whispered it, but I heard her and it killed me.

"Bella, Paul will be caught and he'll pay too."

She leaned up over me, her eyes terrified, "Another trial?"

"Bella, please, I just need you to-" I was cut off by the shrill ring of the house phone. I answered it, but was soon handing it off to Bella, taking the time to retrieve my laptop.

I opened up my web browser and signed in to do a quick discussion topic for my Sociology class when Bella finished her call.

"He was caught. The idiot went to his grandmother's, but he was advised to plead guilty and will get a minimal sentence. At least my restraining order is now validated and when he does get out he'll be ordered to keep away from me as part of his parole. Now I have to wait and see if one of the other Peace Officers decides to take his turn."

She plopped back into bed and I moved to put away the computer, but she stopped me. "I want to check something."

She opened up Google and searched for information on Aro and Ren. It took a little digging through articles on their company being hired to protect this person or that, including us, but finally Bella found an article from years ago. She clicked the link and found the old story.

_**An Instinct to Protect Born From Personal Tragedy**_

_Aro Volturi, was born to Vincenzo and Immacolata Volturi in a small village in the Tuscan countryside in March of 1970. His childhood was a privileged one as his father worked in a position of importance in the Spinzelli crime family, though his exact involvement was never substantiated. _

_As the violence escalated in the late 1970's, Vincenzo hired security details for his wife and two children, Aro and his younger sister Gianna. On the morning of August 13__th__, 1980, Immacolata and Gianna were killed by a car bomb planted by one of their family's own bodyguards. Aro was not involved in the attack and was sent to live with his maternal grandparents in Washington State under the protection of his friend and bodyguard Renato Moretti._

_It was that companion who aided his desire to keep others safe as his mother and seven year old sister hadn't and they started Volturi Guard, the private security company that continues to operate out of Seattle_.

"Oh my God," Bella whispered as she finished, "that's what Ren meant."

"What do you mean?"

"He told me once that Aro especially hated people who went after women and children, now I get it."

I moved the computer to the nightstand and pulled her close. "Well then, we know that he'll work tirelessly to keep you safe now. Just promise that you'll tell me is something is bothering you."

Bella burrowed closer and sighed against my chest. "Promise."

She was soon asleep in my arms and I was happy that she was able to sleep; I just hoped it lasted the night.

Unfortunately, our night was interrupted twice by nightmares where Paul grabbed her and then morphing into Jake.

By the time morning came, we were tired but that was nothing new since the trial began. I just prayed the jury came back with a guilty verdict quickly.

Bella was once again dressed and downstairs before me, so we headed over to the courthouse to listen to Jake's version of events.

Judge Santiago made the ruling that during his testimony, Jake would not be handcuffed unless there was another outburst. I was worried about what that would mean for Bella, but she held strong beside me.

Jake walked up to the stand and took his oath, settling in as Mr. Chasseur started the morning. "Mr. Black, we've heard from several other witnesses about the party at the beginning of last semester at the Med House. Would you share your experiences from that night?"

Jake looked at the jury with a sweet smile that I knew was far from sincere as he answered. "I went to the party with a few members of the squad, but they all went off their own ways. I was in the backyard when Bella nearly ran into me. She was upset about something so I asked if she was okay. She'd shown up with some friends but the guy she had been hanging out with was making out with a blonde. I figured if he was stupid enough to let go of a great girl like her, he didn't deserve her."

I had to calm myself after the jab he sent my way, but Bella's hand squeezing mine was all the reassurance I needed.

"What happened after you left the backyard?" James steered him back where he needed to be.

"We hung out. Drank some punch and made out on one of the couches. She got freaked out at one point, saying she had to find her friends, so I got her number and offered to help her find them, but she told me she'd be fine and I told her that I'd call her the next day."

"So that was how the relationship began?"

"Yeah, it was great. We'd go to the diner and grab some food and talked a lot. Bella's seemed like the perfect girl. The only odd thing was that we always had to go to my place because she was worried about her roommate getting weird."

James walked over to the witness stand, shooting a quick glance our way as he continued, "When did you start to notice a change in her?"

"It was the night of her birthday party. Edward had thrown it, and when I showed up exhausted, she left with me, but she was really paranoid about his reaction. It was more than just not wanting to be making out in front of him; it was like she was afraid of him. It was also when she brought up the drugs. I thought she was using too, but I guess that was just another thing I didn't know about her. I got hooked quickly, though."

Mr. Chasseur moved forward, having planted the seed of doubt with the last question. "At the end of September, you went on a camping trip with some of your fellow Peace Officers, were you and Bella still on good terms when you left?"

"Yeah, she came by to see me off. I had to run to finish packing, so she left pretty fast that time."

"How was Bella after the trip?"

"Distant. It was obvious that something happened because she kept telling me that we were over. I didn't understand it. I went to meet her at one of her classes and she flipped out, so I backed off and tried to call her, but Edward didn't let me speak to her. After that, she wouldn't take my calls at all."

"So Edward was interfering in the relationship?" James pushed and Jake was quick to respond.

"Yes. He'd finally decided to pay Bella attention and once he set his mind to being with her, she was lost to me. He had her so twisted up about our whole relationship. I loved her and I was watching her slip away." Hearing him say he loved her was ridiculous. He'd treated her like he had and had the nerve to use the term 'love.'

James moved onto the final part of his questioning, "What happened on the evening of October 4th?"

"I was sitting home when Bella called. She seemed cryptic, but she asked me to come over and see her at her dorm. It was the first time she asked me to go to her place, so I foolishly agreed."

"Mr. Black, what happened when you arrived at her dorm?"

"She invited me and I wasn't sure what was going on with her. One minute she was the girl I knew from when we first started dating, and then she started screaming at me, saying I raped her. That was when Edward showed up, locking me in."

"So you were unable to leave?" James questioned.

"No, they ambushed me. Bella got hurt when I tried to defend myself, but I never meant to harm her. It was two against one and I was just trying to get out of there. Finally Edward let me go and started screaming something after me, but I just wanted to get out of there." Jake looked back to the jury, a solemn look on his face.

"Mr. Black, did you ever rape or intentionally injure Bella Swan?"

"No," his voice was firm but controlled.

Damn he was convincing. Alec needed to turn this around.

As if he read my thoughts, Alec stood to begin his cross-examination.

"When you were arrested, they charged you with the drug related crimes first, since they had sufficient evidence to bring you in on those charges and then proceed with the other crimes as the evidence came back. They took hair samples as a part of their investigation, correct?"

"Yes," Jake answered, seemingly unaware of what he was about to admit to.

"What does this have to do with the crimes this trial is related to?" James was quick to object, but it was quickly thrown out since he'd brought it up in his questioning.

"Well, the results of that hair analysis shows the drug use goes back for several months, well before you ever met Bella Swan, so it's not likely that she was the one to get you hooked on the drugs." Alec turned, giving us a smile to reassure that he'd disprove every lie Jake had just spewed.

"You said that it was sweet in the beginning, just like normal couples. Why didn't you take her out on normal dates?"

"I don't know, she never wanted to go out much, we'd just hang out. I liked having her to myself."

Alec nodded, but pushed forward. "If you enjoyed spending so much time with her, why did you always leave her behind in your room?"

Jake bristled, "I was busy, plus I was hoping that she'd wait for me. I loved the thought that I'd come home to her."

"So you wanted her there to take care of your needs, but you never took care of hers?" Alec prodded.

"I took care of her plenty," Jake said, his agitation showing.

"Until the camping trip, when Bella started pulling away."

Jake sat forward a little and I felt Bella tense beside me. "It was all Cullen's fault. He got to her while I was away and convinced her that if she broke up with me they'd be together. He knew she wanted him and he used it against her."

"How did that make you feel?"

"I was upset. She was mine and he didn't have a right to go and try and steal her." Jake fidgeted as Alec continued.

"Which is why you started stalking her?"

"I didn't stalk her! I was trying to find out why she was pulling away!" Jake stood and the bailiff and two other officers rushed as Jake was physically restrained and handcuffed.

Bella was a mess beside me, so I got Ren's attention and we left the courtroom. We were outside for another fifty-five minutes before the bang of the gavel rang out and the court emptied.

Alec found us and checked on Bella. "I'm sorry, but I felt that he needed to be pushed so that there was little doubt what he was capable of. I'm just sorry Bella was upset by it."

"What happens now?" I asked.

"It's in the jury's hands now. We just have to wait for their verdict."

"How long before we should start to worry?"

"There's no way to know for sure. We just have to be patient. I have to go, but I will call you as soon as I hear something."

Patience…this was going to end badly.

I waited with Ren outside the bathroom until Bella emerged. Her eyes were puffy and I was right there to hold her close. "Let's go home, we can get you settled and get some of your homework done during the next day or so."

"I'm all caught up," she murmured.

"How, you haven't been doing anything when we get home?"

She looked bashful as she answered, "I've been doing it in the middle of the night, when I couldn't sleep."

I met her eyes, "Why didn't you wake me?"

"Because, one of us needs to be functioning. Let's just get out of here."

When we arrived home, Alice was the first to ambush Bella, hugging her close and letting her know that all her notes were upstairs and she'd handed in her most recent assignments. I didn't even know that shit was going on.

We had a large family dinner and then everyone began to split up, going off to work on homework or watch a movie or the like. Bella and I went into my room and she pulled out one of her reading books. The companionable silence that followed was nice; it was what we were used to.

"Where are you going to live next year?" Bella's question caught me off guard, so I put down the textbook I was trying to sort through and smiled at her.

"I don't know. I was hoping we'd already be out of here. I love my parents, but they drive me to drink."

"So you want to move in together?" She seemed genuinely surprised by the fact.

"Why wouldn't I? You need a place to live, and I need you with me. Bella, I've done alone, and I suck at it. You're it for me."

Her face lit up and she nearly tackled me on the bed, "Oh, Edward! You're all I want too."

Our schoolbooks were forgotten for the evening, as we settled in and relaxed.

The next morning, I left for school and Bella stayed behind to work on her homework. She'd be going back to school on Monday, so for now she was trying to get ahead for when she finally went back.

The evening passed by without any issue, but she admitted that the lack of a decision by the jury worried her. I reminded her that it had only been a day and there were multiple charges that they had to think about.

We put on a movie, but Bella had other plans. Her hand moved from my stomach to the front of my pajama pants and I jumped.

"Bella?"

"Please? If you can stay quiet, I'd like to try."

I nodded, but she surprised me again when her mouth came in contact with my cock instead of her hand. I looked down to see her watching me through her lashes as she began to work on me. The feelings she was igniting in me were unreal. I'd had my fair share of bj's but it had never meant this much.

As I unraveled underneath her, she refused to move, swallowing me and then sat up with a look of pride on her face.

"Did you enjoy it?" She asked meekly, making me laugh.

"Baby, that was amazing, haven't you ever been told that before?" I can't believe no one had ever told her that she was that good at giving head.

"I've never done _that _before."

I felt my jaw drop. "I'm the only one you'll ever do that to?"

"'You've ever done that to,'" she said, correcting my English.

"No," I shook my head, "I plan on being around for the long haul. If I have my way, we'll be telling our kids about how we were roommates first."

As soon as I said it, I was worried I'd gone too far, but I was relieved when she threw her arms around me and we settled back in to finish the movie.

Class the next day was slow, but in the middle of my second class of the day, I got the text I'd been waiting for.

_Jury's back. I'll text you the verdict. –B_

Crap. I'd been hoping it was going to happen this afternoon so I could be there, but in the end, I knew she was taken care of, and it would keep me from doing something stupid once he was convicted.

I stared at my phone for the next seventy-two minutes until the next text came through.

_Guilty on all four counts. Sentencing will be May 4__h__._

Although I was not pleased that we'd have to wait that long, the news that Jacob Black was out of our life was too good to worry about. Finally, we were free.


	19. A Sense of Normalcy

**Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing these last few chapters. The trial was always the part of this story that I was most worried about and to get all the positive response. I'm updating this as I send the next chapter to the amazing A Cullen Wannabe, who has another two chapters left to beta after they're completed and this fic will officially be done. Chapter 21 will be the last regular chapter and then we have two epi's.**

**Love to my WC Ladies, especially Mizzdee, for helping me complete these chapters so quickly and holding my hand when I was ready to click the delete button. I hope you enjoy!**

**A final thank you to everyone who participated in Finding Your Voice: Fandom Fights Mental Illness, we raised $1420 for NAMI, a total I never imagined reaching.**

Chapter 19 – A Sense of Normalcy

**BPOV**

It felt weird, knowing that everything was over. Jake and Paul were in jail, and even though I wouldn't know his sentence for a while, I could still rest easier. Edward came home from class and damn near tackled me in his relief, and with the weekend ahead of us before school came back into the mix for me, he was excited to finally be able to relax. The press would soon find a new story to beat to death, so we were no longer going to be using our security guards, but Ren made me promise to call him is something happened.

The next morning, I woke up to Edward's strong arms and sighed, knowing that it was where I belong. That feeling was both freeing and daunting in its own right, and I reveled in it for a few more minutes before Edward woke up.

"Morning, baby," he yawned.

"Good morning."

"What do you want to do today?" Edward questioned, a smile crept onto his face.

I knew he wanted to do something special for Valentine's Day, but I wasn't quite so sure. I really just wanted to stay close to home. "Can we just hang around this weekend?"

"Will you let me plan something nice for next Saturday?"

"Sure," I smiled, happy to have the small victory.

We got dressed and went downstairs to see Alice dragging the last of her bags to the door.

"You guys are moving quick," I laughed as she turned towards us.

"Hey, I love you both, but this Brady Bunch mess is getting a little old. We'll be enjoying some 'quiet time' now that we're out from under Mom and Dad's roof."

"Why didn't you partake while you were here, we did?" I winked at Alice, who started gagging as she faked her disgust.

We followed her out and said our good-byes before returning inside. Edward powered up the computer and started searching for apartments, anxious to get out from under his parents' roof as well. After forty-five minutes of searching, he slumped in his chair and started grumbling.

"We're never getting out of here, these places are too expensive."

I walked over and pulled up the site he'd been searching and rolled my eyes. "Edward, we can't afford a luxury apartment. Why don't you look for something like you had with Alice?"

"Because that place doesn't have the security you need."

"The security I need, or the security you need for me?" I looked at him and he shrugged.

"What's the difference?"

"Edward, if we move into a regular apartment, you ask the landlord to put in a deadbolt and you add in other security measures yourself and you act smart. Jake is in jail and so is Paul, there's no one out there to hurt us. We can't keep living in fear."

"But I'm so scared of something happening to you." He took a deep breath and I crossed over to him, taking his hands in mine.

"Edward, I want you to think about something, I mean, really consider it before you answer me."

His eyes found mine as his brow furrowed, "Of course."

"Will you do therapy with me? Dr. G thinks it would be a good thing for both of us, and with my sessions dropping down to once a week again, we could take one of those extra slots and do some couples therapy."

"You think we need couple's therapy?" He sounded pained and that was the last thing I meant to do.

"I think we both need to figure out how to live in the 'after'. What Jake did to me has been the center of our relationship, but now that he isn't a part of our future, I think we both need to figure out how to move on so that we can have a healthy relationship."

Edward was quiet for a few minutes before he responded, "Let's do it."

"Really?"

"Yes, I think it will be good to get out all of these emotions and having you there will make it easier than being alone with someone. It'll take the pressure off."

"Great, I'll mention it to her on Tuesday."

As if time knew that all I wanted was to spend every moment with Edward, it sped by, bringing with it my return to classes.

I was nervous walking into my first class, but the entire English Department already knew me, so they were understanding of my plight. I had only one core class this semester, and another to take next year, so for the most part, I was in English heaven. The two classes that met on Monday and Wednesday were my Medieval Lit Class and one of my required Education classes.

After the Education class let out, my teacher asked me to stay behind, so I walked up to the front and sat at the chair beside his desk.

"You're an English major, Miss Swan?"

"Yes, Professor Jay."

He smiled and pulled out his grading book, "Please, call me Frank. Now you missed the class where I explained the project that will be a majority of your grade, so I wanted to take a few minutes to go over it with you privately so you'll know what is expected of you. Do you have the time now?"

"Yes, I'm free for the day, Frank."

"Excellent."

Frank spent the next twenty minutes telling me about the lesson plan for a semester of a single class in my chosen field of study. As I was an English major, I would be planning a class suitable for either a junior high or high school level, which I would have to select before I began the progress. I would have to map out the lessons, discuss assignments that would be given out and even my way of dealing with problem students. Frank was pleased to know that I had student taught as part of my TA assignment last semester and was excited about seeing my eventual placement in my student teaching next year. I didn't know it when I signed up for his class, but he was in charge of arranging the various student teaching assignments for the students going through the Education program.

I'd managed to fall right into the perfect class, with a patient and compassionate mentor.

I went down to my car and drove back to the Cullen's only to see Edward waiting on the porch.

"Where were you?"

I answered as I walked up to the front of the house. "My teacher wanted to talk to me about something I'd missed because of the trial. It was a major assignment and he wanted me to know what was expected of me because my grade depends on it. I was only thirty minutes late."

Edward pulled me into a tight hug, "You were only ten minutes late the day Paul got to you."

I pulled out my phone and dialed Dr. Gonzales. "Hi Dr. Gonzales, I was curious, could we swap my therapy so I'm doing my private session on Thursday, I think Edward and I need to start our group session tomorrow."

She agreed to it and I looked at Edward, asking him not to challenge me after his reaction. I needed to help him get his fear under control for both our sakes.

That evening I looked at the required reading for grades 7-10, because those were the grades where it was standardized. I knew how to plan for a specific topic from working with Professor O'Hara and I wanted to show that I could teach the classes where I didn't get a say over the material.

The problem with this is I hadn't read half of the books on the Washington State list since I was in Middle School, which would prove to be a problem as I'd have to at least read the cliff notes so that I could come up with the lessons.

Edward was nose deep in his anatomy textbook, so he was occupied while I figured out how many other books I'd need to buy in addition to the ones I already had.

"Bella, why'd you call Dr. G like that this afternoon?"

I looked up to see his textbook closed and his eyes locked on the floor. "Edward, you scared me…more for you than me. We have to discuss this, and I think it's better to do it with a professional. I need for you to be the carefree guy I love, and this anxious, jumpy person makes me nervous. I know I reacted badly, but…please?"

"Bella, I'm scared too. I'm not this much of a wreck usually and I don't want to add to your anxiety either. We have to work this out and I wasn't really sure of it when I agreed, but I think you're right, I need this."

I relaxed at his admission. We went back to our schoolwork for a little bit longer and then went to sleep.

Tuesday's and Friday's would prove to be my favorite days this semester because both classes were English. I had managed to get into both of the English classes I wanted this term, knowing that most of next year would be the final push for the classics. Modern Drama would prove to be a very challenging class, as half of the students were theater majors, used to not only the style, but also how to study and critique theater. We had a stack of plays for that, but I was excited to begin, having handed in my write up for the play I'd missed during the trial. The work we were starting this week was _Necessary Targets_ by Eve Ensler, which had me excited because I knew all about her more famous work, _The Vagina Monologues_.

Moving on to the Tolkien class, I was excited to be reading his works for school and not simply for pleasure. He was one of my favorite authors and the class often fills up, but the department head teaches the class, and promised me that the trial wouldn't interfere with me taking the class.

The lecture portions of class were all taped and posted online, so I hadn't missed the discussion of _The Hobbit_ so far and I was excited to jump into it. The class flew by and soon I was on my way home, knowing Edward still had another hour before he was done.

I spent the majority of the time before Edward got home on the phone with my mom. When he did arrive, we reheated some leftovers and ate before going to therapy. I was really nervous for this, but I knew it had to happen for us to make it beyond what we'd been through.

The drive was quiet, and Edward seemed antsy, which was a silent sign that what we were doing was right. I walked him into Dr. G's office and she was waiting to show us in. I held his hand as we settled into the two chairs she had across from her desk. Her chair was in front of the desk, giving it a less formal feeling and as soon as the door clicked closed, she began to outline the session.

"I'm glad you both came in. After the trauma you experienced and the resulting trial, it's hard to find your way back into normal life. You've been reprogrammed by what you've lived through. While some of the things that have changed are healthy, there are others that cause more harm than good in the long run. Those are the things we will work on in these Tuesday sessions. Now, Edward, you're the rookie here, do you have any concerns or something you'd like to bring up?"

"I don't really know where to begin," he said, staring down at his hands.

"Start at the beginning. There's no wrong way to do this," Dr. Gonzales offered.

"When everything with Jake was happening, and Bella would be gone or locked in her room for long periods of time, I didn't think anything of it. She'd kind of close off. I didn't know what was going on with her. She'd be late coming home, or there would be dinner waiting for me and I wouldn't see her until the next morning…I lost track of her. It only took ten minutes for Paul to get to her the afternoon after his testimony. Ten minutes and I could have lost her and I would have never known it." He took a deep breath, interrupting his rambling. "Now whenever she's late I automatically think the worst. I don't know what scares me more, the panic, or the nagging fear that it'll drive her way if I get obsessive. That I'll remind her of Jake."

I gasped at what he just said, but let Dr. Gonzales talk first. "Edward, the anxiety you're feeling is natural. You witnessed someone you care deeply for suffer through something you believed you could have prevented-"

"I could have," he said, conviction ringing in his voice.

"Edward, if you had gone to Bella with your feelings about Jake before she had realized it herself, she would have likely pushed you away. She had to see it with her own eyes. You cannot beat yourself up about that. Beyond that,, the trial was stressful for both of you, bringing back all the feelings of failure and pain and that this was born out of. Bella, would you compare Edward's behavior in the past few weeks to that of Jacob?"

"No," I said emphatically.

"Why is that?" Dr. G asked.

"Because Jake was trying to control me, Edward wants to protect me. It comes from a completely different place. He could never hurt me like that. I know it isn't in him."

"Bella, how do you feel hearing Edward talk about his concerns?"

"I feel like I failed him. I never wanted to pass my anxiety onto him, but I did it anyway."

"Bella, this isn't your anxiety. I've just watched you show so much strength and I want to be enough for you. I want you to feel that you didn't make a mistake trusting me." Edward started crying and I turned to face him, taking his face in my hands.

"Edward, we could never be a mistake. That's why I asked you to come here with me. I want us to work together to get past this so we can make it in the long run. I see a future with you like I've never seen with anyone else. My parents ruined the idea of a functioning family for me, but living with you and seeing your family, it gives me hope that we can be like that someday."

Edward looked into my eyes as he blinked back the newest round of tears. "You seriously see us like that? Married with kids and a dog and a cat."

"We already have Fitz, so why not complete the picture someday?" I laughed and this time he joined in.

"Okay, I hate to cut you both off, but there was some real progress there. I'll see you again next Tuesday, and Bella, you'll be here Thursday. These concerns won't go away overnight, but I can see us making some real strides in the coming months. You just have to communicate, that's the key."

"Thank you, Dr. Gonzales. I appreciate you working me into these sessions." Edward wiped his face and then took my hand as she walked us out.

"It's a pleasure to see how willing you are to make your relationship work. Have a good week."

We drove home, Edward's hand never letting go of mine as we crossed town and got ourselves settled for the night.

The rest of the week passed by without event. No one on campus seemed to pay me any particular mind as they were already onto the latest celebrity scandal, not caring about what was already ancient history in their minds.

Alice picked me up Friday after my history class to go shopping for Valentine's Day. I didn't want anything too extravagant, but I knew Edward had something special planned, so I just decided to listen to Alice rather to fight her. We went to a few stores and she seemed to be looking for a very specific style, but when she handed me a satin and velvet dress, I thought she'd lost her mind.

I should never bet against Alice.

The black velvet clung to my body from my knee all the way to the empire waist where the red satin was cut low enough and hugged my breasts tight enough to give me more cleavage than I've ever seen, yet without being vulgar.

I loved the dress and bought it without a second thought, moving on to find a pair of black velvet heels at the next store. When I mentioned how I looked like a pinup girl, Alice giggled and told me that she'd find the perfect hairstyle to complete the look, mentioning that her parents had plans for a charity dance marathon for Valentine's, so we'd be home alone after the date.

When we finished, she let me drive back home and Edward made a point of asking what I got with Alice as I walked in the door. A quick kiss and a "you'll see" had me off to our room to put the bag in the closet until tomorrow.

After my shopping trip, I went with Esme to her office so we could finish setting everything up for the move. I was excited to be working with her and with the school sending me a check for my second semester's room and board, I'd have a little nest egg for when Edward and I went to move. My mom called again and it seemed she was finally ready to tell me her big news.

After the fallout over Christmas break and his lack of support during the trial, my mom moved out, contacting a lawyer to draw up divorce papers. I felt really bad that it might have been my fault, but my mom was quick to reassure me.

"Bella, sweetheart, there was tension there before any of your troubles happened. Please don't blame yourself. Your father and I have danced this dance before, but after the way he acted…he's not the man I fell in love with."

I sighed into the phone, "I know, but if everything in my life, it didn't make it any easier."

"It would have happened eventually. Some people just aren't meant to last together, but I'm happy. I've got the job in the bakery-"

"You're not cooking, are you?" I teased my mom, who wasn't at all a baker.

"No, I'm working the counter, smartass," she teased back, reminding me of my teenage years.

We chatted for a while and she promised to come up and visit me sometime this spring, and then I went to find Edward so we could turn in for the night.

I woke up the next morning to Edward's lips on my forehead as he ran off only God knows where giving me the whole day before he picked me up at 6pm for our date.

Wanting to get some work done, I went to Esme's office while she was meeting with her client and took the file boxes down to the shop. It took almost an hour and a half to get them all down there, but once I was settled, I got the client files organized and put away.

When Esme got back I was moved onto the financial paperwork, making sure I kept the different categories of files in separate areas of the cabinet so they were easy to find. She was surprised to see me working this morning, but after a quick trip back to the house, we had lunch in the office so she could explain how she wanted to set up the workroom.

After lunch, we moved a lot of the stuff that would go in the workroom over so I could work on it during the week while she was with clients. It felt good to know that I could get the shop set up and have it ready for when she wanted to bring people by, and more importantly, expand the restoration portion of her business.

Around 3:00, I headed back to the house and jumped in the shower, knowing Alice would be by soon to help me with my hair. Sure enough, by 5:45 my hair was in a perfect 50's style and my makeup matched it. I felt slightly nervous that I was taking the look too far when there was a honk outside, more precise there was the honk of my truck's massive horn, drawing my attention to the window where I saw Edward leaning into the front of my truck.

All I could make out was his slicked back hair and leather jacket, but I felt the setup as I ran down to meet him. As I opened the front door, Edward smiled and took my hand.

"Baby, you look good enough to eat, and I'm starving."

"You look pretty hot yourself, stud." I winked at him as he helped me into my truck and then jogged around to get inside.

I was relieved when he pulled into the 50's style diner that I'd been to a few times. It was good food and it played into the theme of the night pretty perfectly. Burgers and fries and two chocolate shakes were brought to us as we sat across from each other, Edward's eyes finding my chest far too interesting for my taste.

"Do I need to borrow your jacket this early in the night?"

Edward's head snapped up and a look of confusion crossed his face. "What?"

I laughed at his dazed look, "I'm up here. The girls will only get you so far."

"I'm sorry, baby, but you look…just, _fuck,_ I can't even tell you. You ready to head off to the next part of the date?"

I looked down at my nearly empty plate and nodded, "Let's blow this popsicle stand."

Edward laughed as he paid the check and we headed back out to my truck. The drive seemed to take forever, but when we pulled in, I knew why. There was an old drive-in that was usually closed for the winter, but as we'd had an unusually warm winter, they opened it for Valentine's Day to bring in a little extra money. If the fact that it was a drive-in wasn't enough, tonight's movie was _Grease,_ fully cementing that Alice was in on this from the beginning.

Edward pulled in near the back and then hooked up the speakers before pulling me in close on the bench seat in my truck, which between that and the height of it, made it perfect for us to sit in privacy. As far back as we were, no one would notice if our attention strayed from the screen.

As the opening credits started, Edward hopped out to get us some food from the concession stand. He was back quickly and I leaned into him as the movie began. I love this movie and wearing the pinup dress with Edward dressed like Danny Zuko made this the best Valentine's Day ever.

We lasted about an hour through the movie when Edward's hands started to glide over the velvet. I sighed as he continued his slow and deliberate movements.

"Edward," I moaned as his hands moved to the hem of the dress.

"God, Bella, I want you so much," the sentence came out as a strangled moan.

"Well then, it's a good thing we're at a drive-in," I smirked at him, "because that's what they're known for."

Edward's hand stopped and he pulled away from me a bit. "Are you serious?"

"We're in the back and this place isn't that full, plus with the cab, I can sit on your lap and it won't look unusual unless someone was watching for a while. Plus, it'd be so hot. When will we ever get another chance like this?"

He shifted and then arched his hips up so he could undo his jeans, pushing them down to his knees. I knew he was keeping his boxers on in case we had to get dressed quickly, but to me it made it that much sexier. I honestly couldn't believe we were really doing this, but at the same time, Edward was the only person I would trust to do something this risky with.

I pulled up the skirt of my dress and down my underwear as Edward slipped on the condom. I slid over and braced myself over him as he guided me onto him. I moaned as he filled me, the rumble of his chest vibrating through my back.

Our movements were slow and the tension of the position as Edward's hands guided my hips had me teetering on the edge before the end of the song that was playing. His lips pressed into my back with each downward stroke and I could feel him ready to come undone as well.

I rocked forward as he pulled me down and Edward took my hips and held me a little higher and then pounded into me for a minute before he came hard inside of me, my own orgasm following a moment later.

Edward held me closer for a moment before we separated to clean up. Once we were put together, I settled back into his side to watch the rest of the movie. As the movie ended, most of the cars pulled out and we got on the end of the line. The drive home was long but Edward's hand drew circles on my knee as I sat close to him.

We got home to an empty house, which I had expected, and spent the rest of the night in our room enjoying the freedom to express ourselves.

~FiL~

My classes were all really interesting, but with so much reading, time just seemed to move by at a dizzying pace. When I wasn't in class, I was working for Esme, or spending time with Edward. Therapy was going great and Edward was really starting to make progress, blaming himself a lot less, and learning to text or call me before jumping to the worst case scenario.

I was also working on my trust issues privately, which helped me with my class work, because at first I didn't trust my classmates to even meet about a project.

We were nearing the halfway point in the semester already and Edward had a big plan for our Spring Break, though he refused to tell me. I kept telling him we didn't need to do anything special, but he was insistent. For now, I was just happy to have finally returned to a sense of normalcy.


	20. The Spreading of Wings

Mizzdee, thank you for the nightly WC's with the handholding, the coddling, and for stepping in to pinch hit for A Cullen Wannabe during a very hectic summer. I'm posting this chapter tonight and the next one when I send the epilogue to Dee, so you won't have too long of a wait. I hope you enjoy this one; it's a favorite of mine!

Chapter 20 – The Spreading of Wings

**EPOV**

It seems like only yesterday that Bella and I went out for Valentine's Day and now we're sitting at the dining room table digging through tons of notes. Well, I was digging through tons on notes; Bella was bent over her laptop working on one of her papers. How she managed to only have one actual test was beyond me.

The last few weeks had been hectic, and my mom seemed to have a sixth sense for when I wanted to have some private time with my girl, which was growing old.

Knowing what the next few years were going to be like, because I was planning for our future, I took a break from studying to sit down with my dad and discuss my financial situation. I knew that my grandfather had planned for me to follow in my dad's footsteps and become a doctor, and he'd set up my trust fund to help with that. My dad was willing to discuss exactly what kind of money was there and when I would come into it, but I hadn't been prepared for what he told me.

My grandfather had been wealthy and split that wealth between my mom and her sister and their children before he died. That meant his money was divided between seven people and he'd made sure that his grandkids couldn't blow his life's work on a drug habit and a really bad summer. What I hadn't expected was that the economy had hurt us so bad. The investments were diversified, and unfortunately, one of the companies he'd used went under, meaning we all took a hit.

My mom and aunt had control over their money and had moved it into their own accounts long ago, and my sister and cousins took a hit, but they'd be going into the work force sooner. Their inheritance would be what allowed them to make the choices they wanted instead of having to settle right away, and even with a smaller trust fund, they'd be okay.

My trust fund, which was supposed to pay for my education and help with my living expenses, was now smaller than it had been. I'd be able to do it, but not with the wiggle room I'd expected.

Knowing that, I broached the next subject with my dad very carefully. "Dad, I know that I don't have the unlimited supply I'd thought, but with the money I saved from living at home, would you be pissed if I took Bella on Spring Break?"

"That check is yours, so if you can make that work, then sure. But just realize you won't have that much money available. If you don't live on campus that gives you $600 a month for rent plus whatever Bella can contribute. You're going to be cutting it close because of the year you took off to see Europe. It's an extra year you had to stretch this portion of the money over," my father reminded me.

"Okay, I found a great deal and still have to mention it to Bella, but I wanted to ask you first."

"I appreciate that you wanted to ask me before you just went off and did it anyway. Go ask Bella, goodness knows you both need the break from everything."

I ran downstairs to see Bella now pouring over a printed version of her paper, checking it for errors. I covered her eyes and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Can we take a break for a minute?"

She pulled my hands off of her face and turned to look at me, "Sure hon, is everything okay?"

"It will be, but I'd like to ask you a question. I want to take us away for Spring Break, we need to really relax and I thought we could do something low key. Myrtle Beach and Florida get really crowded, but I was able to find a little bungalow in Nags Head, North Carolina. It's a big family vacation place and it's got some fun things to do, plus we could just relax on the beach right outside the rental. What do you think?"

"How much would it cost?" Bella asked as she bit her lip.

"I'm using some of the refund check from the college, it would cover the trip and the rest would go to expenses. I just went over my trust fund with my dad and I'll be fine, but it took a hit so I won't have the extra spending money I used to. My dad had been holding off on telling me, but it was time I knew with next year and trying to get into Med School."

"This is really how you want to spend that extra cash?"

"Baby, once I get into Med School I'm going to be running around like crazy, then after I graduate I'll be joining a residency. This may be one of our last chances to take a vacation like this."

She smiled and then nodded her consent. "Okay, book it before it's not available any more. In two weeks we'll be on our way to North Carolina."

**BPOV**

My midterm papers were finally done. It was a long few weeks of hashing and rehashing, but they were now out of my hands. Frank and I had gone over the basic structure for my lesson plan that was the midterm for his class and I had to complete it with the individual lessons, including one I would present in front of the class.

I was exhausted and Edward seemed to be more of a memory than a man, because when I was walking in the door, he seemed to be on his way out. This vacation was going to be exactly what we needed.

It was the last day before our Spring Break started and I stood in front of my suitcase trying to decide if I had everything I would need. Edward's bags were packed and he was laying on the bed with his hand thrown over his eyes.

"Baby, you've packed that suitcase seventeen times, you aren't forgetting anything."

I turned to my carryon and dug through that one more time. "You're just saying that because you want me to come back to bed."

I flipped off the light as his arm wrapped around me and pulled me down to the bed. "Damn right. It's almost midnight, and I want to just lie here and hold you for a while before we get on our plane at the ass-crack of dawn."

I laughed as we cuddled together and soon drifted off to sleep.

The alarm went off way too soon for either of us, but we threw on some clothes and headed down to where Ren was waiting. I'd called him just to check in and he offered to give us a ride to the airport. Our bags were loaded in and we were soon standing in the security line waiting for the first flight of the day.

By 5:45am we were taking our seat for the 6:00 flight right to Norfolk, Virginia, where we'd rent a car and drive to our bungalow. I was so excited for this, even with it only being March, we were out of Seattle and in the sun with a beach that we could lay out on.

The flight passed quickly as both Edward and I slept most of it and soon we were on the road for our private hideaway.

As we drove down the coast, I was amazed by how beautiful the Atlantic Ocean looked. There was something about the endless stretch of beach that calmed my nerves and gave an extra excitement to the trip. Nearly two hours later, we pulled into the rental office and picked up our keys and headed to the little bungalow. Once we got in, unpacked and then decided to look at the list of things to explore. The first thing I noticed was the supermarket listed and looked around at what was available in the rental.

When I knew what I had to cook with, I grabbed Edward and we went grocery shopping together. The Food Lion wasn't too far away and although it was set up a little differently than the supermarkets in Seattle, we managed to get our food and head out. Edward made a point of getting some wine at the supermarket, but I just shook my head and smiled as we loaded up our bags and brought them back.

The minute we got back Edward dug out the steaks and sat them in the marinade, promising me the 'best damn steak ever!' I couldn't help but laugh at how hopelessly domestic we were. This was how we should be and with any luck, we would get to be this way again soon.

I put away the rest of the food and then found Edward unpacking his things. I put together some sandwiches to eat and we hung out in the bedroom as we got ourselves settled.

Not really in the mood for sightseeing, we rolled up our pants and went to stand shin-deep in the water.

"Now you've stood in both the Atlantic and the Pacific. It's something we can check off our list together."

"How long is this list?"

"A lifetime," he whispered into my ear as he pulled me tighter against his chest.

I sighed, content in the moment, and the idea of having a lifetime attachment to someone and having it be enough. His parents were the only example of it I'd ever met, but that was mainly because my parents seemed destined to never fully let each other go. They were like two marbles, always colliding, and when they did anything close enough was sent flying right along with them.

We went inside after a light shower started and Edward prepped the potatoes and corn so that as soon as the rain passed, he could start cooking. I opened the bottle of wine and sighed as I watched him move around the kitchen before he ventured outside.

The meal took a while to cook, but when we sat down to eat, it was well worth the wait. I complimented Edward on his skills and he just flashed me my favorite smile and led me out on the porch so we could relax and look up at the stars.

We were both pretty tired from our long day, so we headed inside for the night, excited to explore tomorrow.

I woke up to the smell of coffee and found Edward just finishing up his cereal as I sat down to start mine.

"Why don't we do the historical sights today and then we can do some shopping and sightseeing tomorrow."

"Sounds good," I said as I took my first sip of coffee.

An hour later, Edward and I were walking up to Kill Devil Hill, the home of the monument for the Wright Brothers in Kitty Hawk. There were markers that showed the points for each flight and models of their airplanes. The museum had been interesting, but the moment we got to the top of the dune and looked out over the expanse of land they had seen before them over a century ago…there was something amazing about it.

After a little more exploring, we headed to Roanoke Island Festival Park to see reenactments of various moments throughout history and visit the American Indian Town. I found that really interesting, and Edward was up for traipsing halfway across the Outer Banks to see me smile.

Every time we came along part of the Civil War Trail, I'd get excited for the tidbit we'd learn about this area's role in the war. It was a great way to learn the history, and our last stop was probably my favorite of all.

We had a late lunch and then went back to Roanoke Island to see the Freedman's Colony. It was another strange moment, seeing a place from history with my own eyes, realizing as the monument said that this was many runaway slaves 'first sight of freedom.'

I felt a certain connection to the people who had once lived here, because I was celebrating my own emancipation of sorts, and mine was far less dismal a prospect. With a stop at Fort Raleigh, we drove back home and I fixed dinner just around 6pm.

The sun was set and as Edward and I went to see the night's sky from the sand of our beach, I could feel the peace that was offered here.

"I think this is the best vacation I've ever been on," I said into the night, but it was Edward's distant voice that caught me off guard.

"Come see this," he called out and I walked to the dunes he was standing between.

"See what?" I asked.

He sat down and offered me his hand, which I gladly took as he lowered me to his lap. "From right here, the neighbors can't see us and with the fact that this is a private beach…" Edward's words trailed off, but the meaning was clear.

"Another thing from the list?"

"Just think, every time you hear someone order a sex on the beach, you'll have your own private joke."

I smirked as I teased him a little, "Technically, this is sex in the dunes."

"Does that mean you'll go for it?" His entire face lit up as I stood, making sure there was no one around before I stripped off my top.

Edward dropped his pants and then reached behind him to pull off his shirt. My pants were next to his when I heard him curse. "I didn't put a condom in my wallet. I'll be right back." He started to grab his pants when I stopped him.

"You got tested after what happened with me, right?"

His brow furrowed, "Of course. You think I would put you at risk like-"

"No," I reassured him, "I'm just reminding us both that we're okay without one. I'm on the pill."

Edward looked a little unsure, but I just reached behind me to unhook my bra. That seemed to prove to him that I was serious. We both took off our underwear and then Edward laid me back on his shirt so I wouldn't get sand in places I didn't want them.

He settled between my legs and slipped inside me, pushing me back into the sand. The sensations of the cool sand and Edward's warm body, with the blanket of stars and the surf rolling in behind us added to the moment. His movements were slow and as we came down from our peaks I pulled him tightly to me.

"At some point, I'd like you to take a little less care with me."

Edward sat up, another shocked look on his face. "Bella, I couldn't. Not after-"

"Don't say his name. You're not him, and if I said that I needed you to slow down or stop, you would."

He nodded and then collected our clothing before making a mad dash to the house. Once inside, we threw our laundry into the basket and I started the shower, only to have Edward join me in the bathroom.

Without a word, we climbed in together and started washing the sand and sweat from our bodies. I was about to grab my shampoo when Edward stopped me.

"Not yet, I haven't had enough of you tonight."

I turned to face him and couldn't help but smile when his erection brushed my hip as I moved. "Promise to keep in mind what I told you earlier?"

"As long as I can do it without breaking a hip," he winked and then leaned in, hitching my left leg over his hip.

I grabbed his shoulder as he braced his hands on the tile behind and teased me a moment before pushing in, the upward angle of his thrust and his ability to go deeper because of how my leg was raised had me yelling out as he groaned, his forehead resting on the tile as well.

Edward kept himself steady as he thrust into me again, moving faster and setting a rhythm that was exactly what I needed. I loved when Edward was sweet and patient with me, but having him actually give it his all and let go was so much more amazing. Every gasp and moan, every movement made me love him more. He was the only one I could trust like this. I could give him my body and heart and trust him to take care of them.

As I felt the familiar tension in my stomach, I rolled my hips and pulled him in a little closer, a soft curse escaping his lips as he moved faster, driving us both to another orgasm. Edward lowered my leg and we both grabbed our shampoo, hoping to finish up before the hot water ran out.

That night, I snuggled into Edward's side, feeling more secure in our relationship than ever.

Tuesday Edward and I explored the various museums, his favorite being the Graveyard of the Atlantic Museum. It was amazing how much history there was around here in such a small area, but it also showed just how much North Carolina contributed to our country's history.

We went to Dirty Dick's Crabhouse for dinner that night, mainly because of the laughing fit I had when Edward asked if I wanted to go there or Blue Moon Beach Grill. The night went downhill quickly as we couldn't keep a straight face, but luckily our larger than life waiter, Cheyenne, or 'Not that Shy, Chey' as the back of his shirt proclaimed, kept the jokes coming all night.

After dinner, we walked along the beach then went back to the house to watch a movie on the big screen.

Wednesday was my big shopping day, with Edward happily going from one little boutique to another getting all sorts of souvenirs and things to remember our first trip together. Edward took me out to lunch and then we spent another evening lounging on the beach.

I woke up Thursday morning to a slightly overcast day, so when Edward went out to do some food shopping for the dinner I wanted to cook that night, I went out onto the beach to lounge. I'd gotten a decent tan on my front the other day and was hoping to even it out on my back. I knew I'd still get some sun even though it was cloudy, I'd just have to be careful not to stay out too long. I pulled out a book and lay on my stomach ready to do a bit of reading and wait for Edward's return.

The first thing I recognized was a sharp pain, followed by a deep heat I hadn't felt since I'd lived in Phoenix. Edward's voice was also breaking through the haze of sleep, but as he helped me up, I knew I was hurting.

"Baby, what'd you do, fall asleep out here?"

"I think so," I whined as we made it back inside.

"I'm going to fix you a lukewarm bath and then I'll run and get some aloe." He went towards the bathroom and I followed him slowly.

"Don't bother with the aloe, just check to see if there's any vinegar in the house."

"Vinegar?" he asked, surprised by my odd request.

"It works better, it takes the sting out and you don't have to worry about it trapping in the heat because it isn't a gel or cream."

"Okay, let me get this bath set and then I'll check on that."

The bathtub was filled and Edward helped me lower myself gently against the porcelain. I could hear him rummaging through the cabinets and then it got quiet, so I assumed he either found it, or went to buy some.

I soaked for about twenty minutes and then dried my face and front, careful not to let the towel touch my back half. Edward met me in the hall with some underwear, which he helped me step into and then we headed to the bedroom.

He spread a fresh towel out on the bed and then helped me climb up before he wet paper towels with the vinegar and laid them against the red skin. When he had finished, Edward climbed up next to me and stroked my hair where it was piled up on my head.

"Sorry I messed up our plans," I whispered.

"What? You didn't mess anything up; we've been running around the first part of the week, now we can spend the next two days relaxing before we fly back. I'm just sorry you're going to be hurting."

"I'll survive. I'm pale so when we lived in Phoenix I'd always burn, I just should have put on sunscreen. I knew that I had to be careful, but I passed out before I could even worry about it being too long."

Edward's lips brushed against my temple and he settled in close, his eyes already closed. "It's okay; it just gives me another chance to take care of you."

I woke up around 3:30 and decided to start making the stir-fry I'd planned for tonight. It was a little difficult with the ache from the sunburn, but a few aspirin took the edge off and I was able to manage it.

Edward emerged right as I was letting the ingredients simmer for a few minutes before plating them. He got to work fixing the rice and soon we were sitting at the table ready for another great meal together.

"This is what I miss about living with your parents. We don't do things for ourselves. Your mom is always trying to do my laundry, and Carlisle asks me a different question about Bertha every week. I know she's old, and I'll have to replace her before I start student teaching, but I'm not used to being fussed over. It's too much."

"Believe me, I'm ready to be out of there, but we have to find something that will work for us."

"Do you think we should start looking now, or wait until we finish the semester?" I asked, wondering how he would feel.

"Why not start now, worst that could happen is we wait until May if we need to."

"God, I hope we find something," I said, earning a laugh from Edward.

Edward decided that we should spend Friday lounging around and doing our laundry so that we could have everything ready for tomorrow and our flight out. There was nothing special about the day, but it was one of the reasons I loved it, it was so easy to just be with Edward.

Saturday morning Edward and I packed and cleaned up the rental. I was still a little tender, but it was much better than yesterday, now I just had to hope that it would brown instead of going back to pale when it healed, because to have this kind of discomfort to not even have a tan would piss me off.

Edward made early dinner reservations for us at Blue Moon and then we spent the last few hours enjoying our little piece of heaven before dropping off our keys at the rental office and driving to the restaurant.

We sat down and ordered the last Southern seafood we'd get to eat for a long time and then started reminiscing about our trip. Edward seemed nervous, and I couldn't tell if it was that we were going back to reality or if something else was bothering him.

"Bella, where do you see us in five years?"

"You'll just be starting your residency and I'll hopefully be teaching. Maybe I'll go back for my Masters' Degree, why?"

He took a deep breath and then took my hand, "But you see us together?"

"Of course," I answered, my mind beginning to race, "you do too, right?"

"Absolutely, I just wanted to know before I gave you this."

Edward reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box. I knew my jaw was hanging down as my hands flew to cover it.

"Breathe, baby, it's not an engagement ring. It's a promise ring." He opened the box and slid the ring on my right ring finger. "The spiral is one of the oldest symbols of rebirth and healing, it continues on seemingly forever. Bella, I'm so proud of how you've fought back this year to grow into a strong, stubborn, beautiful woman. Maybe you were those things all along, but I'm finally getting to really see them and they make me love you that much more. I don't know when we'll be able to get married, or how elaborate an affair it will be, but I'd liked to promise that we'll work together to get there, and together, we'll face everything that life throws our way."

I looked down at the spiral, which held a few stones in it, some looked like they were sapphire, and I was afraid to ask what the others were. I knew we didn't have a lot of money between us, he'd mentioned that briefly around midterms, so I didn't want him spending a large chunk of money on us when he already had me forever, no jewelry necessary.

"You're the only one I want to spend my life with, Edward. Thank you."

Our dinner was brought out soon after and we spent the rest of the meal with our hands intertwined. It made eating a little difficult, but I didn't care.

After dinner, we made the two-hour drive to the Norfolk airport and boarded our flight. It felt good to be going home, even though I would miss Nags Head terribly.

Ren met us at the airport, teasing me about the extra bag I had that wasn't part of our luggage from the flight out, but I just sassed him and then climbed into the SUV for the drive home, ready to see our bed.

The week of classes after our trip was actually a welcome return to our routine, and Edward was still adamant about us looking for places together. I agreed to go with him this weekend and he finally seemed to calm down. I couldn't really blame him, we'd spent a large chuck of our time together living alone and it was rough having parents to answer to, and they weren't even mine.

Saturday morning we headed out and began our search. Edward and I had created a list of places and we were starting with his this morning.

The first building we walked into had a doorman and within five minutes I knew we would never be able to afford it. Edward walked with me into the two-bedroom apartment and the price was way too high, when I inquired about the one-bedroom, I nearly spit out my coffee. Edward told me he had $600 from his trust fund to go towards the apartment and I knew I could maybe come up with $300 comfortably.

The remainder of my loan that was no longer going towards a dorm would be making the car and insurance payment that I'd need for the used car I was hoping to get. No matter how much I adored Bertha, she was on her last legs and I needed a car that could actually make the trek to campus from a new apartment, wherever we found it.

That gave us a $900 budget for the apartment itself, which was way below the $1700 that this place would go for. I graciously thanked the woman who had taken time to show us this dream and we moved onto the next apartment on the list.

It wasn't much better. This place was crammed with amenities that would rival a four-star hotel and had a parking structure that was on-site. We were in the apartment for exactly six minutes.

After another two painfully out of our range apartments I asked Edward to give me the printout for the least expensive place. It was $1525.

"Edward, these are way out of our price range. We can manage about $900 and these are almost double that. We should just move on to the other places, the ones I found."

"Fine, but I have the same veto power that you do," he scowled, and I knew that veto would be well used in the next couple of hours.

The first place was the worst, which I did on purpose, so he'd see the nicer ones and hopefully cave soon. We really needed to come to an agreement on a place to live.

"Bella, is this a joke? There's no security here!" Edward bellowed when we got back in the car.

"I don't need Fort Knox, I just have to be smart about it, I have two other places, can we please just look at them?"

"Fine," he muttered, starting the car back up.

As we drove to the second apartment, he asked me about the buildings and as happy as I was to have him appear interested, he was a little cold about the whole thing.

The second building was a place that rented to a lot of off-campus college students and recent graduates. That idea didn't seem to sit too well with him. The apartment itself was nice, but the moment we heard screaming coming from down the hall, Edward thanked the landlord and led us to the car.

The final place was my favorite and we could possibly afford a two-bedroom place there. The building was grey with white railings on the little enclosed balconies and white accents around the façade. It was still a young neighborhood, but there were more families in the building.

We went up to the landlord's door and she showed us one of the vacant apartments on the third floor. Edward was way too quiet while we looked around and as she gave me her contact information Edward made another pass of the balcony.

"He doesn't seem to like it very much," the landlady commented as we stood by the door.

"He was hoping we could afford something larger, but we're just starting out and you have to be reasonable."

She nodded, "Well, we always have a few vacancies in the complex, so call if you decide you want to move in here."

"Will do," I said, not entirely hopeful.

We were halfway home, the car ride painfully quiet when I finally pushed, "What was so horrible about that place, it was really nice."

"Bella, that huge sliding door is such a risk and the screening could easily be cut, then someone could come right in."

"Edward, it was a third-floor apartment, who's breaking in, Spiderman?"

"Don't make fun of me," he yelled.

"Then don't be ridiculous," I barked back. "I graduate in a year and I'll be working, but there's no guarantee it'll be good money, and you'll still be in school. We don't have money to throw away to live in a place with a swimming pool and a gym. Edward, you have to think poor, at least for now. I've been poor, okay, I know about cutting coupons and eating mac and cheese three nights in a row. This place is as good as we can do and you're just dismissing it."

"I should be able to provide better for you," he mumbled.

"And you will be, but right now we're going to have to work together. Just, consider it."

There wasn't an answer to my request, but there wasn't really time for it. We pulled in to see a car we didn't recognize and instantly Edward and I became a united front again.

He let me out of his car and we walked hand in hand up the porch steps and into the front door, where I was greeted by someone I hadn't expected, but shouldn't have been wholly surprised to see.

"Mama?"


	21. All Bad Years Must Come to an End

Thank you all for the generous support of this story over the last two years, you cannot imagine how it felt to have your love while working on a topic that is so important to me. Also, I know I'm stretching the truth in regards to Jake's sentence, but this is something I needed to do.

As with last chapter, Mizzdee stepped in to beta as ACW's RL made it difficult for her to work on the last few chapters. Both have nurtured me and this story, you both made this possible.

Chapter 21 – All Bad Years Must Come to an End

**EPOV**

To say I was shocked to see Bella's mom standing in front of me was an understatement. The only things I knew about her was that she was really eclectic and that she had just left Bella's dad for the second time after the whole mess at Christmas. So from the little I knew of her, she wasn't all-bad.

Renee Swan lurched forward and pulled Bella from my grasp and into a bone-crushing hug. I saw Bella look back at me and Renee followed her gaze, smiling brightly as she pulled me into a hug of my own.

"Thank you, for taking care of my girl. She's lucky to have someone so devoted to her."

"Thanks, Renee. I love her with my whole heart." That comment earned a grin from both of our moms; that was until they saw the ring on Bella's hand.

It took about ten minutes for us to explain that it wasn't an engagement ring, just a present I got her, because I wasn't about to get into the whole promise ring thing after the squeal-fest I was just a part of when they thought they were planning a wedding.

The one major bummer was that my mom had insisted that Renee stay with us since she was saving money after starting out on her own. Part of me was happy, because it meant that Bella's mom was able to visit now, instead of a few months from now when she could save the money for a hotel.

As soon as we sat down, my mom started asking about the apartments so Bella, of course, brought up how far out of our price range my choices were, and I talked all about how the places she looked into didn't have enough security.

Our debate had both of our mothers laughing and I hadn't even noticed my dad was home when he called out, "I guess that means you'll be living here until you're 35."

That comment had me grumbling, but for now, there was nothing that could be said.

Sunday morning, Renee ran off with Bella and my mom, so I decided to do some of my reading to pass the time. I knew that with school, this was Bella's only day to spend with her mom, but I hated having her gone for the whole day.

When she returned that afternoon, she looked much happier and I was glad that her mom was able to be supportive of her. Bella told me about how she always felt like the parent in their relationship, but you could see the care and concern they both had for each other. Bella's compassion was definitely from her mother.

**BPOV**

The morning I drove my mom to the airport was another lesson in patience, but with everything she'd given me this past week, I could forgive her any motherly nagging. Esme and Renee kind of ambushed me on the Sunday after she arrived, a plan already hatched in their minds.

"_Bella, you need a new car, this truck sounds like its dying."_

"_I know, Mom, but money's tight. The only place we could really afford, Edward refuses to move into." I turned to look at Esme and smiled. "Esme, I love you, but I need my own place."_

"_Your own place…"Esme let the sentence hang in the air for a moment before she pulled out her phone and her notepad. "Bella, you had $600 set aside for your car and insurance, right?"_

"_Yes," I answered._

"_And Renee, you said that you were going to give her $200 towards rent?" Esme continued scribbling._

"_Yes, I'm giving her money to help pay for other things, but the money for a place to live is about that," my mom looked at me for direction, but I was clueless._

"_Oh my God, it's perfect. I know how you can get Edward to agree to move in with you."_

"_How?" This I had to hear._

"_By moving in there alone," Esme said it like it was the easiest thing in the world._

"_Esme, I can't afford it on my own."_

"_You won't have to for long. Just trust me."__She turned her notebook so I could see what she had written down. "You have $600 a month that is part of the loan you receive that is designated for housing. You have been paying it to the University, but now it will just be left in your account when you get the check from the government. You have the refund from the school already, which you were going to use as a down payment on the car. So here's what I suggest. Get the apartment in your name, but tell the landlady you may be adding someone to the lease-"_

"_But how will I pay for it, Esme?" I asked, getting a little exasperated._

"_Simple, my dear. $600 from the loan, plus $200 from your mother is $800 and the apartment is $1100. So that additional $300 can come from what I pay you."_

"_Esme, I'm so lost," I shook my head and tried to follow her._

"_If you're using the loan money to pay for the apartment instead of the car, Edward will get upset, because he's worried about the commute next year when you're student teaching. Plus, you'll be spending every dime you have on this place and he'll never see you. You and I will fix the place up as one of the jobs for my company, we'll find out from the landlady how much we can do and make it as safe as possible. The only thing that will make you safer will be to have Edward living with you. He'll see that it's not as bad as he once thought and if he can keep you from going belly up in the sun, he'll gladly move in."_

"_Esme, I don't want to trick him."_

"_It isn't really tricking him dear; you're just showing him the potential he wasn't able to see at first. It worked with Carlisle and our first place and it will work with Edward."_

_I took a deep breath, not really sure about this plan at all. "You don't think it will piss him off?"_

"_He may be upset when you tell him, but you're an independent woman and you're moving out of what always was a temporary situation. He doesn't have to follow you, but if I know my son, he will."_

Now that my Mom was back on her way home, it was time to put Esme's plan into action. She met me at the apartment and after a long talk with my new landlady, Tami; she was showing me the apartment that would be mine. I showed Esme the place and asked a few more questions about just how much we'd be able to do the apartment to make it safer, but the door already had a deadbolt in it so most of it would be non-permanent fixes.

I took a deep breath as I wrote out the check and signed the lease, hoping I wouldn't be screwing myself up. I had a move-in day of April 15, which was coming up soon, so Esme and I got to work getting everything lined up beforehand.

Schoolwork and being Esme's assistant kept me pretty busy and the two weeks sped by. Luckily for me, there was no restriction on painting the apartment, so when we showed up on our first day, we did all the cleaning and prep.

For the next several days, we painted five rooms of the apartment and then started getting things out of my storage spaces. It was pretty clear that I didn't have much, but Esme convinced me to move Edward's queen-sized bed, because he'd be sleeping on it soon anyway.

Carlisle insisted on doing the office for me, which included two desks, even he believed that Edward would be living there before the next rent check was due. Esme knew several second-hand shops, so she took me to different places to furnish the rest of the apartment inexpensively and told me that she'd let me work off the bill so the place would be ready when I officially moved into it.

On top of all the work I was doing with Esme and school, I was now volunteering at the women's shelter with Cynthia. It was a type of therapy all its own to see a woman come in so soon after being victimized and confidently telling her that there's hope, because I was living proof of it.

It was tiring to be dealing with everything at once, and I was concerned about Edward's reaction, but my moment of truth was here. It was April 27th and I had about ninety minutes before Edward got home from class and I was hoping to have most of my stuff packed up by then.

I knew the moment he came home, because after a few seconds I could hear Edward calling out my name as his feet stampeded up to our room. The door flew open and he saw me standing over the bags.

"Bella, what did I…how did I…when? Baby, tell me what I did wrong and I'll fix it. Did I push too hard? Have I not been around enough? Please, tell what you need, just don't leave me."

His teary-eyed pleading broke my heart and I cursed myself for not telling him. "Edward, please…just breathe." I looked around and led him to the bed where I sat, pulling him down to join me. "You have done nothing wrong."

"But you're all packed up; I saw your things by the door."

Taking another deep breath, I started again. "Edward, I told you that I needed my own place, that I couldn't live with your parents much longer, so I got an apartment."

"But we were going to move out together?" He sounded so small and I needed to make him understand this.

"We still can. I would love for you to move in with me, but the first time we looked at this place you dismissed it, but I loved it. I should have told you earlier, but your mom said it would be better if I showed you the finished product. I'm nearly done packing my things, why don't you put an overnight bag together and spend my first night in my new place with me?"

"So you're not breaking up with me?" Edward asked.

"No. Now pack a bag, I want to show you what we did to the place."

I finished packing my last bag and we loaded it into the truck, along with the boxes and bags that were already downstairs and Edward's bag. The drive was quiet and as we pulled up to the new building, I could hear Edward grumble. "You know how much I hate the balconies here."

"You haven't even stepped inside," I remarked, handing him his bag as well as the box of things I had in his room.

It took two trips up, but soon I was unlocking the door and showing him inside. After double locking the door, we moved into the bedroom where I put down my things and then gave Edward a tour of our improvements, showing the alarm added to the windows and the safety bar for the track in the sliding glass door. He seemed to be appeased, but I wasn't done yet.

"Edward, there is only one way I could feel safer here."

He pulled me close and buried his nose in my hair, "How's that?"

"If you were here with me. You'd practically be living here anyway with how often you would spend the night, so why not make it official. I already made you a key."

Edward pulled back and laughed at how prepared I was. Edward left me for a bit to get some dinner and I used the time to unpack my clothes. We ate dinner at the mismatched dining room set I'd picked out and then did some homework before turning in for the night.

As we lay there, cuddled together, Edward asked me a few questions. "Is this my mattress?"

"It is another one of your mother's brilliant ideas."

We both laughed and then the room grew quiet again. "Bella, if I hadn't moved in here, how would you have afforded it?"

I heaved a sigh as I answered him. "My mom's giving me $200 for rent, $300 would have been from working with your mom and the other $600 was coming out of my loan that would have paid for housing through the school."

"You mean the money you were going to use to get a better car?" He grumbled and I knew that annoyed him.

"Your mom kept saying it wouldn't be a problem because you would move in once you saw that your fears were overactive. She said your dad was the same way, but I should have handled it differently, I hated seeing the way you reacted when you got home today. You have to know that I love you, and I would never just run off. I was waiting for you to come home so I could tell you about the apartment. If there was something wrong, I would tell you."

"Bella," he sighed, "I'm sorry that I was so harsh on this place before. You and my mom made it a home for us and I'm excited to move my things in. But I hate that you were willing to give up a new car if you had to. I thought we both agreed that Bertha has to be put out to pasture."

"I know, and I will," I told him, "I already started looking at cars and I think I found one that I want."

"Baby," Edward's voice was oozing sex and I shivered against him, "I think it's time we break in this apartment."

I leaned up, looking down at the crooked grin that was gracing his face. "I'm only interested in breaking in _our_ apartment."

"Do you want me to pack my things now, or can it wait until the morning?" he asked, his expression completely serious.

I shook my head, "Nope, you can wait, but only if you promise not to let me go all night."

"Believe me; I plan on holding on a lot longer than that."

**EPOV**

The next morning I went to class, but the moment I was done, I was home packing my stuff, my mom smiled and told me that she was going to make sure all of the things I was taking with me were there by Saturday morning. Bella and I were both excused from our Monday classes because it was the sentencing, but honestly, I really just wanted that to be over with. We had begun to move on and I was ready for it to be a closed case.

I mentioned that in therapy that evening and Dr. G seemed to agree that once we had our closure, it would make moving on from Jake easier, even though he may not ever truly be gone, he would be no more than a memory, we hoped.

Wednesday was Bella's day at the women's shelter, so I spent the evening looking over my notes. Finals would be here in three weeks and it still seemed odd how fast the semester had moved. Everything was coming together and I was excited about the things to come.

Thursday was Bella's solo therapy day, so I used that night to move over the rest of my things, my dad had hooked up our office so I set up my computer and organized all my books and things so that when I had to study I wasn't searching the entire apartment, plus my parents' house to find it.

Bella came home that night, asking about my summer plans, but I honestly didn't have any. I was so focused on the moment that I hadn't thought much beyond it. The one thing we did decide was that we were having the gang over the following weekend to relax and catch up once everything was behind us.

The weekend moved too fast, mainly because of what was looming on Monday, but as we dressed in our suits and got into Ren's SUV for one final trip to the courthouse, I felt ready.

Bella and I met Alec in the hall and walked in together where Judge Santiago sat at his bench a few minutes later. Jake was in his orange jumpsuit, no need to dress for the audience as he was behind bars, his first attempt at an appeal already denied and the state supreme court holding even less of a possibility for him. The only chance of Jake ever getting out was the man sitting on high this morning.

"I've heard statements and read documents on both side of this case in regard to the possible sentences. The state of Washington is a three-strike state, and although the definition of that varies from state to state, Washington's is a stricter version. Your felony drug charges were strike one, and although it is a matter that could be up for debate, the rape conviction stems from the events that led to Miss Swan going to the hospital at the end of September and the evidence that she was the victim of multiple acts of violence previous to that day. The assault charges stem from the attack on October 4th, making four felony convictions, but two separate occurrences."

James looked as though he might comment, but the Judge held up his hand. "It is at the discretion of the ruling official to determine, within reason, whether or not this rule is applicable, and believe me, I've made sure that there was a precedent for my sentence." Judge Santiago turned to Jake and let out a deep breath. "Jacob Black, you were convicted of four felonies, which count as your second and third strike in the eyes of the state of Washington. In accordance with this rule, you are sentenced to life without parole. You will be taken from this court to your current place of incarceration, from there you will be transferred to Washington Corrections Center, and it is there that you will serve out your time. This court is now adjourned."

The gavel hit the bench and the Judge exited the court just before Jake was escorted out. The look of disbelief on his face as he turned to level one last glare at us was surprising. After all this time and everything that happened, he still thought he'd be given a light sentence.

As he was taken from the room, Bella leaned into my side. "Is it really over?" she asked. "We're actually free?"

"We are," I whispered. "Jake can never hurt us again."

I brought Bella home and we spent the afternoon in bed. The release we felt at finally having Jacob Black behind us gave way to some of the most amazing sex I've ever had. I fell asleep with Bella in my arms, but when I woke up a few hours later, I was alone in bed.

I threw on some clothes and found her cooking dinner with a smile on her face. "How was your nap?"

"Nice, I wish I'd woken up with you still next to me, but there's nothing that could make today feel wrong."

"I know," she whispered. "As much as I hate everything that's happened, I've learned that I can't regret it. This year proved that we can live through anything and we've fought for this relationship and won. No matter how challenging the next few years are going to be, we'll make it."

I sighed, loving her confidence in us, but then again, Bella always had faith in us so it wasn't too surprising. She finished making dinner while I started some laundry, both of us laughing at how much better I'd gotten since she taught me back in September.

The rest of the day we spent relaxing, knowing it would be the last real chance to enjoy ourselves before finals started next Wednesday. Bella already had her final papers and assignments started and her one class that had an actual test was on the first day of finals so she was starting to get prepared.

Emmett called around 9pm to talk about the sentencing because he'd just gotten off work and wanted to know some of the details. After a promise that he'd gotten Saturday off, Bella hung up and we watched some TV for the rest of the night.

Our hectic schedules had us moving quickly through the week and before I knew it, Bella was standing back in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on the fish she was making. She had found a book on southern cooking in Nags Head and was trying one of the more Cajun inspired dishes after how much we enjoyed our dinners out while on Spring Break.

Emmett and Rosalie showed up first, with Alice and Jasper about fifteen minutes behind them. It was nice having the gang back together and as we sat around the table so Bella could be a part of the conversation, the topic of summer plans came up.

"Rosie and I are doing a road trip; we're going to see the country while we can. After this year it just feels like a good time to do it. Plus, I have to celebrate my graduation in style." Emmett cast a sad glance at Bella, and I knew he'd miss her while he was gone. They'd finally come together and now he'd spend a good part of the summer away.

"I'm participating in a Civil War reenactment. My dad got me hooked up with some of his work associates and I'm so stoked. Oh and I got into Frank's class next Fall, so we'll be in the same class, Bella."

"Awesome, you'll love him. Have you started your paperwork for student teaching yet?" Bella asked Jasper over her shoulder.

"No, but I'm waiting for the letter of recommendation from my teachers that way I can get it done and hand it in all at once."

"I'm halfway through it; O'Hara already gave me my letter. I'm excited for next year."

Alice looked over at Bella, "I thought you need three letters?"

"I do, but O'Hara's the most important, my poetry teacher from last semester wrote me one and so did Cynthia."

"Cynthia," I asked, "Isn't she the lady who runs the rape support group you went to?"

Bella nodded, "Yeah, because I lead a peer support group and volunteer at the women's shelter, Frank thought it was a great idea, because it shows my ability to lead beyond working in a classroom setting, and with the children that stay at the shelter, it will make my application stand out."

"Damn, you're going to be fighting off offers when the time comes to choose." Jasper shook his head as Bella finished up dinner.

"I just hope the place I choose is interested in hiring me when I graduate," Bella mused.

"Baby, they'll be fighting over you," I said, taking the food from her and sitting it on the table.

We sat down to eat and everyone complimented my girl's cooking. The conversation continued as the meal passed and Emmett finally asked what our plans were.

"We had our fun in March; we're staying home, this summer. I've got to figure out which Med Schools I want to apply to and that's going to take a while to narrow down."

"Aren't you going to school here?" Emmett asked, his mouth still full.

Bella leveled a glare at her brother. "Edward is applying all over the country. It isn't fair for me to make him only apply to schools that are nearby for my sake. I can teach anywhere, I'll just have to make sure I have everything I need to teach in the state he goes to school in."

"My first choice is The University of Washington; it has one of the top primary care programs in the country." I said it for Emmett, because I knew he needed the reassurance and in reality, I had no real desire to start again to have to do it again in four years once I was done with college and looking for a residency program.

"So you're going to just be hanging out in Seattle all summer?" Alice pushed again.

"Your mom's doing a big restoration just outside the city and I have my volunteering, plus Edward has to take his MCAT's, we need to do boring for a while."

I laughed at Bella's comment, completely agreeing.

After dinner, we helped Bella clean up and then moved over to the couches to watch a movie. Alice tried to talk us into a tearjerker, but Bella deflected her with talk of a shopping trip after finals were done, knowing that would appease her. She also reminded both Alice and Rosalie that her new Ford Escape would have more room for their shopping bags; she just had to wait for it to arrive at the dealer.

I was so happy that she managed to get a deal for the lease and she'd have to junk Bertha, but it was time. We were all moving on, and some things just have to fall away. The important things were still with us and we'd be making new memories to overshadow the bad.


	22. Epilogue: A Sentimental Mood

**No long speeches here, you're getting them in the next epi, which will be up in a few minutes, for now, enjoy! **

Oh, and a quick note, the italics are Edward's memories.**  
**

Epilogue – A Sentimental Mood

June 2024

**EPOV**

I woke up well before the time the alarm was set for with a very persistent problem. I was curved around Bella's body in our bed and her minor movements in her sleep ground her ass into what was now a very prominent erection. Normally I'd be all for waking her up for some undisturbed action, but Bella had a big day ahead of her and I couldn't steal her much needed sleep.

I rolled out of bed and took the baby monitor with me, that way I could grab Tracie if she woke in the next few hours. The last fifteen years had been a study in compromise and hard work, but together we'd made it through somehow stronger than we were that fateful day that Eric Yorkie escorted me to room 1918 of Masen Hall.

In our first year at the off-campus apartment, we worked together and watched as everyone graduated together, with Emmett already out in the real world. I had lucked out to get into University of Washington, so I continued my Medical School at the same school as I got my undergrad.

That first year was hard, because Bella was working at the private school she did her second round of student teaching at, and it meant that she was supporting us while my inheritance covered my school. I got my things together for a shower as I thought about those early days.

_February 2012_

"_Edward, you're being unreasonable," she stormed out of the bedroom and began cutting vegetables for the stew that she was preparing in the crock-pot._

"_Like hell I am," I stopped short when I realized just how loud that came out, adjusting my volume, I continued. "I'm not going to just let you add my name to your checking account."_

"_Why not, Edward? You asked your dad for money to put gas in your car because you didn't have any money left for the month. I know you won't transfer more than what you budgeted for yourself, but honestly, what would be so bad about using my money to put gas in your car? Or get lunch between classes? I'm working now, I have the money to support us-"_

"_But you shouldn't have to support me," I sneered, Bella turned to face me with the knife still in hand._

"_Oh, so this is some macho bullshit, silly me, I thought we were a team."_

"_We are-" I started, but it was her turn to butt in._

"_Only when you're the team captain. There will be plenty of years to come when your job will earn as much, if not more than mine, but for the next decade the most you're likely to make is $30,000 a year and that means that I'll be making more than you until you're out of residency. Are we going to be having this fight for the next ten years, Edward? Because I can't live like that."_

_The veiled threat, however theoretical, scared the shit out of me. "Baby, I'm sorry, but I take my role as the man in your life very seriously, and it makes me feel like a failure when I can't support myself, let alone you."_

"_Edward," she said, her voice softening in response to my honesty, "how about we add your name to my account, but only use it when you absolutely need it. The only other option would be to add some of the money you have set aside for our wedding into your monthly budget and let me pay for part of the wedding."_

_That I couldn't allow. I knew that she'd want to pay for her dress and some of the other aspects, but the ceremony and the reception were my responsibility. We both knew her father wouldn't be helping us there, so I had to take care of it myself. "Fine, but when I'm finally able to afford it, I'm going to spoil you senseless."_

_She laughed at me and turned back to her work, "I wouldn't expect anything less from you."_

The squeal coming through the baby monitor woke me from my daydreams; thankfully, I'd finished washing up this time. I turned off the water and grabbed the towel, drying off as I made my way down the hall to the nursery. Wrapping the towel around my waist, I picked up Tracie and made my way to the changing table. It was still too early for her feeding, so I was hoping a fresh diaper would buy Bella some more sleep. I settled into the rocking chair with my baby girl and tried to get her to drift off again. It had been a long time since she had enough time to really relax, without five things going on in our lives at once.

_May 2013_

_I was sitting on the couch, watching a DVD my teacher had assigned that showed a real life ER, giving us a glimpse of what we'd be seeing every day if we continued on that path. Bella came in, fully clad in her sexy teacher look that was required of the upscale private school she was still working at, giving way to all sorts of very naughty thoughts._

"_Edward, you won't believe the news I, oh my God! Turn that off, I thought I told you that you had to watch that in the office or in our bedroom with a sock on the door."_

_I laughed at the thought process, "Bella, I'm not getting lucky from watching this, and it's off, so you can stop covering your eyes and tell me what you were so excited about."_

_She scowled as she plopped down next to me, "I'm starting classes June 15__th__."_

"_Classes? They have summer school at your school?"_

"_I'm not going to be teaching, I'm going to be a student. I'm going back for my Masters."_

"_What are you talking about; I thought you were still waiting to hear back from them on the waitlist for September?"_

"_They called me at the school this afternoon and let me know that I was accepted for the Summer Semester. There was some mix up, which explains why I hadn't heard back yet, but I registered for two classes online once I got my registration info. It's great because I'll be able to get more classes done in the summer so when I go back to work in the fall I won't be so weighed down."_

_I sighed, it was going to be great for her in the long run, and she would make more money with the degree, but things were already tight and I didn't want her to have to sacrifice because I wasn't out of school yet._

"_Edward…say something. I know you aren't happy about this, but-"_

"_What do you mean? I'm thrilled for you, I'm just thinking about how tight things are going to be."_

_Bella took my hands and gave them a squeeze. "My job is paying for half of the tuition and if I keep up the schedule I've planned out, I'll be done at the same time you are. Nothing has to change; we'll just have to be smart for the next two years." Bella looked down and continued talking, her words coming out in a rush now, "If you want me to put it off until later, I can, but-"_

"_Bella, don't. I want you to do it. I'm just freaking out a little, but that's my issue, not yours. It isn't even worth it to mention."_

"_You're thinking about how little we'll see each other?" Bella cupped my cheek as she pulled me over to meet her lips. "Baby, it won't be that bad. You're off in the summer and I only have classes, plus your labs have you going late during the year. We'll just have to make good use of our nights."_

Another set of cries had me resting my youngest in her crib and heading down the hall, making a quick stop in the bathroom to grab my lounge pants. Johanna was having a nightmare, which was something that happened pretty often these days as her overactive imagination got the best of her. Peeking into her room, I closed the door and placed my hand on her back, her tiny body bolting awake.

"Jojo, it's Daddy."

She looked up at me and relaxed, her eyes still glassy with unshed tears. "Daddy!"

Her arms wrapped around my neck and I cradled her to my chest, lying down with her, my body protectively curled around her. "No one's going to hurt you, baby. Go back to sleep."

I felt her body go limp as she drifted off and I was back in the past, my mind on another graduation.

_June 2015_

_We'd just come from Bella's graduation and were now rushing across to the auditorium where the Med School was hosting their ceremony. I was so damn proud of how Bella worked to complete her degree in two years so we would finish at the same time, putting the drama of college behind us now. As we parked in the lot, my parents were standing at the entrance while Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett followed us in. _

_Once we got inside, I gave Bella a quick kiss and watched them run off to find good seats. I got in to where the other graduates were and waited for the ceremony to begin. _

_For the second time that day, I sat through a long-ass graduation, with all the speeches and the diplomas being handed out until they congratulated our class on one final time and then it was over. As great as it was to finally be done with school, there was something much more important happening tomorrow. Because tomorrow, Bella and I were getting married._

_Dinner flew by, mainly because I knew that Alice was kidnapping her for the night, and I would be going back to our apartment alone. The night dragged, but somehow I found sleep and the next morning had me running around to get ready for the wedding._

_Bella and I had wanted something simple, something that wouldn't be too crazy considering we were both in school and she was working up until the day we got married. My parents' backyard was the perfect place for the ceremony and we were going back to spend the next three and a half weeks touring Europe, just like I had before starting college, only this time, I was able to show her all the things I fell in love with the first time._

_Our honeymoon was my parents' present, because they knew that we'd never be able to afford it, but also knew it would likely be the only time we could do something like this. I was happy to accept the gift, because it allowed me to spoil Bella as she should be, but as I got dressed and headed to my parents' house, the excitement won out over any other thought._

_Alice was waiting outside, mainly to see that Jasper brought me into the backyard and kept me out there. It was difficult knowing that Bella was upstairs in my old room, putting on the final touches and waiting for the ceremony that would be starting soon._

_Jasper did as he was told and kept me in the kitchen as the backyard filled with the guests. Renee gave me a quick hug on her way through and soon I was waiting under the flower covered arch, my eyes fixed on the back door to the house._

_When I first caught a glimpse of her, Emmett obscured her for the most part, but as they turned to exit the house my heart stopped._

_The dress was long and form fitted to her spectacular body, flowing behind her in a train that would probably kill her if she tried to turn around, but she was focused on me as she walked the short distance. The moment she reached me, her smile grew as I took her hand in mind mine and turned to face the minister with my forever firmly in hand._

Fingers brushed my shoulder as I opened my eyes to see Bella leaning over me. "You can't keep spending the night in here, Johanna needs to learn to make it through the night on her own."

"I can't hear her cry and do nothing, and the idea of leaving her alone to wake up confused and scared hurts worse."

Bella smiled sadly and brushed the hair off our daughter's face. "Put on the music and her nightlight and tell her you'll stay with her until she's asleep. She'll grow out of it and eventually the music will be all she needs to comfort her."

"What are you doing up so early?" I asked, knowing that she still had time until she had to wake up.

"I couldn't sleep. I'm nervous about today."

"Baby, you're going to be amazing, why don't we go back to our room and relax some before you have to start getting ready?"

"Sounds good."

We left Johanna's room and made our way back to our room, my mind drifting to the moment I found out I was going to be a father.

_March 2016_

_I came home from a long shift at the ER of the University Hospital to find the bed empty. I was about to call out to Bella when I heard the bang of the cabinet under the sink. Walking into the bathroom, I saw Bella on her knees, digging through the right side of the vanity cabinet, a very determined look on her face._

"_Bella, what are you doing in here at almost 2am?"_

_Her response was to hand me a box of tampons._

"_Bella, are you trying to pass off your crazy as PMS?"_

_She turned to stare me down, "No, husband, I'm trying to tell you that I'm late and I can't find the pregnancy tests I bought last month when I got that box of tampons."_

"_You're…you might be pregnant?" I stood there, shocked and thrilled beyond belief._

"_Maybe."_

_I scooped he her up into my arms and twirled her around. Once she was back on her feet, I resumed her search, finding the tests quickly and waiting for the results with her. It only took a matter of minutes, but that single, beautiful word appeared on the test._

_Pregnant._

I settled on the bed and pulled Bella into my side, relishing the feeling of holding her in my arms as much as I did that day. Fifteen years did nothing to lessen my need for her. But thinking about that night had my mind drifting to the result of that day.

_October 2016_

_I was working my normal shift at the hospital, but all I wanted to do was head home to my very pregnant wife. I was happy that the hospital offered paternity leave to me as a resident, but I had a feeling my father had something to do with that. Either way, the moment my son was born, I would be there to take some of the pressure off of her. _

_Lord knows our son would be active, no doubt listening to his Uncle every time he told our Christopher that his son, Mac, needed a cousin that would play hard. Bella wasn't amused by Emmett's carrying on to her stomach._

_I had just signed the discharge papers on my patient when I heard a scream I would know anywhere. I looked up to see Bella leaning against the wall right past the sliding doors, her hand clutching her stomach._

"_Someone get a wheelchair," I yelled as I ran to her side. "Bella, who drove you here?"_

"_No one," she grunted, a contraction seizing her body, "I took a cab."_

"_Bella, breathe," I reassured her as one of the younger residents pushed a wheelchair up behind her so she could settle in._

"_Dr. Cullen, the Chief is on his way and Kate's here is in case we need anything until then, so we'll hold down the ER while you go up with Mrs. Cullen."_

_I looked at Ben, surprised that my father already knew. "Why did you call him?"_

"_When the Chief of Emergency Medicine gives you instructions, you follow them."_

"_Thanks, Ben," I called as I pushed Bella up to the maternity ward to get her checked in._

_Time seemed to speed up and crawl at the same time. Bella had been in labor for 18 hours and her fear of medication had her opting for a natural childbirth, something that was slowly killing me._

_Hearing Bella scream and cry out in pain was so brutal, because I'd spent so much energy trying to take away her pain. Her doctor made another appearance and I wanted to punch him as soon as he opened his mouth._

"_That's what I like to see," he called out from between my wife's legs. "Now Bella, I want you to push on the next contraction."_

_Just as he finished his statement, Bella squeezed my hand as she pushed through the first contraction. It continued for another two hours before Bella fell back against the bed, our son's cries filling the room._

"Did you fall asleep on me?" Bella's voice sounded amused, so I jostled her a bit in my grip and then settled in next to her.

"Not sleeping, just thinking. Graduations and births always get me reminiscing."

"You're such a softie, Edward Cullen," Bella teased.

"And you love me," I whispered back.

"Yes I do. Remember when I first started teaching at the University?"

I smiled as I thought about those days, "I remember an ornery two year old and a lot of afternoon delights."

"Your mind would go directly to your crotch," she laughed and settled back into me.

_September 2018_

_Bella's application to teach English was accepted quickly when her former mentor and now Head of the English Department got a hold of it. While she still had the summers off, her schedule was no longer the 7-3:30 it had been, so I was working nights to keep us from depending too heavily on my mom._

_Chris was fully prepared to enter his terrible two's and my wife and sister thought it was hilarious watching me struggle and fight off his nut punches. That boy sure knows how to bring his dad to his knees._

_Jasper came by one afternoon to see his nephew and he sprang a little bit of news on me. _

"_Alice is pregnant?"_

_He nodded just as the door opened. "Well look, if it isn't the traitor herself," he jokingly sneered at Bella as she went right to the bedroom._

"_Get over yourself, Jasper," she yelled out as she changed into something more comfortable and brought Christopher in from where he had been napping in his crib._

"_You left me with those rich little bastards, now I don't have anyone to contemplate jumping out the window with. The English teacher in the next room that I pair with is a tool! He plays the guitar and writes songs about verbs and prepositions. How in the fuck am I supposed to respond to that?"_

"_Language," Bella and I both hissed, but Jasper just shook his head._

"_Whatever, he isn't making memories yet." _

_Bella threw a pillow and Christopher just started laughing, babbling his barely understandable words before he climbed over me to junk punch Jasper. That had Bella howling, which in return had our son clapping and cheering. He would do anything to make his mother smile. Just like his father._

"_You know I miss you, Jasper, but the University pays better and I can take classes for a discount."_

"_I know, and the three of us are happy for you." Jasper waited for his sentence to land and the screech from Bella let us know that she got his meaning._

"_Oh my God! I'm going to call Alice, you two try not to teach my son the seven words while I'm gone."_

_Bella ran into the bedroom, Christopher's eyes following her sadly before he leaned into my chest and relaxed. "Dude, I don't know how you do it, working in the middle of the night so Bella's classes won't overlap your schedule. Staying at home during the day with your son, isn't it a lot to adjust to?"_

"_It is, but Bella's supported me since college. Her job kept us in this apartment and fed while I was in Med School and now that I'm in my residency, she's still making more. It used to bug me, but now it's a blessing. We've found a way to work together and it's made everything worthwhile. Once I'm an attending I'll have more say in when I work, but until then, I'm all for getting things done as I can and making sure Bella is taken care of. We have another three years until then, so I just have to help out wherever she needs me. When Alice is really pregnant, you'll see how quickly everything shifts. Believe me."_

"_You're not the most important thing in your life anymore," Jasper mused._

"_Son, I haven't been that since Bella came into my life."_

The alarm finally rang, so I shook Bella to wake her up. She yawned, padding off to the bathroom while I ran to make some coffee. Making two mugs, I went back into our bedroom and tried to plan out the morning. Bella's graduation ceremony was at 11am, which meant she had to be there by 10:30 at the latest so she was with the group of faculty and administrators that would be seated on the stage.

I knew better than to try and bathe either of our older kids before they were fed, so I went into Tracie's room and got the things I would need for her bath and set it up in the second bathroom. Once I was ready, I woke her up and got her cleaned up. It was lucky I wasn't wearing a shirt, because my seven-month-old daughter sure could splash.

After she was dried off, I got her onesie on and sat her in the bassinette in our bedroom, once again taking the baby monitor with me as I woke up Johanna and Christopher. Both were cranky about being up that early on a Saturday, but when I told them to put on cartoons until their French Toast was ready, they perked up, running for the living room where Nick Jr. was the only channel to get serious airtime anymore.

I made breakfast for the kids and I, sitting Bella's plate on the tray and running it upstairs to our room so she could eat when she finished in the bathroom.

As soon as I got the dishes in the dishwasher and the kids herded upstairs, I let Christopher run to his mom, after he promised not to hug her until he finished his bath.

Johanna followed me into the second bathroom and waited while I cleaned up everything from Tracie's bath and started running the water for her. Already in a sentimental mood, it was hard not to let my mind drift back in time a little.

_July 2020_

_I was eager to get home after my mom called to tell me that Christopher was spending the night with them. I knew Bella was feeling worn out, so all I wanted to do was make it better for her. I picked up some Italian food and drove home, but as soon as I pulled into the driveway in front of our new home, something felt off._

_The TV was blasting, so I jogged up the steps with our dinner in hand and opened the door. Then my heart stopped._

_The noise I'd heard from outside wasn't the TV, it was Bella._

_I dropped the food and ran up the stairs two at a time until I made it up to the hallway. I continued down to the master suite and found Bella lying on the bathroom floor, her back arching off the tile._

"_Bella?" I called out to get her attention as I drop dropped to the floor next to her. "Baby, what's going on?"_

"_My water broke and I couldn't get off the floor. I tried to get to the phone but it hurt so much and I was afraid that I'd hurt the baby. I kept yelling for help, but no one heard me." She was crying, her breathing shallow and a terrified look in her eye._

"_Okay, Bella, I need you to relax so I can take a look." She had managed to stay in a good position on the tile, so I knew that everything should be fine. But there was a big mess on the floor and I had no idea when her water broke, and I wasn't dumb enough to ask her if she had happened to look at a clock in her panicked state._

_I moved between her legs and gasped, the baby was crowning, we weren't going to make it to the hospital. I pulled out my cell and called 911, explaining that I needed an ambulance right away and that the door was open so they should come right up onto the second floor. Bella sensed my concern and started sobbing again._

_I scrambled up to her face and took it in my hands. "Love, I'm a doctor, this isn't the first time I've delivered a baby. I just have to grab a few things and I'll be right back."_

_Standing up, I washed my hands and then grabbed a bunch of towels, laying one under Bella's behind and sitting the rest in a stack on the edge of the towel. I grabbed two pillows, found a new pack of shoelaces and some rubber gloves, and went back to where Bella was. After she was propped up and as comfortable as she could be, I settled between her legs and placed my hands under where the head would soon be delivered. I looked up at her and on the next contraction instructed her to push. _

_It wasn't long before the baby's head was out and after her face was cleaned off, I told Bella it was okay to push again and in a few more pushes my daughter came sliding out and I tied off the umbilical cord just as the paramedics arrived._

_We quickly loaded her and the baby into the ambulance and by the time we got to the hospital, the delivery was fully over. The paramedics wheeled Bella into the hospital as I followed behind with our daughter, never so proud of my medical degree as I was in that moment._

"Daddy, can I put on my dress now?" Johanna asked as I lifted her out of the tub.

"Sure, Mommy has it in our room, let's go."

Johanna ran down the hall, her brother screaming in disgust as she flew by him on his way out the door. "Dad, that's gross!"

"You used to do it too, so you can't complain." I warned him as we went into his room.

The suit he would be wearing was hanging up in his closet, and as soon as I took it out, he started moaning. "Dad, why do I have to wear that?"

"Because, this day is very important to your mother and we're going to look nice for her."

"But I hate wearing that," he whined as I handed him his underwear and socks. He'd recently discovered going commando thanks to Emmett's big mouth, so it was my job to make sure he wore them.

"Christopher, just think about how happy your mom will be when she sees everyone wearing their nice clothes while she's up on the stage giving her speech. You know she's not used to speaking in front of that many people."

He sighed and let me put the rest of his suit on. The tie was a clip-on, so that was one less fight I'd have to have, and the jacket could wait until later. I told him to not mess up his suit and then went to get dressed myself, already exhausted at the effort it took to get three children ready for anything important.

We weren't a big vacation family, simply because we enjoyed doing smaller things with our whole gang. But once, when the kids were too young to remember and it was more for our own relaxation, we made a return trip to Nags Head as a group.

_June 2021_

"_This was so not the brilliant idea you claimed it would be," Jasper mocked and Emmett nodded his agreement. And to their credit, this trip hadn't turned out how I had planned either._

"_I know, the kids are too young still, but shit, how was I supposed to know that? I'm finally going to be an attending when this six week vacation is over, I thought it would be a nice way to celebrate it."_

"_We're gonna need a vacation from this vacation," Emmett declared, the kids all finally taking a nap and our wives doing a little shopping._

"_Hey, you knocked up my sister and then talked her into this trip, so you're not too bright either, my man," Jasper pointed out and I laughed. How he dealt with a pregnant Rosalie at all was amazing._

"_Dude, it's the last time, so I'm enjoying it," Emmett stated matter-of-factly and I turned to him._

"_You can't just decide you're done, Emmett," I said, shaking my head._

"_No, smartass, but I got a vasectomy after we found out. Rosie loves kids, but we're happy with three and this last time protection failed us, so we decided to do the safest thing." _

"_That's a big step, but it's smart. Alice is just as happy getting her shot a few times a year." Jasper added his thoughts, giving me way too much info on my sister's biology._

_The kids napped for another hour, and a little after some wrangling, we got them down to the beach and stayed there until the girls got back. _

_There was a log discussion that night and we decided that we'd wait until the kids were older and there were less toddlers to keep an extra close eye on. We already had six kids between us and Rosalie's pregnancy would make it seven. There would be plenty of time for family vacations, but for now we'd stick to day trips._

"Edward, how do I look?" Bella turned in front of me as I watched her with a sly smile.

"Good enough to throw on this bed and forget about where we're supposed to be going," I grabbed her before she could get away; kissing her while she was still lipstick free.

"Well you look good enough to eat in that suit. Are you wearing the green tie?"

"Your favorite? Of course I am, baby."

"Edward," she whispered, "what if I really suck up there, I mean really?"

"Bella, you'll be fine. Just think of it like a class, you're giving a lecture on life experience." I held her for a minute longer and then let her go so she could finish her makeup.

I looked back at the simple dark blue dress she wore; the white swirls on it reminded me of waves. It hugged her body beautifully and all I wanted to do was finish this day so I could peel it off of her. Just then a squeal came from Tracie, who was dolled up in her little dress. I quickly tied my tie and threw on my coat, my little miracle resting on my chest as I went to corral the others.

_November 2023_

_Bella's pregnancies got progressively worse with each child and by the time she was in her forth fourth month with Tracie, she was on light duty. She took off the Fall Semester, but was determined to be back in school for the Spring. After her last labor, I made it perfectly clear to our little group that Bella wasn't allowed to be alone, no matter how much she bitched about it. She had survived the last time we hovered around her back in college, and this was for a far better reason than 'him.' _

_I hated that he still entered my thoughts from time to time, but my mind just went there on its own._

_She brought up the idea of having one of us have a procedure after this baby, she even mentioned having it done during the delivery if she chose to do it, but in the end we decided it was safer if I was the one to take the step to make our third child our last._

_She never pressured me after our talk, told me that if I decided to do it, then that was fine, otherwise she'd start getting Depo so there was less chance of her forgetting to take her pill and having something slip by._

_We were going to have the weekend alone, while my mom and dad took the kids, so I was ready for some QT with my wife, but a phone call changed everything._

"_Hey, Dad, I'm glad you called-"_

"_Edward, I need you to meet us at the hospital, Bella's gone into labor."_

_I got off the phone immediately and threw the car into drive. I managed to make it there just as the ambulance pulled up, which was a detail my father had left out of his phone call. He obviously thought it would freak me out, or have me asking too many questions. _

_Either way I was next to her now as she cried and kept telling anyone who would listen that something was wrong and this didn't feel like her last two deliveries. I was about to calm her down when we got to the elevator and Ben Cheney, who was now an attending surgeon, stopped me._

"_I'm sorry, Edward, I can't let you come up with us. I'll find you in the waiting room as soon as I have something to tell you."_

_With that, the doors closed on my dad and, I and I had one solitary thought. __**If my wife and daughter survive this, I'll have a vasectomy tomorrow.**_

We finally had the kids in the car and drove over to the indoor football stadium that would be holding the ceremony. We made it into the lobby where my mom was waiting with the rest of our family.

"Where's Dad?"

My mom shook her head as she motioned towards the door. "You know your father, he has to get the best spot so he can get out of the parking lot quickly if he needs to. He's an ER doctor, even when he spends most of his time behind a desk these days."

Tracie was still clinging to me when Emmett roared at her causing a piercing shriek to escape her tiny lips, "There's my pterodactyl!"

He pulled her into his arms and spun her around as Bella fumbled with the zipper on her garment bag. I unzipped the bag and took the robe out, helping her slip into the black robe with the blue details, finally zipping it up and putting on the collar that was reserved to faculty with their PhD, which would be Bella after the ceremony was complete.

With a final breath, I handed her back her purse and kissed her. "Knock 'em dead, baby. We'll be to the right of the stairs, just like last time."

Her smile lit up her face as she kissed our kids good-bye and ran off in the direction that the students were heading.

Our large group settled into the first row of the stands, right by the exit that lined up with the stage, so Bella could find us easily when she was giving her speech. I knew it would help her to be able to locate us, so I made that a priority. My father walked in and sat next to me as Tracie bounced on my knee. Johanna was sitting on my dad's lap and Chris was between my mom and me. The crowd was huge and the graduating class was much larger as it was the university-wide one, not just the graduation of a particular college in the university.

The graduates filed past us, with the faculty that were present on the stage coming from behind it. Bella sat between the Dean of the University and the student speaker, who looked like he was about to pass out.

"Twenty bucks says that kid pisses his pants during his speech," Emmett commented, Jasper taking some action on the bet before I glared at him.

"My wife has to speak in front of just as many people as he does."

"Don't worry, Ed," Emmett joked, "Bella goes before him, so she won't fall in his puddle."

There was a loud crack as Rosalie's hand collided with the back of his skull. "Stop being a jerk."

"Language, both of you," I scolded, but it was too late, all the kids started calling each other 'jerks' and laughing the whole time.

We were going to get thrown out before she even reached the podium.

Our group settled down just in time for the ceremony to start. The beginning part was boring, but everyone perked up when they got to Bella's part.

"Every year, we try to find a guest orator to give a commencement address to our students that will both excite and inspire. This year we have the privilege to have an alumni from this very institution, who not only teaches English here, but her continued work to further her education both here and through other endeavors outside of the classroom have resulted in an honorary Doctoral Degree. I'd like to welcome to the podium, Dr. Isabella Cullen."

There was a loud roar from our section that overshadowed the polite applause that she received from the rest of the audience, which brought a gentle smile to her face as she came into full view on the large screens on either side of the stage.

"Thank you, Dean Gordon, fellow faculty, graduates, family and friends. Graduation from College is a special moment. It's the culmination of years of work at furthering your education and improving yourself. It is seen as an end in many ways, but in truth, it is just the beginning. The greatest teachers you will ever know are the people sitting around you, the people you know now and will meet in your years to come. Lessons aren't limited to a classroom, they are earned over the course of your lifetime." "

Tracie, who had been looking around as soon as she heard her mother's voice, began screeching, which caused Bella to chuckle softly as she continued. "Omar Bradley said, 'Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when you're scared half to death.' In life, things will happen to you, and you'll be faced with a choice, to stand up to them, or to give into the fear. I've suffered many hardships in life, been the victim of a violent crime, looked death in the face while giving birth to my daughter, and had to say good-bye to people I love. All of those events taught me to face life and to persevere, because that will be how you thrive."

"It was once said that, 'People ask me why it's so hard to trust people, and I ask them why is it so hard to keep a promise.' Every experience will give you new perspective; it will alter your way of thinking, even if it is a slight alteration. People will do things to hurt you, for whatever reason, and that will make trusting someone new more difficult, but always be willing to give someone new a chance, because people should not be forced to suffer for the faults of others, and you should not punish yourself for their crimes. Be vigilant, but never rash in your judgments."

Bella took a deep breath and then searched out our section as she moved into the next part of her speech, "Finally, it was Judy Garland who said, 'I can live without money, but I cannot live without love.' Some people are in your life since birth and the love you feel for them comes from somewhere deep, its innate, while others we choose to love, offering them a piece of ourselves in exchange for what they have to offer. Loves will come and go in your life, but you'll be surprised at how it finds you when you aren't seeking it, and find yourself changed."

"So make mistakes, and break the rules, learn to forgive, but not always forget; and most importantly, look out for lessons in unexpected places, because we can learn a lot from the people we least expect to. Today may mark the end of your education, but it also marks a new chapter in life lessons. So study hard. Congratulations to the class of 2024."

There was a long round of applause as Bella found her seat and we suffered through the rest of the program. Ninety minutes later, the mortarboard caps were thrown into the air and families slowly moved to seek out their graduates.

When we finally found Bella, everyone hugged her closely congratulating her on the amazing speech. I got my chance to hug her and pulled her closely, burying my nose in her hair as I whispered, "Dr. Cullen, thank you for teaching me everything that's worth knowing. I love you, baby."

"I love you too," she whispered. "I never expected that I could be lucky enough for you to return what I felt, and I managed to get my prayers answered and all my dreams realized the moment you knocked on my door."

"Me too, and believe me, I'm going to show you just how much you mean to me when we get home tonight." She blushed and smacked my chest.

"Thank goodness for sleepovers," Emmett said and everyone broke out into laughter as we made our way out to the cars so we could go to lunch before returning home to a temporarily empty house.


	23. Epilogue 2: A Little Piece of HEA

**Every story of Domestic Violence has its own end, and not all are happy. When I started my Freshman year, it was at a Women's College where they made sure to bring up the subject of abuse and sexual assault. 1 out of 3 was the statistic they used, as many do, but what they didn't understand was that to the people in the room that had already found themselves the victim of some form of DV, it does little to bring comfort. Domestic violence isn't simply about the act, as I've learned more through the writing of this story than I have from any single activity before or since I started writing it a year and a half ago, is that it's about the days that follow it. This future-take is dedicated not only to victims of domestic violence, but to their loved ones, who suffer with them and struggle to help them find a happily ever after of their own. **

**This was originally a future take for Fandom Against Domestic Violence, but now it sits nicely at the end of this story. A huge amount of thanks to my beta A Cullen Wannabe, Mizzdee, for helping me in private WC's and all my regular WC ladies for the support and help with this story. **

**I've been crying for days thinking about the fact that I'm finally saying good-bye to these characters, but I'm happy that they've gotten their end and I'm thrilled to move on to my other fics, both ones that I'm wrapping up and new one. To every reader, reviewer and critic of this story, thank you. I wrote this as an example of the issue driven pieces I write in theater, but it has grown into a labor of love that I hope you've enjoyed. Please review this chapter to let me know what you thought, I will respond to all the reviews for these epi's. Thank you.  
**

**~AgoodWITCH**

**Friends in Love: A Little Piece of Happily Ever After**

_October 2028_

**BPOV**

I was teaching my 3:50 Intro to Literature class when I spotted my TA in the back of the lecture hall, waving to get my attention. I motioned for her to come to the front of the room while I asked the class to search for examples of deceit in Hamlet.

"I'm sorry Dr. Cullen, but Alice called. Chris and Johanna are both in the Principal's office at the elementary school. She wouldn't say what was going on, but she said she tried getting in touch with Dr. E, but the school wants to speak with one of their parents before they let them go home. Do you need me to finish the lecture?"

I nodded and then called the class to attention. "Okay, Miranda will be finishing today's class, but keep in mind that I will know how you behave and talking back to my TA will result in serious consequences."

With my warning over, I grabbed my bag, headed over to the parking lot, and got in my car. Driving to the school, I called Edward's cellphone twice, but it went to voicemail, both times.

As I arrived at the Jackson Elementary School, which Johanna and Tracie both attend, I pulled into one of the parent's parking spaces and walked to the main entrance. After signing in, I headed to the principal's office and found Alice sitting with my brood, another boy sitting across from them, his arms crossed around his chest and a black eye already appearing on his face. I was about to ask the kids what happened when Principal Barry called us all into his office. Alice sat with Tracie while I walked Christopher and Johanna in, closing the door behind me.

"Dr. Cullen, I'm sorry we had to call you in today, but we have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to this type of behavior. Your son, a student at the high school, attacked one of our students without provocation-"

"He was pushing Jojo; she was crying he had her so upset! This is bull!" Chris yelled and I turned on him.

"Christopher Brendan Cullen, you are not helping yourself here. You'll be respectful of Mr. Barry while you sit in this office." Turning to my daughter, I placed my hand on her knee. "Johanna, did that boy push you?"

She nodded, sniffling softly. "He picks on me all the time. Jimmy finds me when we're on recess and when I'm waiting for my ride after school."

"What does he do?" Mr. Barry asked and she shrunk in her seat.

"Jimmy pushes me down and calls me names. He says I'm a bookworm and a daddy's girl. He calls me rich kid and takes my bag away and throws it in the dirt."

Just then, there was a knock on the door and Jimmy and his mother sat across from us. "Mrs. Hunter, I'm glad you were able to join us."

"I'd like to know what is going to happen to that little hoodlum." Mrs. Hunter spit in my direction.

"We were just finding out about your son's actions in the past few weeks. Now Johanna, did you tell any of the school aids about him picking on you?"

"They said he probably just had a crush on me." I turned to Johanna to see that she wasn't happy that Jimmy was now in the room with us.

"Yeah right, like I'd have a crush on an ugly nerd." Jimmy spoke with the same venom as his mother and I lost it.

"Do you hear him? Your school touts a zero tolerance policy for bullying and fighting, that's fine. If you're going to ban my son from this school, then I want Jimmy Hunter suspended for bullying my daughter."

"You cannot be serious?" Mrs. Hunter shot out of her seat and I stayed as calm as possible.

"Oh, I am. If this isn't handled, and I mean really taken care of, then my lawyer will be in touch with you."

Mrs. Hunter continued to rant and I was growing weary of her. "Way to throw your money at the situation-"

"Your son has been attacking my daughter for weeks and my son stood up for his sister. Your son fought him too; I can tell from his cheek that Jimmy landed a few punches."

Finally, Mr. Barry stepped in and ended what was about to turn into a fight in its own right. "Okay, I think that considering what the aids told me and what I've heard here, I have no choice but to ban Christopher from the grounds, and Jimmy will be suspended for a week. And the next time he lands in my office for fighting, he will be expelled."

Jimmy and his mother both left the office in a huff and after a moment, we exited as well. Alice offered to take the kids, but I'd already missed my class and I wanted to spend the afternoon with my kids. This was something I'd hope could wait until they were older, but with today's events, it was time.

We got home and I ordered in pizza and let the kids forget about their homework for the night. Tracie ran right for her room when dinner was over, leaving the older kids alone with me. I pulled Christopher and Jojo into our bedroom to summon up the courage to have this talk with them. Thankfully, I didn't have to do it alone.

I was about to start telling them about my past when the front door slammed and I heard Edward's frantic voice calling to us. When we acknowledged that we were in the bedroom, he flew into the room and scooped Jojo into his arms, which caused the tears to start.

I calmly relayed today's events to Edward, who was steaming mad about what had been happening without our knowledge, but he just held Jojo tighter and gave his son a verbal high five. With the recap over, I grabbed the pillow from behind me and took a steadying breath. Edward saw the change in my demeanor and sat Jojo on the bed next to Chris, then climbed next to me, pulling me between his legs so his arms could wrap around me.

The kids noticed the change too and they watched me begin to tell them my story. "You guys know that I met your father in college, that we were roommates." Both of them nodded, but said nothing so I continued. "Well, when we first met, we were just friends. Your dad was dating another girl in our building…and I was seeing a guy I met at a party. He was really nice at first, and I thought he was a good person, but then he started hurting me and calling me names. I was too afraid and embarrassed to say anything. Your dad knew something was wrong, but he just didn't know what it was."

I felt Edward squeeze me tighter and I leaned into him, drawing strength from him. "One day he hurt me really bad and your dad came home to find him hitting me. He got my boyfriend away from me and out of the apartment. Your grandpa Carlisle took care of me at the hospital. It took a while, but with your dad's help, I was able to get better, and we've been together ever since."

"What happened to the man?" Jojo was watching me with terrified eyes but Chris was already pulling her close, never one to be ashamed of showing his softer side, just like his father.

"He's in jail, and he's never going to get out." Edward spoke in a quiet voice, his hatred for Jacob choking him up, even after all these years.

"The reason I'm telling you both this is because, after what happened today, I want you to know that you should never feel embarrassed to tell us if something is bothering you. If you're sad, or scared, or mad…you have to tell us, because holding it in will only make it worse in the end. And Christopher, even though I'm proud of how you stood up for your sister, violence should always be a last resort. You aren't a student at Jackson anymore and you could have gotten into a lot of trouble for going on campus and fighting with Jimmy."

Both of the kids got up and hugged me, and then Edward before going to get ready for bed. Edward and I did bedtime together that night and spent extra time reading to Tracie to get her to sleep. It felt good doing something normal with him, because our busy schedules makes it difficult at times, but even nicer was walking down the hall hand in hand with the whole night ahead of us.

We were barely in the room when Edward locked the door behind him and crushed me against him. "Baby, do you know how proud I am of you? You handled the mess with that little shit at the school and then you sat here and told the kids about what you went through to teach them a very important lesson. I'm amazed by your strength, Mrs. Cullen."

I traced his cheek with my right hand as I leaned into him again. "You're my strength, Edward. I wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the morning if you weren't beside me; my husband, the father of my children, my lover, and my best friend."

He moaned and lifted me onto the bed, crawling on top of me. "Can we go back to the lover part?"

"You're incorrigible."

"And you love it." He smirked at me and I was done for. I fumbled for the tie on the scrubs he wore home in his haste to discover the meaning behind my voicemails.

"We have to be quiet…I don't want the kids to hear us."

"Baby, Christopher snores, Jojo sleeps like the dead, and Tracie has her princess album playing, we're fine."

I giggled until his skilled fingers had my shirt up and my bra pushed just far enough out of the way for him to find my nipple and latch onto it, turning that innocent noise into a moan that I did my best to swallow. Our clothes were properly discarded and soon Edward was covering me again, his lips insistent on my neck and his erection lying against me. His slow grinding was pressing his shaft into my clit until a slight movement found his tip inside me.

I gasped at the suddenness of the movement before I pulled him to me, allowing him to slide home. Feeling that close to him, with the memory of our beginning still fresh in my mind, brought on the tears. Edward was, of course, loving as he held me, his movements slow and deliberate. When I calmed down, I started moving faster under him, knowing the pace he needed, and wanting to show him just how well I knew him too.

In the 19 years we've been together, I've learned it was better to let him do his own laundry, and that he hates when I leave the skin on the red potatoes when I make potato salad. Nothing can perk him up quicker than a veiled reference to his cock, and that the past two decades had done nothing to diminish his love for me, or my beauty in his eyes. On the contrary, I was even more beautiful, and all the more cherished.

Feeling him tremble above me, I knew that he was close, so I thrust up to meet him. Our bodies were a tangle of limbs, both of us trying to keep from yelling or moaning when our orgasms hit us. Edward's mouth was on mine, kissing me as we drowned out the other's pleasure.

I was the first to move, needing to clean up and get dressed in case the kids came looking for us early the next morning, but Edward quickly joined me. Once the room was sufficiently picked up and we were back in bed, I burrowed into the mattress, Edward pulling me against his chest.

"The kids are spending tomorrow night at your parents' for a cousin's sleepover, so do you want to order in, or I could always cook?"

Edward sighed into my hair and muttered, "It's up to you. I don't want you to cook if you don't feel like it."

There was a little bit of distance in his voice, but I knew he'd been putting in a lot of hours at the hospital, which was what led to this weekend off in the first place. "I don't mind, I think my cooking was one of the first things you fell in love with about me."

"I loved you the moment you opened the door the day I got assigned to your room." I couldn't quite put my finger on finger on his mood, but all my years of working at the women's center taught me not to push. So I cuddled into him and whispered an 'I love you' before falling asleep in his arms.

**EPOV**

I barely slept as my mind was running a million miles a minute over the events of yesterday. The fact that some little punk had been pushing around my daughter and we didn't find out about it until her brother saw it and took action upset me. But watching Bella, who tells her story so often to the women that she speaks to at the Center for Domestic Violence and the women's shelter she volunteers for, struggle to share it with our older children broke my heart. She may be able to brave it out, but I'm nowhere near as strong as she is.

Getting up at 6:30, no longer able to stay still, I got into the shower and headed out to the car. I hoped that I could get back before Bella would think anything of my absence, but I'd have to make it quick.

Stopping at the deli, I got some breakfast and drove the two hours up to Washington Corrections Center, white knuckling the steering wheel the entire drive. Pulling into the visitor's lot, I went through security and signed in before one of the officers walked me down a long corridor to the visitor's room. I'd placed more than a few calls in the past 19 years to make sure this bastard was exactly where he belonged, but I'd never needed to see it with my own eyes like I did this morning.

The room was sterile, the industrial look reserved for hospital and state-run facilities, but my eyes were focused on the row of booths with the pair of phones and nothing more than a sheet of thick Plexiglas between the criminals and their visitors.

"They're bringing him straight from breakfast. You can sit at booth 8; he'll be here in a sec." The guard pointed to the clearly labeled booth and I walked over, taking my seat and waiting. I couldn't shake the knot in my stomach or the tapping of my left foot as the door opened and a tan man I barely recognized, but would never forget, was brought to sit in front of me. His handcuffs were removed and he was settled onto the stool.

I stared at him for a minute, noticing that he was even bigger than I remembered, his endless hours obviously spent working out, but it hadn't saved him from harm completely. His upper lip had a scar from being split almost to his nose, and his arms and face were scattered with little marks from what I could only assume were more than a few fights over what was soon to be twenty years in jail.

I had obviously been staring too long because he picked up the phone and tapped it lightly against the glass before putting it to his ear. I had no desire to talk to Jacob Black, but if I didn't at least pretend, they'd take him back to his cell. My hand clutched the phone and pressed it to my ear, only to hear a raspy voice I couldn't reconcile with the 39 year old before me. "Edward Cullen, I have to say when they told me that Dr. Cullen was here to see me, I was hoping that your pretty little wife was coming to pay her respects. It's been a while since she's been here to visit. Tell me, is her ass still as tight as it was when she was 30, or has she started to let herself go. I bet those tits of hers have started to sag, unless you worked some of your magic on her."

I dropped the phone at his goading, wanting nothing more than to fly through the glass and kill him, but I simply picked the phone back up and spoke to him through clenched teeth. "My wife isn't up for discussion, Black. You breathe another word about her and I'm gone, and I know that since your father passed away there isn't anyone to come and break up the monotony."

"Why did you come?"

"I wanted to see with my own eyes that justice really does work. I needed to see you sitting here, locked up like a dog at a no kill shelter. Only I wish they'd save the taxpayers their money and put you down. The world will be a lot better without you in it."

Black leaned in a little and whispered into the receiver. "It must keep you up at night. You saved the day, got the girl, and punished the villain, only I'm not dead. I'm going to live a long, healthy life, and that fact is rattling around in the back of your head, eating away at you. That's why you're here. I was right all those years ago when I told Bella she'd never be rid of me, because I'm with her every time you are, because you can't let me go."

I couldn't say anything back to him, because I knew he was right. Hanging up the phone, I walked out of the room and out the front door of the prison. Getting into my car, I pulled onto the road and drove the two hours back to my family, wishing I'd never made the trip.

When I arrived home, I went straight into the bedroom, changed into sweats and a t-shirt, and then ran back down to the garage and through the door off of it that led to our small home gym. I walked past the treadmill and free weights, my eyes set on the punching bag I got Bella after we moved into this house. We'd taken kick boxing in grad school to let out our frustrations and because she wanted a form of self-defense that could also help her keep fit.

Slipping my gloves on, I began lightly tapping the bag, but soon it was swinging from the chain that held it to the ceiling as I beat the hell out of the bag, the image of Jacob Black burned into the side of the bag. I could feel myself getting tired, but I pushed past the fatigue and waited for my second wind to come as I continued to pummel the weighted foam. My hatred for that man had barely waned when I heard the creaking of the door that let me know that I was no longer alone.

**BPOV**

Waking up to an empty bed was not something that I was unaccustomed to. I'd long since grown out of my need for Edward to wake me when he left because of the fear that Jacob had instilled about waking up alone. But he didn't have to be into the hospital at all this weekend, so waking up at 7am with no sign of him had me a little confused. Not wanting to dwell on it, I got the kids' stuff ready except for a few things they'd need to pack and then started making breakfast.

When my brood descended on the dining room, I started talking to them about their big day with Grandma Esme and Grandpa Carlisle. It still hurt that my kids didn't have a relationship with my parents like they did with Edward's, but I didn't dwell on things that couldn't be changed. My mom had spent some time with them before her passing, but my father and I never survived our falling out. The visit on Christmas was the last time I'd ever seen my father, and we'd only shared a handful of phone conversations since then.

Once the kids were dressed and ready, I headed to the Cullen's place where they were all ready to take not only mine and Edward's kids to the zoo, but Alice and Jasper's two, and Rose and Emmett's three monkeys. It always warmed my heart to see how the incestuous family we'd joked about all those years ago was now a functioning unit, with all of the Swan's and Hale's included as if we were Carlisle and Esme's own flesh and blood.

With a round of kisses and a quick good-bye to my brother and sister-in-law, I ran to do my errands. Stopping at the travel agent, I picked up the brochures for the various Disney Cruises that Edward and I had been thinking about and then went to do the grocery shopping for the week.

It was nearly 1pm, when I pulled into the garage to hear the thumping of my punching bag. The groceries forgotten, I walked over to the door for our home gym and peered in to see Edward whaling on the bag. His face was as red as a tomato as he didn't acknowledge my arrival, even though the door creaked loudly.

Hating to see him this worked up, I walked over slowly and grabbed his right forearm, stopping him from landing his next punch. "You were gone early."

"I had somewhere I had to be." His voice was cold and I let go of his arm at the sound of it.

"The kids were sad that they didn't get to say good-bye to you. I'm going to put away the groceries if you decide that you're ready to include me in whatever is going on with you."

I was almost out of the door when he answered me. "I went to see Jacob."

I whirled around, but didn't move to him. "You what? Why? I'm not upset that you did, but you've always been adamant about him being a part of our past. You got pissed when I went there the last time because I didn't tell you beforehand."

"It's just, seeing our daughter fall into that same pattern that you did with him…I had to know that he was locked up and never getting out. I had to see it with my own eyes."

"Edward, what happened to Johanna isn't the same as what happened to me. She knows that she can come to us…my parents didn't give me that." When he didn't respond, I pushed again. "Did it help?"

He shook his head. "No. He taunted me about you. Kept asking if you looked as good as the last time you went there, and then he-"

Edward's voice broke and I moved to him, wrapping him in my arms. "Shh. He can't hurt us anymore."

"But he's there…in the back of my mind. When you're late and I can't get a hold of you, or when we get a little too rough and you have to stop me. I won't be rid of him until he's dead. Until I know that he isn't a threat to you anymore."

"Baby, he isn't a threat unless you let him be." I clutched his face in my hands and stared directly into his eyes as I spoke. "Let him go. He's never going to get out of jail, we saw to that years ago. I know that a small part of you always reacts to certain things that happen by thinking of him first, but he can only hurt us now if you let him. You are a good man and you two have nothing in common. He may not be dead, but let him be dead to us. Please?"

Soon it was Edward's arms that surrounded me as he pulled me flush against him. "Baby, thank you. He just got into my head, said that you'd never be rid of him because I would always be carrying him with me in the back of my mind, but I haven't thought about him for a long time until yesterday."

"Edward, he was just trying to get some jollies while he could because he knows that he's never going to see the light of day as a free man again. Now I have to get the groceries before the ice cream turns to milk, but if you want to talk about it, we can upstairs."

Edward nodded and helped me bring in the food. We worked together putting everything away and then he sat while I started work on dinner, all the while talking about his visit, the tension leaving him once he truly started to believe that Jacob had been working him up for his own amusement. I knew it would take him a while before he let it go completely, but it was a start.

Edward went to shower while I changed into something to lounge in. When he was done, I found him watching me while I finished cooking dinner. "Thank you."

"For what?" I looked up to see him crossing over to me.

"For helping me find perspective. It shouldn't be a surprise with how well you do with the women in your peer counseling groups, but it's harder for me."

I turned to face him and took his hand in mine. "What do you mean?"

"When I see women come in like you were after Jake, I see the x-rays and the bruised and bloody bodies, but I never get to see their happy ending. I see them defend their abusers and some even welcome them to their bedside. I'm glad I'm part of yours."

"You are mine. Everything we've had is because of what you've given me. I don't need to see Jake to know I'm safe because I have you. Never doubt how much you've helped me."

The timer went off and Edward smiled, grabbing two wine glasses and the open bottle of wine on the counter. "I'm going to set up the movie in the den; you need any help carrying in dinner?"

"Nope, I'll be in there in a little bit." Watching him walk away, I plated our dinner and then followed my happy ending for a night of quiet relaxation.


End file.
